Thursday, March 29, 2007

sweet home chicago!

so justy has to be in chicago for work this week and it's his birthday so i'm going home so he doesn't have to celebrate alone.

ryan, the man destined to be my husband, is going to take us out on his boat. please PLEASE God make the weather nice enough!

however, i think it's supposed to thunderstorm. it's okay, we still have tickets to a performance in the city and some amazing dinner resos.

it's going to be strange to go home and not head out to the suburbs at all but i'm just not there for all that long and i'm really going to spend some time celebrating justy and doing some gay bar hopping.

have a great weekend folks!

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

fig newtons

it's funny how some foods evoke certain memories in my life.

the mere sight of fig newtons bring me back to my summers in elkhart, WI.

my grandfather's best friend had a house there on a lake with a few boats. the house had a huge screened in patio that sat above the treetops and the house had stairs straight down to the dock. there were bunk beds and a mata hari pinball machine.

and on the boat with orange and yellow life vests, grandpa would let us sit on his lap and drive the boat (and by "drive," i mean steer, and by "steer" i mean holding onto the wheel and screaming like crazy even though we were in a wide open space where there was nothing to run into, even if we did want to get gutsy and turn the thing).

and we'd bring ham sandwiches and pop (yes, we call it pop) and fig newtons. and after we'd finish tubing, mom would bring us in and we'd eat as all the food turned to mush in our fingers because our hands were still wet from the ride.

it's no wonder that when i eat fig newtons that i kind of want to run them under water before i put them in my mouth. they're just not as good when they're dry.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

"hello, what is your emergency?"

striding down the street on my way to work, i hear sirens in the distance. the sirens grow louder as the ambulance turns the corner and draws near, the wailing coming up from behind me.

the wailing continues as the car is stuck behind a myriad of cabs and city buses. and i start to feel sick to my stomach as this vehicle screams its urgency behind me, i'm outpacing it as i walk.

and i think about the desperation of whoever it is waiting for this ride, say a silent prayer for them, and pray myself that i'll never need emergency medical help while anywhere in midtown manhattan.

Monday, March 26, 2007

subway diaries chapter 7: in which the conductor freaks me out

for all gothamites, the subway is a way of life. this is the fourth in a series of my thoughts on this modus transportare publico. i'm fluent in faux latin, be impressed.

another tale from my favorite conductor...he's a comedian now. and creepy. and no longer such a favorite.

"ladies and gentlemen, i'd like to tell you a story." and he goes on about how he's a member of the new york heath and racquet club and he was in the locker room and answered the phone and told the woman on the other end she could buy all this stuff for herself and the end of the story he turns in the cellphone to the front desk and tells the receptionist that someone left it in there. so i guess it was a joke. or something.

and today i was actually in the car with the conductor. this is only something that happens when the train is pulling up right as i'm getting to the platform and don't have enough time to walk to the front of the train where i know i'll need to exit (on an unrelated note: i think this is what makes people real new yorkers...when they know which car in the train to ride in so that when they hit their stop they'll be right at the exit).

so this conductor comes out and i'm sitting right across from this little booth and he just starts staring me down. and i'm reading my new yorker, trying to mind my own business and i can feel his beady eyes baring down on me. so i continue to ignore him but he doesn't move and i have never been so happy to arrive at my stop that i literally run off the train in case he's watching out his window for me as i exit.


Friday, March 23, 2007

happy birthday bloggie!

so you're two years old now and i can't remember what life was like without you.

okay, that's a lie. i can. but it was less fun i think. but i'm happy i have you. you make me think more about normal everyday things. you make me appreciate this city more than i would if i weren't constantly taking notes on noteworthy things to pass on to the masses. and by masses, i mean the meager 125 or so of you who quietly stop by every day.

i've taken down the HNT pictures so you get less visitors than you used to, but it's okay. those skeevy visitors we didn't want around anyhow. we want people who are here to read, not to rub one off before bed.

one of my best blogging friends, lovely ale, is moving to a foreign land to be with her man next month and i couldn't be happier for her. i'm happy to have met highcontrast through her who is now a very regular part of my life (and a member of the esteemed ladies brunch group). however i do have an evil plan to slowly convince everyone who isn't here, to move to new york city, right cadiz? and jon? and andy?

altogether now: happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you. happy birthday dear blaaah-ogggg. happy birthday to you! (and many more...)

