Tuesday, March 29, 2005

100 things

A lot of people have these "100 useless things" lists. I want to make one but not sure if i have the endurance. we'll see how far i get. thought it would be a good idea since nobody here knows a damn thing about me (ignoring the possibility that nobody cares). Andy said i should make a list of reasons why he should marry me. these are not it. well, maybe some of them are...

ed. note: updated sporadically since originally posted
1. My middle name is Leilani. It means "beautiful flower" in Hawaiian. My first name is a flower. It’s a bit redundant.
2. But it’s still better than Jennifer. I was almost a Jennifer. It wouldn’t have suited me.
3. I fake tan and don’t feel guilty about it.

4. tequila, as a shot, makes me really really ill.
5. I like a good dare. Bring it.
6. I've never been to canada.
7. It’s not that I’m good at everything, it’s that I don’t do anything unless I’m good at it.
8. I steal the internet regularly from someone named “Sandra.” ignoring the fact I have no idea what apartment she lives in, I want to find a way to thank her but will have to wait till I move out so I won’t be bothered when she finally decides to password protect her connection.
9. turn on: a good smelling guy
10. turn off: republicans

11. I read the new Yorker religiously but only scan the NYTimes every day. I wish this were reversed.
12. I’ve never smoked pot, or tried any other illegal drugs for that matter.
13. I don’t have cable t.v. I’m forced to use bunny ears to get the main channels.
14. If I could do it all over I’d go to cooking school instead of law school.
15. I’m starstruck by chefs. I used to work at a club where a lot of famous people hung out. i’d barely notice when bob deniro, will smith, paul mccartney came in. I completely could not function when Jamie Oliver came in. I worked Jean-Georges Vongerichten’s wedding and nearly fainted.
16. dream job: press secretary for the president of the united states
17. I can’t cry at weddings or funerals. It makes me feel like a soulless bitch.
18. I stress about whether I’m going to be able to get my suitcase in the overhead bin by myself. I hate having to ask for help, it makes me feel as though I’m playing the distressed damsel card.

19. Conversely, I hate going anywhere without at least 4 pairs of shoes. I’m between a rock and a hard place.
20. actually, I stress about a lot of things, all the time. I gave myself an ulcer in 7th grade.

21. I hate HATE cats. i think they feel the same way.
22. I don't like using caps when i don't have to, but sometimes i forget and use them anyway.
23. I like to go to movies alone.
24. I get impatient easily with people I’ve determined are dumb.
25. I’m brutally honest.
26. I cannot stand when people use “your” instead of “you’re” and vice versa. Same with there and their and they’re, to and too, you get the point.
27. I drown my skin in lotion every morning.
28. I have an irrational fear of undercooked chicken. I cook chicken until it’s dry and barely edible, which causes me to not like chicken much at all.
29. I don’t eat olives, barbeque sauce, salmon and bananas. I try all of them regularly, hoping that one day I’ll start to like them. No luck yet. I’ll die trying. Also, foods I hate that i have no guilt about hating: black licorice. fennel seeds. lemongrass (i'm allergic). cottage cheese. american cheese. rye bread.
30. I have a terrible sense of direction

31. all my life I’ve told people that I have my mother’s nose. I just found out that she got a nose job in high school. Now I have no idea whose nose I have.
32. my little brother is the coolest person I’ve ever known. He’s completely punked out, tattooed, smokes, listens to really cool music, drives way too fast. I wish I were a little more like him. I think I’m too conservative.
33. a second cousin from ohio was once on jerry springer for the “I love my pet more than my spouse” episode. He had a parrot.
34. I won’t order a meal until I’ve seen the dessert menu. I need to know whether to save room.
35. I’m ALWAYS on time.
36. I wink at people all the time without realizing it. I don’t know when it became a habit that I no longer have any control over. It gets me better tips at work (cocktailing) but most other people just think it’s weird.
37. I spend a lot of time with English people and sometimes the things I think to myself come out in a british accent. At least I never speak out loud in one. That would be really lame.
38. my mother planned my conception so I’d be born on the same day as her best friend. i came a day early.
39. I’m freakishly good at jigsaw puzzles.
40. I don’t know how to swim. I can only doggy paddle.

