Thursday, September 29, 2005

there has been a slight change in plans

i was starting to have my doubts about whether i could afford awesome nyc room with DKNY discounting roommate. though the room was only $780 (cheap by midtown standards) she had a maid and utilities that added a near $170 to the rent. the sight of my near empty checking account balance simultaneously with my online mastercard statement set dread upon me.

two days ago my good friends emily and melissa said they'd found a place in washington heights (translated: way the hell up there in manhattan, think 170's when the middle of manhattan is in the 40's, and not at all close to anything fun) for super cheap (translated: $450 a person). i had already dropped of my security deposit with DKNY and told them so, but the timing of this incredible offer drifted in and out of my mind over the next couple of days.

so when i had a near panic attack that my budgeted rent was way out of my actual budget (remember, one must have actual income of some sort to make a budget...i was working with pretend salaries), i called S who told me to go up and see emily and melissa's place and to see if i liked it. washington heights can be kind of a scary area (translated: kind of dirty, lots of bodegas, and let's just say there's more crime up there than in my happy ex-nest near the posh lincoln center at 66th st). the apt is on a quiet tree-lined block just off a park and only two clean and quick blocks from the subway (an express train). it's newly renovated, a decent sized kitchen, two bedrooms are good sized, one is teeeeeeny, and then there is the living room. i'd have the biggest room, melissa is going to sleep in the living room, emily will take the other bedroom, and the teeeeny room is going to be used as an office for the girls, who have their own fledgling clothing company. it'll have a computer/sewing machines/silk screens/etc. melissa's semi-private room is a little weird, but since i know them well, i'm not too afraid. also, they go out even more than i do, i think i'll have the place to myself often.

i had to call DKNY to break the news to her and she couldn't have handled it better. she understood my lack of funds and said she'd rather have me figure out now that i can't afford the maid than after having moved in for two months. i told her i understood how she needed said maid and didn't want to have to ask her to try to downgrade her standard of living just because i was on a budget. she said she was really sad about it because she really liked me. i told her the feeling was mutual. we may actually stay friends through all of this. the primo discount may not yet be dead for jasmine. that DEFINITELY deserves a huzzah. Huzzah!

this is going to sound stupid to those older and wiser than myself, but this really is my first attempt at being a real person. i've been a student since i was 5 years old. i'm 25 now and finally looking for my first real job (you know, the kind with benefits and 401k's and shit). it's pretty fucking scary. but i feel good about this super cheap place. so does my checking account. if it could have, it would have hugged me today, i'm certain of it. this was, without a doubt, the right thing to do. i think i'm getting a hang of this "real person" stuff.

yeah, i think i'll do just fine.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

the upper east side mansion

it started out as a normal evening at 5pm with a wine tasting extravaganza at an east village wine shop celebrating it's 1 year anniversary. some of the wine was good, some of it was not so good, but the huge cheese trays made up for whatever the wine lacked. we grabbed really awful sushi at jeollado. i do not recommend the place. we used a magnum of sake to wash down the bad food...probably not a good idea.

we stumbled into double happiness, the perfect place for sitting around in. it's cute, dark, and quiet with lots of seating. i always forget this place exists, but i highly reccommend it if you haven't been there before.

emily gets a call from her friend sam. "are you guys dressed nice?"
"um...we're all wearing jeans and heels?"

"okay, i guess you guys can come over then..."
"um...come over where?"
"5th avenue at 73rd. the guy had a dinner party but it's turned into a party party so you guys should come by."

we show up to the prime upper east side address and saw some drunk woman dangling dangerously, considering her obvious drunken state, over the gorgeous stone balcony. a man dressed in black with a clipboard scrutinized us before we dropped sam's name and then let us through.

i've NEVER seen anything like it. i swear the entire place was made of marble. it was four stories with a gorgeous winding staircase. we found out the rent there was 1 million a year. our host was worth some 300 million. the crowd was the totally average manhattan socialite crowd. totally NOT my kind of people. the models all coked up (of course) and the older women wearing their designers glanced at us in disapproval. clearly jealous of our youth, we were wearing, gasp! jeans!!!

but there were beautiful caterers running around with trays of canapes and a full bar with good champagne. so we stayed and drank the rest of the evening away, moving from room to room, level to level, private garden to lovely balcony. we finished the evening out at l'express, my favorite late night eatery. even at 4 and 5am it's ALWAYS bustling.

a long, drunken evening, for sure.

