grey gardens, georgia, 86ing locanda, yankees

i mean, he still looks 20. 

i finally read sloane crosley's "i was told there'd be cake" just in time for her second book to come out. i enjoyed the references to all things having to do with my childhood. we have a lot in common and we must be the same age. dolphin earrings diving through your lobes, oregon trail, carmen sandiego, summer camp, suburban living, we were both almost named jennifer (which, no offense, would have been TRAGIC). i did feel like she had to stretch a fair amount to make stories out of some of these vignettes. felt she was trying a bit hard to be clever. however, she's 1000 times funnier than i am and certainly a better writer and likely smarter than i. her second book i'm sure will show some maturity, i'm looking forward to it.

managed to snag seats in the delta skybox last weekend. am now best friends with the bartender there (who conveniently also works at MSG) and me and my girls drank for free the whole damn time. the seats were all cushy and we were so close to the field that i could have yelled at my boyfriend cano and he definitely would have been able to see me. i'm going to hold off on the crazy antics till i'm close enough to shove my number down his pants. anyone here have field seats? robert the florist for all the mario restaurants says he's got primo seats. wondering what baseline they're on...

my favorite maitre'd is no longer at locanda verde. at this point, i know a handful of people who work there. i've heard a few stories about how management doesn't have anyone's back and a few more stories about how it's not the kind of place you'd stay longer than a year anyhow. too many owners, too much snobbery, too sceney, too many priorities in the wrong place. but the food is excellent and they'll always do good business which, i suppose, is why staff may not be the most important concern. there will always be an actor who needs a job. it's why i admire danny meyer so much. people are going to eat at his restaurants and he's going to make money anyhow. he doesn't have to treat his staff like gold but he does. he doesn't have to go above and beyond on the service side but he does. and i know andrew has his name attached to the place but he's probably checked out since he's opening a new restaurant and who the fuck really wants to deal with deniro and his ilk day in and day out? anyway, when ahiram gets a new job, i'm sending every one of my friends to whatever new places he chooses. i have a good 4 dozen well-connected people who go wherever i tell them to food-wise (and proceed to book their dates or corporate dinners there, etc.) and i couldn't live without returning the favor ahiram gave to me. he was a friendly face to a girl who eats out alone, a lot. and now i'm lucky enough to call him a friend. to bigger and better things!

have committed myself to a pub crawl with dave pasternack. it started with him trashing my favorite dive, saying there were much better dives to spend time at and he'd prove it to me. i'd promised to help him at the lobster roll event which he actually had to drop out of. he was going to return the favor by bringing me to the frankies cookbook party but i had to go to the jed foundation gala instead. then i left for georgia so he called yesterday and pinned me down to a day. i'm already feeling drunk thinking about it. i'm not going to be able to keep up. i'll have to secretly order club sodas and pretend there's vodka in them. will be an adventure, regardless.

speaking of restaurant workers, a good friend has been handling a bunch of cases against restaurant owners who are underpaying their staff (mostly the illegal immigrants who don't realize they actually have rights even if they don't have citizenship). they're easy cases, all you need is a few paystubs and people to sign affidavits as to the fact they all aren't making minimum wage and the owners (who pretty much always know they're being shady bitches) settle up and sign contracts saying they won't fire the current staffers unless for cause (a cause being something OTHER than the fact that they sued). seems like a pretty lucrative business and there is an endless number of restaurants in the city not following the rules. might be time to start striking up bussers and delivery men with a calculator in hand when i go out to dinners from now on...

OMG you guys! we totally went and hung out at grey gardens. we were the chicest people there which ended up being a disappointment. you never want to go anywhere and feel like there's nobody there worth ogling at. the food was hideous but the house and grounds were historic and the cater waiters were cute and our favorite dj was playing so it wasn't all bad.

my week in georgia was southern bliss. home cooked meals in peachtree city and ellijay where i met my namesake, a rust colored hen who ted's mom describes as "the feisty one"that prefers to hang out with the rooster rather than her fellow hens (which, btw, is dangerous because roosters like their own space and will kill another bird in his way). i got head nudged by colin the goat which i was told was the goat version of a nuggie. we drove four wheelers around the 25 acre farm and fed lettuce to the ducks and day old doughnuts to the cows and gilbert the donkey. i pulled an egg from under a chicken and then apologized immediately for stealing her baby, which ted's mom thought was ridiculous (she was right). at the wedding we went skeet shooting with rifles which scared the crap out of me. i was terrified to take the safety off because i didn't like even holding something deadly. the noise was loud. there was a certain amount of satisfaction in sliding out an empty shell. it felt very badass to hear the click and see the casing fly out to the side. but after a few shots i called it quits and when i handed off the gun i realized my hands were shaking something fierce.