41. I’m a wine snob.
42. I didn’t know what my father looked like until I was in high school and my brother forced my mom to dig up the one picture she didn’t cut his head out of. He looks just like my brother.
43. I can’t stand watching women play basketball.
44. I like growing my hair long just so I can cut it all off.
45. I trust my stylist with my life. I seriously think I’d let him cut me open and operate on me. Maybe I should re-evaluate this…
46. I’m from Chicago but I’m a Yankees fan. People always accuse me of being this fake that follows the winners. NOT TRUE! I had white sox season tickets from the age of nine, then the strike in, what, 1994 made me so angry I stopped watching altogether. I got to college (in Ithaca, ny) and the guy I was dating was a Yankees fan and he taught me all about the players, I got attached. To the team, not to the guy. The guy didn’t last.
47. It takes me less than 20 minutes to be showered and out of the house in the morning.
48. I hear from guys that I’m intimidating. I think that’s bullshit.
49. people always comment on the color of my eyes, saying they're hazel or honey colored. To me, they’re just brown. I don’t see a difference.
50. I’m also really bad at telling hair color. I always say “light brown” when other people say the person is clearly a dirty blond. I don’t know when blond ends and brown begins…

51. I love movie musicals. i sing along. i don't always realize it.
52. I do a mean crossword.
53. I have boobs and I’m not afraid to use them.
54. Even when I’m in a relationship, I think valentine’s day is a ridiculous holiday. I refuse to recognize it.
55. I’ll only eat tuna salad if someone else makes it for me. It must have celery.
56. I drink vanilla skim lattes soy lattes.
57. I like my eggs over easy.
58. I love craigslist. I obsessively check missed connections. I always find them for other people I know. Always a bridesmaid….
59. my secret single behavior: going to the olive garden for soup, salad, and breadsticks. It’s embarrassing how happy it makes me.
60. When I get cravings, they do not go away until I satisfy them.

61. I’m slightly dyslexic. my grade in a college accounting class went from a C+ to an A after the teacher found out and went back over my exams. I’ll write 5 and 6 digit numbers completely in reverse.
62. I think goat cheese should be in everything. I tried to make crème brulee with goat cheese. I should leave things like that to a professional.
63. At bars I always request P.Y.T. by Michael Jackson
64. though I’ve been around (not going to say how much, suffice it to say that it’s enough) I guess I still haven’t had enough sex to not feel even slightly attached to a guy after I sleep with him. Unless it’s bad sex…then I have no problem never seeing him again.
65. I’m inexorably attracted to trumpet players.
66. my best friend in high school died of an aneurism the day we were to take the SAT’s. she was brilliant. She would have been something great.
67. people always ask me, “what are you?” answer: ½ Chinese, ¼ german, 1/8 irish and 1/8 english. What I say: “American.” Europeans think we’re ridiculous to talk about heritage when we are simply American. We were born here, our parents were likely born here. Ethnicity is so amorphous.
68. I don’t like chocolate. I know. Its blasphemous.
69. I’m a Francophile. I know about 40 words in French and toss them out as often as possible. Je detest la tour…
70. I speak Spanish relatively well and am teaching myself sign language.

71. I read the whole Nancy Drew series in a month and a half when I was in 6th grade. It was nearly 4 books a day, and no, apparently, I didn’t have any friends. Nancy was a pretty decent fucking role model and even today I still love a good mystery.
72. I used to be able to win super Mario bros. in one life. I do not think that this makes me cool.
73. I also had an Atari. I do think that this makes me cool.
74. I can always tell when people are lying to me.
75. I bruise easily and often discover huge welts on my arms and legs with no knowledge of where they came from.
76. my roommate gets annoyed with me because I never notice when the shower is dirty. I never have my contacts in and can’t even really see my feet in the shower without them. I have to remember to check that shit out after I put my glasses on.
77. will this list ever end? For fuck’s sake.
78. everyone thinks I’m hugely extroverted. To be honest, I really prefer to be alone.
79. kangaroos scare the shit out of me.
80. as do spiders but I pretend they don’t bother me because I don’t want to look too weak or girly.

