Tuesday, October 31, 2006

a few words about bill

side note: three posts in one day?! yes. my doc review project may be winding down and we're running out of work to do. without further ado...
i love bill. i really do.
but he showed up late.
but he talked about the tide of change. about how many republicans are running as democrats this year because they've been so alienated by this administration and can't take it anymore.
you could hear a pin drop during his pauses (which were many) and his voice was soft and thoughtful.
"it's like this everywhere i go," he said. "this is supposed to be a campaign rally and listen to how quiet you people are. and in ohio, it's the same thing. and virginia and everywhere else i've been. it's because this year is different. people know that something is going on. there's an intense dissatisfaction with the state of affairs in this country and people are paying attention. the situation is grave and people understand the value of their vote. but i urge you new yorkers not to become complacent. i'm a little worried about these races of hillary's, elliot's, andrew's and jim's. because in new york city, these candidates are doing so well that i'm afraid you won't vote. but we, as a party, need you to. we need you to spread the energy and the urgency of this election to everyone else across the country."
and he discussed his state-level jobs as governor and attorney general in arkansas. about how change is having to be initiated at the state level because the administration is so incompetent (my word, not his), i.e. the stem-cell research funding in CA, the universal health care strides in MA.
because he was late, i did not get to meet him (too many $25K donors he needed to shake hands with first). oh! and i went with black pearls which i'd forgotten i'd even owned, but which went perfectly.

reese and ryan

have split up.
he was cheating with a co-star in a movie he was filming.
is it wrong for me to have completely lost faith in the institution of marriage if even they can't last?
ugh ryan. you asshole.

non sequitors, again

look! ballot machines in florida won't let you vote for democratic candidates . shock.
speaking of...people, if you have problems with your ballot box, let the poll workers know, let the poll watchers know, call the office of the person you voted/tried to vote for and let them know. there are tons of attorneys and board of election people who need to know about this stuff. OR, if you're younger than the geriatrics volunteering and want to take the day off, managing a poll site, at least in new york, pays $300 a day, which may be more than you'd make otherwise.
date on friday was excellent. sake bar and then a solid hour of photohunt at a bar around the corner. sounds lame but it was so much fun...
bill showed up late last night, minimizing actual mingling that could be done with the man but he spoke for a long time and it was great. the food was amazing and i got drunk on bellinis. in all, a successful night. however, the adorable guy working on the campaign with me, i found out, is moving to south america for a year. curses! he was jewish anyhow. probably never stood a chance!
gray gardens was AMAZING. christine ebersole was ridiculous. the whole thing was genius i LOVED it. seriously. get/rent the documentary and then fly out here to see it. now! go go go!

Sunday, October 29, 2006

clinton meeting, the second

so i'm meeting bill clinton tomorrow at the rainbow room!!!!
i mean, he's THE political rock star as far as most people are concerned.
if you haven't, you MUST read the david remnick profile of him in the september 17th issue of the new yorker.
my biggest dilemma, and this is HUGE...is having to decide what accessories to wear with my dress. it's a charcoal gray with a chocolate brown/plum accenting. gray says silver. plummy brown says gold.
what ever is a girl to do?!

Friday, October 27, 2006


just in time for halloween...a freaky freaky card to send to your friends.
but i wouldn't, because it's actually a little scary.
but click here and fill in a few entries, and view the thing. ick.
copped out and going as a "millionaire/socialite" for halloween. have a long gown and long black gloves and throwing fake rhinestones and czs all over myself in the form of bracelets, earrings, rings, a necklace and a tiara...because i heart tiaras.
was cheap. and easy. (will spare you the over used joke here)

Thursday, October 26, 2006

bit of an explanation

about what i may have been doing in a couple of those posts below...

new yorkers...

need to try this. however, it might make you cry, depending on how much of a sucker you are.

if people from out of town want to relate, guess an address (pick a street from 10th to 180th, east or west with a low number) and put in what you think new yorkers pay in rent. then find out how stupid and desperate we really are for housing...

