my temporary home sweet home

thanks for the birthday wishes y'all. it was actually very low key but also lovely. it was a good day. adonis called to wish me a happy one and left the cutest message. he's moving to hoboken on friday/sat and i'll be here till the middle of next week i think, so [crossing fingers] hopefully i'll see him soon. i'll sure as hell hint at it a million times, at least.

so i'm staying at my dear friend alex's house. she's one of my best friends from college. she is just amazing, i have to say. she has been there for me at every moment that mattered. when the ex and i broke up (after a 5 year relationship), she was there. when someone broke into my car the next day she left work to come comfort me. she has been my one source of stability in college and out in this city whenever i've needed it.

so of course when i was homeless she was the first person to say, "you're staying at mine. i don't want another word about it." i told myself i wouldn't stay with any friend for more than a week (as i have nine other friends who have already volunteered their homes). i'm imposing enough, i shouldn't stay for more than a week anywhere. but alex is insisting i stay the month if i have to. that's just the way she is.

she's the kind of person that makes every place feel like home. she's totally silly and full of her mother's crazy maxims. she's from dallas and will make you black eyed peas and brown sugar bacon and cheddar cheese grits.

so i'm comfortable and happy here but i know i can't stay forever. in fact, she makes it really hard to judge when i'll have overstayed my welcome. i've seen no good apartments lately. i went to a place yesterday that had eleven bedrooms. yes, eleven. one bathroom. solamente uno. funny how they failed to mention that in their ad...i wonder why...

my best friend kate always makes a place feel like home too. she's in chicago though. also, she forgot my birthday but it's the first time ever i think (ignoring all the years she convinced herself it was the 31st and not the 30th), so i'll forgive her. i'm also leaving my anonymity behind a bit. i've told my close friends in chicago about the blog because it's the best way for them to keep up with my life. also, since i almost never see them i don't have any reason to trash talk them here and thus, to hide the blog from them. everyone say hello to jasmine's chicago friends [waving] who probably won't comment much, but read, i hope they will.

sixth senses

so kids have a sixth sense about any person their parents are dating. for those with happy married parents, you'll have absolutely no idea what i'm talking about. for the children of the, what %65 percent of all marriages that end in divorce, i think you'd agree.

my mother divorced my father when i was four years old. ken was two. i remember being 5 when i met my mother's first post-divorce boyfriend. ken and i liked him the minute we met him. it turns out he had a daughter who was four. we knew, right away, that he liked children. she had another boyfriend, chuck. again, ken and i knew right away that we hated chuck. chuck had two boys around ken's age. chuck clearly liked children, but we realized the reason for our dislike...he liked only his own children. he acted like we didn't exist and spoiled his own children rotten. i was 12 and i ran away from home that summer when my mom told me she wanted to marry him. i only got 5 blocks from home by the time kenny had told on me and my mother caught me. she broke up with chuck the next day.

for those who were about to, don't feel bad for me breaking up mom and chuck. he was an asshole. also, my mother has a record of making the WORST decisions ever. i was forced to grow up a little too fast for my liking. her last marriage was to a guy she met on the internet. they had met once, the next week she flew down to miami and they put all of his belongings in a rental car (computer and bongo drums) and drove back to chicago, getting married on the way up. then she found out he was a raging alcoholic. "he lied to me!" she says. "well, did you ask him if he was an alcoholic?" "no." "well, then how was he lying to you about it." "he should have said something." "no, mother, you should have tried dating him first." [mother stutters something and has no further response]

this is how many of my discussions with my mother go. i bore even myself with them. but i digress.

the real reason for this post is to discuss a man's hidden sixth sense. i think guys know when a girl in their past has met someone new. i hook up with jared and the same night i get a text from the 19 year old (i can already hear omar's tsk tsking...), and in the next two days i got e-mails from jesse the chef, two minute ben, and jon the photographer. all boys in my past that i haven't heard from in ages and now they all want to check in with me to see how i am. so now i'm just waiting on internet jason but i doubt i'll hear from him since he's the only one i wish would come back around.

adonis and i talked briefly yesterday but he was on a search for boxes since he has to pack and move this week. he sounded hectic. i invited him to come out for drinks for my birthday tomorrow but i don't expect him to be able to come around. it's okay because it's too early for him to come meet friends. we're not anything yet. i just was trying to hint to him a time to get together this week but i doubt it'll happen.

