an SOS then a "nevermind!"

so realizing i hadn't made any plans yet for this weekend i texted about 5 or six friends. i e-mailed about four others. and they all came back with parties, dinners, bars on the LES.

so where half an hour ago, i had nothing....now i've spread myself so thin that i literally foresee myself being at twenty parties for ten minutes each just to fit them all in! at this point i'm trying to juggle. inviting other friends to other friend's dinner parties, then telling other friends i'll meet them after with a fourth group of friends. am praying right now that it somehow all works out and fits together. i have too many friends from too many different places, none of whom know each other so i'm trying to do a bit of mixing and matching. new years is going to be even worse. all of a sudden, i'm stressed out.

i suppose knowing that many people and having that many friends is, without a doubt, a Good Thing. (yeah martha!)

but next time i think i should only reach out to two or three at a time.

or i should just sit home with ocean's 11 (the remake with george and brad) and some nice wine instead. i could watch that movie over and over and over again. so many pretty men in one place. sigh....

christmas and some other good stuff

the night before i left i saw the "boy genius" jewish guy again. i swear i'm cutting him out. any day now. really. i am....

so i had just about the loveliest christmas in years. not so coincidentally, it was also the first EVER without my immediate family. my little asshole of a brother finally moved out of the house and to houston. and then he decides that he doesn't feel like flying to CA to spend the holiday with my mother. i call my mother, asking her what she thought of this. "if he doesn't want to come that's fine! i'm not going to force him to do anything!" "but mother, you've been forcing me to abandon my sweet home chicago for CA for SEVEN years!" i say. "well i thought you liked it out here. if you want to go to chicago, go!"

so i did. and i went straight into the city to stay with a friend of mine who made gingersnaps and macaroni and cheese. i had breakfast the next morning at my favorite breakfast place and had loads of frushi. i went out to the suburbs where kate took me for a massage as my christmas present. it was excellent. i found some pretty good gifts for the grandparents. spent tons of quality time with the doggies. my mom, got me the 1980 vintage (the year i was born) of this wine. i have NO idea when the hell i'll drink it. it is, without a doubt, the nicest bottle in my collection. grandparents gave me cash (thank god). christmas day was with grandma and grandpa, the evening spent at kate's parents house like old times. and it was wonderful to be back home at the holiday. they had french silk pies and it was heaven.

a friend from high school texted christmas night, "hey, let's get a drink." i didn't know bars were even open on christmas. but not only were they open, they were packed. i ran into a good 20 guys i went to high school with. of the 20, ten of them were people i'd had crushes on at one point or another. it was hilarious. i even saw sweet dave who said he wants to get together next time the band is playing in new york. i haven't lived in elmhurst for 8 years now but i knew more than half the people in the bar. THAT's how popular i am.

the next day i went with kate to the fitting for her wedding dress. she looked absolutely beautiful. the bridesmaids dresses are hot. but kind of in an, "i'm going to a formal and i'm looking a little slutty" way, not an "i'm standing up in a wedding" way. i'll get pictures online soon. you'll see what i mean. it's hot pink. i hate pink. i'll definitely be dying the thing black when all is said and done...

i came back to a package sent all the way from malaysia courtesy of these awesome girls. it's a gorgeous caftan. they said people lie around the house/sleep in it. frankly, it's absolutely beautiful and i'm going to belt the thing and wear it out when it's nicer. ladies, let me know if that's a HUGE fashion faux pas, otherwise i'm gonna wear it outside the house if you don't mind!

so huzzah! for little surprises from far away places. now to figure out how to return the favor...

new yorkers: cold and hard

i walk into cosi this morning to get a bagel. i see a man standing back from the counter, looking like he's already ordered.

i step up to the counter, the girl asks me what i want. "asiago bagel, toasted, lightly buttered please." then she looks at the man and asks for his order. i look at him and say, "oh my gosh, i'm so sorry, i thought you'd ordered!" he steps up, tells me not to worry about it and orders the same thing. the problem? i got the last asiago bagel.

so at this point i say, "listen, have mine. i'm so sorry." still friendly as hell..."no! it gives me a chance to try something new! i'll have a whole grain bagel," he says. i can't understand why he's being so nice...

i apologize another ten times and he's cheery as can be about it all.

stunned, i leave the store thinking how that would have played out if i was in the guy's position instead. had i been there first and someone had tried to order i would have said, loudly, "um, excuse me, i was here first." i would have been an absolute bitch to anyone trying to cut in line.

and it's times like these that i notice how i've hardened in the last five years living here. how easily impatient i've become. how many dirty looks i give to people who don't understand when to cross the street or that they shouldn't wear backpacks on the subway because they hit people with them. that i run into people (or that they run into me) and i give a glare or just keep on moving, never stopping or apologizing. how rarely i smile at anyone anymore. or even, when something happens that does put a smile on my face, how quickly i notice it and put my "leave me alone" face back on lest i look like a dopey tourist; wide-eyed and grinning, begging someone to rob me while pedicab drivers attempt to get me into their cart.

but i haven't hardened to the core quite yet. because i actually felt bad AND i apologized. that, in itself, means the coldness hasn't completely set in. hopefully i can hang on to the small amount of civility i have left for a little while longer.

but don't expect me to say sorry to the next skinny bitch that runs me down at bloomingdales. i'm still going to call her an asshole under my breath and secretly plot to elbow her "by accident" if i happen to catch her in the next department.

a girl can only take so much...

i've always had a little obsession...