Monday, September 26, 2005

i heart jamie oliver!!!

jamie oliver was on martha stewart's show today.

they had a completely sexual conversation and i laughed so hard. it went something like this...

JO: hand me my sausage martha
MS: which? this over here?
JO: the big one. [giggling ensues] sorry. sorry.
MS: [seemingly very clueless] nothing to be sorry for!
JO: can you hand me a nub of butter?
MS: how much is a nub? [pause] is it bigger than your sausage?
JO: [shocked, but smiling and nodding, appreciating that she can play along] nothing's bigger than my sausage.
MS: but i don't think anyone is going to be as fast as you.

i was DYING. i'm completely obsessed with jamie oliver but a freudian conversation with was almost just too much. i mean, i love them both...but seriously folks.

after this i'll stop posting television transcripts. lots of television watching...that's the life of a woman unemployed.

BUT i did stop by my new apt (yes, i think i actually found one)to drop my security deposit off with T, my new roommate. she works for DKNY corporate. and she gets discounts. that's definitely MY type of girl!

Sunday, September 25, 2005

the daily show with kurt vonnegut

last week's show with kurt vonnegut was one of the best daily shows i've seen in ages. i DVR'ed it and am posting a few highlights of vonnegut's conversation from the show. i'm probably supposed to add some "printed without permission" blah diddy blah blah, but i won't. i'm a rebel like that.

KV: i think we are terrible animals and i think our planet's immune system is trying to get rid of us and should. you know, after the spanish inquisition and the roman games and burning women in public squares and WWI and WWII and the holocaust and nagasaki and that. i would like to say though, everybody has been so mean about the president recently. and i'd like to say something good about him.

JS: okay....

KV: he is not the dumbest man at the top of our government. the dumbest man at the top of our government is the secretary of defense. he is so dumb. he's so dumb he thought he could take over a country, it's oil. population 27 billion, i believe, muslims. he thought he could take it over, and the oil (which is what he was after, you know) with a whole bunch of big bangs, you know, and then 200K american soldiers who didn't even know how to say hello in arabic. what a mess he's made. and i have wanted to give iraq a lesson in democracy because we're experienced with it, you know.

JS: oh, we're real good at it. we've perfected it...

KV: and in democracy, after a 100 years, you have to let your slaves go. and after 150 years, you have to let your women vote. and at the beginning of democracy, quite a bit of genocide and ethnic cleansing is quite okay.

JS: you know mr. vonnegut, it's sad for me to see you lose your edge.

KV: i made a list of crap i don't want to hear any more of. for instance, "forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us." nobody better trespass against me. i'll cut him a new you-know-what!

am leaving jeff's for my friend lindsey's tomorrow (just in time to catch the west wing, desperate housewives, and gray's anatomy on HD tonight). jeff has nothing in his apt beyond all this high tech stuff. i literally had to buy paper plates and bowls to eat out of. there was nothing in the fridge but beer. ahhh...a boy's life!

lindsey is actually that random girl i met at a starbucks in may. we hang out all the time. she's fab. i haven't put the security deposit down on the hell's kitchen apt yet (nor have we talked about the astronomical monthly extras). i'm going over tonight to do it and then maybe i'll be able to breathe deep about my with-home status.

Friday, September 16, 2005

drow verification

i'm not sure how many people remember an item from my 100 things list where i said i was slightly dyslexic (see number 61).

these word verifications are fucking me up. i used to think my dyslexia was only with numbers but when the verifications are only 5 or 6 letters long, i consistently write the whole thing backwards.

it's really annoying. but less annoying than having to come home at the end of the day and erase all the spam.

also, doesn't it remind you of those typing classes you had to take in grade school? typing letters in non-consequential orders, like having to type the alphabet or just the keys on your right or left hand. when i have to do them i find myself checking my posture and making sure my hands are in proper position. i also find myself speaking them out loud, but you can chalk that up to me being totally weird.

and what's with the word weird? i thought it was "i usually comes before e except after c or when it is pronounced like "a" as "neighbor" and "weigh" or "e" as in "their" and "heir." how come they don't manage a weird word like weird into their little rhyme?

