Friday, May 28, 2010

mice, esca, aol, semper fi!

so the repair people came and patched up some holes and we thought that would fix our mouse problem. we were wrong. i heard noises in my room the other night and woke up to see one scurry out. so i threw a sticky mouse trap where i saw him last. and it was there for a couple weeks. but then it wasn't there when i got home and my roommate hadn't touched it. which means, i think, that a mouse got enough of himself stuck on there to be able to walk somewhere with it which is CRAZY thinking about a mouse with one leg on this trap dragging it around my apartment. and we can't find it. we've looked EVERYWHERE. we have no idea what to do at this point. besides maybe find a cat to bring over and sniff around for it...

the cuteness! oh my god!

had a long drunken night at esca again when i'd only meant to have a drink at the bar and maybe some crudo. both robert the florist and dave the chef yelled at me for standing them up. apparently i'd promised to come into the shop for peonies and told dave i'd go on a dive bar tour with him. i don't remember EITHER of these things. that is why i should stop drinking alcohol. oh, but that have that bastianich friulani that i love so much. and vic was behind the bar and i met a ton of lovely people (again) including mike, a sous chef at babbo. lots of shop talk occurred which, really, all the good gossip i get from anywhere i get in confidence and can't ever write about which makes having good gossip much less fun. but finally the carmellini soho spot leaked on eater. i've got some pitches in the works for some food-related writing that i'm really excited about.

julie brought me to an aol 25th anniversary party also this week which was tres chic and for which i'm whipped out a gorgeous DVF dress that i've never worn so i was excited to debut it. it started off at the new museum with a chuck close exhibit, some astounding tequila cucumber mint drinks and the food was rocking: mini lobster rolls, filet mignon, tuna tartare, truffled tater tots, truffled mac and cheese, parmesan cauliflour flan and other yumminess. 

OMG: one of my best friends, alex, got engaged and two more of my friends are pregnant. this year, man. makes me feel like i'm really destined to die one of those dog ladies. but mike proposed via this adorable video with google earth pinpointing their first dates and tons of adorable pictures of them. it makes me teary every time i watch. i love it.

it is fleet week! past fleet weeks: here and here and here

Thursday, May 20, 2010

the box, swingers, doodles, boobs, ebay

y'all, today is ROUGH. didn't get in until close to 5am and then had to wake up to do some bullshit CLE's online because theyr'e free and i take anything free these days.

speaking of free: managed to drink my face off last night and only spend $15 which went to charity! i win. some bacardi reps were in the bar giving away pints of mojitos. YES PLEASE! then we went to The Box for some private party with Brazilain sugar barons. when we get to the door the bouncer/manager dude introduces himself to us and then says with some accent i didn't recognize, "you are here to misbehave them?" which, i think, means he was asking whether we were the hired prostitutes. amazing! i probably repeated that phrase another 10 times throughout the night. the party itself was a total meatfest. drunk men getting grabby all over. at one point i'm up in the balcony, leaning over a railing, watching one of the burlesque shows and sitting next to a pretty girl. some ugly ass dude with blond hair (i don't trust blondes) sits on the other side of her and grabs my hand and puts it on her ass. i pull it away because i don't want this girl to be offended by my forced grabbiness. he leaves and i'm like, "sorry! that guy just put my hand on your ass! i don't know him!" and she goes, "oh, that was my husband!" 

after the show i meet up with my friends who said, "that couple next to you are swingers!" i told them i'd found that out the hard way. they said i should be flattered because they only hook up with really good looking people. heh. i'll take what i can get...

neil patrick harris was there with the all star survivor cast. i really wanted to go up to him and get gushy about how much i loved him but it's so touristy and un-new yorkish to go up to famous people. i just couldn't. 

i cleaned out my closet and found no less than 10 pairs of shoes, size 6. guess what? i'm a 6.5. i went through this stage of buying cute shoes on super sale and then  hoping my feet would shrink into them. it never happened! surprise! they're all on ebay with "never worn, unfortunately" tags on them. 

peter told me he wrote a word doodle about me years ago. i told him it was cute and he said, "You had showed me a picture of you where you looked riiiiidiculously gorgeous. I figured if I told you that you'd be all annoyingly Jasmine about it, so I wrote that instead." this gchat ensued: 
me:  annoyingly jasmine.
i actually know EXACTLY what that means.
Peter:  exactly
i know you
me:  i met a guy last night and tried to tell him i was annoying.
Peter:  You're hot, so guys won't care
  you could tell them just about anything
me:  i want someone to love me for my BRAIN peter.
and because i'm a good democrat
Peter:  it's all part of the package, lady.
me:  and if they are dating me because of my boobs, that's okay too.
 Peter:  i'd burn a building because of your boobs
me:  you're too kind.
 Peter:  naw.  just blurty

