Thursday, November 30, 2006

big thanksgiving announcement!

i carved the turkey this year!

previously, carving the turkey seemed like the man's job. i don't have a father so it was always my grandpa's job. but because my mom is like bob vila and handy as all hell (my grandfather had wanted a boy and got my mom instead, so he taught her manly things. she's good with cars, plumbing, she built our deck and used the jackhammer herself and everything) he sometimes let my mom do it.

since my mother moved to CA and since i've had to spend christmas out there i've been going to chicago (home) for thanksgiving. and every year the turkey carving has become more and stressful. my grandpa's hands shake, a lot. i think he has this. anyway, it makes carving the turkey a scary thing. first, because i'm afraid he'll cut his fingers off. second, because he has a huge temper and gets really frustrated when he can't do it right because his hands are going crazy.

so this year i decided to do something about it. i was afraid that he'd think i couldn't handle it (because i'm just a weakling female, nothing like my manly mother). but when i said, "i want to learn how to carve a turkey! can i try it?" my grandma says in a worried tone, "oh, well, i don't know, it's up to your grandfather." grandpa says, "sure! i don't really like to do it anyhow."

and with that, i had the knife and grandpa coaching over my shoulder to pull the legs off and my grandma handing me a huge forky thing to hold the turkey with. i started making my vertical slices down towards the tray and, due mostly to the sharpest knife i'd ever handled, the stuff started falling down perfectly. they should have filmed this shit for commercials. it was beautiful.

grandpa was impressed. said i did a "nice job young lady" which is probably as big a compliment as i've EVER gotten out of the man.

crisis averted. y'all can call me turkey carving goddess if you'd like.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

i heart CA DMVs

after seeing this i realized i still hadn't written about my last trip to the DMV.

my license expired on my birthday this year and since i was dreading a trip to the DMV here (they're absolutely awful and unorganized) and since i was going out to see my mom anyhow, i decided to renew my license in CA.

their system is magic. you make a reservation online. before you leave you can go to their website and they'll tell you what the current wait time is. i get there and sit down. "is this your first time?" i turn to see that the question was directed to me from a poor poor girl with two lazy eyes (if that's even possible) and glasses about an inch thick. "um, i'm renewing," i say. "oh, i've taken the test a few times but haven't passed yet. wish me luck!" my number is blinking on the screen, "um, yeah, good luck" i say as i'm directed to a tiny office with two women in it.

lady1: jasmine, that's such a beautiful name!
me: thanks!
lady1: what's your ethnicity?
me: oh, i'm half chinese, half white.
lady1: part chinese people are soooo pretty!!!
me: um...thanks!
lady2: she's just saying that because she just found out she's 1/4 chinese.
lady1: it's true! can you believe it?! in all my 40 years i never knew!
lady2: you're 45.
lady1: oh, same difference.
me: (wondering how you can live to the age of 45 without knowing one of your parents is half asian)
lady1: okay dear, it'll be $35 dollars. you can pay by cash or check.

then i was sent off to take a written test. i saw the lazy-eyed girl with the glasses looking like she was severely stressed out. i kinda wanted to help her, but didn't want to get caught cheating and also figure it might be better to keep the girl off the road, to be perfectly honest. the test had weird questions about carrying animals in the back of your truck and driving at construction sites. my mother, in a rare stroke of genius, had printed out 4 sample written tests and answers that i perused on the 15 minute car ride there. every answer on the test (even though they were obscure and i didn't know the answers to half of them) were ones i'd already seen during the ride there. i breezed through the test, got 4 wrong but passed. got my picture taken and was out the door less than 20 minutes after i'd arrived.

happy times, people. happy times.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

and one more video...

i keep watching this and get so teary over it.
it breaks my heart. it's just beautiful.

happy thanksgiving folks!

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

this poor dog...

watch this clip, forward to 45 seconds in.
poor thing!

Sunday, November 19, 2006

j'adore paris

how was paris? paris was lots and lots of wine with lots of good cheese over even more good conversation. it's shopping in extravagant stores, spending insane amounts of money. it's being able to say, "you only live once," before you blow $200 on the cashmere gray leopard print sweater vest. it's the irritated look and roll of the eyes from the waitors and store clerks when you try to speak french so they can answer you in english. it's the best steak frites ever from relais de l'entrecote. it's bread from poilane. it's le bon marche and the ridiculous market on the first floor and the break for gorgeous pastries and cappuccinos when we'd worked up an appetite shopping. it's the tiny streets, the beautiful ancient buildings. the secret parks and courtyards. the bad bad dancing that all french people do as they pretend to mouth the words to english songs that they don't know the lyrics to. it's the smoke EVERYWHERE. it's vintage shopping. it's stunning metro stops. it's glimpses of the arc and the tour dashing from bar to bar. it's the place that i'll be taking a yearly trip to from here on out.

