Cutest jazz band ever: Highline book party

non sequiturs

i sat down in the train the other day and was stuck by this tall hulking woman. she looked like a model but fairly manly. eastern european. but really rather striking. lots of eyeliner but otherwise, a really handsome face.

and then she smiled at someone. and she had like two teeth. WEIRD.

this has been making me crack up all day.

i've never been the hugest kiki fan, but obama AND election law?! be still my beating heart!

also, I think Im going to Turkey and Greece in two weeks. Details to follow.  

Liveblogging lunch: PAS, goat cheese mousse/roasted peach/graham cracker

Liveblogging lunch: PAS, crispy calamari salad

Liveblogging lunch: PAS, salmon tartare with crostini

Liveblogging lunch: Park Avenue Summer

on nerdiness

so this article re: ko came out in the WSJ. that first photo has a nerdy-looking chef saucing a plate. THAT, my friends, is the chef that jen gave my card to who never called. peter's response:
Peter: wow.

  you realize you are really hot, right?

5:30 PM me: ooohhh

  don't make me feel even worse that he didn't call

  he's so nerdy

  but his eyes!

  super intense.

 Peter: if anything, he didn't call because you are really hot

5:33 PM me: he could have a gf.

5:35 PM Peter: or a bf

ode to seamless

anyone who lives in Manhattan and selected areas of Brooklyn, Washington, DC, Boston, Philadelphia, and Greenwich, CT should be using seamless web.

what? you've never heard of it? neither had emily who works in fashion.

it's pretty much a law firm staple and the easiest way to order food online (it has the best selection of restaurants, by far).

if you're not a seamless user (signup is free) let me know so i can refer you which makes me $5. and is probably good karma for you. or something.

also, there may be discounts in the works, what say you seamless? pony up!

also, customer service is admittedly pretty fab. i got the most atrocious salad from some crap deli the other day and one call to their center had the total refunded. oh, and avoid ordering from brasserie 52. my first/last/only order from there was delivered over an hour late. my stomach was eating itself out by the time the cold food finally arrived.

Esca: linguine with clams and a cold beer. The perfect meal

ode to eleven madison park

For the past several years, I've made a habit of taking myself out to lunch at Eleven Madison Park for restaurant week. It's how I pat myself on the back, remind myself how sweet life can be.

Those of you not NYC-centered may not know anything about Danny Meyer. In short, he's the city's, neigh the country's, best restaurateur. For a foodie, going to a DM restaurant is akin to great sex. Sex you pay for, though, as more than a few trips his way could possibly leave you bankrupt. (Mr. Meyer is also the man I have to thank for giving me the only decent Chicago dog to be found in this city.)

Of his restaurants, all of which are great, EMP is the one that holds a place in my heart. I've often thought that if I ever get married (to somebody rich) that I'd eschew the traditional wedding and rent the place out so I could have this gem all to myself for 4 or 5 hours. The room is tall and sun-drenched. The colors soft and welcoming. The service? If it weren't so pleasant, it might be downright creepy the way every smile that's directed your way is genuine (or at least faked tremendously well). Walking in means being treated like royalty for the next couple hours. Try not to get used to it though lest the trip out through the revolving door prove too jarring for you as everyone you pass on the sidewalk will not smile and greet you and move out of your way in deference.

I always go alone and I'm never treated like I'm a leper for dining solo. I prefer to go alone, actually, in order to fully enjoy the experience. I'd think dining there with a guest would be like having a masseuse who chats constantly with you during your 1 hour rub-down. It would be distracting. I'm weird, I think. However, I've never dined there for dinner. It's a combination of it being fairly pricey (and so I doubt I'd find someone to eat with me) and the fact that having a some 10 course meal while alone might be overdoing it. 1 hour lunches are cake to handle alone. Plenty of light to read by, etc. 3 hour dinners = a different story. That being said, I'm totally trying to finagle Justy into going with me to Blue Hill at Stone Barns for my birthday (though I've already decided that if he won't go, I'm still going to go by myself...out to Tarrytown! Scary!).

Anyway, the food is fantastic. I don't mean that as an afterthought even though it sort of sounds like one. I suppose I just assume that any great restaurant starts with great food. And some end with great food as well, see Ko for an example of that. As much as I enjoy Ko, there's something to be said for the level of service found with good 'ole DM. The pampering. Servers so gentile and comforting that I feel I may want to take them home so they can tuck me into bed the way mother never did. Seeing Danny (as I do every time I go) standing at the edges of the restaurant, surveying his baby with a knowing father's eye, I also kind of want to bring him home too so he can tell me to do my homework or, "no TV before dinner." And I'm not even a student...nor do I watch TV.

I'm rambling. If you're ever in New York, just go. It might hurt your wallet but you won't regret it.

a meal there = happiness.

post script: i've just been informed by my favorite street jewelry seller ricky that dave chang will be on charlie rose tonight! huzzah!

Liveblogging lunch: EMP roasted peach, marscapone ice cream

Liveblogging lunch: EMP danny meyer!