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

election commentary

initial thoughts: nice night for the democrats.

we picked up a special election seat in PA-12. and sestak managed to come behind for a win against specter. my thing with specter is 1.) he didn't vote with the dems nearly enough for me to be grateful for him and 2.) he didn't vote with the GOP enough for them to care about him either and 3.) you just got the sense that he wasn't ever true to himself.

i'd rather a person vote where their values are, or even where their constituents are and he just waffled back and forth so much between what he said mattered and the way he voted that he was doing nothing but chasing political wins and trying to tamp down political losses. he had a job that mattered and because he was trying too hard to play the game, he lost the damn job. it wasn't even that he was a centrist (which he may have been) but that he's flat out changed his position 180 degrees so many times that nobody felt they could trust him. it's okay to be with one party to the next depending on the issue but to go back and forth on the same bill? no dice. 

rand paul won, which is interesting in the quaint kind of way that i'll be amused at until i feel threatened. he's in the same camp with sarah palin. cute until they give me some reason to need to take them seriously. 

anyway, enough weak republicans won that democrats should feel a little more comfortable going into november. and maybe we'll have a couple more GOP gay scandals on the dark horses that won primaries tonight. one can only hope.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

LOST, glee, subway stories

this cracked my shit up.

so i bought that digital converter for my tv and bunny ears and then i couldn't set it up. it seemed kinda flimsy and it was from radioshack (and who buys anything from radioshack?) and thought i got a bum one. well, it's tuesday which means LOST day. i was meant to go to this esquire party but it was rainy and david said it would be a madhouse because nobody was controlling the RSVP count so i ended up at home. so i tried again and GUESS WHAT?! i totally screwed it up the first time. i'm the worst with electronics. so at 9:05 i finally got that shit working. HUZZAH!

the AIDSwalk was this weekend. the day was beautiful. swag handed out along the way: bananas, granola bars, coconut water, popchips, orange juice, stacy's pita chips. rock on. there was a champagne reception after that dirk, my new friend from brunch last weekend) brought me to at the boathouse. 

i had lunch with jill, whom i hadn't seen in years. it was a much needed meal with a friend who is so smart that she's always about 3 steps ahead of me. and the minute i started to complain about this third-life crisis thing, this feeling a bit lost and confused about what the F i'm doing with myself, she's put me in my place. i have a whole lot to be grateful for. she also made me feel not so ridiculous about being all over the place as far as what i think i want out of this little life of mine. 

and re: lost...holy shit guys. this episode has been EVENTFUL. but i guess there's only so much they have to keep out now that there are only two hours left. TWO HOURS. yikes.

this is what i wrote in my iphone one night while drunk and on the subway home: puffy seams, synthetic. hemmed too short or just naturally tall? black jersey sleeves, stonewash denim. fat woman, no front teeth, darkened eyelids, mcdonalds bag, just off her shift. three young men. braces and nice teeth. strong jaws. reckless. she watches them. wanting to belong without looking like she wants to belong.

speaking of the subway: i was sitting on the train and a group of 6 walks in. a man follows them in with a ukulele. one of them asks him to play something and he starts this little ditty with a chorus that does, "hot tamales they are red hot, yes, she's got 'em for sale" which, after a google search, seems to be this. but the thing is, that the group of 6 and then another 20 people in this train car all started singing the chorus with him. he had like 5 verses and as each one passed, another 4 people joined in. i thought for a second it was an improv everywhere stunt but no, it was just a random act of fun that happens because we're in new york, all squished together, and sometimes we spontaneously enjoy each other's company. 

my life is all over the place. korean fried chicken in the park, pilates, glee marathons ("jesse's girl" is fin's best so far and puck's "lady is a tramp"...LOVE and "the boy is mine" was so so so good), swing dancing on the roof with colin's signature cocktails, pilates, a beautiful dinner at perilla, another gorgeous meal at james

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

new friends! yipee!

you guys, i'm totally laura from the glass menagerie. except for that instead of figurines, i collect people. oh, and i'm also not shy and not crippled. but otherwise, we're the SAME PERSON.

it happened again. i was having brunch alone, minding my own business. all the gays are in fire island every other weekend now and this had promised to be a quiet weekend with them gone. i sit down, order a pulled pork sandwich special. the guy next to me was all, "oh, i wanted to order that but i should be good so i got the nicoise salad instead but i'm going to live vicariously through you." the sandwich was awesome. we keep chatting. he's a gay who works at macy's, his friend met up with us and we continued to drink. his boyfriend joined us, more drinking ensued. before i knew it i'd been recruited to go shopping with them and then also invited to dinner with one of their girlfriends. i made a phone call and we were put in the garden at locanda verde (i can't stay away, i know) and had a ridiculously debaucherous dinner. many bottles of wine, many apps and pastas and every single dessert on the menu. and more wine. we were sat outside so it was nice and quiet and perfect for story-telling and drunken bonding. our server was hilarious and didn't hate us, even though we were loud and silly. i didn't feel drunk until i was in the cab home and then had to start doing that split-second planning about how to vomit while in the cab. at what point would i ask him to pull over. would i open the door or throw up out the window? just utterly nauseous. 