Thursday, September 15, 2005

unemployment is fun!...kinda

so because i don't have a job, i get to watch the Ellen show EVERYDAY. ellen makes me really happy. so does jon stewart. because i'm staying with people who have cable i've gotten to watch the Daily Show every night.

but i have to say, the stress of having neither a job nor an apt clearly outweighs the perks. not to mention the near 200K loan balance hanging over my head along with the end of my grace period in november.

i've been pretty restless. i'm setting up networking meetings and stuff. trying to get myself organized. am joining bar committees. i have pretty much decided i'd like to work in trusts and estates so need to find some "T & E" boutique firms. i'm slowly on my way, but it's a process and this housing thing is definitely getting in my way.

on more positive note...i bought the most amazing pair of charles david gold faux-alligator skin stilettos. they were $200 originally and i got them for $16 from the nordstrom rack. yes, you read that right. SIXTEEN DOLLARS. plus, they're the perfect gold. not too yellowy. in fact, they could nearly pass for silver. yeah, i know, i rule. when i bought them, the toe of one of the shoes was gray-ish and i thought the "metallic" had worn off them. i started messing with them a bit and realized it was just adhesive left on them probably from some misplaced sticker. i was able to get all the gray off and now they're perfect! i walk around the house in them constantly just to wear them in. pretty soon they will be ready to hit the streets.

i live for days like that. debuting a fab pair of new shoes. but really, what woman doesn't live for days like that? i can't wait to get a picture of them posted for you. they are beyond brag-worthy.

oh, and because i top ten list (these are pretty consistent. occasionally brandon or jason will head off and josh hartnett and jimmy fallon will take their place. the first eight are pretty stable):
  1. jon stewart
  2. tom welling
  3. taye diggs
  4. patrick dempsey
  5. robby ginepri
  6. derek jeter
  7. paul newman
  8. jason mraz
  9. joshua bell
  10. brandon boyd

Monday, September 12, 2005

am i a jersey girl?

so i'm finally back in manhattan. i'm staying at skinny's for the week. for the record, she's no longer with that 70's show star. she's very happy with a boy here in new york. i'm still homeless and have not heard from the hoboken girls with the nice apartment. i'm going to keep looking and hope for the chance that i hear from the girl when she gets back from vacation.

some reflections from my time in hoboken...

at first, i was amazed by all the hot guys here. i used to think i liked preppy guys. note my use of past tense. we spent a lot of time in the bars out here. i started to notice something. EVERYBODY here is white. and not only are they white, but they all look the same. alex and jessie have noticed what they call the "hoboken outfit." jeans and a button-down striped shirt. and i'd say that 85% of the guys out are wearing exactly that. it's sickening actually. most the girls are fake blonds and they annoyingly get dressed to the hilt to hang out at the sports bars. i'm so over putting in that kind of effort to sit around with a beer. this is a college town but without a college and i don't think i like it.

the only time i was hooted/hollered at was walking down the street one afternoon and i heard a "yo baby, you're fine...." i turned around and saw nothing. until i looked down to see a 10 year old. part of me wanted to laugh. the other part of me wanted to say something like, "does your mother know you're out here harassing women? you're three feet tall. go home." so, needless to say, i felt safer out here. i walked with my head up and it felt nice. this does, however, take us back to the total whiteness of this place which, unfortunately, probably corresponds to the fact that everybody here has a lot of money.

the restaurants here are awful. the food is bad and the service is even worse. there are a couple diamonds in the rough.

the bars are either sports bars or "trendy" ones. the sports bars are fine, but filled with all the "hoboken outfitted" guys. the "trendy" ones are lame. they've convinced themselves they are as good as the bars in manhattan and it's actually quite pathetic. there is one "club" that charges $20 to get in, fee not waived for pretty girls. i do not, i repeat, DO NOT pay to get into clubs. this, my friends, is usually not a problem. women never have to wait in line at new york clubs, and there is seldom a club that i can't talk myself into without a comped admission. out here, all the bouncers and bar guys are on power trips. several times i wanted to say, "see that over there across the river? that's new york city...we're in new jersey here! get over yourself!"

in the past, i haven't always gotten along with alex's roommate jessie. we come from very different backgrounds (i.e. she had money, i didn't). we don't always agree and i'm not always silent about it. sooner or later people had the impression we were mortal enemies. i've gotten to spend a lot of time with jessie, and though i know she's got her faults (don't we all?) we got along fabulously. we had tons of fun so hopefully we can play more.