81. I have two one dog (with my mom in CA): boo (lhasa) and my murph is up in doggy heaven. I bought them Derek Jeter jerseys. Its sickeningly cute.
82. I think people who put booties or shoes on dogs are silly.
83. I don’t know if I want children
84. I want them so I can name them.
85. but if I had them, I wouldn’t actually have them. I’d adopt.
86. so I probably wouldn’t get to name them at all. Quelle domage! I guess I should stick to dogs.
87. I love opera. I used to train classically

88. I like walking around the house naked.
89. I think Montessori kids who, as adults, talk of being Montessori raised should be slapped.
90. I only eat hard tacos. None of that soft shit! this was pre-real mexican taco experience. i've of course now seen the error of my ways. soft only! as long as they're corn tortillas and are homemade. i'm a taco snob too now...

91. when I write letters, I write them with a fountain pen in pink ink (or occasionally a classic brown). comment romantique.
92. I own more than 200 pairs of underwear. and almost as many shoes.
93. I had a happy childhood.
95. but I miss driving, being able to just cruise around with the musing blaring and the windows rolled down.
96. I absolutely believe that that guy John Edwards talks with dead people and it freaks me out. editing this out mostly because who even knows if that dude is even still alive? i could google it, but i care too little to even go through the motions.
97. I’m uber critical of myself and others.
98. I’m awful at staying in touch with people.

99. my feet aren't ticklish.
100. my favorite ice cream is mint chocolate chip from baskin robbins.

21 people who played with me:

Blogger Tiago Cação said...

hello jasmine, i found your blog casually, and i m really interesting to speak with you.
you can contact me in msn messenger or in my bolg.
kiss from Tiago Cação, Portugal

3/29/2005 4:49 PM  
Blogger Lunatic said...

I fucking love these lists. they should be mandatory and a matter of public record.

I have been working on mine for a week and I only have like 20. does that make me uninteresting?

I'm stealing #7

3/29/2005 9:44 PM  
Blogger SleekBlackMercedes said...

Cool blog Jasmine! :)

3/29/2005 11:06 PM  
Blogger Former Intern Andy said...

I love 83 through 86. Such a good idea, comedically speaking. Wish I thought of it.

3/29/2005 11:25 PM  
Blogger cadiz12 said...

long live nancy drew!

i'm with you on the cats, but not the chocolate.

3/30/2005 2:42 AM  
Blogger Jon said...

Comments on comments… First up, asminhasviagens… Um…creepy? Yes. “I found your blog casually” … hmm, was he sitting in his study, enjoying his pipe when he happened across this blog? “I’m really interesting to speak to you.” Sounds a little to into himself, and to be perfectly honest with you, I think his “interesting” in you started about the time you said you had boobs and you knew how to use them…

Next, Lunatic… “I have been working on mine for a week and I only have like 20. does that make me uninteresting?” … You bet it does lunatic, and I think you might be gay. And does that “20” include the confessed theft of #7? Because the math on that is like, 3 things a day, and that’s only marginally acceptable if you’re spending less than one minute a day on it, but I suspect you block off 5pm to 8pm (American Idol comes on at 8, and you are way too gay to miss that) for pondering this “list” of yours, which, as far as I can tell, is made up mostly of stolen items from other people’s lists.

Followed by none other than sleekblackmercedes, who was able to dig down deep and come up with, “Cool blog Jasmine! :)” …I imagine he was actually giving the computer screen a thumbs up while typing that amazing display of word imagery.