Liveblogging lunch: EMP skate, cauliflower, capers

Liveblogging lunch: EMP escabeche of salmon, asparagus soup

Liveblogging lunch: eleven Madison park

damn yankees, getting attacked, iphone 2.0

i am obsessed with these. ah, rabies.

damn yankees was better the second time around. much cleaner. and they do the best they can with a dusty musical that sounds more like one of those gershwin mashup musicals. you know, the ones that are put together after the songs are written and someone tries to make a coherent story out of them. it feels like that. lots of catchy songs but no real story to draw you in. and spoiler alert! the main guy is a "good guy" who stays faithful to his wife but then decides he loves baseball more and then cheats on said wife even though he held out through 90% of the play. dude has got no virtue! but bri did introduce me to cheyenne jackson whose eyes are twice as big as they look onstage. he ought to be a disney character. i also got to meet his charming boyfriend monte, who i kind of want to be my new best friend. he was brilliant. full of sophisticated, nuanced, wry comments about our company and life in general. really really lovely. why don't they make his kind in a heterosexual version? every guy i meet who i think i'd like to spend the rest of my life with are gay. every. single. goddamn. time.

so i'm walking down the street, listening to my ipod. i see a scrawny almost-homeless, definitely drunk guy. i see him see me and start to walk toward me. i'm sure at this point he's talking to me (can't hear him though, bless those earphones) and though i try to swerve away from him, he gets right up on me and i give him the finger. at that point, i see his leg start to rise and before i realize it, my arm is coming down to whack at the foot that is headed towards my side. crazy homeless man is trying to kick me! but i defended myself  with lightening speed and he nearly fell backward once i pushed his leg back at him. i have mad skills. i might be a jedi master. or a ninja.

am excited to download 2.0 software on my iphone but don't want it bricked so i'll wait. patiently. and patience isn't a virtue i posess, really, so this may be difficult.

update: download of 2.0 went smoothly though it took ages. trying to figure out what my favorite apps are, will report back!

what we do for a good friend on her birthday: a series of notes

subtitle: we're pretty much assholes.

"hey guys, we should send jessie flowers. but first send her pink carnations. she hates those a la sex and the city. and then we'll let her stew over how ugly they are. and then we'll send over real ones, all expensive and pretty and shit."

"okay!"

note on said pink carnations: "these flowers can't even begin to symbolize how much we love you! but we hope it's a good try! enjoy your special day, we love you!"

e-mail from jessie after receiving carnations: "Thanks for the sweet card and the flowers!!!!

xo jessie"

e-mail from justin with which he accidentally replied to all (including birthday girl) with this note: "HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!  Paula raised her to be so polite ;)"

e-mail from justin, excluding jessie this time: "I totally just screwed up the surprise by accidentally copying Jess on that e-mail.  I'M SUCH A FREEKING IDIOT!!!"

quick reply all from brian: "Only the best for our jessie!!!! Cant wait to see you next week."

the e-mail we get from jessie after she gets the expensive flowers: "You guys I am DYING. So funny. I attached a pic of the really stunning flowers you sent. Thank you. You guys are hilarious. So truth be told when Randy brought the flowers in i looked at them marched out to his desk and was like " you can have these i hate them. i cant believe my fiends would send me these" then i thought maybe it was a mistake... then i realized they were hand delivered so THEN i thought maybe mike was trying to be a great boyfriend and picked them out.  i emailed sam and was like "my friends hate me"

you guys so funny.

i just told my boss she thinks its the funniest thing ever!!!

 

i love you guys thanks for making me smile. laugh, burst something i was laughing so hard

 

xoxoxoxoxox

j"

all's well that ends well.

cheyenne, cravings, annoying sayings

i'm going to the opening night reception for damn yankees.

and since brian is cheyenne jackson's agent, i'm going to throw myself around his neck and make him introduce me to that hunky thing. i don't care how gay he is, he's a goddamn beautiful man and i will fantasize about him all i want, thankyouverymuch.

i've been craving linguini with clams like nobodys business. that doesn't fare well with my gluten-free diet i've been trying to sustain.

also, i've started saying OMG. i don't know why. i don't know where it came from. and as if OMG wasn't obvious enough i've also started spelling it out "oh em gee" just for added effect.

that makes me sound like a crazy 12 year old and i'm not sure what to do about it but i can't stop. i'm driving myself a bit mad over it, actually.

also driving me mad? what to wear to yet another gala?! maybe this pretty thing that i just bought (it was on sale where i got it, don't judge).

pines, ko redux

this is so neat.

as is this.

emily: you can come out to the hamptons if you want, but randy and eddie are going to be there. me: pass!

but good news from the weekend is that eddie (king douchebag) is almost definitely getting kicked out of the house. however, i have plans almost every weekend through the end of august that require me to be in the city. curses!

