Monday, June 26, 2006

t-rex hearts creationism!!

ever wonder how dinosaurs fit onto noah's ark?

read here to find out

and unfortuantely, these people are serious...

Thursday, June 22, 2006

work boyfriend for hire!

Now available!!
Yes, people, that's right! I've put him back out on the market! Have fun and just know that when you get your sweet Bergdorf Goodman Chloe shoes early-on, he'll make you earn them back, every penny, with emotional torment and mental game playing.
Have fun!

so after breaking up with WB yesterday, i woke up this morning and had the most amazing day i've had in a long time. i got a free jamba juice, i discovered the best BEST sandwich place near work (and it's cheap) and i got a raise!! and you don't want to know how much i'm making now. suffice it to say that it's absolutely sickening.

as for the men, though there are several very good looking people at the office (and one in particular that i'm getting quite close with), i think i'll go back to my strict "no shitting where i eat" policy. you know, that one i should have stuck with in the first place. i'm planning a trip to chicago to see my best friends kate and niks and that guy ryan (who i secretly think i'll marry) where i can show him my new orgasming skills (we've flat out talked about the next time we'll be able to sleep together). and there's a very lovely, extremely successful guy (read: owns a company with international offices) who has been very very attentive recently. he's like a hawk, circling it's prey. he knew "ex who must be nicknamed" was on the outs. and he sends flowers. for no reason!

so let the dating game begin. bring it.

Now available for a funny, honest, intelligent, kind, reliable man who is ready for the ride of his life. Send a cover letter and resume maybe YOU will be the next guy lucky enough to come home with me someday...

Monday, June 19, 2006

oh the celebrities you'll see...

so, working in soho means tripping over a goddamn actor every time i try to make a starbucks run.

on my way to work..."come on julianna margulies! my latte is calling!"

out grabbing lunch..."david schwimmer, you look like a loser standing there by yourself in front of steven!"

coming back from lunch..."tom brady, you're taking up the whole sidewalk! i'm just trying to get to balthazar for my chocolate croissant!"

running an errand later in the day..."heath ledger...oh god...can i just suck on your lower lip for a bit? would you mind? oh...and maybe just run my fingers through your hair...that would be alright, wouldn't it?"

open letter to christian scherer also see 2/3/09 update

ed. note: a girl in my office just found out she was being cheated on massively by her disgusting ex. i've been sitting here listening her to tell me how he says he's changed. i'm watching her find out that he was actually cheating on her with multiple people. it's reminding me how shitty some men can be. i never actually called the ex out by name and right now, i can't remember why. he still reads regularly so i'm burying this in the archives where maybe his next victim can google it. enjoy!

dear chris scherer, chris t scherer, christian t scherer, "jeeves",

you're a stalking, pathetic, compulsive lying, cheating, disgusting excuse for a human being.

for anyone attempting to date him:

1.) he's not an attorney. his big secret is that he's taken the bar several times and can't pass but tells everyone he's licensed. don't believe him.
2.) he will tell you he's changed. don't believe him.
3.) he'll tell you he's not still sleeping with his miserable ex liz. don't believe him.
4.) he saves his other girlfriends under guy's names in his phone.
5.) whenever his phone battery "dies" don't believe him.
6.) if he buys you nice things, he's cheating on you.

good luck!

more detailed stories can be found here!

Monday, June 12, 2006

my summer vacation

welcome to mexico!! we drove a few hours down from my mother's house outside of l.a. to the baja peninsula and stayed just between rosarito and ensenada. a lot of crazy artists move down there and live in mobile homes on the beach. the artist who built the house above modeled the house on a girlfriend with whom he broke up before finishing his house-size ode to her. and so here it sits, empty and unfinished. weird.

here are a bunch of old-fashioned ringer washers that another artist painted to look like cows and put horns on. aren't they cute?

in downtown rosarito we found un poquito barrio where we stopped at a beautiful little restaurant and had some of the best food i'd had in a very long time. but mainly, i found it to be kinda dirty and way too touristy. the people selling their wares in puerto nuevo were not nearly as rude and aggressive as those in the downtown area. they offered up homemade tequila (don't try it) and were selling bowls (for the smoking of the marijuana) and offered free refills. "here ladies! let me show you something you don't need!" "people, come buy something, i'm hung over!" "we got some mexican rolexes here! mexican chanel!" it was funny, i'll give them that much.

and we spent some time on the beach although, as you can see, it was pretty overcast this day. but in all, it was some quality bonding time with my mom, brother and his girlfriend.

i also went to south carolina for several days with work boyfriend. we're still on shaky ground and there are so many ups and downs that i can barely be bothered to give my friends all the rundown, much less try to type it all out for y'all. i will say that we're past the point where he's in such a hole that everything is all his fault and i'm putting in some effort of my own to meet him halfway with things he needs and i hope he brings up his end. his parents live on this golf course and are the loveliest people. however, it was hot as hell and 18 holes of golf (even if i was just riding around in the cart chasing down the beer cart half the time) was not the most pleasant thing ever. but the course is beautiful. and they have a boat on the lake and we spent an afternoon motoring though it catching some sun and swimming.

also...i got a new job! so i've been a little distracted with that. i'm making way more than i was at my last job, the hours are really flexible AND i get to wear jeans everyday. can i get a huzzah for casual attire? huzzah! however, everything about this firm is unbelievably swank. located in the terribly fashionable soho area of the city, i find myself looking up from my computer and feeling like i'm in one of those "law office sitcom/dramas" where everyone looks like models and nobody looks like they're miserable and pulling 100hr work weeks. a place like this shouldn't exist. but it does. and i work there. but i've never felt so goddamn unfashionable in my entire life. it makes me feel like i need to invest in a new wardrobe. not to mention it makes me feel like i can't wear jeans lest people look at me and ask, "who's the frumpy little new girl?"

curse you attractive and fashionable new co-workers! curse you!

Monday, June 05, 2006

viva mexico!

have been on vacation. have a few pictures. will post soon!