i love the path train. it's what takes you into the city (you can also take the bus). BUT the path train is only $1.50 (the subway is $2). i have to remember that i can take the path between certain manhattan spots and save myself some money.

i hate that you can smoke in the bars in new jersey. it may be the sole reason for not living there. every bar you go to is filled with a cloud of cigar and cigarette smoke that you can barely see through. it is disgusting.

i love the park on the river. it has the best view ever (the manhattan skyline) and it's sans all the creepy homeless people that peep out the sunbathers at central park.

in conclusion: i'm not sure i'd like this place too much if alex and jessie weren't here to play with. their presence makes the difference between a kinda crappy town and a livable one. so no, i have no desire to become a jersey girl. don't worry!

....coming soon to a blog near you:

a library adonis status update.

Saturday, September 10, 2005


so H, one of the publishers i met with today, is a friend of S's, who i mention every so often. H told S that she was meeting with me because i was a blogger. the problem with this? none of my friends in new york are supposed to know i have a blog. when H told me she slipped to S my mind went reeling. this is supposed to be my place. the place where i can say what i want when i want. has everything changed?

during lunch we talked about anonymity. this is something that i, as a newbie blogger, didn't give much thought to. i never read blogs, so i didn't instinctively understand the reasons for not revealing your identity. i treated it like a networking site and even had a face picture up there for a couple days. i've used my real first name. a few of you know my last name too. honestly, i didn't think i'd have much to say, and even more so, i never thought that there would be anyone around to read it. after all, there are billions of blogs out there. who was going to find my teeny space in all that clutter?

well, one thing has led to the next. i've realized that a little commenting gets you readers. that readers link you. that readers of readers click those links and a little community is born. to my own amazement, i'm linked on nearly 50 other blogs.

blogs have become an important part of society. it's bloggers (and their sightings) who chased condi rice back to washington post-hurricane. it was also the bloggers who were the only ones posting reliable information to those hurricane relief workers and survivors about dry spots, the availability of water and supplies, and even the whereabouts of hurricane survivors. millions of average people collectively doing a reporting job that the government or media can't do itself. those bloggers are a force to be reckoned with.

my blog is not an important part of society. there is no smoking gun here. there is no life-saving information here. query whether the best place to find a brazilian wax wouldn't nearly fit into that category, but i digress...

this blog is full of random fluffiness. it holds all the allure of new york city paired with all the stories that the crazies over here provide, with a little bit of quarter-life crisis, a dash of humor, a pile of honesty and a pinch of fun celebrity gossip. what is this blog? it's me, uncensored. rather, it WAS me, uncensored. things first changed when i thought the library adonis might have peeked over my shoulder a few seconds too long and found this blog. there has been lots of stuff to say about the adonis that has been kept from you, my lovely readers, on the off chance that he knows where to find this blog. i can't have him knowing too much and i can't have him knowing you know too much about him either. and now S knows there is a blog. she's an excellent stalker. i should know, seeing as i trained her myself. she is truly one of new york's finest. if she wanted to find me, she would. and that seems huge to me, mainly because we spend so much time together. though i haven't mentioned her much and haven't said anything here that i'd hate for her to read...if she had done something scandalous, i'm pretty sure she'd be pissed if i were to post about it. i'm not trashing my friends here, but i sometimes reveal juicy details of their lives that they probably wouldn't approve of. i wonder whether, if they had blogs, they'd post about it anonymously too?

is it wrong for me to say things if i think my friends would be upset about them if they knew? these things really happened. i often think of celebrities and don't really feel bad that the paparazzi follow them around, because, you know what? that's the sacrifice they make. our attention and obsession with them makes them marketable. they make money because they put themselves out there for us. they are famous. but what of the normal people i write about? truthfully, i have about 100 hits a day, which is meager compared to some of the biggies out there. i don't believe it's the end of the world that you guys get some random gossip, but then again, i sometimes write about experiences that aren't my own. i don't know if i'll change what i write in consideration of this new development. this blog has primarily been about me, and things i do, and places i go, and mistakes i make, boys i meet and last but not least, my boobs. and that's my business. and yours, when i share it all with you.

so i contemplate i out myself? it takes effort to keep it all a secret. i get excited to meet bloggers and then can't tell anyone about it. i read awesome posts by people that i knew my friends would enjoy but i don't e-mail them along because i'm linked on most the pages. slowly and stealthily, blogging has become a pretty important part of my life. you guys were so supportive when dave died. and you're supportive now as i sit homeless and jobless. should my real world and blog world not mingle a little?

your thoughts?