so i wait. [sigh]

...still looking...

so i finally heard from the girl with the amazing chelsea apt. she says that a friend of her roommate's had said a while back that she'd want to move in if she got a job in the city. apparently this girl did just get a job in the city and is taking the room, though no leases have yet been signed.

so that's sad. really sad.

i saw a better chinatown place (no chinese families of four living in it) but you had to walk through this gross alley with garbage cans lining it behind a restaurant to get there, followed by a 5 floor walkup. the apt was tiny, but just renovated and definitely livable. rent only $610 and it wasn't too far from the subway at all. it wasn't in the heart of chinatown, it was just off canal street so i could get all the fake fendi bags i'd ever need just a few steps away. the boy showing the room (he was 21) was adorable, real funny, and seemed like an easy person to live with. i don't know what kind of misconceptions he had about me but he really really didn't believe me when i told him i was a lawyer. i was like, "listen guy, if i were going to make up a profession, i'd say i was a doctor. people don't hate doctors." the bathroom was TINY. i do fear rat and roach infestation with restaurant down below, but we're on the 5th floor. does that make a difference?

saw an ad for an apt in an amazing east village apt and after sending the initial, "i'm interested, when are you showing it?" e-mail, i get this:

"Please write a short statement about what your purpose is in life, what you believe in, what is important to you in life. In short, who are you in essence? What is your life all about? What can you tell me or show me (by way of a statement, poem, story, drawing, etc.) that will be a window on your soul?"

what a goddamn tool. seriously. so i sent him my 100 things list and then remembered the part where i say i hate cats...and the part about how he said he had two cats. so i'm pretty sure i blew it on that one anyhow.

a friend of a friend directed me to a nice girl named nikki in astoria and i'm seeing her place tomorrow. cross your fingers for me.

STILL no word from library adonis. i'll wait till the weekend to worry. i'll give him one more call before i give up and get sad about it.

also, went to the most fabulous secret restaurant tonight. you have to make reservations. but to make them you have to get the unlisted number. you do that by showing up at this random taco stand and going through the door marked "employees only" and getting the number from the hostess downstairs. i made resos (i got the number from an un-named source) and went tonight and had a great time. you go downstairs, through the kitchen and around a bunch of other stuff before you're broght into the bar area, all candlelit and awesome looking. awesome sangria. food is affordable (get the shrimp ceviche, it rocks). service was perfect and place was sultry yet accessible. can't wait to go back.

met up with pretty afterwards. he's got balls the size of texas, so of course he started talking to a girl and i knew my cue to go meet other people and make friends. she wasn't pretty, but for his sake, i hope she's good in bed ;)

a commercial break

from our regularly scheduled apartment hunting.

briefly: chelsea wanted more info about me to send on to her roommates and told me she'd get back to me after she'd discussed my offer with them. have no idea if that's a good thing, but at least it's not a flat out "i didn't like you enough to make a deal like this with you."

also: left message with adonis as planned but have yet to hear back.

so let me tell you a little story about this fabulous girl who happened upon this bar. she'd never noticed this bar before so stepped on in with her other half, justin (the most fabulous gay man ever, the Will to my Grace). the bartenders were friendly, they were serving up awesome blackberry mojitos for a cheap cheap $7, there was an amazing garden with trees and patio tables and perfect lighting, it was in the incredibly trendy meatpacking district. "what's the name of this place?" the fabulous girl asked. "oh, we've only been open for three days. we got our liquor license early so opened early. we don't even have a name yet, we have to wait until the owner gets back from italy. here [places drinks in front of justin and fab girl], i just invented this blueberry caipirinha, these are for you to try." several amazing and free drinks followed. the night was magical and fabulous girl promised to come back soon and to bring friends.

true to her word, fabulous girl rounds up 10 of her closest friends and, having raved about this amazing new bar she'd discovered before anybody else, they all go the next night. they decide to sit in the garden where more blackberry mojitos were ordered. "that'll be $10 each" the waitress said. justin and faublous girl exchanged wary glances. after all, the amazingly affordable drinks in a usually pretentiously high-priced area had just become considerably less appealing. by twelve, the place was packed with posers all the annoying uber trendy people that give fab girl a rash. they leave disappointed at having seen, if only briefly, what a really good bar is and, true to new york form, also it's demise in a single 48 hour period.

