Friday, December 30, 2005

oh dear...

i'm being wooed...

i came back to my desk to find the dining section of the NYTimes and a chocolate covered cherry sitting on my chair, courtesy of the work boyfriend. it was one of the sweetest things i'd ever seen. even better than getting flowers. am i really that easy to please?

i think i'm smitten.

on a related note: on telling a friend at work about it she said, "if someone had McDonalds delivered to me, i'd fall in love with him." the thought of this makes me laugh like crazy.

i actually had a date with work boyfriend yesterday and, to my dismay, we had a great time. as much as i'm trying to fight the whole thing because it's so much easier to NOT date someone i'm working with, i'm not sure how much longer i can hold out. he's pretty great, unfortunately. a few tiny kisses were exchanged at the end of the evening. it was all really lovely. goddamnit.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

christmas, a week in review

first for the big news! my best friend got engaged! she broke the news to me by sending me, via phone, a picture of her ring (beautiful) and when i called her to freak out about it the first thing she said was, "jazz! we're getting married!!!" and by "we" she meant she and i. so needless to say, i have some major event planning ahead of me. they're thinking next may. i'm thinking how happy i am to have full reign of what the bridesmaids dresses are going to be so that maybe i won't have to hate it. or hate her for making me wear it. huzzah!

a good friend from law school also is recently engaged. am thinking how happy i am that i won't be standing up in this wedding because my pocketbook is already feeling empty with thoughts of kate's nuptials.

before i went to CA we had the office holiday party. it was hilarious. our supervisors (all older than us, though none of them over 36) put the rest of us to shame when it came to dancing and drinking themselves silly. i have pictures of hot boss-man being carried around on the shoulders of two staff attorneys. i'm going to blow one up big and stick it in hot boss-man's office.

re: work boyfriend...he came out and told me he liked me. i warned him that i'm not an easy person to date and he seemed up for the challenge. the problem is that i like my own time. i like at least one weekend night for myself to party with the girls. i don't want the guy to call all the time. in fact, no more than twice a week unless it's absolutely necessary. this seeing him 40 hours a week thing does not bode well in that respect. i told him i'd need to get to know him MUCH better before i could make the decision to make something of this. all the while, we're getting wasted. i vaguely remember running my hands through his hair and him planting a kiss on my neck and then there are some fuzzy missing parts. however, i'm pretty certain that that's as far as it went. the tail end of the night is clear in my memory. i also remember how i got home which, though it shouldn't be, is something i'm proud of. a girl i used to work with at the soho house was working at the bar and did some serious damage hooking us up after the 3 hour open bar was over. this place is right around the corner from work so i'll probably be back more times than is healthy. damn those evil gods of temptation...those ones we call bartenders.

hope everyone had as nice a christmas as i did. it was quiet, relaxing and warm. i was in CA at my mom's and those of you in know how gorgeous the weather was. but now i'm back in cold new york working late nights all week but won't make that much overtime becuase we had monday off. we won't break the 40 hour mark by nearly as much. curses!

while home my brother took it upon himself to make me "cool." i won't deny my own dorkyness but i like to think i'm not a total nerd. he would beg to differ. i knew there was trouble brewing when last week he called to say that he had to take me shopping for my christmas present, that he wanted to "get me some cool clothes" but needed me there to make sure they fit.

my grand makeover started in the car on the way home from the airport. he played all the new bands he's listening to (all indy punk emo something or other) and gave me the cd out of his car so i could get myself better acquainted. the next day he taught me how to drive stick shift. i'm not great at it, and it scared the crap out of me whenever another car approached, but if it were a life or death situation i think i could manage. then we went shopping. an AC/DC shirt and some black shirt with some eagle on it and funky seams were winners. i almost went home with a seatbelt belt and a wallet made of duct tape but cut him off as i'm pretty certain i wouldn't have used either. if he'd really had his way, i'd have come home tattooed. i'm sure that's his long term goal for me.

ken also introduced me to the joys of katamari. there are no guns. no blood. no violence. the game consists solely of this teeny guy who picks things up and rolls them together to make a huge balls of stuff. he starts out only being able to pick up tiny things like thumbtacks. then graduates to small children. then to cars. then skyscrapers. the nuances and details of this game are indescribable. it's just quirky and weird and a total riot. i couldn't get enough.

can you tell sense the increased coolness level here at strange places? i'm feelin' it...

stay tuned...

for some holiday updates:

1 holiday party
2 engagements
work romance?
katamari damacy: my new obsession
my brother's attempt to make me over
and a bit about my christmas

hope yours was happy and safe and all that jazz...

