100 things

A lot of people have these "100 useless things" lists. I want to make one but not sure if i have the endurance. we'll see how far i get. thought it would be a good idea since nobody here knows a damn thing about me (ignoring the possibility that nobody cares). Andy said i should make a list of reasons why he should marry me. these are not it. well, maybe some of them are...

ed. note: updated sporadically since originally posted
1. My middle name is Leilani. It means "beautiful flower" in Hawaiian. My first name is a flower. It’s a bit redundant.
2. But it’s still better than Jennifer. I was almost a Jennifer. It wouldn’t have suited me.
3. I fake tan and don’t feel guilty about it.
4. tequila, as a shot, makes me really really ill.
5. I like a good dare. Bring it.
6. I've never been to canada.
7. It’s not that I’m good at everything, it’s that I don’t do anything unless I’m good at it.
8. I steal the internet regularly from someone named “Sandra.” ignoring the fact I have no idea what apartment she lives in, I want to find a way to thank her but will have to wait till I move out so I won’t be bothered when she finally decides to password protect her connection.
9. turn on: a good smelling guy
10. turn off: republicans

11. I read the new Yorker religiously but only scan the NYTimes every day. I wish this were reversed.
12. I’ve never smoked pot, or tried any other illegal drugs for that matter.
13. I don’t have cable t.v. I’m forced to use bunny ears to get the main channels.
14. If I could do it all over I’d go to cooking school instead of law school.
15. I’m starstruck by chefs. I used to work at a club where a lot of famous people hung out. i’d barely notice when bob deniro, will smith, paul mccartney came in. I completely could not function when Jamie Oliver came in. I worked Jean-Georges Vongerichten’s wedding and nearly fainted.
16. dream job: press secretary for the president of the united states
17. I can’t cry at weddings or funerals. It makes me feel like a soulless bitch.
18. I stress about whether I’m going to be able to get my suitcase in the overhead bin by myself. I hate having to ask for help, it makes me feel as though I’m playing the distressed damsel card.
19. Conversely, I hate going anywhere without at least 4 pairs of shoes. I’m between a rock and a hard place.
20. actually, I stress about a lot of things, all the time. I gave myself an ulcer in 7th grade.

21. I hate HATE cats. i think they feel the same way.
22. I don't like using caps when i don't have to, but sometimes i forget and use them anyway.
23. I like to go to movies alone.
24. I get impatient easily with people I’ve determined are dumb.
25. I’m brutally honest.
26. I cannot stand when people use “your” instead of “you’re” and vice versa. Same with there and their and they’re, to and too, you get the point.
27. I drown my skin in lotion every morning.
28. I have an irrational fear of undercooked chicken. I cook chicken until it’s dry and barely edible, which causes me to not like chicken much at all.
29. I don’t eat olives, barbeque sauce, salmon and bananas. I try all of them regularly, hoping that one day I’ll start to like them. No luck yet. I’ll die trying. Also, foods I hate that i have no guilt about hating: black licorice. fennel seeds. lemongrass (i'm allergic). cottage cheese. american cheese. rye bread.
30. I have a terrible sense of direction

31. all my life I’ve told people that I have my mother’s nose. I just found out that she got a nose job in high school. Now I have no idea whose nose I have.
32. my little brother is the coolest person I’ve ever known. He’s completely punked out, tattooed, smokes, listens to really cool music, drives way too fast. I wish I were a little more like him. I think I’m too conservative.
33. a second cousin from ohio was once on jerry springer for the “I love my pet more than my spouse” episode. He had a parrot.
34. I won’t order a meal until I’ve seen the dessert menu. I need to know whether to save room.
35. I’m ALWAYS on time.
36. I wink at people all the time without realizing it. I don’t know when it became a habit that I no longer have any control over. It gets me better tips at work (cocktailing) but most other people just think it’s weird.
37. I spend a lot of time with English people and sometimes the things I think to myself come out in a british accent. At least I never speak out loud in one. That would be really lame.
38. my mother planned my conception so I’d be born on the same day as her best friend. i came a day early.
39. I’m freakishly good at jigsaw puzzles.
40. I don’t know how to swim. I can only doggy paddle.