i had an invite to the super exclusive macy's fireworks party but only one ticket so it would have meant me hanging out alone or meandering, hoping to meet someone interesting. i read this article about ko in Wired and thought, "oh, i'll check, just for fun to see if ko has any open resys." i login, all red X's. i hit the reload button once, just for fun and a green check mark pops up for 8:15 on the 4th of july. i snag it but then realize that all my friends are coupled up or out of town or working on the 4th.

and, as always, peter comes in and saves the day, finding me an absolutely lovely friend of his whose fiance was stuck working on the 4th as well. she's beautiful and brassy and knows good food when she sees it. and we did see it, in the form of ravioli on a slender plate. "ooooh!" we squealed as we watched the plate to see what course it might be. and then we watched the 3 chefs pluck up 3 of the 4 pasta pockets. my date said something along the lines of, "what's in the ravioli?" a not so subtle hint that we wanted it. cute skinny blond chef rolled his eyes, and threw it in a small dish which he placed in front of us. "it's a prototype." "yes, but what kind?" the response? "just eat it."

OHHH-KAY buddy! the filling was creamy but felt too dense for ricotta it had a cream cheese consistency but was oddly sweet. "seriously, what did we just eat?" we ask cute chef. "it's corn! can't you taste it?" apparently not only had this been a test, but we'd failed. miserably. and he's right, it did taste like corn but we were were given no guidance whatsoever. but now we're his least favorite people. and our substandard palates were a personal affront to the guy. and maybe he was a bit awkward and less than charming, disdainful even, i still thought he was adorable.

my date and i got fairly drunk, closed our check and headed out. "i feel like i should have given him my card. but who knows if he's even single? whatever." "give it to him!" "no, it's scary!" "okay, I'LL do it." she grabs my card and runs back into the restaurant.

the chances of me hearing from him are slim to none but i still think it's hilarious that my new friend turned into the best wingwoman ever in 10 seconds flat.

i also went out to see the boys in the pines. we were at a party and there was this huge pool that nobody was swimming in. a couple of my boys said, i'm getting in there, and jumped in, fully clothed. colin came out, came up to me and said, "jasmine, how often do you live?" "dear, i live everyday." "no! REALLY live?!" knowing how freaking conservative i am, how controlling i am, how afraid of chance i respond, "probably not often enough" and with that, brian takes the sunglasses off my head, and the iphone out of my hand. colin swoops me up into his arms and jumps into the pool with me. all to wild applause, i might add. so we were the rockstars for the afternoon.

i carried my rockstarness back (after i'd dried my dress, thank god the guys had a dryer) to an old college friend's place where i beat their asses in a game of clue. though not before i got chastised for slowing the game down and got made fun of for my frantic note taking after every turn. they laughed a lot less when i solved the thing after only three rounds of guessing. virgos rule. OR they're the most annoying people on the planet. you decide.

al green, sleazy married men, theatre!

oh! hai!

my absence can be explained by 1.) lack of exciting things to write about 2.) actually, i can't think of any other reason why i haven't posted.

the east hampton house is better. the morons got a talking to and now they do a fair amount of ass-kissing to make up for the douchebaggery of memorial day weekend. (what?! douchebaggery doesn't pass the spell check test? nonsense!)

was getting hit on by some guy who said he was a chef at the food network. "oh, what show do you work on?" i asked, thinking that he was a prep chef or something. you know, the folks who cook lasagna in 12 stages so all a chef has to do is pull completed trays out from under the sink or cooked in the oven a mere 3 minutes after a version of it is placed in there by paula deen. "i have my own show," he responds haughtily. "i don't even have cable but i consider myself fairly familiar with the food network and i've never seen you before." he's the "rescue chef" or something which, it turns out, is actually a show. i've googled him and found out he's married. i wonder whether i should mention that to him since he keeps sending me messages that he wants to take me to dinner? my only message to him after two messages sent by him, "was nice to meet you. if i ever get cable maybe i'll watch your show." i just got another message from him in return, "save the money on cable and let me take you out for a drink." psycho.

I've actually been hit on by 3 married men in the past week. it must be the hip thing to do these days. at least the other two told me they were married. it makes them both honest and unafraid to be sleazy out in the open. not a great combination.

saw the living legend that is AL GREEN! recap here. rock on.

i saw the lovely jon and the lovlier cadiz. she was wearing a slutty dress, and by slutty i mean the hem was BELOW THE KNEES. crazy girl! it was highcon's birthday so i did actually end up taking him out for two birthday dinners. i hope he remembers all that spent moola when my birthday comes around!

it monsooned all day of gay pride. i'm sure some zealot is sure that it's god reminding the gays that they're big ole sinners. a birthday picnic that i didn't want to go to was rained out, i thought that was god rewarding me. but it's been rescheduled. zut alors!

my man obama is screwing up (in my mind) on the FISA bill. join the group here if you're against FISA too. i never expected him to be perfect. i expect him to win, this is maybe what he thinks he needs to do to get there. but, man, he was a freaking conlaw professor. on this issue, i think he should know better.

this week i'm seeing boeing boeing and also damn yankees. i'm sure i'll like at least one of them.