Thursday, November 16, 2006


starting monday evening, as i was leaving my office i saw the kids starting to line up. right now, there are probably close to a thousand boys under the age of 22, three deep, in a line that's curved from madison avenue down to 5th avenue.

they're sleeping in line for a week for a $600 video game.

fox news was there this morning. the city is getting flash flood warnings. we're going to get like 4 inches of rain in the next 8 hours.

this seriously can't be worth the grand or so they'll make selling on saturday. it just can't.

but any ladies looking for a smelly, tech obsessed, barely post-pubescent guy in new york city, head on over. your odds are really good. although, if they're not just buying it to make a buck, be aware that you won't be seeing them much for the next few months as they'll undoubtedly do nothing but play video games from here on out...

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

non sequitors

paris was AMAZING. will have pictures and full rundown soon.

operation: "new job" is running as planned. moving onto phase two.

my new yorker has arrived on monday for the third straight week in a row since i called my mail lady to inquire about it showing up regularly on thursdays. i laugh so hard every time i see it on monday now.

douchebag ex-work boyfriend e-mailed yesterday from his phone and, apparently, it was his birthday... when should i expect my birthday wish?

...that's his phone number. feel free to prank call with wild abandon. loser.

zeke is in thailand for forever it seems but PJ is back in the picture. these guys have excellent timing.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

i love paris in the spring time....

i love paris in the fall...
guess who's going to the city of love for the weekend folks!
that's right, you heard me. just hopping over for a long weekend. i found a cheap flight and thought, "oh, i'd love to just pick up and go."
and then i couldn't stop thinking about it. and then the most insane thing happened. my virgo sensibilities abandoned me and i found myself online buying a ticket the next day. i've had a glorious time telling people that i'm going to paris for a jaunt. makes me feel very jet-settish.

my big plans are to eat good food, sit around in cafes, shop and walk around a bit. i've already done the touristy bit so this trip is for relaxation purposes only. i briefly considered picking up smoking for the weekend but i was told i'm too short to smoke and look good doing it. ale said it wouldn't be attractive on me, which is kind of a relief because i didn't want to do it that badly anyhow.

will tell you all about it when i get back!

and i'm bringing these with me...just in case...

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

best. day. of. my. life.

hands down.

didn't sleep at all monday night. suppose it was either nerves or the
caffeine from that snapple i had before bedtime?

woke up (rather, rolled over again to see that even though i still
hadn't gone to sleep, it was time to get up) bright and early to staff
my politician at a few subway stops where he shook hands, meet and

took a detour to the jimmy choo sample sale (but it was a total bust).

got dolled up, went to Face Stockholm to get makeovers with the
spokeswoman and the policy advisor. headed to the hotel where the
GIGANTIC party was being held. put on my fancy "staff" all-access pass
and worked the VIP suite for my politician. lots of very very
influential people there, mostly politicians, and even ivanka trump
(yeah, i thought it was weird too).

ran down to the main ballroom to see the folks give their speeches. YAY!

went back up to see all the congressional results flow in.



continued to the private private lavish grand penthouse suite rented
by the campaign where the man and some staff gave some really lovely
thank you speeches. we danced, ordered room service, were brought huge
buckets of beer every hour and partied away till the weeeeeeeee hours
of the morning. lots of singing, dancing, tequila and maybe a new
little romance as well. (zeke is in singapore and then in thailand for the next three weeks,
i'm bound to lose interest, right?)

and now i have to get ready for a little trip i'm leaving for
tomorrow. guess where??? stay tuned...eeeeee!!! i love my life!!!!

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

a note on election day...

as if you didn't already have enough of them, this is another reason to vote democratic today.

having taken some pointers from aristophanes, i rock this shirt every election day.

however, seeing the gay population rise one republican at a time, i think i need to start making them for the pages and male escorts too. that's when those GOPers will really start switching parties.

as a send off, a popular phrase from my hometown of chicago: vote early, vote often.

Monday, November 06, 2006

stupid nypost...

Look at the NYPost's seditious libel against Bill if Bill would have EVER hired that idiot...