The End.

in reality folks, it was truly tragic. i was naive to think that it would have lasted for even a fourth night i suppose. fucking sucks. it had a fairy tale beginning, that's for sure.

and last night i went out and had the best time i'd had in AGES. justin and another gay friend of mine, brian, brought me to their favorite sunday night gay party. it was amazing! i'm used to female go-go dancers that don't interest me, being molested while dancing and generally caring too much about who is there and whether i look okay. not here folks. i didn't bother to shower, nobody grabbed me uninvited on the dance floor and the go-go dancers were these chiseled guys with huge dicks (i.e. entertainment for the ladies). the music was great. i was a sweaty mess and didn't care. it was totally liberating to just go out and know nobody was ogling me in a way i didn't like, that they were barely looking at me at all. i did get a few compliments on the boobs. i've found that gay men seem to like boobs just as much as straight men, if not more. in all, it was an absolutely divine evening.

the hunt continues

$800 - 1BR Available in a 3BR Apt

"Nice room available in clean, charming 3 room apartment in the Chinatown. Apartment is located between Broome and Grand Street. 1 minute walk from B, D, Q trains. Close to all kinds of shop, especial restaurants. 2 windows. It is charming and spacious, and is quite adequate for two to live comfortably. It has a large living room. The laundry is right across the street. Common areas are clean, minimal, and clutter free."

reality: fifth floor walkup in dingy chinatown. tons of garbage bags and 95 degree heat make stench in stairwell almost too much to bear. nearly turn back on third floor. reach apartment where a 14 year old asian boy answers the door with his younger sister. door opens up to disgusting "living room/kitchen" with cracked and torn out linoleum floors and two-seater blue couch. tiny hallway on left reveals three doors. "that one is where my parents live, this one is where me and my sister lives, this one is the room for rent." boy knocks, opens door to weird guy with shaved head giving us dirty looks as he lays on cot infront of tiny t.v. in equally dingy room. "adequate for two to live comfortably..." and by two, she means SIX? she thinks that two people will want to live in the room with the four person chinese family already there?!

this continues. a guy with a bed in the living room of the apartment up on east 120th st. a teeny bedroom in a bohemian place on the lower east side (read: about a 20 minute walk from any kind of transportation, but home to lots of hipsters). some girl shannon is the matriarch of this place (her name is on the lease) and she has complete control of the living room (read: we cannot use it, it is hers). girl showing the apt also notes that if we touch any of her belongings, even moving a coffee cup to the cupboard from the counter, she will freak out at you. "but don't worry about that too much, shannon is almost never home." then an apartment that i show up to an open house at but nobody answers the door or the phone. a cute apt on east 10th street (prime east village) but girl has very anal ad (desires a liberal, pro-choice, roommate who has correct grammar and punctuation...wha??) and has a cat (ick). i would have taken place but told her that i'm allergic and would prefer cat stay out of my room and this was not okay with her.

the saving grace of the day was an absolutely huge beautiful chelsea apartment. the girls living there all seemed normal. the walls were painted cute colors. my bedroom was big enough for a full bed. AND it was only $650 a month (that is NOTHING by manhattan standards). the only catch: she had nearly a hundred people looking at the place over the weekend. chances of her picking me seem slim. especially since i was falling all over myself when i met her because i was literally shocked by the size of the place. dumbfounded might be an appropriate word. so in a move of desperation, i just e-mailed her to tell her i'd gladly pay $750 for the room. that it was worth the extra money for me to have a couple normal roommates and a comfortable living environment. will the stunt work? i doubt it. i tried to sound as tactful as possible, trying not to sound like i was bribing them even though that's exactly what i was doing.

stay tuned. the saga continues, same jazz time, same jazz channel.

new york state of mind

i'm back from vacay finally. intense apt hunt to come in the next week. vegas wasn't anything thrilling. i warned you! lots of laying out by the pools by day, light gambling and shows and dinner at night. it would have been ten times better with friends, so now i know for next time. there were many fine men around but walking around with the mother def. kills my game. sigh. also, when i was walking around with my brother i'm sure most the people there thought we were dating. we don't look enough alike for people to realize we're related. game killed, again!