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

guy update

PJ is always working. and maybe when he's a billionaire real estate mogul he'll start taking the time to pay attention to women but i'm tired of all the last minute planning because work and the boss calling or the deal takes priority.
realizing i don't like the cop. spent about an hour and a half on the phone with him and it just isn't clicking. i don't think he's funny and, more importantly, he doesn't think i'm funny. i don't consider myself to be a comic or anything but if i'm gonna date a guy, he BETTER think i'm hilarious. and he does a lot of movie quoting. i realize that's a guy thing, but he's always quoting movies i've never seen and i never get it, hence me not thinking he's funny either.
but i think i should have my friend alex meet him. they'd have pretty babies. both have fair skin, jet black hair and he even has blue eyes. also, she likes her guys big. and the cop is huge. he's like 6'2" with the broadest shoulders ever. and the gun thing is still hot. so i'm gonna get them to meet i think....
starting to think i might like zeke the CEO. after telling myself again and again that i wasn't interested i find myself getting excited when he texts and calls. and he always says the right things, his messages are cute and funny but not too aggressive. whatever he's doing, he's playing his cards right somehow. next date is on friday.

michelin 2007

the 2007 guide is out.
my roommate's restaurant has one star.
to do list: finally taking advantage of his constant offers to come in and eat!!
i heart chefs.

again...move along folks.

just playing around...

So we need to counter their counter-g.b.


Connecticut: Ned Lamont
Maryland: Ben Cardin
Michigan: Debbie Stabenow
Missouri: Claire McCaskill
Montana: Jon Tester
New Jersey: Bob Menendez
Tennessee: Harold Ford
Virginia: James Webb

Democrat Held Seats

(CO-03): John Salazar
(GA-03): Jim Marshall
(GA-12): John Barrow
(IA-03): Leonard Boswell
(IL-08): Melissa Bean
(IL-17): Phil Hare
(IN-07): Julia Carson
(NC-13): Brad Miller
(PA-12): John Murtha
(WV-01): Alan Mollohan

Republican Held Seats

(AZ-08): Gabrielle Giffords
(CT-04): Diane Farrell
(CT-05): Chris Murphy
(CO-07): Ed Perlmutter
(IA-01): Bruce Braley
(IL-06): Tammy Duckworth
(IN-02): Joe Donnelly
(IN-08): Brad Ellsworth
(IN-09): Baron Hill
(FL-13): Christine Jennings
(FL-16): Tim Mahoney
(FL-22): Ron Klein
(KY-03): John Yarmuth
(NC-01): Heath Shuler
(MN-06): Patty Wetterling
(NM-01): Patricia Madrid
(NY-20): Kirsten Gillibrand
(NY-24): Michael Arcuri
(NY-26): Jack Davis
(OH-15): Mary Jo Kilroy
(OH-18): Zack Space
(PA-06): Lois Murphy
(PA-08): Patrick Murphy
(PA-07): Joe Sestak
(PA-10): Chris Carney
(VA-02): Phil Kellam
(WI-08): Steve Kagen

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

don't mind me...

just doing a little research...

--AZ-Sen: Jon Kyl--AZ-01: Rick Renzi--AZ-05: J.D. Hayworth--CA-04: John Doolittle--CA-11: Richard Pombo--CA-50: Brian Bilbray--CO-04: Marilyn Musgrave--CO-05: Doug Lamborn--CO-07: Rick O'Donnell--CT-04: Christopher Shays--FL-13: Vernon Buchanan--FL-16: Joe Negron--FL-22: Clay Shaw--ID-01: Bill Sali--IL-06: Peter Roskam--IL-10: Mark Kirk--IL-14: Dennis Hastert--IN-02: Chris Chocola --IN-08: John Hostettler--IA-01: Mike Whalen--KS-02: Jim Ryun--KY-03: Anne Northup--KY-04: Geoff Davis--MD-Sen: Michael Steele--MN-01: Gil Gutknecht--MN-06: Michele Bachmann--MO-Sen: Jim Talent--MT-Sen: Conrad Burns--NV-03: Jon Porter--NH-02: Charlie Bass--NJ-07: Mike Ferguson--NM-01: Heather Wilson--NY-03: Peter King--NY-20: John Sweeney--NY-26: Tom Reynolds --NY-29: Randy Kuhl--NC-08: Robin Hayes--NC-11: Charles Taylor--OH-01: Steve Chabot--OH-02: Jean Schmidt--OH-15: Deborah Pryce--OH-18: Joy Padgett--PA-04: Melissa Hart--PA-07: Curt Weldon--PA-08: Mike Fitzpatrick--PA-10: Don Sherwood--RI-Sen: Lincoln Chafee--TN-Sen: Bob Corker--VA-Sen: George Allen--VA-10: Frank Wolf--WA-Sen: Mike McGavick--WA-08: Dave Reichert