Friday, September 09, 2005

apartment fiascos interrupted

pardon this brief interruption...

first: i may have found a place! it's in hoboken, but the girls are normal and nice. move in date isn't until oct. 1 but i'll deal. she's gonna call me later to touch base, i guess let me know where i stand. she said i was the only "normal sounding" person that had e-mailed her and was the only person she e-mailed back to tell to come by. i kind of suggested that maybe they want to meet with more people, but she's going to costa rica and her roommate is never home. they just can't be bothered with it all. so i'm not sure whether it's in the bag or not. i'm going to see a few more places in the city over the weekend so i'll keep you posted, of course.

second: D has moved back to london. she is going to gavin's concert in london. she noticed on the website a contest to meet gavin before the concert. so she entered...and the bitch actually won! so before we played it off like we didn't know him, but now she's in his fan club and won a contest to meet him. she did what any self-respecting female would do, she cut her long hair into a bob and died it from dirty blond to black. hopefully he won't recognize her. she's going incognito!

third: adonis called. said he'd been sick for the past couple of days. then something about new jersey, something about home, something about not being unpacked. i didn't catch it all. i called him back and left a message. i hate the phone tag but at least we're not texting!!! thank the lord! so we'll see.

fourth: 19 year old texted and then CALLED! he must be getting pretty desperate. i think it's hilarious. and no, omar, i didn't respond or answer.

Thursday, September 08, 2005

apartment fiascos cont'd

i'm back with updates!
please note the title of this post before you get excited that i've found a place...which i haven't.

to refresh, see the ad for the theater people here. also note their amazing spelling skillz. so this apartment is on 42nd between 5th and madison, which is a really nice block with huge for one, a rundown stone building with a nail place on the first floor. it's a 6th floor walkup. the door opens and the guy inside is soooo pretty. christian (his name, not his religion) is a filmmaker. the livingroom ceiling was 20+ feet tall with a huge skylight. and they weren't kidding about the stage, there is a tiny stage with a baby grand piano against black walls like a little cabaret stage. it's surreal. after a few minutes of small talk i finally ask to see the room. oh people. i've seen some small rooms. i really have. this may have taken the cake. it is triangular and fits a twin sized mattress and NOTHING else. there is a teeny bit of storage space above, accessed by a ladder. there were actually other people there in worse sleeping situations. right in the front door there was a hole in the ceiling with a ladder leading up to it. the space up there was nothing but a tiny dark whole...and there was someone sleeping up there. no joke.

next was the anal girl. her ad required that i send her my expectations about living conditions, how i clean and how often, what my schedule is, and on, and on. i get to her apartment and the room for rent is the same thing as her livingroom. there is a tiny folding screen that attempts, and fails, to provide any kind of privacy. i mentioned my concern that there wasn't any room in the cabinets for my dishes, etc. she pointed out a tiny cabinet and mentioned that i'd have to have all my own stuff because they don't share anything. and i mean, ANYTHING. there were literally two sponges and bottles of dish soap on the sink. there were even two different rolls of toilet paper in the bathroom. no, folks, they don't even share the toilet paper.

where do these people come from?!

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

a general update

so i totally don't have a job, but i heard from those that do have jobs that today was a long day. that everyone is back from vacation, that there's lots of work to do, and it's gonna be a long week.

that totally sucks for you!

i'm looking at an apt occupied by a very anal girl (her ad was ridiculous) but i'm desperate and have to at least run through it. and also an apartment with a bunch of theatre people. i sent their ad to all my friends telling them it was a game and to count the spelling errors alone. my favorite is that they spell apartment wrong in the title of the ad. other favorites are their spelling of "gourmet" and "leisure"...both classic. i'm pretty certain that i dislike theatre people enough that i can't possibly live with them. i spent four years of college with musical theatre people. when they're not talking about themselves (divas!) they're singing, no...belting sondheim down the halls. it's cute, for about a day before you want to pull all your hairs out, one by one, until you're bald and then scalp yourself.

