tick tick tick
i've never wanted children. i'm not sure if it goes back to my knowledge at a young age that my aunt, who i idolized, hated children. or maybe that my mother's frustration with being a single parent planted the idea in me that children are a burden, not a joy. i'm not afraid of pain; i give blood regularly, make my yearly gyne appointments, i actually enjoy trips to the dentist, hell...i put myself through law school and the bar exam, some would say i'm a sadist. BUT i've never desired putting myself in the position of, how do they say it? shoving a watermelon through a hole the size of a lemon?
but contrary to popular belief, i do have a biological clock. and every once in a while the thing starts ticking. i have a few friends who have the loveliest babies ever. such sweet sweet dispositions. quiet and beautiful. full of smiles and giggles. dream babies, really. and i hold them and they spit up on me and that's when i feel that tugging in my gut. i want one of these little things to bring home myself. i see how happy my friends are and think, "you know what? it's not that bad."
i left my friend kristen's after seeing her darling boy. since i'm on the east side, i head over to cpk (california pizza kitchen, where i had my very first restaurant job at the tender age of 15). i sit down at the counter, order my barbecue chopped salad, watch the news feed scrolling on CNN. and then it starts. a group of 15 children (aged 7-10) enter the restaurant. whining and running around and jumping onto the counter seats next to me. i see little hands reach over to try to touch my food. "sarah! leave that lady alone! come over here right now!"
not only are these little people wrecking havoc at this eating establishment, they're making me feel really old. though she didn't say it, i heard an "old" in front of the mom's lady as she yelled. i mean, i'm a lady, but i ain't that kind of lady! the lunch lady. that's what i think of. ahh! i'm only 25! i can't deal with this.
i leave CPK and get on the bus and start to hear the old familiar sound....a child screaming bloody murder. he's probably two. and this little guy is so damn loud.
i turn the volume up on my ipod, sit back, shake my head and sigh. once again restored to the "i'm never having children" person i've always been.