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

how to deal

how to deal with a transit workers strike? pack a bag and crash at a friend's place in hoboken so you can take the new jersey PATH train in. heck yeah!

so not only was i at work on time, i made it in early to do some christmas shopping at discount designer heaven, century 21. this is something i kept secret at the office where several people actually made the walk across the brooklyn bridge, in the freezing cold, to get to work.

i've also discovered the beauty of corporate waste. if we have to stay more than an hour late, NOT ONLY are we making bank in overtime, they buy us dinner and pay for cars home. yesterday i had my car take me up to washington heights to pack a bag and then over to hoboken. afraid that this was an abuse of the service he told me it was his job to take me wherever i wanted. please, please, don't let me get used to this...i sense that there's no turning back once i do.

"jeeves, take me to the market. and then bloomingdales. and then otto. and then home to the chalet please!"

and let it be noted that the guy who sweeps up garbage in the subway has a higher base salary ($45K) than nyc police officers ($25K) and public school teachers ($31K) and wants a 24% raise over three years. note also that his pension is something that most people would dream of and he doesn't pay a dime for health care...yet strike he must? i'm a fan of unions and appreciate their ability to assemble and assert their rights, but i don't get this one. it seems a bit selfish but here's to hoping they hash it out sooner rather than later!

Saturday, December 17, 2005

toys for a tot

my office participates in a toy for tots kind of program. we got these letters from kids in inner-city grade schools. they asked for things, told us a bit about themselves.

my boss had a letter from an 11 year old girl who wanted gucci heels and a specific lip glosses from MAC. i have issues with that. these are needy children who are entered into this program. i have a problem with a greedy little girl asking for expensive things from a stranger. i have a problem with her expensive tastes when her family obviously doesn't have any money. i worry about the terror (i.e. prostitute) that she's, inevitably, going to become.

my boy, however, is lovely. not my real child, but my toys for tots boy. my real child is the devil. kidding. so i have a letter from a 7 year old named Jshdre. makes you wonder why the mother even threw the e in there at all? that vowel just crashing the raging party those consonants were having without it.

so anyway, Jshdre wanted yu-gi-oh cards. i didn't know what they were but toys'r'us has a whole aisle for it. he also said he likes science, is good at school and wants books. now, all that seemed a bit over the top. i had a sneaking suspicion that he and a few friends thought that by making themselves seem like good little studious children we'd spend more money on them. well, it worked, to an extent. i did spend extra money on him, on tons of books. i got him 2nd grade level books on chemistry, biology, astronomy, physics, and an intro to the human body where he learns where the heart, lungs, stomach and brains are and what they do.

he also asked for a bike, but even though i'm not in the poor-house, "i'm not made of money kid!" this is something my mother used to say to me when i was little.

the whole thing made me feel a bit be continued...

Monday, December 12, 2005

to shit...or not to shit...

so i've always had this policy of not "shitting where i eat." i won't date people i work with. and up until now i thought that this was quite a solid position. i've had a teeny crush on this guy chris i work with. usually these things just go away, sight unseen, and work continues platonically. i got this text message from a co-worker:

"someone likes you. if you had to date a guy at work, who would it be?"
"oh man. just tell me. i don't date people i work with!"
"it's chris. he's nice. maybe just a drink?"

and now i'm in this pickle. for once, the crush has a crush back and actually put out some feelers to see where i stood.

when i first met this guy i didn't think i'd like him much. all the girls in the office fawn over him and all the guys just love him. he was the BMOC in the office. i assumed that he was cocky since he was the cool guy, the popular one. but then i started to talk to him and he's awesome. way smart, funny, a gentleman and the nicest guy.

so what's my next move? stick to my "no work men" regimen or cheat the diet? on one hand, it's hard to meet a decent guy that i'm interested in who is also interested in me...on the other hand, i just have little confidence that this will work. i get claustrophobic so quickly when it comes to boys. i don't want them to call all the time and i don't want to see them more than one weekend night a week so seeing the guy for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week is already too much. ugh.

try it and risk the failure and subsequent awkwardness or stay away from dear chris? any personal success stories or otherwise to share?