Gilbert!

but mostly the wedding was an awful lot of drinking and eating chick-fil-a. all my bests were there and we had a sweet cabin with a pool table and hot tub (sautee resorts, i highly recommend it) and we sang and danced and swam in the river by a covered bridge and ate fried and pickled okra. the ceremony was beautiful and we decked the getaway car in loads of glow in the dark bracelets. the brides dad makes his own wine (they have a small vineyard) and limoncello and the BBQ there is fantastic. but it was HOT. i'd call it steamy and disgusting but if you were being optimistic, it would be "sultry." 

this is going to be too much information but i had an annual ladyparts visit today, mentioned some period irregularity and was given an ultrasound. it's a strange thing to get an ultrasound when you're not trying to be pregnant. i mean i'm NOT pregnant. no chance in hell. but then she's sticking that wand up there and you think, "hm, hope she doesn't find a heartbeat!" she did not. but my uterus is pointed the wrong way and i have teeny ovaries. all this time i've lived my life without having the slightest idea whether my reproductive organs were even all there and functioning. strange. not that i was ever planning on having children to begin with but strange to think how much i don't know about my own damn body at this point in life. 

My babies

strangers, new york, missed events

this was clever.

and improv everywhere does it again. awesome.

so just as soon as i was wrangled in to help at a lobster roll competition, my guy had to drop out because the folks at citi field didn't check the schedule before they committed and couldn't do it on a game night. but then, THEN, the chef says, "well the good news is that i've got an even better party for you on thursday! it's a cookbook release party for X and Y (major band) will be playing!" the problem with that: i'm already committed to a gala dinner on thursday with david. i'd agreed to take the place of the boyfriend he's just broken up with.

so yeah. no cookbook party madness for me. and for that, i am SAD. #whitewhine

i had a lovely weekend out in fire island with my gays. lots of lying by the pool. we've figured out accommodations for our field trip out to grey gardens (OMG! WE ARE GOING TO GREY GARDENS!) so many little things to do i can't even think straight. my personal planner looks like a pair of pencils went waltzing across it willy nilly. double and triple bookings 4 nights out of the week.

this is a screenshot of my statcounter the other day. BEST search to find my blog EVER. i like to think of this as being about an engagement to be married, not an engagement the english way which would just mean plans for dinner or whatever. but YES, googling something like that won't get you anywhere productive, hence how they ended up at my blog. AWESOME. i'm getting like 40 hits a day now about robinson cano. YES. I AM HIS GIRLFRIEND. WE ARE IN LOVE. I'M HAVING HIS BABIES. the thing is that i've had my eye on that guy for at least 4 years. i've been talking about how hot he is long before anyone knew who he was. but now, NOW he's a fucking hot shot so everybody is trying to get in on this. they need to BACK OFF. srsly.

i got in the elevator heading up to pilates and a man jumped in as the doors were sliding shut. he goes to push a button and retreats. he's obviously not going to pilates. i see him looking at me, "are you running late to class?" i wasn't. "oh, i didn't want to hold you up! i'd have rode up with you and then taken it back down to my floor." which, honestly, was pretty much the best random act of kindness from a stranger i've had in weeks. this elevator is ancient and takes FOREVER and he was volunteering to bypass his floor so that i could get to pilates on time? unbelievable.

i was on the subway uptown and some woman sits next to me and i can see her staring at me. i'm thinking, "what the F did i do to this woman?" because in new york, when someone is annoying you, you give them dirty looks. so i brush my hair behind my ear and i hear her say, "no! don't do that." i turn to look at her to see whether she's talking to me and she is. "it looks more chic down. don't tuck behind." YES. some woman on the train yelled at me for tucking my hair behind my ears. it's zeki, my old stylist, reincarnated as a small latina woman who looks like she works the perfume counter at bloomingdales. i untucked my hair and she nodded in approval. i thanked her and then we both went back to minding our own business. 

only in new york kids, only in new york.