will breathe deep and relax a bit about adonis. hopefully i'll hear from him this week. if not, he gets about one more call from me before...poof! mas.

my friend melissa met this woman laren at a wine event and found out she was a lawyer working for a non-profit, which btw, is exactly what i want to do (rather, if i must practice law, that's what i'd prefer to do...). so she told laren all about me, gave me laren's number. laren and i have been playing a bit of phone tag but i'm at the gothamist today, reading something in their archives and i see laren's name. she's the food editor for the gothamist! basically, she's not actively practicing the law but she has the coolest job ever and is by far one of the coolest people i've never met. she also has a blog. go check it out and send over good vibes in the hope that we get along and she can help me find a job half as fun as hers. i've been perusing her blog and we have a scary amount of stuff in common. in fact, i've probably seen her out before because we both eat at otto ALL the time (they have the BEST carbonara in the city).

will let y'all know about the "appartments" tomorrow. i hope they're good. but honestly, if they suck it's okay. because the sucky apartments have been making really good blog fodder. don't you agree? actually, i could use a good laugh. let's hope the one is good since i think we all know the crazy theatre one will be nuts (who doesn't know how to spell the word apartment?!!!).

also, am strangely meeting with representatives this weekend from a company that aims to make blogs into books. they're english and over in gotham city for a few days to meet nyc bloggers. i told them to go and read my blog before they tell me they want to meet with me. i don't think they listened because we're "doing lunch" on saturday anyway. i've directed them to all the "good nyc bloggers" (i.e. waiterrant, mimi, opinionista, standingonthebox, etc) and thought that would distract them from this little place, but to no avail. [shaking head]

Saturday, September 03, 2005

a funny story. or two.

so just wrote that post about how men have sixth senses. maybe women who are trying to set men up do also....

about 6 months ago my mother and i were at a winery and this drunk lady started talking to us. "are you single?" she asked once she found out i lived in new york. "yes," i said. "well give me your number because i have this guy ian i want to set you up with. he's beautiful, irish, works for l'oreal corporate headquarters." i never heard from the lady.

but this morning i get a phone call, "hello jasmine. this is crazy. i'm that woman laurie that you met at the winery with your mother. i lost your number and couldn't follow up but just found it. call me if you want to meet ian."

isn't that nuts? i haven't decided whether to call back. i suppose i have nothing to lose but it's weird all the same.

also, the 19 year old has been telling people we've slept together. i can't decide whether to be flattered that he'd lie about having slept with me like it was something worth bragging about or whether to be upset that i have friends that think i actually slept with a 19 year old. that girl who knows his older brother was talking to a mutual friend of ours, jeff. she tells jeff that 19 year old told her we had sex. whether he actually used the words or just implied or hinted at it, i'm pretty sure he knows what she walked away believing.

i briefly considered sleeping with him because, well, hell, if everyone already thinks we did it, why not just make it a reality? but common sense kicked in. gotta start spreading the truth so people don't think i'm a crazy person for having done someone who just graduated from high school.

Friday, September 02, 2005

a diatribe

so this post has been a long time coming. i actually talk about this post and how i'm gonna write about this topic ALL the time. it's my most self-publicized post and it hasn't even been written. until now.

why text messaging is the downfall of the modern relationship.

it is apropos to be writing about this now seeing as last night i got a text message from none other than the library adonis! "yo sexy homeless girl, ha" was the message, verbatim. i erased it immediately to try to prevent any long-term scarring of my near perfect image of him by the poorly worded, poorly punctuated text message.

when i met the adonis while studying for the bar i would text all day. friends checking in to see how i was doing. other friends scattered about the library looking to take lunch and coffee breaks. he scoffed at my constant text messaging, referring to his older looking phone and acted like he didn't mess with such communications, i liked him immediately. he also conformed to this by consistently calling. i never felt the desire to text him, he never texted me. we had real contact. i had real (and really sweet) voicemail messages to save on my phone and listen to on repeat.