nancy drew and the case of the missing magazine

i have a love/hate relationship with my post office. love/hate isn't the right phrase. i basically just hate them but have to be nice because, otherwise, i'm afraid they'll start tossing the little mail that does, in fact, reach my mailbox. it's a hate/obligatory kindness relationship i guess.
so for years i've been getting the new yorker. and for years, it's gotten to me monday. until i moved way the hell uptown, outside the upper west side jewish neighborhood that is literally half the uppity new yorker's subscription base. in washington heights, i've been getting it pretty regularly on tuesday. never monday. but that's fine, i can live with that.
but for the last three weeks i've gotten it on thursday. and last week it actually didn't come until friday. something has to be done.
i call my post office early monday morning. i find out my mail lady's name is ms. carillo. i speak with ms. carillo, asking what the problem might be and who i should talk to to make sure my magazine is reaching me earlier. she claims she gets it out the minute it gets into the office but she puts her manager on the phone. the manager has the same story, "it's not us. call the magazine, they might have the wrong address." confused as to how they'd have the wrong address when i'm looking at a correct mailing label on the cover of my last issue, i back off and call the new yorker. the customer service woman says she's going to mail me a form that i have to take to the post office and then they'll start tracking my magazine to find out exactly when it leaves and arrives where.
i get home monday and, wouldn't you know it, for maybe the second time in over a year, my new yorker is in the mailbox!
after all this time all ms. carillo wanted, apparently, was a little personal attention.
case closed.

Monday, October 23, 2006

interoffice memo

To: Female Co-workers
From: Jazz
Re: Bathroom Etiquette
Date: October 23, 2006
To all the girls in my office that I keep seeing leave the bathroom without washing your hands: you are nasty.
Special mention also goes to the ones that rinse their hands with water only for two seconds before taking a paper towel and rushing out the door. Last time I checked, water doesn't kill germs that might be left on your hands from wiping your ass. But I could be wrong about that.
A class on sanitary measures will be conducted at 3:00pm in the ladies bathroom. I hope you'll join me for what should a very informative session. You'll learn things you (apparently) were previously unaware of.
Thanks and have a good day!

