happy birthday to me!

Amid Calamity, New Yorker Celebrates 21st Birthday For Sixth Straight Year

by Andrew McDonald

NEW YORK, Chicago native turned New Yorker Jasmine Strange celebrated her sixth 21st birthday Wednesday evening, marking the occasion with friends, friends of friends, and freeloading hobos who just happen to dress well enough to blend in.

Strange, a reluctant attorney, and friends convened [insert cool new bar here which shall not be named so that enemies and weird people can't just show up], starting at 6:30 to throw back a few beers. "It was much friendlier than most parties I crash," said one particularly well-dressed hobo. "Usually they get a whiff of me and toss me out, but these guys saw my Versace jacket and were all, 'Let me get you a drink!' It was great."

Good times turned bad however when police busted in the door and arrested four party-goers for playing the illegal game "Who's In My Mouth?" Police also arrested Strange, citing a new city ordinance that says a birthday girl must "wear more clothes than that."

Strange was unapologetic though, saying, "I'm not going to let the police ruin this day for me. I only have the chance to celebrate turning 21 once... every year for five or six years."

hopefully this makes sense...

so i have a guy friend who has a hot single friend. i've met hot single friend and guy friend never said anything to me about hot single friend being interested.

and walking down the street the other day someone reached over and grabbed my arm as i was walking by them. it was hot single friend. we chatted briefly but i was running late somewhere and kind of took off on him. did i mention he was hot and single?

so men, i have a question: if hot single friend was at all interested in me, wouldn't guy friend have said something? he knows i'm single and shopping. conversely, am i allowed to mention to guy friend that i like hot single friend? he's probably reluctant to do any setting up in case things don't work out. but like i said, friend is hot and single.

please advise.

i met a boy....

so i saw an ad for this event and i knew i HAD to go. but i couldn't stop thinking about how much ex-work boyfriend would love the show and then i thought maybe i should be nice and invite him with me. yes, i'm an idiot, but don't despair just yet. as the time neared i started thinking about what a ridiculously bad idea it was after all. after calling him up out of the blue to invite him, he dragged his feet about going was running late and in conversation i find out that he's STILL lying to me about stuff. so i told him to not bother coming, i'd rather go with a total stranger off the street.

so i'm standing on the corner holding my ticket hoping someone will offer to buy it from me. i'm getting discouraged. tell myself that the loss of $60 was my just punishment for being so stupid as to contact the ex at all. i deserved to lose the money. i turn to head in and someone taps me on the shoulder. i turn to find a tall guy with broad shoulders and a beautiful smile. "are you selling that ticket?" "i am." "how much?" thinking that i'd just give it to him for free i still say, "well i paid $60 for it. but make an offer. not only do you get a primo seat, but you also get to sit next to me. and i'm very nice." "i'll give you fifty." "sold!"

we introduce ourselves. let's call him PJ. he works in real estate and was at the show to score some brownie points with his boss and mentor (a huge RE mogul who threw out the opening pitch at a yankees game once) who recommended it and would also be attending. pj is a huge yankees fan so we talk baseball for a while. i discuss with him how i'm trying to make jon stewart my husband so i can have his babies. sufjan stevens starts playing (side note: i am completely obsessed. not only is he uber talented, he's just great looking). but i start telling pj about his album titled Illinois. "hey, i should know that. i'm from Illinois!" "hey! so am i!" more lively discussion continues. a princeton grad, he's good looking, sweet, smart as all hell, and amazingly driven. we spend a few more hours talking and now i have his card so i guess the ball is in my court to call.

naturally, being the good stalker i am, i google this guy. i find out he's EVERYWHERE. he's a superstar athlete, volunteers, president of X committee, Y scholar, quoted in the New York Times because of his position as Z. i forward this shit to my friends who basically started calling him an "overachiever" then "the perfect man" and then plain old "freak of nature" for his involvement and public service and EVERYTHING else. this guy is unreal.