November 6, 2006 -- THERE could be an awkward moment Friday at the Chelsea Piers when former flames Mariah Carey and Derek Jeter come face to face. Carey is the entertainment at the fourth annual Joe Torre Safe at Home Foundation gala. Jeter, who attends his manager's charity event every year, dated Carey briefly in 1998 until he broke it off. Among those watching the potential fireworks will be emcee Bob Costas, lawyer Herb Nass, author of "Wills of the Rich & Famous," Ari Fleischer, White House press secretary under Bill Clinton, and Dan Scavino, Donald Trump's new golf czar.


Sunday, November 05, 2006

New York Times Editorial: The Great Divider

In Mr. Bush's world, there are only two kinds of Americans: those who are against terrorism, and those who somehow are all right with it. Some Americans want to win in Iraq and some don't. There are Americans who support the troops and Americans who don't support the troops. And at the root of it all is the hideously damaging fantasy that there is a gulf between Americans who love their country and those who question his leadership.

Mr. Bush has been pushing these divisive themes all over the nation, offering up the ludicrous notion the other day that if Democrats manage to control even one house of Congress, America will lose and the terrorists will win. But he hit a particularly creepy low when he decided to distort a lame joke lamely delivered by Senator John Kerry of Massachusetts. Mr. Kerry warned college students that the punishment for not learning your lessons was to "get stuck in Iraq." In context, it was obviously an attempt to disparage Mr. Bush's intelligence. That's impolitic and impolite, but it's not as bad as Mr. Bush's response. Knowing full well what Mr. Kerry meant, the president and his team cried out that the senator was disparaging the troops. It was a depressing replay of the way the Bush campaign Swift-boated Americans in 2004 into believing that Mr. Kerry, who went to war, was a coward and Mr. Bush, who stayed home, was a hero.


This is hardly the first time that Mr. Bush has played the politics of fear, anger and division; if he's ever missed a chance to wave the bloody flag of 9/11, we can't think of when. But Mr. Bush's latest outbursts go way beyond that. They leave us wondering whether this president will ever be willing or able to make room for bipartisanship, compromise and statesmanship in the two years he has left in office.

Friday, November 03, 2006

reader stalking

it's that time again...

someone from pryor cashman is stopping by regularly, which is fine as long as it's not the racist loser ex-girlfriend of ex-work boyfriend. she's an absolutely horrid person. so if you're not the racist, feel free to drop me a line to let me know. she really gives me the heebie jeebies.

am getting more and more foreign visitors lately: milan, berlin, qatar, gujarat, granada, dublin, switzerland, iceland, toronto, dozens in england and a half dozen in australia. hey guys, i want to come visit!!

and now i'm just waiting to see whether i have scared off my readers from cheney's babies (halliburton and raytheon) with all my liberal mumbo jumbo...

Thursday, November 02, 2006


a picture from the event this past week

oh, the irony...

How tremendously ironic is it that Bush, of ALL people, thinks he can make fun of some one for misspeaking?

Bushisms: Funniest Mistakes, Blunders, Bloopers and quotes by George W. Bush

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." — Washington, D.C. , Aug. 5, 2004 

"That's why I went to the Congress last September and proposed fundamental—supplemental funding, which is money for armor and body parts and ammunition and fuel." --George W. Bush, Erie, Pa. , Sept. 4, 2004


"For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three non-fatal shootings. And, folks, this is unacceptable in America. It's just unacceptable. And we're going to do something about it." — Philadelphia, Penn. , May 14, 2001

"There's an old...saying in Tennessee...I know it's in Texas , probably in Tennessee that says Fool me once...(3 second pause)... Shame on...(4 second pause)...Shame on you....(6 second pause)...Fool me...Can't get fooled again." --George W. Bush to Nashville, Tennessee audience, Sept. 17, 2002 , MSNBC-TV --Politex, Sept. 17, 2002, 10 PM

"There's no doubt in my mind that we should allow the world worst leaders to hold America hostage, to threaten our peace, to threaten our friends and allies with the world's worst weapons." --George W. Bush, South Bend, Indiana , Sept. 5, 2002.

"As you know, these are open forums, you're able to come and listen to what I have to say." --George W. Bush, 10.28.03.

"The ambassador and the general were briefing me on the -- the vast majority of Iraqis want to live in a peaceful, free world. And we will find these people and we will bring them to justice." -- Washington, D.C. , Oct. 27, 2003 "" --George W. Bush, 10.27.03.