Friday, October 20, 2006

non sequitors

cleaning house a bit here...
re: society...saw this video several days ago and have been watching it over and over again. it's amazing. amazingly sick. go here for more info.
re: boys...zeke is still around, so is the cop, so is PJ. not quite sure what i want with any of them, if anything. i don't have much time to deal with it. will undoubtedly see lots of the cop in the coming days though, see below.
re: jobby job...turned down a job as a speechwriter for a city official. something about the office and the people didn't feel right. and for as much as i like writing and having to think on my feet and whatnot, the position wasn't all that inspiring to me. am waiting until after january when i can apply for a job with the official that will be elected in november. so basically i've been at the official's campaign headquarters every day. and soon i'll be there every weekend and basically every waking hour until 9pm hits and the polls close on nov. 7th. ugh.
re: maintaining my sanity...taking the night off from the campaign. leaving work early today to get a massage and go tanning. anyone who is going to tell me how bad it is, i'm going to pre-emtively tell you i know and still don't care. so go naysay somewhere else. i have a good bottle of wine at home waiting for me and some new yorkers to finish.
re: halloween...i have a pumpkin carving party this weekend!!! this is a good thing. except that i have to cook something and i'm lazy. i'm thinking i'll do an apple crisp. however, the people at the party will be in love with me forever (even though they're mostly gay) if i whip out the puppy chow. also, i need a costume. i have five (5) halloween parties this year and am going to break down and spend money on my costume this year instead of copping out with some devil horns or something. not sure what i'll be, but it'll have to be sufficiently slutty so i won't feel left out amongst the rest of the half naked bitches that fill the streets for the holiday. any good ideas? e-mail them over before i go get one of the "costume in a bag" things which are always kind of lame.
re: food...restaurant girl is one of my favorite food blogs. she was having a contest for a four course dinner with wine pairings at telepan (voted new york's best new restaurant in zagats) and i sent it to a couple friends of mine saying, "enter. if you win, you're bringing me." and wouldn't you know, a girlfriend of mine from college won! whopee! we're going to have one of the best meals EVER next week. am salivating at the thought. will report back on every crumb and drop of sauce that i lick off the plates.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

obama madness

so my hero was at barnes and noble today to sign his new book, The Audacity of Hope.
i went at what i thought was an early hour. i was wrong. apparently hundreds of people were lined up hours before the store even opened in order to get wristbands that would allow them to get their book signed. needless to say, i didn't get one.
but i kept an eye on obama as he walked out (to maddening screams...he's such a rock star, for, well, not actually being a musician) and made sure to note those who were on his staff. after the reading, i linger, hoping some staffer comes close enough to get their attention because i have a cover letter and resume with me.
sure enough, a blond guy with glasses walks over. admitting to him that i know he'll probably just toss it, i give him my envelope. he says he's the communications director and that he won't throw it away.
as if the director of communications, trained for years in PR, would actually tell me to my face that he's going to trash my letter to the senator's office! but to cover my bases i also gave a copy to his publisher.
the aggressive job hunting continues. stay tuned...

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

shoe mama

thinking i'd find a place near my office to drop my shoes off i walk past this place
i enter and a teeny italian lady named maria shouts at me, "hello! what you need!" (not phrased as a question, but more like: whatever it is, i have it!)
"um, just the heels redone on these shoes," as i pull them out of my bag. "how much?"
in one swift movement she's taken the shoes out of my hand, thrown them to a guy in back all while yelling "six dollars! while you wait! tonio, now! while the lady waits! rush job tonio!!!"
she seems to know the other people coming in by name. she orders them around also. already, i felt like family. "next time, soles done," she says to the woman behind me. 
a young man comes in with a pair of slingbacks with a broken buckle, "you bring in for wife. good husband. come back, one week!"
and all of a sudden, less than three minutes after they'd been whisked away, my shoes were back up front, looking beautiful. "you want nice bag for these! saks fifth avenue! fancy store!" as she puts my shoes in the charcoal grey bag i noticed autographed pictures (one from al pacino) addressed to maria hanging in frames. what kind of a shoe place is this?
still yelling at me, "your first time here!" again, not a question, a statement. "you'll be back. welcome to the club, welcome to the club!"
maria, i'll see you soon.

Monday, October 16, 2006


why is it that my weekends lately have left me more exhausted than i was before it started?
finally saw "grey gardens" in anticipation of seeing the musical next week. a friend from college is in it so it's always more fun to make fun of people you know than those you don't if he happens to suck.
saw hillary again today at the eleanor roosevelt legacy luncheon. everyone was there actually. anyone in the state running for office and every female elected official made sure to make an appearance. was kind of stuffy and slightly boring but at least i didn't embarrass myself this time!
and i got to dust off some amazing shoes i hadn't worn in forever, though they went totally unappreciated in the room of politicians.
reunited with a friend from high school who lives out here now. he's a bit of a socialite actually, going to every fashion show worth seeing and every posh opening in the city. his membership in a highly elite "club" out here ensures i'll get to start coming along for the ride. yippee!