until last night. i was in a movie. i debated writing back. i would have rather called but i got out of the movie late. i wrote back, "how's the packing going?" i probably shouldn't have but thought that if he responded right away that i'd call. at 2am (long after i was in bed) he sent, "yo, ok, u at?" ladies and gentleman, i challenge any and all of you to try to decipher what the fuck that means. take your best shot. he may just be the worst text messager ever. maybe that's why he never used to do it. because he knew he'd never hear from the girl again after she read the nonsense coming across her phone. i'm no longer replying. i will call him tonight. the buck stops here.

i hate text messaging for the same reason i hate e-mail with someone you're romantically interested in. it's the pussy way out. it's fake and easy. it ruins everything! let me explain. over e-mail and through text, you have plenty of time to think of something witty, to give off a persona, to pretend to be cooler or funnier than you really are. It's also less scary than picking up the phone, dialing, and trying to have a normal conversation with the person. it's safe and entirely unexciting. these electronic messages make people think they're compatible when, in reality, they don't have enough to sustain real conversation with. it's easy to text instead of make that first phone call. it's also easy to drunk text in the middle of the night. it's quick and one-sided. it makes it easy to do stupid things you regret later.

just don't do it. it is THE worst sign when you meet a guy at a bar and he doesn't ask for your number (after which he'll probably text before call...fucking hell), but asks for your e-mail address. ladies, run screaming. this guy is a loser who is going to waste your time. you offer your number, get his, or give him nothing at all. and this isn't one-sided. ladies, you should stop the texting too. suck it up and call the guy, for the love of god. yes, it's scary, but you'll save time if you realize that he's a crappy conversationalist, or can learn about him early and ditch him if, say, you find out he's a republican.

and while i'm in a diatribe post...

what the fuck is wrong with this government that those who actually evacuated (i.e. are still alive and not waving white flags from their roofs in utter dehydration), are dying from hunger because the government support can't get food and water to them. the pictures on the news make the southern coast look like a third world country and, to be honest, a third world country would likely be getting better support right now than our own people are getting down south. i was talking with my brilliant friend jesse yesterday who was quick to point out that republicans stand on their soapboxes and talk about how they stand for the fact that organized government sucks, that taxes suck, that we shouldn't have this system in place and should be able to make our own decisions, that people can take care of themselves. you know what? that republican ideal is why we're in this mess. because national catastrophes can't be taken care of on a state level. the system is supposed to take care of these people. where's the help now? the government's response (and i'm not even going to tackle bush's totally inappropriate comments which put a band-aid on a severed limb) has been nothing short of amazingly inadequate. 65% percent of people in this country question the scientific reality of evolution. what the fuck is wrong with this country?

also, in case it hasn't occurred to you to do so yet, DONATE!!!! i always give to the red cross myself. give to any legitimate organization you fancy.

note also in the NYTimes today: an editorial decrying the Republicans and their tax cuts (you might not be able to read this past today without registering) and also Dowd and Tierney's Op-Eds. according to Tierney, only 1/3 of new orleans residents had flood insurance. that's nuts. Dowd's article says that people knew the levees were weak, but Bush redirected the money to strengthen them to the war in iraq. iraq is also where 30% of the national guard and half it's equipment also went. she continues:

"Michael Brown, the blithering idiot in charge of FEMA - a job he trained for by running something called the International Arabian Horse Association - admitted he didn't know until Thursday that there were 15,000 desperate, dehydrated, hungry, angry, dying victims of Katrina in the New Orleans Convention Center.

Was he sacked instantly? No, our tone-deaf president hailed him in Mobile, Ala., yesterday: "Brownie, you're doing a heck of a job."

It would be one thing if President Bush and his inner circle - Dick Cheney was vacationing in Wyoming; Condi Rice was shoe shopping at Ferragamo's on Fifth Avenue and attended "Spamalot" before bloggers chased her back to Washington; and Andy Card was off in Maine - lacked empathy but could get the job done. But it is a chilling lack of empathy combined with a stunning lack of efficiency that could make this administration implode.

When the president and vice president rashly shook off our allies and our respect for international law to pursue a war built on lies, when they sanctioned torture, they shook the faith of the world in American ideals.

When they were deaf for so long to the horrific misery and cries for help of the victims in New Orleans - most of them poor and black, like those stuck at the back of the evacuation line yesterday while 700 guests and employees of the Hyatt Hotel were bused out first - they shook the faith of all Americans in American ideals. And made us ashamed.

Who are we if we can't take care of our own?"