Thursday, March 22, 2007

who says they "love" their dentist?

i do! my new dentist office is freaking AMAZING.

the waiting room has furniture in animal prints. the wallpaper is gold with pink accents. there is a deli style "wall of fame" with all the famous people whose teeth they've done. my dentist created her own freaking toothpaste which comes in this hot pink box with leopard print details. so at first you think, "um, this looks like a barbie house. where's my real dentist's real office?"

the forms you fill out beforehand ask you your preferences on: 1.) the music for the headsets in your room 2.) television station for the flat screen t.v. 3.) what setting you want the massage pad on the back of the chair to be 4.) whether you want paraffin hand wraps.

i. shit. you. not. this is a dentist office cum spa. you sit down and they have a cushy thing to go under your ankles to make your legs more comfortable. they stick those airplane neck pillows behind your head because the dentist chair headrests "aren't comfortable enough."

i finally see the doctors. it's a husband and wife team. she looks like a beauty queen (and wears a pink lab coat), he's gorgeous, and they're both nice as can be. it was an absolutely surreal experience. AND they were cheaper than the dentist i was seeing before. totally unbelievable.

if you want a referral and you're in the nyc area: e-mail me!!!

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

um, cutest fucking thing ever.

and people want him killed! for shame!

calling jasmine to the trading desk...NOT!

i turned a job down today. it was at a bank doing distressed loan closings. and yes, that's just about as boring as it gets. but, "in only a few years you can get promoted and work at the desk with the traders!" and i looked at them blankly because, frankly, i've never thought i wanted to be a trader. i have on interest in working on the floor of a stock exchange. none. they yell a lot.

but the money was fab. it was better than fab. it was, "i'd be making 300k in two years" good. oh my god, i'm an idiot for turning it down.

BUT i'm still paying for this awesome legal career i'm supposed to have and so i suppose i just want to look for it a bit harder. there's a job that i've had my eyes on for a while. and i have interviews set up for May which feels like a lifetime from now but it's worth the wait. and as much as i trash it, i don't REALLY hate the practice of law. i just hate corporate litigation. and it took me 3 years of law school and a couple serious months of studying and i passed the bar and am actually licensed to practice. (unlike ex wb who took both new york AND connecticut like four times each and still can't's that for karma? he's such a failure at life.)

i also met the attorney recently for someone who is on my top ten list. and i'm going to send her my resume. can you even imagine? i can get paid to stalk for real! all i'd have to do is show up to work and i'd have unfettered access to someone IN MY TOP TEN LIST. amazing. that, kids, is how stalking is done!

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

sticky post: NYC AIDS walk

i'm asking anyone who has a few extra dollars to sponsor me, see full instructions here. thanks!!

subway diaries chapter 6

for all gothamites, the subway is a way of life. this is the fourth in a series of my thoughts on this modus transportare publico. i'm fluent in faux latin, be impressed.

another memorable conversation with my favorite A train conductor...

"ladies and gentlemen, today i want to talk to you about the three hand rule.

when the train is crowded make sure you know where your two hands are. if you find a third hand somewhere on you, do with it what you wish, and call me so i can notify police and they can meet us at the station."

we ride for a couple more minutes and conductor cuts back in: "but folks, remember to do what you will to the third hand BEFORE you call me because once the cops get here, there will be no more touching!"

um, kinda weird but i laughed anyhow. and at 7:30 in the morning when i'm shoved between a ton of people as i stand my whole ride to work, laughing is usually one of the last things i want to do.

Monday, March 19, 2007

vote different

i saw this a few weeks ago and forgot to post it. it's pretty damn cool.

Friday, March 16, 2007

"hi, i'd like to order a car..."

i step into the night which feels like late fall. my midtown street is quiet and my office was empty as i left. peaceful.

my car is waiting out front. i open the door and slide into my seat. i take a deep breath and smell cologne. and it's good. and in a matter of seconds i'm imagining myself lying naked with this great smelling guy.

remembering that i'm not alone, i look at my driver, his jaw illuminated in the moonlight as the jersey skyline zooms alongside us. he's young with olive skin and dark hair. he has a nice profile. his voice was soft when he welcomed me but he's not chatty like the other drivers. i prefer to sit and unwind quietly after a long day at work. i try to sneak a peak at him through the review mirror but there my eyes meet his and i quickly turn away.

god, does he smell good.

l.a. lady plays on the radio in this sultry car with this sexy man. softly, "should i take a right here?" his voice, his demeanor, it's so subservient. "just tell me which apt to stop at," he says yet what i hear is, "tell me what you want me to do to you, i'm at your service."

i briefly consider telling this driver to come upstairs. then i remember that i'm not in a movie or a romance novel and that it's close to midnight and i have to be at work at 8 the next morning and i thank him and open the car door.

he waits for me to step inside before he pulls away. i wonder whether he secretly wanted to come upstairs with me...