Friday, October 13, 2006

shock and awe...

i've been in close proximity (have waited on) some really famous people in my time. will smith? no problem. george clooney, al pacino, marilyn manson? whatever. paul mccartney, etc., etc., etc. with the exception of a few occasions (namely jamie oliver), i'm the last person to be starstruck when faced with a famous person.
so i go to a hillary clinton fundraiser last night with Pretty. a friend of ours is working the event and hands us pink VIP bracelets and ushers us into a room with THE woman herself. we're in a line to meet/greet/get photographed and i literally started to panic. i was so amazingly nervous that when i got up to her i had no idea what to say and the thought in my head just flew right out my mouth: "you are so pretty in person!" she laughed and said, "why, thank you!" and we smiled for the camera. i was handed my purse and walked off completely annoyed at myself that, face to face with one of the most powerful women in the world, THAT is what comes out of my mouth?! i'm a mess. Pretty walked over and first thing he says is, "i swear to god she looked right at my crotch."
i realize the difference between actors and her is just sheer power. actors are useless really (unless they're spending their millions to do some good angelina-style). with hillary, her sheer presence is a force to be reckoned with.
the evening ended at the-new-york-place-all-the-celebs-and-wannabes-hang-out-because-it's-uber-exclusive bungalo 8. Pretty, after some diligent schmoozing and tipping, can get into the place whenever he wants. this guy definitely knows how to work it. no notable star sightings. just wannabes and socialites.
but i'd already had my awe-struck moment of the night. after that, no actor comes close.
tonight i'm seeing sylvie guillem and her world-famous extensions. rock on.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

still hungover?

last saturday night i went out with lindsey and her man (she's actually still dating one of the two guys we met on new year's eve) to a bar where they were friends with the owner. it was the bar's 4th year anniversary. and by this, i mean that we were forced into shot after shot by the bar's owner. and these were not prissy shots either people. we're talking straight liquor. but NO, he couldn't be consistent. he had to start with vodka, then to something prissy, then to soco and lime. uuuuuggggghhhh....
and i barely remember stopping by a taco truck on the way home and drunkenly slapping a bunch of the "green salsa" on it without bothering to find out what it was. it turns out the "green salsa" was a bit on the hot side (an understatement). so as my lips and tongue feel as though they're going to jump off my face i can't stop eating the tacos because i'm wasted and need something in my stomach. ugh.
and so the next day i had a massive headache.
and the day after i still had it.
and even today, i'm still popping aleve to no avail.
i'm never doing another shot again.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

my gawker cherry...

my hit counter has been going nuts. apparently got linked on gawker for my reference about the new yorker festival event. had i known anyone would be reading it i would have put more of the jokes in there and spared them the quaintness of apple picking. can't win them all.
someone just found my blog using the search phrase, "bridesmaids black dresses poor taste."

you have to hand it to this girl. it's refreshingly straightforward. her awareness that she will, like most brides, pick out some fugly dress for her friends to spend $300 dollars on to wear for one day. she's not even trying to find "bridesmaids black dresses pretty" or "bridesmaids black dresses stylish." she's cutting straight to the chase.
go for the fug girl, go for the fug and don't look back.

Monday, October 09, 2006

another fabulous weekend...

despite the depression i'm coping with (again) as a yankees fan, the weekend was marvelous.
apple picking with the lovely ale upstate. the leaves are turning, the sun was out, the air was crisp and it was just beautiful. not to mention we got some of the best apples EVER. however, eating about five each in the course of the day has me so sick of apples i can't even look at the bag i brought home with me.