...with justin timberlake



i think everyone has seen this video by now, but if not, it's a must watch.

sigh.

i love that man...

happy times...

my weekends lately have been phenomenal. full of shopping, holiday parties, good food, plays and dance concerts.

highlights include:

the premiere of a documentary titled "who the fuck is jackson pollock?" it was at a cute indie film house in the west village. they had free popcorn and had old bay seasoning to put on it which was SOOO GOOD, free soda, and a reception with wine and crudites afterwards. the documentary itself was hilarious. it's about this crazy old lady truck driver that bought what many people think is a jackson pollock at a thrift store in CA. she was looking for the ugliest painting in the store to buy as a gag gift for a sick friend, bought it for $5 and an art teacher saw it and thought it might be real. she's since had forensic scientists come in and do paint evaluations and they even found a pollock fingerprint on the back. everyone in the documentary was at the screening and they did a question and answer afterward.

an alvin ailey performance and gala. i was picked up by this guy who walked up to me and said, "i sponsored a jude law event last week and i wanted to invite you but didn't have your number! you need to give it to me." i've never before in my life met this man. but for a second, he had me actually thinking i knew him. very surreal. i told him my number and he didn't write it down so i assumed (and hoped) he'd forget it. but no, he called last week. the performance itself was AMAZING. ailey has a newish dancer there who is ridiculous. legs 8 feet long, extensions like you've never seen and arches that kill me!

dinner at the most cozy/charming italian place on the lower east side. they only have 7 tables but the food is to die for. it's my new little secret.

a ridiculous brunch at compass on the upper west side with the best service i've had at a restaurant in AGES.

dim sum in chinatown at this crazy place where the host acts like a vegas lounge singer (he has a microphone even) and the tablecloths are this blinding pink. but we ate and ate and for five of us the total was 31 dollars. sometimes i really heart chinatown.

my friend pretty had a part at his place. he's all about keeping up appearances. so naturally he had someone come in to professionally decorate his new meatpacking (read: uber-trendy) duplex (read: two floors). he had a 15 foot tree which fit nicely in his living room with vaulted ceilings. in the tree: fake amex cards with pretty's name on them, and tiny magnolia cupcakes tacked to the branches (and yes, i totally took one off and ate it...but everyone else was doing it too so it's okay). BUT, with the glorious...comes the bad. pretty's friends. they're all good looking, but they're also totally full of themselves, too wealthy, not all that bright. and then there was the bungalow 8 socialite mix that just kind of appears at places like this. thank god for jeff his friends. my saviors!

my friend ted had a cozy soiree where they made the BEST food, but then the WORST holiday punch you've ever seen. something with champagne and vanilla vodka and who knows what else. and i drank it all night and had probably the worst hangover of my life the next day.

a private party at gin lane where cheese plates and champagne abounded. but it was stuffy so we hopped over to the dingiest dive bar within walking distance and had the best time (though zeke showed up for a bit, acted weird, then took off, which is annoying because we're meant to be friends still).

and i finally made time for a massage. because, you know, going to parties is SOOO stressful...

LAME

and the pathetic e-mails from ex-wb still coming in.

sigh. maybe someday he'll find something better to do and will stop inundating me with such pathetic messages. maybe. prank call like crazy kids.

6467840007@vtext.com Dec 16 (1 day ago)
Why are you still writing mean things about me? They aren't even true. I want to make you understand how sorry I am for hurting you.

6 weird things meme

so this meme has been floating around a bit. i usually hate being tagged for these but i saw it first over at omar's and kind of liked it. and kind of wanted to do it, despite the fact i wasn't tagged. or maybe because i wasn't tagged, i actually wanted to do it. some reverse psychology taking place over here. but i was finally tagged by becky. see comment in this post, which made me laugh.

to people who know me in real life, i'm normal. but like most people, i'm secretly a freak. example: i always talk to myself in the bathroom. usually the bathroom is empty and it's okay. i'll say things like, "come on toilet paper, stop tearing before i'm ready." or "damnit people, why can't you wipe up the seat." and in all honesty, i try to keep the bathroom talking at a minimum when there are people around. people at my office don't have to know i'm out of my mind.

the one place i can't hide my quirks is at the dinner table. i am kind of weird when it comes to food.

without further ado...six things that make me weird.

1.) french toast: i cut each piece into tiny squares. put the syrup on the side and get upset if it runs into my toast cube pile. i also eat the crust first since the inside stuff is the better part worth saving for last.

2.) kit kats: my favorite part is that grainy, brown sugary stuff in the middle between the wafers. and since i'm not a huge fan of chocolate, it really just gets in the way. so i eat all the chocolate off first until all i have left is wafer/brown sugar goodness. note: i've also met another guy who eats them that way. and he's a genius. i think it's a sign that we're both geniuses. however, he considers ketchup his arch nemesis. i heart ketchup. so maybe i'm only half genius.