Thursday, March 15, 2007

why i'm going to hell part 1: in which i call a spade a spade

i get on the bus and sit in one of the front seats marked "please give up this seat for the elderly or handicapped." a woman steps into the bus behind me and stands up near the front. she looks late 50's, i.e. not old enough for people to get up to offer her their seats.

the woman next to me, who is OBESE (taking up two whole seats obese, i'm surprised she's at all able to walk) starts talking to me.

"according to the americans with disabilities act, these front seats are only to be used by the elderly or the disabled."

i glance at her to see whether she's talking to me. it looks like she is. i consider, for a moment, whether i care to to respond. i decide i don't.

she continues, "so you're not supposed to be sitting in this seat!"

i give her a dirty look, see she's looking at the standing woman. annoyed, but feeling a little guilty, i ask whether said standing woman wants my seat. standing woman responds, "oh gosh no! i'm only going a couple stops." and she honestly looks annoyed that i perceived her as being too old to be able to stand for 5 minutes on a bus.

i shoot the obese woman another look that says, "so there!"

and then i get nasty. my next line to her: "so because you don't know when to stop eating like a normal person, you call yourself disabled? and then walk around self-righteously lecturing people all day? get a life lady."

and with that, the bus rolled to a stop at my street and i happily went on my way.

sponsor me!

Okay folks, here's the deal.

Donations of $25 and over can me made here.

Any other amount can be made by check: payable to AIDS Walk New York or AWNY.
and mailed to: Jazzy c/o Ted, 598 10th Ave, #6R, NYC 10036

Or paid to my paypal account:
Payments to my paypal account will be transferred to my checking account and I'll hand in a check on race day with whatever cash I've collected from people in person. The drawback here is that I don't think I can get receipts to send out to you folks if you wish to deduct this (however, I'm not sure that anyone deducts donations under $25 anyhow).

Thank you thank you thank you!

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

though you'll never hear me say "this one is too big"...

i met a guy a couple weeks ago. he is funny, sophisticated, an excellent writer AND his ass looks great in a pair of jeans.

but i'm foiled yet again, his name is ari melber. what is it with me and all the jewish guys lately?**

i sound like goldilocks. "this one is too old. this one is too jewish."

i'm not even looking for one that's "just right." i'd settle for one that would stick around for a couple of months as long as the sex was good and a few dinners were thrown in for good measure. i don't think i'm asking too much, do you?

oh! and my friend just signed this guy as a client. he's so pretty, but this one is too young. damn goldilocks syndrome!

**it should be noted that i only have a problem with jewish men when they won't date me because i'm not jewish. or when they do date me but check jdate obsessively in search of someone else who is, i don't like to feel like someone is just biding their time with me.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

march madness

hey kids. it's bracket time.

i'm awful at this. if anyone has theirs they want to share so i have a little guidance, let me know.

i am a little annoyed though because i always take OSU to the finals (my grandpa was a buckeye) but i think they're favored this year so maybe i'll go with someone else.

at any rate, send suggestions over!

Monday, March 12, 2007

just doing a good deed or two...

so i'm at brunch with a law school friend. i'm talking about my sexy older man. she says her boss told her to get in touch with him to discuss campaign finance reform and that she's called him but he never called her back.

enter jasmine, stage left.

"hey sexy older man, was at brunch with friend who wants to pick your brain. she's called you but you guys never connected."

sexy man proceeds to call law school friend to set up a meeting. friend e-mails me to say that she can't wait to talk to him to sing my praises.

i'm so thoughtful. just doing my job to connect people and help them professionally. i'm selfless like that. really. i am. there's absolutely NOTHING in it for me. no sir!

and unrelated: i'm going to do an AIDS walk with a group of friends (mostly women and gay men) and i'll probably set up a paypal account so you guys can sponsor me if you want to. but more importantly, we want a clever team name. if you can think of something, leave it in the comments.

Friday, March 09, 2007

a memory? of an event?

i'm sitting somewhere. or am i standing? i can't quite picture it. and i'm talking to a man with whom i'm familiar but don't know too well.

and we're having a conversation that feels more comfortable than it should because we've never really had a conversation, just the two of us. and he's talking about his job? and he says something that surprises me and i'm imagining a dark place, trying to put a thought to the image in my head. trying to connect the dots and find an association.