BUT he's younger than me. my stalking reveals that he's 23. that's younger than my baby brother. i don't date younger men. but this one might be worthy of an exception, don't you think?

thank you, ex work boyfriend, for being such an ass and making me free up your seat! yeee haw!!!

gotta love the post...

i'm sorry, but this is the funniest thing i've seen in ages. have been giggling over it all morning.

Phat Phree obsession

my new obsession...

you think you're cool?

and your little dog too...


this site's just amazingly funny...

no HNT today....

couldn't get my internet to work last night kids...

will be back next week!

happiness is...

i've had a great week. meeting new people, reaching out and catching up with old friends, hearing from others completely out of the blue. having lots of intimate conversations over good food at new restaurants. basically, i'm just feeling blessed to have so many great, fun, lovely people in my life.

in other words, i'm remembering how much i like being single.

little things that are different now that i'm single....

making eye contact with an attractive guy on the subway is something you can have little fantasies about later. about how next time you make eye contact like that you'll say something. about how, for as much gumption that i have sometimes, i'll STILL probably never say, "hi, how are you?" to the hot man in the next seat. when i was with ex-wb, i never really checked guys out. i missed it.

ooohhh! and then i get to look for the eye-contact man on missed connections on craigslist!!! oh, how i missed searching for non-existent missed connections with myself! i can't wait to get back to that. i'm 100% serious about this.

when i get out of the subway, i don't reach for my phone immediately and watch for the signal to come back, hoping there's a message from ex-wb (usually i was left disappointed). last night i reached in the pocket of my purse and wrapped my fingers around my keys which i happily tinkered with while i walked my few blocks home.

and i just bought tickets home to chicago. sweet sweet home chicago. where i will most definitely see the man i think i'm supposed to marry. so the scheming to get him to realize that begins...right now.....

WWYD...what would you do?

read this article

to me, it's a no brainer what the right answer is. but i'll wait to hear from you...

i need to lighten up

so my new yorker is supposed to arrive in my mailbox on mondays, but i don't usually get mine until tuesday.

and then it didn't come on tuesday or wednesday or yesterday. i was fuming, thinking about how i was going to have to buy this week's issue. cursing the incompetence of the post office...

and when i went to buy it today the cover looked familiar. last week's issue was a double issue.

i need to loosen up. seriously. i had myself all worked up over nothing.

and really, it's just a fucking magazine! i need to go back to yoga once a week.

clockwork

like clockwork, i become single and men start creeping out of the woodwork. in the last 24 hours i've heard from no less than 4 men in my past. some are in town and want to get together. some are across the ocean and just want to drop a line. and some have always been around but now are inviting me away for weekend outings, to pool/bbq parties with them in NJ, some wanting to know when i'm coming out to visit them.

strange how life works sometimes. strange how sometimes it doesn't work at all. glad i'm here for the ride regardless.

ah! the single life...

i'd been in a bad place this past month. working 90 hours a week and then some. trying to work things out with ex-work boyfriend only to have him treating me like crap over and over. roommate woes. job insecurity. severe homesickness.

but i'm turning a new leaf kids. i've changed my number to get rid of any ex-work boyfriend residue. he needs a better nickname. feel free to make suggestions. i'd go with conceited, fat, selfish, compulsive lying cheating asshole, but it's just too long. doesn't even make a nice mnemonic. he was annoying me with endless texts and voice mails.

more importantly, i'm getting out and enjoying myself. i had a great weekend. i've got half my week booked up, hamptons plans for next weekend and plans for fun things the week after that. my birthday is at the end of the month as well so gotta start planning! must find some boys to buy me presents! kidding.

i spent the day at the beach with miss ale and we had a lovely time. we talked about her nico. how stupd my ex was. a new boy i have my eye on (story later). she has pictures over at her site of our food, our cocktails and me in a swimsuit!!! i spent the night bar crawling in the east village with friends i hadn't seen in far too long. and they missed me. and i felt loved. and that's what it's all about people.

i met some people, cute guys included and i'm being set up by several friends as we speak.

so let the freak show...i mean, dating, begin!

and please people. i can see you. stop salivating at the thought of juicy stories of miserable dates. we all know there will be many but you don't have to look so damn excited about it!