library adonis called again yesterday. i was thrilled i was able to keep his attention the whole time i was away. i guess i never returned his last call (i thought he told me to call when i get back...?) and his message was classic. "hi, it's jared, AGAIN..." he sounded like me when i left my second unreturned message for him. dropping a couple "i have no idea if i'm ever going to hear from you again" type phrases. i called him back and we actually talked. imagine that! conversation was easy, though i don't always understand what he is saying. we both talk way too fast and sometimes don't understand each other. he was flirty, i think (so hard to read, this one...). he's at the jersey shore this weekend, he gets back sunday. i told him i'd call him so will drop him a message saturday at some point. will tell him i'm jealous of his beach time and that i wish i was out there too, lying out with a book on the sand. hopefully this will conjure up for him visions of myself in a bikini, thus insuring a phone call on his return.

it's been a while since i've left NYC for a whole two weeks. i know i'm always exclaiming this city's virtues, so for a change, i'll tell you all the things i DID NOT miss about nyc while i was gone.

-times square. i fucking hate that place.
-lack of stars in the sky.
-living sans dog.
-how goddamn expensive everything is here.
-the noise.
-public transportation.

but that having been said, there's really nothing in this world like the sight of the new york city skyline on the plane on the way back in. the minute i see it, my heart always leaps. this is a beautiful fucking city and regardless of my near-semi-homeless state, new york is where i hang my hat. any place i hang my hat is home.

i'm off!

to find out whether what happens in vegas really does stay in vegas...

or whether it really just ends up on this blog.

actually, i'm not planning on anything too exciting. i don't know any young people out there to par-tay with anyhow. i may test the waters a bit but i don't think i'll have anything thrilling to report. it'll be me, the lazy river at mandalay bay, and some damn good food (with a massage at the venetian spa thrown in for good measure).

chicago! my kind of town...

so i'm on vacation. i'm staying at my best friend's new house. as in, she owns it. i can barely afford my next latte and she has a house. i have 200K of debt, and now she does too, but she actually has a place to live (yeah, i still don't have an apt and now i can't even continue looking until after the 18th when i get back).

for all who are feeling my absence in their comment boxes, sorry. kate doesn't have internet in the house yet so i'm stopping by her parents house to briefly check e-mail but don't have time to run through my bloglines subscriptions. i'll do so when i get to CA.

have done lots of lazing around and surprisingly, it feels good. she has the cutest dogs and i've been fulfilling my dog fix (i'll post pics when i get back). i've always been too tightly wound to appreciate much R&R but i think my body really needed this. although, my body also needs an apt. pronto. shit.

library adonis finally called saturday. said he'd meant to call me every day since last sunday when he thought there might be a chance to get together to play but that work has kept him too busy. i believe him, but a "hey, i got your message and i can't do anything this week" phone call would have been nice. to be fair, i kept myself so busy last week that i didn't notice his lack of phone call as much as i normally would have. i had bigger things to concern myself with (i.e. finding cardboard boxes and scoping out a safe park bench to sleep on, come my impending homelessness).

a funny story for you. S's new roommate T was talking about how this guy eddie responded to her housing ad, saying her ad intrigued him, would she want to get together sometime. she actually called him and went out with him on friday night. i check my e-mail sunday morning to find this:

"Hi Jasmine

Writing to you following up on your inquiry for a room I had available. Unfortunately I will no longer be able to rent the space as I ended upsetting a studio for myself. Yet, after reading your email, I found you nice and easy going. I was intruiged, so I wanted to write you back.

I am 27, easy going, laid back, but outgoing at the same time. I love to laugh and make others laugh. I am attractive about 5'11, 165lbs, light skin, dark brown dyes, dark full hair. I am Latin andIndian mix. My mother is from Brasil, while my father is Indian. I work fora firm in Manhattan as Vice President of network engineering. I love my job, and I have workedhard to be where I am today. I was born and raised in Long Island, NY. I like all kinds of music, to dance, and just go out and have fun. I like todine out, travel to nice places, play sports and just walk around the city. I love to laugh and to make others laugh. I also can speak multiple languages. I am currently unattached.

I am looking for someone nice, who enjoys life,is able to carry a conversation, has goals, and is not into any games with a companion. I would like someone to share good times with, to trust and just have fun together. If this is something that intrests you please email me back and then we can take it from there. I appologize if I offended you inanyway by writing back in this manner. Hope to talk to you soon. !