3.) roast beef sandwiches: i will literally only eat them with potato chips inside the sandwich. i prefer ruffles as they stay crunchy longer but they're increasingly hard to find. it's also a big production to get as many chips under the bread as possible for maximum roast beef/potato chip ratio.

4.) tacos: when i make them at home, only eat them if they're open faced tacos. i'll break a shell in half and layer the toppings on a flat half shell. sometimes i'll eat it like that, sometimes i'll take the other half and put it on top to make more of a sandwich than a taco. it's really the only way to get meat, lettuce, tomato and cheese all in one bite. if you make them normally, you only get one or two layers at a time. it makes no sense to me!

5.) hot chocolate: is only consumed with sickeningly vast amounts of whipped cream. i will keep the can next to me so that every time i finish a layer of it, i can add another. i'll add whipped cream to hot chocolate about 4 to 5 times with each 10oz mug.

6.) the last bite: this is more an indicator of how controlling and anal i am as a virgo, but i carefully plan the last bite of anything i eat (especially at restaurants) so that i get maximum satisfaction out of it.

cute overload...

i have been watching this video over and over and over and over.

i NEED a dog. seriously.

sufjan stalking time!

so first: i direct you to a charming little post over at peter dewolf's blog where there is a shout-out to half-asian women. we rule.

second: there was a sufjan stevens sighting on gawker, which reminded me that he lives in brooklyn and isn't touring and that i should be dedicating more time to stalking him.

third: all new yorkers should aid in my stalking of sufjan, send any tips about his whereabouts, frequent haunts, etc. over to me. he's soooo pretty and i kind of want to have babies with him if he's not gay. hell, i'd have his babies even if he was.

modern day geisha

so i've been noticing a trend. lately, different friends and even just acquaintances have been inviting me along to different events and functions with them. more and more it seems that my purpose is to entertain whatever other guests my friend/acquaintance is meeting. it's not my company they want, it's in an, "i'm meeting up with these people and i need a buffer."

i've become a modern day geisha.

i have better than average social skills, am an excellent conversationalist and have a way of making people feel comfortable or at least disarming them a bit in social settings (usually accomplished by making fun of myself quite a bit...it's self-defeating but it ALWAYS works).

everything from entertaining the friend's brother's boss from out of town to the, "i'm bringing my boyfriend out for the first time and he doesn't know anyone so i want you there because you'll be nice to him," to "i'm fighting with my significant other and want you there to make sure we don't claw each other's eyes out," to "hey, we have a third wheel for you to entertain," or "i'm hanging out with people who i don't like, i'm bringing you to engage/entertain them so i don't have to."

when it comes to finding someone who will get along with ANYONE, i've become the go to girl. i didn't volunteer for this job. i'm not sure how i ended up with it, but most the time it's not all that fun and i'm not really enjoying myself. I'm too busy buffering, making fun of myself, and making sure everyone else is comfortable to worry about having a good time myself. being a geisha girl isn't effortless, no matter what anyone says.

i need to start charging for this shit.

date recap...sans cap

date with duncan was lovely. "so, you went to fenwick?" he says as we sit down. this shocks me for a couple reasons: 1.) i didn't go to fenwick but, 2.) it was a neighboring high school and 3.) how the fuck did he know where i was from?! it turns out his best friend from college, who lives in his building, came over to his place for coffee that afternoon. he tells her he has a date with a girl named jasmine. "jasmine (insert my last name)?" she responds, which totally shocks him. this girl is a friend of mine from high school who i NEVER see out here but i'm apparently the only jasmine she knows and so she took a guess. this is an incredibly small city sometimes.

we ended up at a russian vodka room with a tiny man playing the piano singing (kinda) opera in his little voice....okay, he totally slaughtered verdi's "va pensiero." but he was adorable anyhow. then this random blond woman started singing opera and she was amazing. she went through musetta's waltz from la boheme and a few other selections from the canon of arias. and THEN this man comes out of nowhere with a freaking violin! it was a whole impromptu concert. i loved it!

he did not wear the pageboy cap, unfortunately. and i felt surprisingly little guilt for having had two dates in two days. i did, however, feel a little bad that i was still wearing the same outfit for the date with duncan that i was wearing for the date with "boy genius" whose house i'd stayed at the night before. that fact was obvious to EVERYONE in my office because i actually decided to look nice for date with "boy genius" when i usually look like shit at the office. so it was suspect that i was dressed up two days in a row...and then they realized it was just the same damn outfit. oops!

conductor on the train today: "we are being held here. the train will be moving" as the train jerkily started speeding forward again, "shortly."
then, you hear him say, "i told you so."

then, as we were leaving the train he said, "i'll see you tomorrow. same time, same place. have a good day folks."

it's amazing how easy a quirky train conductor made my day this morning.

poor larry...

this picture had me laughing so hard i teared up.

am i extra loopy today or what?

i had to listen to it, so now you do too...

morman family man passed this on.

it's awful. like, really awful. but like any good train wreck...you can't pull yourself away.

so without further ado...go listen to a christmas song...