Tuesday, October 03, 2006

clark terry prefers canadian bacon, i prefer french sausage

so i went to the legendary village vanguard to see clark terry.

let me tell you, this man is amazing. in the audience, sitting feet from us, was thelonius monk jr. on top of being supremely talented, the guy was an absolute riot. tidbits from the evening:

"we're going to play a song called canadian mornings. i prefer canadian bacon myself."

"this song was written by or inspired by miles davis. some say he wrote it, some say he didn't. i say who cares!"

and at one point he took a drink of water, put the glass to his ear and tilted it like he was pouring it in. as he did so, a stream of water came shooting out of his mouth. and he giggled and giggled.

i also went to a fall for dance concert featuring companie Franck II Louise. They were brilliant. Hip hop like you've never seen it. they finished their piece and i was soooo turned on. i looked at justin and he says, "i think i need to change my pants." we talk to stephanie, our friend who works at the theatre and she says everyone has been wanting to have sex with these guys all week. they're hot. seriously.

so we go to the reception that followed and find out what club frenchies are going to after their dinner with some french ambassadors. i make eye contact over and over with one of the hot frenchies and did consider stalking them to the club but he spoke no english. they had a few friends with them who did speak english and so they did all the talking.

but i wondered, logistically, how i'd try to bed someone who spoke zero english. i'm a communicator. i like talking. i mean, the sex portion of the evening would have been cake. but to even get back to their hotel or even to tell him i was going to take him home...i'm just not sure about how it would all work when i speak zero french. it's all probably more effort than it's worth. but it definitely means i need to teach myself a few key phrases in case i'm ever in this situation again ( i.e. with hot french man i want to have sex with).

SEX WITH FOREIGNERS 101 (translations by altavistababelfish...so let me know if they're off)

1.) you're coming with me:
vous venez avec moi

2.) where is your hotel?:
où est votre hôtel ?

3.) what time do you have to leave in the morning?
quand devez-vous partir le matin ?

4.) spank me:
donnez- une fesséemoi

5.) call me next time you're in the city:
appelez-moi la fois prochaine que vous êtes dans la ville

7 people who played with me:

Blogger Ale said...

babe this is so funny i'm CRYING!!!! especially since i belive its all in "formal you" form... i think...

oh the frenchies.... oh boy...

not a bad idea to keep a little cheat sheet like that in about 25 languages in the breast pocket... ohhhoho

10/03/2006 3:10 PM  
Blogger Beth said...

Yep - ale is right, 1, 2 and 3 are all in the formal form.

I can't translate 1 or 3 because I was bad and didn't study my tenses properly, but the infomal of #2 would be "Ou est ton hotel?"

Also, I don't know if "appelez-moi" would be right for call as in on the phone - I think thats call in a naming sense.

It might be "telephonez-moi..."

But check it with someone who didn't skip about 80% of french classes in her final year of school :)

10/03/2006 6:48 PM  
Blogger omar said...

I haven't taken French in 11 or so years, so I'll just assume they're all correct.

Donnez - une fesséemoi!!

10/04/2006 12:00 PM  
Blogger cadiz12 said...

i need to learn french.

10/04/2006 7:40 PM  
Blogger Mormon Family Man said...

I'm fluent in French, so maybe I can help. You're using the formal tense (as Ale and Beth mentioned) in all of these sentences. If you're talking to them as businesspeople, you'll use the formal "you" (vous); if you're flirting with them or being informal, then use "tu."

With that in mind, your phrases should be:
1)You're coming with me: Tu viens avec moi.
2)Where is your hotel: Où est ton hôtel?
3)What time do you leave in the morning: Tu pars à quelle heure le matin?
4)Spank me: Donne-moi une fessée or Fesse-moi (the difference is "Give me a spanking" vs. spank me)
5)Call me next time you're in the city: Passe-moi un coup de fil quand tu es dans la ville. ("coup de fil" is an informal way of saying phone call.)

10/07/2006 12:53 PM  
Blogger Learner said...

I think the last sentence should be something like 'Passe-moi un coup de fil quand t'es en ville.'

Sorry to be pedantic!

10/07/2006 5:42 PM  
Blogger Mormon Family Man said...

No no, you're right. I stand corrected.

10/07/2006 9:19 PM  

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