Friday, December 09, 2005

"dear santa..."

because every girl's gotta dream and for those of you with extra money to spare and not enough christmas shopping to do, i'll do you the favor of giving you someone to buy for. moi. the one and only. will send address upon request.

jimmy choo syria slingback

a gazelle

this cashmere sweater

this shearling scarf

this bag

and this one

a rosemary plant

a maltishu

wustoff knives

this malandrino sweater

this corset

some ME tea

a scent by Chanel

now off with you! you have some shopping to do! go on...that's it...have fun!

Sunday, December 04, 2005

the west village mansion: a play

sorry about lack of decent posting as of late. i didn't realize how much this "day job" shit would interfere with my regularly scheduled life. i can never get to sample sales during the day. i have to see my nail lady on saturdays because they're closed sunday and only open until seven during the week. tiny annoyances, but actually my bank account balance has grown almost exponentially in the process. it's holiday season so the social calendar is a bit overbooked on top of that. plus, all random law school friends i haven't seen since taking the bar are all trying to catch up before the new year starts.

i had a trippy friday night which i will present to you in the form of a play.

location: east village, in a cab
time: 11:00 pm

emily: shit! this is the place! there's a line 50 people long!
jazz: didn't sean just say that it was some apartment party?
mel: he and a couple friends rented out a loft to have the party in.
jazz: free alcohol?
mel: no, a cash bar!
jazz: damn. but they had money to hire a bouncer to stand at the door?
emily: hope that it's an indication that the party inside rocks.
mel: we'll see!

group gets out of cab, get in line.

random girl on phone: there are another 40 people in line once you get inside the lobby and upstairs to the penthouse!
emily (on phone): sean, we're waiting in line. can you come out and get us?

sean comes down and points group out to bouncer who waves group over, which elicits minor rioting from people still standing outside. group enters party. loft is packed. makes way to bar to get drinks. scans crowd.

jazz: um guys...what do you think of this crowd?
mel: totally average. be right back!
emily: actually, most the guys here are flat out ugly. this sucks!
jazz: who is that that is buying melissa a drink? he's hot!

enter jack. 6'4", fair skin, dark hair, clean cut, square jaw. wearing suit with kerchief in the breast pocket. devastatingly beautiful. melissa and hot man walk over to us.

mel: emily and jazz, this is jack. he went to high school with me! re ran into each other on the street last week. isn't that crazy?!
jack: nice to meet you both. i can't stay long. i came from a meeting. i need to change and return my rental car. my porsche is being worked on but i get to pick it up tomorrow. blah blah i'm rich blah blah. (reduced to blahs because that's what it ended up sounding like by the end of the evening. the drivel never ended actually. i realize i like a guy with money, i just don't want him to talk about it).
jazz, turning to emily: what is michael doing tonight?

background info -- michael is 45 years old. FLAMING but thinks he's straight. has a fetish for asian girls and thinks he wants to marry emily. is extremely well connected.

emily: he's over at bill's. let's go over there.

location: west village
time: 12: 30am

emily: have you guys ever been to bill's before?
jazz and mel: no.
emily: you guys are gonna die. it's amazing.

group arrives to inconspicuous looking door. michael enters. opens door.

location: 5 floor mansion. minimalist decor, lots of open space. featuring a cabaret with a stage, a recording studio, an editing room, 5 bedrooms, 5 bath, chef's kitchen, landscaped outdoor terrace on ground floor, balconies on fourth and fifth floors opening up to front and back of apartment.

michael: hey guys! come on in! that was quick! everyone is in the kitchen making drinks, head up there.
mel: holy shit. (calling jack) dude, you have to get over here!