Eddie"

can you believe that? instead of answering personal ads, he's been answering housing requests. T had gotten the EXACT same e-mail. i want to fuck with this guy. any ideas of what i write him back? i think T and i should teach him not to harass people looking for apartments and to go check out the "men seeking women" section on cragislist instead...

the search continues

so andrea and i had found a fabulous place on roosevelt island (balcony, views of the east river and nyc skyline from every room) but we needed a third person and couldn't find one. they wouldn't give us the apt contract without them. i've been looking for single bedrooms to try to cover my ass and am looking at a bunch of places over the next two days.

american airlines is already having a fall flight sale. my latest anthropologie catalog had nothing but sweaters and tweed pants. the stores are all starting to sell autumn clothes. i'm sorry, but it's 100 fucking degrees outside! i'm sure as hell not going to try on a sweater, no matter how air-conditioned the store may be. why are retailers always trying to force the seasons on us. let mother nature have her time, bitches!

D saw josh hartnett walking down ludlow the other day. he's beautiful. i blame her for not dragging him into an alley and having her way with him. i would have done. is a good thing i wasn't there with her. i might be in jail for sexual assault right now.

STILL no word from library adonis. S and D say i call today and say i was hoping i could catch him before i left. kate says not to call at all. i'm leaning towards the latter. if he wants to call he knows how to use a phone. i'm not going to worry about it. you know, fish, sea, blah, blah, ladeedah. i wonder whether he did see the address for this mess. now THAT would be funny, wouldn't it?

is a BIG night out tonight because D is moving back to london. we're undoubtedly going back to club X. not sure if Tag is still bedridden but, for omar, i won't try to call/text him if he's not there tonight. if he is there, i can't promise i won't try to kiss him. don't hate me. he's SOOOO pretty!!! and he's a hot dancer. that's really all a girl needs, right? i don't ask for much really. we're going to try to stay out all night and then make it to balthazar for 7:30 breakfast. we talk big but this shit never comes to fruition, however, i have a feeling they'll actually pull through for this one. it's gonna be a looooooong night.

and because i feel this post is pretty weak (i need to get away from the "this is what i did today" bullshit because i hate when people do that, but i've been consumed with this apt stuff)...i have a game for you all. i have to credit mrs. mogul for this one: take the first sentence of your last post and add "in bed" to it like you do with fortune cookies. post them in the comments. some of the ones people submitted were excellent and others sucked, but try away!

so no, the stress is not over....

i meant to make a big "to do" over my 10,000th hit, but was too busy and missed it. my counters are not in sync anyways (they're about a hundred off) so i'm not sure what the "true" 10K would have been anyhow. *raising glass* here's to 10,000 more.

No gavin sightings at pub X. he’ll certainly be there next Sunday (he goes out of town the next day, and as a true stalker, I know he consistently goes there the night before he leaves town), but I’m gone then. Headed to Chicago for a week or so and then CA to see my mommy.

I did, however, call library adonis to see if he wanted to come have a beer but I didn’t call until nearly 11 so he may have been asleep by then. I left a message but haven’t heard back. How long do I wait before I should be concerned about not hearing from him? Left a very breezy message along the lines of, “I think you have to work tomorrow, but headed down to pub x if you wanna meet me. If not, maybe we can play this week before I leave town for a couple weeks on Saturday.”

Have been looking for apartments all day as I have to leave mine at the end of the month. I leave town for half the month of august so if I’m sans home on Friday, I’m pretty much screwed. Looking for places to live in this city is torture. THAT, my friends, is what the government should have those detainees do. Find me a fucking apartment. If we’re going to torture them anyway, it might as well be to my benefit, yes? Am trying to find a place with a very cute girl named andrea (a friend of a friend). Hopefully something will work out but I’m already annoyed with it.

I did finally read the harry potter. I cried. A lot. At starbucks. Thus, making a complete fool of myself in front of HOT new barrista who looks just lik a younger Michael Vartan. I want to say to him, “what the fuck are you doing back there? take your shirt off and head to a modeling agency for chrissakes!” he’s really really beautiful. It literally took me a good 3 or 4 hours to stop being really upset by the book to convince myself that it was all just fiction. It really was quite sad.

sunday I woke up, bought the times, read it cover to cover, and played with the crossword. Talk about a perfect day…