"we're like canaries in a coalmine," he says, finding the words that my thoughts were trying to lead me to.

when discussing his job he knows it's a strange situation, which is why he wants to smile, but that it's not ideal, which is why the smile goes no further than a grin.

and i laugh, impressed by his simile, or is it a metaphor? i forget which is matter. i'm impressed by the connection he's made to himself as the canary and his job, the coalmine, because i don't perceive him as being particularly bright, or insightful. and it wasn't an obvious association.

and wisps of this conversation float through my head and i can't remember whether it's one i've actually had or whether it is purely a figment of my imagination.

Thursday, March 08, 2007


people want to put a compass rose down in columbus circle.

for people who don't live in new york, columbus circle is just about the EASIEST place in the entire city from which you can determine what direction you're facing.

columbus circle sits at the southwest corner of central park. in this picture, you're facing east. it's nearly impossible to get lost from columbus circle.
and people want to spend money putting in a compass rose that's only good for the people on the third floor of the time warner center who feel like gazing down upon it? seriously?

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

one smart woman...

Men are most virile and most attractive between the ages of 35 and 55. Under 35 a man has too much to learn, and I don't have time to teach him.
Hedy Lamarr

Sunday, March 04, 2007

bloggers unite!

i'm not sure whether many of you folks (if any) pay much attention to the progressive netroots movement. whether you read dailykos or myDD or talking points memo. suffice it to say, i devour about 20 political related blogs daily.

some would wonder when i find time to do my job. or sleep. that's a question i'll save for another day.

but last night i went to this event at "the tank." it's a little performance space just south of canal street. See a list of attendees here. in terms of blogging celebrity, it was a pretty star-studded event.

it was a panel discussion and a q&a afterwards. I have a problem with panels taking questions from the audience because, inevitably, you have some wackos out there who love to hear themselves talk and don't have anything really meaningful to say, but what they say takes forever and must be orated in very loud voices with lots of arm and hand movements. i have a hard time taking people like that seriously. i realize that just as new york is a great place for intellectuals, it's also a haven for wacky ones. (remind me to tell the story about the john "torture memo" yoo debate with the constitutional law professor at my law school. it was complete madness.)

the discussion last night, however, was mostly interesting. if you don't know anything about the "marcotte affair" read here.

the issue is whether campaigns can ever effectively hire established bloggers. for those who've worked on campaigns, you know that the only mouthpiece for that campaign is the director of communications, those kings of spin trained by years of PR experience. i.e. not bloggers.

no politician will ever have a staff made up of people who agree with them on every point of every issue. the problem is that when staffers don't agree, they don't go out and write about it publicly. so where do bloggers fit in? one of the panelists said that he didn't always agree with his politician, and where their opinions didn't match, he stayed silent on the issue. i don't agree with that policy.

during the discussion it was established that the netroots community needs to put the first foot forward in getting people used to the fact that no blogger's ideals will perfectly parallel those of their politician. i think that if a politician hires an established blogger they're hiring that person for 1.) their writing skills 2.) their opinions 3.) their reader base. i don't see why a blogger can't work for a politician and still go home and post that they happen to not agree on that issue. i think that by hiring a blogger, you take the risk that sometimes they'll vocally disagree with you. you want an opinionated person, you get one, you respect their opinions, and encourage that kind of discussion amongst the campaign and the general public. a blogger would never work for someone whose views they didn't mostly feel like they could align with. though there will always be some ripples along the way, the majority of the time a politician will get inspired posts that support their policies.

and what about disclaimers? in capital letters before each post "THESE VIEWS ARE THE VIEWS OF THE WRITER, AND NOT NECESSARILY OF POLITICIAN X.' hell, it works for newspapers and television stations. they use them all the time when they're hiring controversial writers or controversial people to host talk shows.

your thoughts?

Thursday, March 01, 2007

burned out

have been working a series of 80+ hour weeks over here.

at first, i was happy to have the money, and to be saving myself from the purchases i would have inevitably made getting myself nice and drunk at the bars and stuffing my face out at dinner several times a week....

and it's week 4 of this shit and i'm tired. and i haven't been sleeping well. and my eyes are all stressed out and bugging on me (i think i'm getting a tick or something).

and then there's my brow furrowing.

i just need some sleep. and some TLC. and some R&R. and some gin. and a massage. and a wax. and a facial.

just one more week of this...