And then there’s andy… I have to say, I do not agree with andy on this one… it felt a lot like “12 point Courier New” padding to me… I mean 83-86 was really just one thought that you shamelessly stretched into some extra numbers just to make it to 100 on the list. I cannot and will not support that kind of behavior.

Next we have Cadiz12… No doubt you’ve made a new best friend with the common love of that fantastic and clever Nancy Drew! (I was always more of an Encyclopedia Brown guy myself, but most people think I’m retarded) Also the mutual hatred of cats will no doubt give you two much to chat about in those future late night rants you’ll have as BFF. But, of course, the opposition on the chocolate topic seals the deal as all great friends must have their fundamental differences.

And last but not least, we have Jon808517… This loser apparently has nothing better to do than make fun of other people’s comments on a blog he’s never before visited. I’ll bet he’s a bed wetter too. (is that a cry for help, or is he just making fun of himself? Damn he’s hard to read this guy…)

3/30/2005 3:41 AM  
Blogger Edna B said...

all this (jon) from one who lists "The Princess Bride" as one of his favourite films.....

3/30/2005 5:45 AM  
Blogger Former Intern Andy said...

Hehe. Oh, that's a BURN.

3/30/2005 5:03 PM  
Blogger waldemar said...

72: yes you do. (i would).

4/16/2005 2:55 AM  
Blogger Blue944 said...

Love your list. I especially like number 34.

4/25/2005 12:40 PM  
Blogger JustJunebug said...

i too LOVE the lists. am actually working on my own. its been an hour and i have like 23 items. some of yours, are mine too as a matter of fact. but i wont steal them because i dont want jon to say i'm gay or not interesting.

LOVE THE BLOG...and found it through the interns site which i have been reading for some time.

6/02/2005 4:12 PM  
Blogger Swipe said...

number 54 just made me fall for you. too bad you and andy are getting married.

6/02/2005 10:30 PM  
Blogger lucasjackson7 said...

Got sent this way by Andy and this list is fuckin' hilarious.

I feel ya number 72.

6/03/2005 10:11 AM  
Blogger geekdarling said...

For Fuck's Sake!

-One of my favorite phrases!

6/09/2005 1:35 PM  
Anonymous Larry said...

61. I’m slightly dyslexic.

Thank you.

I refer to myself as such and I get the strangest looks. They think you are are your not and the slight is used to cover mistakes.

It would be amusing if I wasn't the accountant.

10/14/2005 11:20 AM  
Blogger robmcj said...

Did you put in number 100 just to test if people had read number 68?

You write a good list. I wonder how long it took you, and if your spoken conversation is as funny and quirky.

PS loved the spelling.

11/11/2005 1:41 AM  
Blogger Tiger said...

*g* nice list... (having just gotten back from visiting a good friend in NYC... yeah. It's a nice city to LOVE)
200 pair of underwear is really quite impressive!!

11/11/2005 8:44 AM  
Blogger robmcj said...

Sorry Jazz, I wasn't being sarcastic about the spelling. Electronic sarcasm can be hard to pick.

As an alleged spelling fascist myself, it was simply nice to see good readable writing converge with spelling and humour. And looks. Andy's right to want to marry you. Thank goodness I'm too old for that now.

11/12/2005 7:14 PM  
Blogger Noojes said...

Hey - really enjoyed reading ur blog and ur list...

I'm quite intrigued whether I'd ever be able to put up such a list by myself and make it as interesting as yours...

How long did it take you to write up the list?
Psst - I love Baskin's Mint Choc chip too


12/18/2005 5:29 AM  
Blogger smila said...

I am so feeling no. 75! I get bruises out of the blue (all pun intended) all the time, and frequently get asked if i was having *too much fun* with the bf...??? It that was true, I'll make sure he'll be my bf no more!

1/01/2006 11:55 AM  
Blogger Noojes said...

Stumbled upon your blog - You seem to be a very very interesting person and we seem to have a fair bit in common...
Will drop by again :)


8/16/2006 1:07 AM  

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