"I know something about being a government. And you've got a good one." --George W. Bush, campaigning for Gov. Mike Huckabee, Bentonville, Ark. , Nov. 4, 2002

"We look forward to analyzing and working with legislation that will make--it would hope--put a free press's mind at ease that you're not being denied information you shouldn't see." -- G.W. Bush, Washington, D.C., April 14, 2005

"I want to thank you for the importance that you've shown for education and literacy." -- G.W. Bush, Washington, D.C., April 13, 2005

"Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." — Poplar Bluff, Mo. , Sept. 6, 2004 

"We spent a lot of time talking about Africa, as we should. Africa is a nation that suffers from incredible disease." —Gothenburg, Sweden, June 14, 2001


"You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.'' — Townsend, Tenn. , Feb. 21, 2001


"We both use Colgate toothpaste." —after a reporter asked what he had in common with British Prime Minister Tony Blair, Camp David, Md. , Feb. 23, 2001

"Tribal sovereignty means that; it's sovereign. I mean, you're a — you've been given sovereignty, and you're viewed as a sovereign entity. And therefore the relationship between the federal government and tribes is one between sovereign entities."
Washington, D.C ., Aug. 6, 2004 

"I glance at the headlines just to kind of get a flavor for what's moving. I rarely read the stories, and get briefed by people who are probably read the news themselves." —
Washington, D.C. , Sept. 21, 2003


"I'm the commander — see, I don't need to explain — I do not need to explain why I say things. That's the interesting thing about being president." —as quoted in Bob Woodward's Bush at War

"I am here to make an announcement that this Thursday, ticket counters and airplanes will fly out of Ronald Reagan Airport." — Washington, D.C., Oct. 3, 2001

"The war on terror involves Saddam Hussein because of the nature of Saddam Hussein, the history of Saddam Hussein, and his willingness to terrorize himself." — Grand Rapids, Mich. , Jan. 29, 2003

"I saw a poll that said the right track/wrong track in Iraq was better than here in America . It's pretty darn strong. I mean, the people see a better future." —Washington, D.C., Sept. 23, 2004


"We need an energy bill that encourages consumption." — Trenton, N.J., Sept. 23, 2002


"After standing on the stage, after the debates, I made it very plain, we will not have an all-volunteer army. And yet, this week — we will have an all-volunteer army!" — Daytona Beach, Fla. , Oct. 16, 2004

"Do you have blacks, too?" —to Brazilian President Fernando Cardoso, Washington, D.C., Nov. 8, 2001


"Now, we talked to Joan Hanover. She and her husband, George, were visiting with us. They are near retirement—retiring—in the process of retiring, meaning they're very smart, active, capable people who are retirement age and are retiring."
Alexandria, Va. , Feb. 12, 2003.

"This foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating." —as quoted by the New York Daily News, April 23, 2002


"I wish you'd have given me this written question ahead of time so I could plan for it…I'm sure something will pop into my head here in the midst of this press conference, with all the pressure of trying to come up with answer, but it hadn't yet….I don't want to sound like I have made no mistakes. I'm confident I have. I just haven't — you just put me under the spot here, and maybe I'm not as quick on my feet as I should be in coming up with one." —President George W. Bush, after being asked to name the biggest mistake he had made, Washington, D.C. , April 3, 2004

"The really rich people figure out how to dodge taxes anyway." —explaining why high taxes on the rich are a failed strategy, Annandale, Va. , Aug. 9, 2004


"...that's just the nature of democracy. Sometimes pure politics enters into the rhetoric."
-George W. Bush, Crawford, Tx.,
August 8, 2003


"Security is the essential roadblock to achieving 
the road map to peace."
-George W. Bush,
July 25, 2003

..."It's very interesting when you think about it, the slaves who left here to go to America, because of their steadfast and their religion and their belief in freedom, helped change America."— George W. Bush, Dakar, Senegal , July 8, 2003

"My plan reduces the national debt, and fast. So fast, in fact, that economists worry that we're going to run out of debt to retire." —radio address, Feb. 24, 2001

"See, free nations are peaceful nations. Free nations don't attack each other. Free nations don't develop weapons of mass destruction." 
Milwaukee, Wis. , Oct. 3, 2003

"But all in all, it's been a fabulous year for Laura and me." —summing up his first year in office, three 
months after the 9/11 attacks,

, D.C., Dec. 20, 2001

"I try to go for longer runs, but it's tough around 
here at the White House on the outdoor track. It's 
sad that I can't run longer. It's one of the saddest things about the presidency." 
—interview with "Runners World," Aug. 2002

"Can we win? I don't think you can win it." —after being asked whether the war on terror was winnable, "Today" show interview, Aug. 30, 2004