ALSO saw the loves of my life on stage together. had a prime seat right up front and it was amazing. the most classic line of the afternoon (paraphrased until it goes up on audible.com):

jon stewart: you know, i feel bad for ann coulter.
david remnick: (laughing and shaking his head) no you don't.
js: no, i really do! seriously! because, you know, once you start insulting wives of september 11th victims, you've really painted yourself into a corner. i mean, where do you go from there? it seems to me the only thing left for her to do is to dig up mother teresa's remains and stick a dildo in her eye socket.

the kicker? he proposed to his wife using a nytimes crossword puzzle (with the help of will shortz). a man TRULY after my own heart. why oh why does he have to be jewish? and married? with children?

Saturday, October 07, 2006

behavioral studes: file 112

my water consumption increases with my level of boredom. as if i need to give myself something to do, and getting up to get to the water cooler is something to work towards.
lately, i've been drinking what seems to be 3 gallons of water a day.
BUT...i'm on the way to a shiny new job. i've been networking like crazy, meeting all the right people and nosing my way into new york politics. i'm now one of those people who knows people. i can have educated conversations about half the elected officials in the state and, as is the way, i also have gossip on a good number of them as well. i sent a job posting to a girlfriend of mine who said, point blank, "the guy who is hiring for that job is one of my best friends. i can sooooo get you this job if you want it."
unfortunately, i didn't want it. however, i've got my eye on bigger and better things and for those i might have to wait until after the start of the new year. which seems like just an unbearably long amount of time but i suppose getting close enough to grab that gold ring on the carousel of life (i could come up with retarded metaphors ALL DAY people, don't tempt me), takes patience. the job i could be hooked up with come january might be a job i'd keep for the rest of my life.* so what's the rush?
*or until barack obama comes to his senses and hires me.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

clark terry prefers canadian bacon, i prefer french sausage

so i went to the legendary village vanguard to see clark terry.

let me tell you, this man is amazing. in the audience, sitting feet from us, was thelonius monk jr. on top of being supremely talented, the guy was an absolute riot. tidbits from the evening:

"we're going to play a song called canadian mornings. i prefer canadian bacon myself."

"this song was written by or inspired by miles davis. some say he wrote it, some say he didn't. i say who cares!"

and at one point he took a drink of water, put the glass to his ear and tilted it like he was pouring it in. as he did so, a stream of water came shooting out of his mouth. and he giggled and giggled.

i also went to a fall for dance concert featuring companie Franck II Louise. They were brilliant. Hip hop like you've never seen it. they finished their piece and i was soooo turned on. i looked at justin and he says, "i think i need to change my pants." we talk to stephanie, our friend who works at the theatre and she says everyone has been wanting to have sex with these guys all week. they're hot. seriously.

so we go to the reception that followed and find out what club frenchies are going to after their dinner with some french ambassadors. i make eye contact over and over with one of the hot frenchies and did consider stalking them to the club but he spoke no english. they had a few friends with them who did speak english and so they did all the talking.

but i wondered, logistically, how i'd try to bed someone who spoke zero english. i'm a communicator. i like talking. i mean, the sex portion of the evening would have been cake. but to even get back to their hotel or even to tell him i was going to take him home...i'm just not sure about how it would all work when i speak zero french. it's all probably more effort than it's worth. but it definitely means i need to teach myself a few key phrases in case i'm ever in this situation again ( i.e. with hot french man i want to have sex with).

SEX WITH FOREIGNERS 101 (translations by altavistababelfish...so let me know if they're off)

1.) you're coming with me:
vous venez avec moi

2.) where is your hotel?:
où est votre hôtel ?

3.) what time do you have to leave in the morning?
quand devez-vous partir le matin ?

4.) spank me:
donnez- une fesséemoi

5.) call me next time you're in the city:
appelez-moi la fois prochaine que vous êtes dans la ville

Monday, October 02, 2006

i hope

i hope all those republican assholes talking about how innocent mark foley is and how the democrats are just starting another smear campaign feel like idiots.
asking a sixteen year old how he masturbates is inappropriate, no matter which way you look at it.
and that boy was forwarding e-mails to foley staffers saying he was freaked out and that foley was making him uncomfortable and they did NOTHING.  It's absolutely sick. what a bunch of hypocritical losers.
i'm sorry people. this is disgusting.