anyhow: new friends! yay. 

i've officially changed out winter clothes for all my pretty summer dresses so of course it was 30 degrees and windy today. and somewhere some asshole is denying global warming. 

we did some crazy-ass balancing flying shit at pilates and i have gigantic bruises across my thighs which makes me think i was doing something wrong. not that anybody is looking at my legs anyhow. 

this week is nuts. have plans every single night through next wednesday. i'm tired just thinking about it. 

Sunday, May 09, 2010

when i decide i have agoraphobia, but then get over it because i can't actually live in my apt

so i get on the A train home. a hipsterish couple sitting across from me; he in a beard, she in a red checkered flannel. they both had wire-rimmed glasses that would knock against each other when they would put their foreheads together cutely. so i'm all, "oh, cute nerd hipster love." and then i see her stick her index finger up her nose. like, really far up her nose, digging. she comes out with something and looks at it and then bites it off with her teeth. I KNOW, YOU GUYS. oh, but she's not done. then she goes up there with a thumb, making round sweeping movements. movements that she's likely done a hundred million times. same thing, looks at her find and eats it. i'm just staring at her in shock really. she doesn't notice i'm looking and doesn't seem to think anything is wrong with this. she goes back and forth between nostrils and back and forth between index finger and thumb for 80 blocks. constantly. and then, AND THEN, bitch grabs onto the subway pole as she leaves. I MEAN, MY GOD. it made me want to go home and never go out in public ever again. THIS is why i don't touch the subway and almost vomit every time i grab onto a pole. this is also why i can't ever have children because children touch things that are gross, which then would make me not want to touch my child. like, ever again.

my management company are assholes. they never do repairs and are pretty much slumlords. i'm not at home often and my rent is cheap enough that i figure i get what i'm paying for. we lose hot water and heat many times during the winter. the roof had all these holes and one of them was in my entrance hallway. every time we'd have a heavy rain, all the plaster and paint would fall right off. then they'd come and repair that hole and every time they did i said, "fix the fucking roof." and then a week ago i got an e-mail from a guy named mike at the mgt office. he said they were installing a WHOLE new roof. and sure enough i hear all the people banging away above me (i'm on the 5th floor). so it rains a lot on sunday evening. 2am monday morning, there's pounding on my door. and there's water all over my apt. leaks from like 10 different places. the pounding is the FDNY, called in by the neighbors whose entire ceilings had collapsed on them with the rain. it turns out the roofers took off our roof and then didn't tarp it and left for the weekend. IDIOTS. the cops were here, my city councilman was here and the local papers showed up. camera crews. insane. the mgt company sends like 20 people over, realize how bad their upkeep as been and what bad press they're getting. HPD shows up. anyway, they're acting like they care and i've had people in my apt all week doing repairs. i've had a staycation of sorts.

so i've gotten lots of random ironing done, some writing, i finally planted some basil, chives, cilanatro and dill with my chia herb garden. i really hope they grow. i don't have much of a green thumb but i'll feel like a total failure if i can't get this shit to work. i'm feeling kind of maternal about it. they're my little babies. i also really like fish as pets. i'm the mommy but i don't have to really put in that much effort. it's a win/win. 

and, i'm sorry, but how freaking cute is syar?!

Friday, May 07, 2010

ISO: SWM, mac genius, sense of humor, democrat...and some random food linkage

i've had some computer problems. i honestly thought i was going to wake up with white hair the next day, i was so freaked out. i made a frantic call to apple care and got a guy in oregon who talked me through a few hard rebooting procedures. he was calming and re-assuring and i found myself wanting to ask him to dinner. i seriously think my next boyfriend is going to be a mac bar genius. there's something about a guy who knows his way around a mac that gets me hot and bothered. and there's nothing like computer problems to make me feel all damsel-in-distressy and completely helpless. anyway, the oregonian made me a genius bar appointment and i was able to get a new hard drive for free because the one i had was known to be a "troubled" hard drive, which would have been nice to know from the beginning because maybe i'd have been more diligent about backing all that shit up in the first place. i hadn't backed up since october. but, thankfully, all my pictures from africa were in my idisk and all my music was downloaded for free from other people's idisks so most of what i lost i was able to get back. c'est la vie.