41. I’m a wine snob.
42. I didn’t know what my father looked like until I was in high school and my brother forced my mom to dig up the one picture she didn’t cut his head out of. He looks just like my brother.
43. I can’t stand watching women play basketball.
44. I like growing my hair long just so I can cut it all off.
45. I trust my stylist with my life. I seriously think I’d let him cut me open and operate on me. Maybe I should re-evaluate this…
46. I’m from Chicago but I’m a Yankees fan. People always accuse me of being this fake that follows the winners. NOT TRUE! I had white sox season tickets from the age of nine, then the strike in, what, 1994 made me so angry I stopped watching altogether. I got to college (in Ithaca, ny) and the guy I was dating was a Yankees fan and he taught me all about the players, I got attached. To the team, not to the guy. The guy didn’t last.
47. It takes me less than 20 minutes to be showered and out of the house in the morning.
48. I hear from guys that I’m intimidating. I think that’s bullshit.
49. people always comment on the color of my eyes, saying they're hazel or honey colored. To me, they’re just brown. I don’t see a difference.
50. I’m also really bad at telling hair color. I always say “light brown” when other people say the person is clearly a dirty blond. I don’t know when blond ends and brown begins…

51. I love movie musicals. i sing along. i don't always realize it.
52. I do a mean crossword.
53. I have boobs and I’m not afraid to use them.
54. Even when I’m in a relationship, I think valentine’s day is a ridiculous holiday. I refuse to recognize it.
55. I’ll only eat tuna salad if someone else makes it for me. It must have celery.
56. I drink vanilla skim lattes soy lattes.
57. I like my eggs over easy.
58. I love craigslist. I obsessively check missed connections. I always find them for other people I know. Always a bridesmaid….
59. my secret single behavior: going to the olive garden for soup, salad, and breadsticks. It’s embarrassing how happy it makes me.
60. When I get cravings, they do not go away until I satisfy them.

61. I’m slightly dyslexic. my grade in a college accounting class went from a C+ to an A after the teacher found out and went back over my exams. I’ll write 5 and 6 digit numbers completely in reverse.
62. I think goat cheese should be in everything. I tried to make crème brulee with goat cheese. I should leave things like that to a professional.
63. At bars I always request P.Y.T. by Michael Jackson
64. though I’ve been around (not going to say how much, suffice it to say that it’s enough) I guess I still haven’t had enough sex to not feel even slightly attached to a guy after I sleep with him. Unless it’s bad sex…then I have no problem never seeing him again.
65. I’m inexorably attracted to trumpet players.
66. my best friend in high school died of an aneurism the day we were to take the SAT’s. she was brilliant. She would have been something great.
67. people always ask me, “what are you?” answer: ½ Chinese, ¼ german, 1/8 irish and 1/8 english. What I say: “American.” Europeans think we’re ridiculous to talk about heritage when we are simply American. We were born here, our parents were likely born here. Ethnicity is so amorphous.
68. I don’t like chocolate. I know. Its blasphemous.
69. I’m a Francophile. I know about 40 words in French and toss them out as often as possible. Je detest la tour…
70. I speak Spanish relatively well and am teaching myself sign language.

71. I read the whole Nancy Drew series in a month and a half when I was in 6th grade. It was nearly 4 books a day, and no, apparently, I didn’t have any friends. Nancy was a pretty decent fucking role model and even today I still love a good mystery.
72. I used to be able to win super Mario bros. in one life. I do not think that this makes me cool.
73. I also had an Atari. I do think that this makes me cool.
74. I can always tell when people are lying to me.
75. I bruise easily and often discover huge welts on my arms and legs with no knowledge of where they came from.
76. my roommate gets annoyed with me because I never notice when the shower is dirty. I never have my contacts in and can’t even really see my feet in the shower without them. I have to remember to check that shit out after I put my glasses on.
77. will this list ever end? For fuck’s sake.
78. everyone thinks I’m hugely extroverted. To be honest, I really prefer to be alone.
79. kangaroos scare the shit out of me.
80. as do spiders but I pretend they don’t bother me because I don’t want to look too weak or girly.

81. I have two one dog (with my mom in CA): boo (lhasa) and my murph is up in doggy heaven. I bought them Derek Jeter jerseys. Its sickeningly cute.
82. I think people who put booties or shoes on dogs are silly.
83. I don’t know if I want children
84. I want them so I can name them.
85. but if I had them, I wouldn’t actually have them. I’d adopt.
86. so I probably wouldn’t get to name them at all. Quelle domage! I guess I should stick to dogs.
87. I love opera. I used to train classically
88. I like walking around the house naked.
89. I think Montessori kids who, as adults, talk of being Montessori raised should be slapped.
90. I only eat hard tacos. None of that soft shit! this was pre-real mexican taco experience. i've of course now seen the error of my ways. soft only! as long as they're corn tortillas and are homemade. i'm a taco snob too now...

91. when I write letters, I write them with a fountain pen in pink ink (or occasionally a classic brown). comment romantique.
92. I own more than 200 pairs of underwear. and almost as many shoes.
93. I had a happy childhood.
94. I LOVE NEW YORK
95. but I miss driving, being able to just cruise around with the musing blaring and the windows rolled down.
96. I absolutely believe that that guy John Edwards talks with dead people and it freaks me out. editing this out mostly because who even knows if that dude is even still alive? i could google it, but i care too little to even go through the motions.
97. I’m uber critical of myself and others.
98. I’m awful at staying in touch with people.
99. my feet aren't ticklish.
100. my favorite ice cream is mint chocolate chip from baskin robbins.