don't ask me what day it is

life kind of moves by these days and drags me with it. i'm out of town for the next three weekends, a lobster roll throw down, a black tie gala, a wedding in GA. many opportunities to wear the dresses in my closet with tags on them. and also to make myself crazy to find a place to stay for a single night in east hampton #whitepeopleproblems all my days are blending into each other in this strange way when last night i found myself checking my planner, seeing i'd penciled in the cleaners for next thursday but then saying, "no, they came a few days ago" and then realizing it was thursday and that they'd come that very morning. total mindfuck.

met a guy, found out he was a republican which, for me, is a total deal breaker. he wasn't a fiscal conservative either. he gave cagey-ass answers about not thinking humans caused global warming and that he was some big capitalist and wouldn't be able to live with himself if a woman whom he was with ever had an abortion. basically all the WRONG answers. disaster. game over. know what's also wrong? married men hitting on me. it's been happening everywhere i go lately. i'm fairly certain i don't put out the "i will have a torrid affair with you" vibe because 1.) i won't 2.) gross and 3.) i'm not remotely desperate enough to feel any kind of validation from that. so it's probably the boobs. meh.

paid someone to come in and clean my apartment and that woman was scrubbing the corners and washing walls. (who washes walls? do people do that?) and my apt looks amazing. i was cleaning my room and kept finding bottles of designer parfume and lotions and makeup that i collect from various event gift bags so sent her home with a big tote of stuff and lipsticks for her daughters to play with. basically, she's my new best friend.

a friend of a friend has been here illegally for a decade. he was here with asylum but he found out years later that his lawyer never filled out the paperwork correctly at the beginning. he's been married to a lovely woman for 5 years and he just got picked up from his house and brought to a detention center. so i guess this is where my lawyering and politics experience comes in handy because i've helped to put them in touch with their congresswoman and their senator. where the fuck is immigration reform when you need it?

having a weekend with the gays in fire island this weekend. will be a nice break even though it's thunderstormy. i love listening to the ocean and the way my hair feels in the salty air.

tired, mary hk choi brilliance

a gem from tavi. i can't believe she's still in junior high. i feel so inadequate. 

i've generally had an exhausting couple weeks. i'm working with the democratic front runner to be the next governor of new york state. and because he held off declaring he was even running until so late and then wanted everything to be a surprise there have been endless last minute press conferences and running around and chaos and early mornings. there was a point on thursday where i thought my body and brain were just going to say, "peace out!" and leave whatever was left on at the rye hilton dem convention floor. i do like these political events because i see a lot of old friends there. a reunion of sorts! and it's always good to be working for the guy you know is going to win, even if doing so is kind of a sacrifice and even if there's no guarantee of a real job later down the line and even if there is a real job, it'll pay beans. 

that being said, it's still great to get out of the law firms for a while.

fleet week was as per usual. grown men throwing themselves at you and whispering all the bad, BAD things they want to do to you in increasingly desperate tones as their 2am curfew approaches. and unfortunately for them, i've rarely been the type (have had my moments) to bring a random guy home whom i've just met. also, i just washed my sheets. they're wasting their time. if they looked like josh hartnett we might have been in business, but just regular old good looking won't cut it, especially as i was sober. 

the boys made another video. it's a little shaky but cute all the same. 

i mean: YES....To me, happy is the awesomest flavor of awesome. Hands down. And this speaks to my earlier response, but I honestly think the best thing you can do each and every day to get happy is incrementally work toward creative goals that are heart-burstingly fulfilling. No matter how daunting and unlikely the prospect of success. I mean, I've been quasi-skint my whole adult life living in a very expensive city and I've launched a TON of things that died or broke and have taken financial risks—but if not now then when? In fact, in the next two years, I'm launching no less than SIX independently published, creator-owned projects with my brother and his fiancée Sonia Oback, who is a super-sick colorist. And those projects will wobble like newborn foal and munch through our savings but, man, it's so thrilling. I'm not rash and foolhardy enough to buy property or have children, so in the meantime if I can just move forward and leave a trail of creative things that I adored putting together, I think I'll be happy as much as it's in my control to be happy. Basically, I think if everyone learned to live like me and followed my teachings they would rule so much harder than if they just went blindly living how they're inclined to. Oh, and consume other creative's things. All the time. Gorge. And applaud. And be covetous. And tell them you hate them to their faces. And learn. 

brilliance from xkcd.