Monday, August 22, 2005

a commercial break

from our regularly scheduled apartment hunting.

briefly: chelsea wanted more info about me to send on to her roommates and told me she'd get back to me after she'd discussed my offer with them. have no idea if that's a good thing, but at least it's not a flat out "i didn't like you enough to make a deal like this with you."

also: left message with adonis as planned but have yet to hear back.

so let me tell you a little story about this fabulous girl who happened upon this bar. she'd never noticed this bar before so stepped on in with her other half, justin (the most fabulous gay man ever, the Will to my Grace). the bartenders were friendly, they were serving up awesome blackberry mojitos for a cheap cheap $7, there was an amazing garden with trees and patio tables and perfect lighting, it was in the incredibly trendy meatpacking district. "what's the name of this place?" the fabulous girl asked. "oh, we've only been open for three days. we got our liquor license early so opened early. we don't even have a name yet, we have to wait until the owner gets back from italy. here [places drinks in front of justin and fab girl], i just invented this blueberry caipirinha, these are for you to try." several amazing and free drinks followed. the night was magical and fabulous girl promised to come back soon and to bring friends.

true to her word, fabulous girl rounds up 10 of her closest friends and, having raved about this amazing new bar she'd discovered before anybody else, they all go the next night. they decide to sit in the garden where more blackberry mojitos were ordered. "that'll be $10 each" the waitress said. justin and faublous girl exchanged wary glances. after all, the amazingly affordable drinks in a usually pretentiously high-priced area had just become considerably less appealing. by twelve, the place was packed with posers all the annoying uber trendy people that give fab girl a rash. they leave disappointed at having seen, if only briefly, what a really good bar is and, true to new york form, also it's demise in a single 48 hour period.

The End.

in reality folks, it was truly tragic. i was naive to think that it would have lasted for even a fourth night i suppose. fucking sucks. it had a fairy tale beginning, that's for sure.

and last night i went out and had the best time i'd had in AGES. justin and another gay friend of mine, brian, brought me to their favorite sunday night gay party. it was amazing! i'm used to female go-go dancers that don't interest me, being molested while dancing and generally caring too much about who is there and whether i look okay. not here folks. i didn't bother to shower, nobody grabbed me uninvited on the dance floor and the go-go dancers were these chiseled guys with huge dicks (i.e. entertainment for the ladies). the music was great. i was a sweaty mess and didn't care. it was totally liberating to just go out and know nobody was ogling me in a way i didn't like, that they were barely looking at me at all. i did get a few compliments on the boobs. i've found that gay men seem to like boobs just as much as straight men, if not more. in all, it was an absolutely divine evening.

22 people who played with me:

Blogger The Snakehead said...

Told ya! Your boobs are fantastic!

8/23/2005 1:05 AM  
Blogger 1 said...

I was going to say that Snakehead has a thing for boobs, but the bastard beat me to it.

8/23/2005 1:09 AM  
Blogger cadiz12 said...

it's so nice to go out there with those boys, dance, and not have to worry about getting groped, jacked, or hit on. the absolute best: when they tell you you're beautiful/stylish/sexy. they're obviously not trying to get in your pants, so you're more likely to believe it.

sorry to hear your discovery got discovered. that's gotta be a letdown.

8/23/2005 1:44 AM  
Blogger Henry said...

err so us straight men are all evil?

8/23/2005 2:43 AM  
Blogger Nadia said...

Jazz...if I ever make it up to NYC, you'll take me to one of these parties, won't you?

God, your life is fab dahling.

8/23/2005 3:24 AM  
Blogger piu piu said...

london has the same problem with bars BUT there is one super cool little place in dalston which i can point u in the direction of should u ever so need.... and actually, the cute but boring cit i'm living in at the moment has he BEST cocktail bar i've ever been in. Tasiest, friednly staff who give me and boyfriend free or sheap drinks, and its full of all sorts- geeks, oldies, trenndies. i never thought i'd find something about my new city that is better than london.

am loving the gay NY scene! i'll be there soon- fag hag that i am...

8/23/2005 5:21 AM  
Blogger MEP said...

I love going out with gay men. And it IS even better when they compliment you!

Yeah, they just like boobs b/c they wish they were that sexy. Hahaha.