 "I just want you to know that, when we talk about war, we're really talking about peace." — Washington, D.C. June 18, 2002

"Perhaps the biggest problem is that we have passed children from grade to grade, year after year, and those -- child hadn't learned the basics of reading and math." — Washington, D.C. , Jan. 8, 2003

"One year ago today, the time for excuse-making has come to an end." - — Washington, D.C., Jan. 8, 2003


"I think the American people—I hope the American—I don't think, let me—I hope the American people trust me." -— Washington, D.C. , Dec. 18, 2002

"I trust God speaks through me. Without that, I couldn't do my job." —to a group of Amish he met with privately, July 9, 2004

"I don't bring God into my life to—to, you know, kind of be a political person." --Interview with Tom Brokaw aboard Air Force One, April 24, 2003

The law I sign today directs new funds and new focus to the task of collecting vital intelligence on terrorist threats and on weapons of mass production." --George W. Bush, White House, Nov. 27, 2002


Wednesday, November 01, 2006

kiss the babies, shake the hands, call the grandparents

sidenote: those unhappy with content lately can find some patience. election is in less than a week people. i live and breathe this stuff. the big ones only happen every two years so suck it up.
it's called retail campaigning.
giving personal attention to as many people as you can. usually includes greeting people at subway stops, etc.
i'm doing my own retailing. i'm calling all my relatives and friends in states with close races to beg for votes.
grandpa:  hello?
me:  hey, grandpa. i'm calling to remind you that election day is next tuesday
grandpa:  oh, we know honey. we always vote!
me:  yes, old people do that.
grandpa:  hey now, be nice!
me:  well i like tammy duckworth grandpa.
grandpa:  she's a bum! they're all bums!
me:  you do know she's a war veteran with no legs, right?
grandpa:  i'm a war veteran! she's milking it for more than it's worth.
me:  easy said by someone who still has both his legs.
grandpa:  what was that?
me:  nothing grandpa.
grandpa:  i'm voting the green party.
me:  i don't think the green party even has someone running in the 6th grandpa. is grandma there?
grandma: hello?
me:  hi grandma! just calling to ask if you'll vote for tammy duckworth...
grandma:  well i haven't made up my mind yet. i'll wait to see what sunday's tribune has to say about it.
me:  well, you know this is an exciting time, right? a big shift in the congress grandma, because people are unhappy about how things are going. you know even ohio is going to be pretty much swept by democrats even. maybe aunt max and uncle paul have switched over too. you know, it's good that people are finally starting to notice that maybe the fact they can't get jobs, the economy sucks and the education system is going to hell is more important than some of the religious stuff they're always so stuck on.
grandma:  well, yes, i think you're right.
me:  well i like tammy duckworth grandma...
grandma:  well, i'll probably do what you say dear. i trust you.
me:  thanks grandma. love you!
grandma:  love you too dear. talk to you later.
me:  tell your sister i'm calling her over the weekend. she has a tight district race too...

be afraid people, be very afraid...

first: everyone needs to see "an inconvenient truth" if you haven't already.
from the daily kos:
"The devastating Stern Review on the Economics of Climate Change , released in Britain on Monday, should have gotten hour-long segments on television news and three-inch headlines in the U.S. No surprise that it didn't. If you took the time to drill down in what coverage there was here, you could see exactly what the Bush Regime is not doing."
The level in the atmosphere of carbon dioxide, the principal greenhouse gas, stood at 280 parts per million by volume (ppm) before the Industrial Revolution, in about 1780. The level of CO2 in the atmosphere today stands at 382ppm

£200bn, or 1 per cent of global GDP, must be spent every year to get carbon dioxide levels to "stabilise" at 550ppm.

This figure will rise as world GDP increases, and could be three to four times as large by 2050

40 per cent of the world's species would face extinction if temperatures rose by 2C

200 million people are at risk of being driven from their homes by flood or drought by 2050

6C is a "plausible" estimate of how much world temperatures could rise by the end of the century if greenhouse gas emissions are unchecked

60 million more Africans could be exposed to malaria if world temperatures rise by 2C

35 per cent drop in crop yields across Africa and the Middle East is expected if temperatures rise by 3C

200 million more people could be exposed to hunger if world temperatures rise by 2C

550 million more people could be at risk of hunger if world temperatures rise by 3C

4 million square kilometres of land, home to one-twentieth of the world's population, is threatened by floods from melting glaciers

35,000 Europeans died in the 2003 heatwave, an event likely to become "commonplace"

4 billion people could suffer from water shortage if temperatures rise by 2C