group walks up to chef's kitchen. sees about 12 other asian guys and girls there making cocktails.

group: hello
random asians: hello
emily: where's bill?
michael: upstairs in the editing room.

group walks up to find bill. enters room with synthesizers and computers all over the place. newspaper and magazine articles featuring bill hang on the wall. bill is playing some ditty on the keyboard, some man singing in the background.

bill: that's tyler. he's a counter tenor that i just produced an album for. EMI just picked it up. it'll be in stores by february.
jazz: bill, this place is beautiful.
bill: yeah, it was a mess when i bought it. i had to have the whole thing gutted and redesigned it myself from the bottom up.
mel: what is it you do again?
bill: i used to work for (insert major cable company name here). i founded (insert huge cable channel here i.e. MTV, VH1, discovery, E!) and then a few years after that founded (insert another huge cable channel here). now i'm producing music and doing a lot of photography. come downstairs so i can take your pictures!

group walks to livingroom where random asian group has formed a drum circle. yes, you read that right...a drum circle. two asian girls doing interpretive dance in the middle. bill sets up spotlights and deflectors.

jazz, to mel: i've never tried acid, but i'd imagine that this is the trippy stuff i'd see if i did.
mel: damn. they're all out of drums. no drum circle for us!
bill: girls, come sit here.

tons of picture taking ensues. bill issuing directions to us to turn this way or that. door buzzer goes. melissa jumps up.

mel: that's jack i think. jazz come with me and we'll go let him in.
jack: hey, i've totally been here before! this was where jenn sheft lived when they filmed the bachelorette! i was one of the top fifty contestants for that show and had to come here to interview.
bill, overhearing this: yes! abc paid me to move out for two months while they filmed the show here. flattering that they asked, but such an inconvenience! let me give you guys a tour!

walking down to base floor and onto terrace.

bill: that's julianne moore's house next door. she planted that willow tree a while back and the thing sheds all over my terrace. she pays to get it cleaned up though so no ill will there! and this is my cabaret room. i rent this space out to people. it's all things fun!

tour ends. drum circle disperses. random asian people leave. group sips wine and discusses events of the day. stock options. education. group leaves around 5:30 and goes to korea town for korean barbecue. returns home around 7am.


yesterday was spent at a Chrismukkah party at a friend's house. it was a sweet opportunity to get all fancied up and eat a lot of awesome hors d'oeuvres. in all, a lovely weekend. and today, i clean. ugh. laundry and cleaning is just ANOTHER thing that i don't have time for. pesky jobs...

Friday, December 02, 2005


have been too busy to get an HNT photo up this week. sorry to disappoint! instead i have my brother's latest foray into nativity alteration. when we were little we'd always re-arrange them or hide the baby jesus or line the wise men up against the trees to make them look like they were taking a piss or something. this year, i have to say, he's out done himself. my brother really is the funniest person on the planet. or at least a close third to jon stewart and ellen.

re: taye...a couple times a year i volunteer to work the galas that my friend's dance company has. this year, taye was the guest of honor. usually the celebrity gives a little talk and then takes off before the reception (cough*derekjeter*cough). however, taye, like the great man he is, knows a good party and stayed all night. it was a black tie event but all the old people really let loose once you get a few drinks in them. we were only needed at the beginning of the party so were free to play most the time and of course, we hit the dance floor. we stared at taye for a while and drooled. then we wiped ourselves up and got right up next to him, which is fine, but it impeded our staring capabilities. in fact, we could barely look at him for fear that he'd read our minds and figure out we were going to drag him into the bathroom and have our way with him. it was hilarious. taye, some company dancers, us, and some really old people sporting 1.5 mil in jewelry all dancing together. oh, if only i'd had my camera! someone from the NYPost was there but it was probably reporting only to put a ditty on the business pages to feature how generous CEO of X company is for being so involved or whatnot. his wife edina showed up towards the end of the evening, permanently quashing any kidnapping/raping plans that had been floating around in my head. ZUT ALOR!

i've actually waited on taye and edina a couple times at the soho house. they're sweet as can be. my only gripe...he called me ma'am at one point. ugh. makin me feel old...