8/23/2005 10:02 AM  
Blogger JustJunebug said...

love those kind of discoveries but hate it just as much as you when it goes to hell. i have a few here in H-town, that arent really that great but they are dark and quiet and no one bothers you. i call them "the lonely bar".

congrats on the great possible news of the apt!

8/23/2005 10:21 AM  
Blogger lucasjackson7 said...

the whole time in NYC all I could think about was, "should i go into this bar?" because some of them looked uber trendy or they looked really cool and then some of them looked really touristy.

but alas, jazz is here to sort them out.

i don't know if they have these in NYC, but you must find a place that serves a Snickers Martini. they garnish the glass with caramel and snickers shell. i know it sounds crazy, but they are really good.

8/23/2005 10:47 AM  
Blogger TomCollins said...

Sucks to hear that your fab new hangout was devoured by the masses. I haven't managed to find a decent bar in my town--everything is either cheap, loud & grungy or laid back & far too ritzy.

I don't think that compliments from gay guys is sweet just b/c they're "not interested"--because I love getting compliments from gay dudes, too. Or maybe that's just me...

8/23/2005 12:20 PM  
Blogger Warped Bryce said...

my swingin' days are over for exactly the reasons you spell out.

8/23/2005 1:09 PM  
Blogger Katie said...

If it makes you feel better, I live in an area void of bars. Though, I could go to the local highschool and get some crack if I wanted. Sorry to hear about the gem-of-a-bar-turned-trendy. But at least you got that one amazing night. Just hold onto the hope that it could happen again...

8/23/2005 1:13 PM  
Blogger marriedman said...

I knew you wouldn't notice me with that mask on. Jazz, I was the go go dancer with the gigantic weenis. Oh, by the way. I didn't care that you were groping me, but some of the other guys (you know, the gay ones) might not like it. Just keep it between the two of us and you should be fine.

8/23/2005 1:37 PM  
Blogger Ale said...

dont worry this place is going through the usual "curve" - once the initial craze dies down, it'll get to be a real nice bar- the setup is perfect- can't wait to see what they do for the winter season with the garden..

8/23/2005 1:47 PM  
Blogger The Stormin Mormon said...

This is why I like Seattle... West Coast style. And expensive drink is five bucks at the club, if you tip moer than two bucks the bartenders will bother to remember you and your favorite drink, and the best part... BEING A BEER GUY GETS YOU ON THE VIP LIST!

Sucks that your new find was ruined, usually here the nicest places to go out and drink with friends end up developing an ego, charging a $20 cover, and nobody cool wants to go, just the "flavor of the moment" crowd.

8/23/2005 5:44 PM  
Blogger The Stormin Mormon said...

Damn TYPOS!!! That's twice today that I've outran my keyboard.

8/23/2005 5:45 PM  
Blogger Gloria Glo said...

And while the moving to NYC dream is dead....the partying in NYC fantasy remains vibrant!

8/23/2005 6:05 PM  
Blogger Larry said...

Gay or Straight, I've got 3 word for you:


This is true for everything. Hell, if you happened to flash them at the new bar you might have been able to lead all those posers out like the pied piper and return when they were all drowned in the Hudson or East River.

8/23/2005 10:01 PM  
Blogger TestSubjectXP said...

So I was rigth after all. Being straight=don't waste time complimenting women.

Everything a straight guy says to a woman seems to get lost in translation.

8/23/2005 10:46 PM  
Blogger Me said...

That first place disappearing into the mess of others sucks. It's like ex-sex - you have to enjoy it and then never go back for more. If you do and it's bad, you can't even cherish the first memory. Taints it all.

Does that make sense? Bad analogy. It's been a long day. Plus, how the hell were you supposed to know it'd become one of the rest.


8/24/2005 4:59 PM  
Blogger Syar said...

how can you not like boobs. especially your boobs, jazz. sounds like a great time! karmic balance, one place goes under and another resurfaces. COOL.

8/24/2005 10:31 PM  
Blogger bloodydiarrhea said...

I just love jazz music. I have all of Kenny G's cd's and listen to them all the time. Maybe we could get together sometime and listen to Kenny jam?

your friend,


8/26/2005 5:06 PM  

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