(randomly, some homeless person started speaking french to me. i responded with what little french i know. that was a mistake. he followed me around for 3 blocks because he thought i was his french soul mate. and on that note: scary!)

remember that amazing clip of david chang going to piece of chicken, getting wasted, then going to frankies? another installment from vice tv. this one with andrew carmellini from locanda verde. luke ostrom is there too. he may be one of the best looking people i've seen in person, next to nigel barker, though i suspect he'd much rather be less pretty so he could avoid the attention. my favorite part is AC talking about how he would have brought cheaper wine had he known they weren't going to open what he'd brought. that happens to me all the time. though, drinking all my good wine by myself at home doesn't sound like that healthy of an alternative. and i relate to not feeling that the job he was doing was good for his soul. in fact i'm looking to leave the legal profession altoghether. is this risky? SURE. is it liberating? YES. am i terrified? CERTAINLY. is it still probably the right thing to do? i hope so. i'll be 30 this year. i deserve to have a job i enjoy. something that feeds my soul. i'll work through my savings and if i run out of money, there's always stripping. kidding! (not really.) oh! and the video mentions 100 layer lasagna. i am so getting george to hook some of that up for me next time i'm at del posto. 
i got a lobster roll from the underground lobster pound. those things are really decent. he tells you to text him from a random street corner. he'll text you an exact address and you pick it up from the windowsill of a ground floor apartment. it feels very dangerous and 007. the roll is $14 and it's just huge chunks of tender lobster in some butter and old bay. no mayo. an excellent roll if you happen to be in whichever neighborhood he's selling from. 

beauty from alex balkBut there was something about this photo that, for me at least, captured the absolute perfection of living in New York City, even when it's pouring—especially when it's pouring: the way the lights brighten the corners and the thickness of the air carries with it some strange hint of promise that something surprising and worthwhile will happen to you if manage to brave it out. Everyone has a sense of expectation on the evenings where it is beautiful and there's a smiling face on each passerby, but there's something about an artificially brightened rainy night in New York that offers up an entirely different suggestion of potential for those willing to chase it down

Tuesday, May 04, 2010

new york weekends

oh, sigh.

all the weekends are starting to blend into one another. they all have a lot in common, quality gay time, lots of alcohol and so much laughing that my stomach hurts afterwards. i'm so thankful for the type of friends that will burst into song in the street, that quack at dogs, that make silly videos and have costume parties.

one of the gays claims i promised to show him my va-jay-jay when he said he'd never seen one. i was not drunk on the night in question and am certain i never said such a thing because, well, can't he just google that shit? so he went and found some other girl who said she'd show hers and before i knew it, i was out-pussied. 

a boozy brunch was had at choptank (where the food is excellent, by the way). also worth noting, the drink special they had the weekend we were there was eliminated a week later, everything cool gets ruined. it was a 2 for 1 special and i am secretly wondering whether we're the reason they got rid of it. we all had several rounds of two drinks, were talking loudly about how diarrhea was a pretty word and that we'd choose that when naming our children. we recounted stories from the night before and on the whole had a very NOT kid-friendly conversation, peppered with expletives which is the only kind of conversation worth having, if you ask me. from brunch we took a walk, ran into one of our favorite trannys who looks so busted during the day that it almost killed our buzz. from there we drank rose on the roof and once the boys had heard i'd missed the "very mary kate" party we went and watched every episode. twice. because you basically can't be friends with us anymore if you can't quote the shit out of all her episodes. we're like that sometimes. we also discovered this guy, who is amazing. we moved to a rodeo bar that had $3 mojitos and went around the table discussing our lowest sexual moments. i started racking my brain, trying to remember the worst and BAM! one hit me square in the forehead. i realize that i'd probably blocked it out for several years. it has to do with gavin degraw. that's all i'll say about that. but then, THEN, we headed to a tranny show to see our favorite: porsche. she is the best-est and she really sings so all other trannies seem so lame and blah next to her. and by the end, the tranny cocktail waitress had grabbed me to slow dance. 

colin brought a group of us to a party at the Norwood, a members-only spot that has more charm and less snobbishness than the soho house, so it gets a thumbs up in my book. it was a costume party and the theme was, "evening with the senator" and everyone dressed up in their best madmen era politician chic attire. at colin's suggestion (OMG YOU GUYS. check your macy's catalog. he's probably in there giving fashion tips. there's a cute little black and white photo of him and whatnot. he's famous), i wore a black dress and several strands of pearls. someone played chopin, the "senator" gave a speech that borrowed heavily from inspirational moments in movies, such as the fountain scene from Goonies. we met a couple who brought flasks with them, which meant they HAD to be our friends. her flask was dainty and fit perfectly tucked in my bra, which she then pulled out with her teeth. she's my soulmate! he was aussie and a soccer player. both the coolest. 

i don't think new york gets better than this. 

in other news, i'm switching professions! i think! well, trying to, anyways! details on that later.