Monday, August 29, 2005

sixth senses

so kids have a sixth sense about any person their parents are dating. for those with happy married parents, you'll have absolutely no idea what i'm talking about. for the children of the, what %65 percent of all marriages that end in divorce, i think you'd agree.

my mother divorced my father when i was four years old. ken was two. i remember being 5 when i met my mother's first post-divorce boyfriend. ken and i liked him the minute we met him. it turns out he had a daughter who was four. we knew, right away, that he liked children. she had another boyfriend, chuck. again, ken and i knew right away that we hated chuck. chuck had two boys around ken's age. chuck clearly liked children, but we realized the reason for our dislike...he liked only his own children. he acted like we didn't exist and spoiled his own children rotten. i was 12 and i ran away from home that summer when my mom told me she wanted to marry him. i only got 5 blocks from home by the time kenny had told on me and my mother caught me. she broke up with chuck the next day.

for those who were about to, don't feel bad for me breaking up mom and chuck. he was an asshole. also, my mother has a record of making the WORST decisions ever. i was forced to grow up a little too fast for my liking. her last marriage was to a guy she met on the internet. they had met once, the next week she flew down to miami and they put all of his belongings in a rental car (computer and bongo drums) and drove back to chicago, getting married on the way up. then she found out he was a raging alcoholic. "he lied to me!" she says. "well, did you ask him if he was an alcoholic?" "no." "well, then how was he lying to you about it." "he should have said something." "no, mother, you should have tried dating him first." [mother stutters something and has no further response]

this is how many of my discussions with my mother go. i bore even myself with them. but i digress.

the real reason for this post is to discuss a man's hidden sixth sense. i think guys know when a girl in their past has met someone new. i hook up with jared and the same night i get a text from the 19 year old (i can already hear omar's tsk tsking...), and in the next two days i got e-mails from jesse the chef, two minute ben, and jon the photographer. all boys in my past that i haven't heard from in ages and now they all want to check in with me to see how i am. so now i'm just waiting on internet jason but i doubt i'll hear from him since he's the only one i wish would come back around.

adonis and i talked briefly yesterday but he was on a search for boxes since he has to pack and move this week. he sounded hectic. i invited him to come out for drinks for my birthday tomorrow but i don't expect him to be able to come around. it's okay because it's too early for him to come meet friends. we're not anything yet. i just was trying to hint to him a time to get together this week but i doubt it'll happen.

so i wait. [sigh]

33 people who played with me:

Blogger @ said...

Funny how some daughters have to be the mothers when they are still only daughters! Then all those daughters end up in NY far away from their mothers. lol

The men are like puppies... they can smell your happiness! I by calling them puppies... I am being nice. We know they are not puppies.

8/29/2005 5:39 PM  
Blogger piu piu said...

wow.your mum sounds bit nutty...

8/29/2005 5:47 PM  
Blogger mrsmogul said...

Happy Birthday! I can't wait to be in the hot NY weather.

8/29/2005 6:05 PM  
Blogger marriedman said...

god i love you.

8/29/2005 6:08 PM  
Blogger omar said...

So wait, you're a day shy of 25 and still thinking about the 19 year old? No!

(And while I'm at it, Nadia, stay away from Travis!)

Jazz, I hope you have a great birthday!

Lots of bloggers born in August, it seems like. I guess December was a great time to do the nasty, back in the day.

8/29/2005 7:28 PM  
Blogger Jae said...

my mother is like that she went out with this horrible guy and almost married him untill she found out that he was cheating on her with this girl from his work who came over to dinner every now and then shes currently married to a neat freak who starts hyperventalating if the dishes arent done when he gets home from work. me and my sister both hate him but as we're both moving out of home soon we figure let her have her fun.
have a great birthday and good luck with all the men ;)

8/29/2005 7:56 PM  
Anonymous ambur lynn said...

ex girlfriends have the same unerring sense, too.

8/29/2005 10:41 PM  
Blogger Swipe said...

Those guys just might be reading your blog. :-D

Or they were still keeping you in the radar.

8/29/2005 10:57 PM  
Blogger Katie said...

I'm lucky, my mom nabbed the best step dad imaginable. Too bad she couldn't have started out that way. I personally hope that Adonis makes it to your birthday. It would be sweet of him to do.

Happy Birthday! And side note to Omar, my older sister just married a man who was six years older than her.

8/30/2005 12:06 AM  
Blogger cadiz12 said...

happy birthday, jas! hope it's fun-filled and drama-free.

and as for your post, that is absolutely the truth. the second they can smell happiness coming from your direction is when all the exes climb out of the woodwork. it's sick, really.

8/30/2005 4:09 AM  
Blogger Nadia said...

Ah, I'm touched by the extent of your caring, Omar.

However, please be rest assured that Travis is a fling of the past (with dem having no small part in it), except for the whole touching faces thing yesterday...but I digress.

However, and you may take as much or as little pride in being the first to hear of this, a possible replacement has been found. An accent twice as adorable and a face ten times cuter. At least.

However, this might be another Jazz-and-19-year-old situation...he's 16. I think.

8/30/2005 4:39 AM  
Blogger Nadia said...

Happy Birthday Jazz dear! Hope the year ahead is as deliciously entertaining (and sexually explicit) as this one has been.

*Big Transatlantic Hug*

8/30/2005 4:40 AM  
Blogger omar said...

katie: My own parents are 7 years apart, so yes, I've got a crazy double standard going. In my case and yours, he is older than her. And nobody was still potentially subscribing to "Teen People."

nadia: You're 17, so checking out a 16 year old isn't as big a deal. I'd need some more quotes from your friends to be able to evaluate the new crush though :)

8/30/2005 6:14 AM  
Blogger jazz said...

thanks for the birthday greetings all!

it's looking like it's going to rain today so it might be a poopy birthday. i also have to go into school to meet with the career services dean to try to get contacts to look to for jobs.

omar: i'm trying to stay away but he keeps getting in touch with me!

nadia: get pics of the new crush. i want pictures!

8/30/2005 8:29 AM  
Blogger JustJunebug said...

Jazz!! HAPPY BIRFDAY!! Even if its raining it doesnt have to be poopy! Enjoy!

8/30/2005 8:57 AM  
Blogger jinius said...

im jumpin on the happy bday bandwagon too! and YES guys do have a sixth sense. and it always seems to come out when its 3 in the morning and they're drunk.

8/30/2005 9:02 AM  
Blogger jedith said...

HAPPY B-DAY to you!

8/30/2005 9:50 AM  
Blogger Nadia said...

Omar - Yeah, I didn't think it mattered either, but I pride myself on keeping you guys informed.

Jazz - I would, if several of my collegemates didn't read my blog regularly. It's a little embarassing having them be privvy to all the lowdown and dirty details. But, hmmm, I suppose it's only fair to you and Omar...so, I'll do my best!

:)

8/30/2005 12:09 PM  
Blogger Gordy said...

Happy Birthday Jazz..hope he shows up.

8/30/2005 2:10 PM  
Blogger Me said...

My mom married my stepdad, realized he's an ass, divorced him... then married him again. Yes. It's weird.

Anyway, Happy Birthday!

8/30/2005 2:33 PM  
Blogger 1 said...

Happy Birthday!

Your mom is wacky. ;-)

8/30/2005 3:22 PM  
Blogger jodifosterturkeybaster said...

Jazz, you are the sexiest woman alive. I'm thinking of creating an award to give you, something that really says, "damn I want you, bad" but without sounding desperate and conflicted. Also, thanks for the link. Married and I are very grateful for the shout out. You've been with us since the start of everything sucked today, and there were many stressful days at work in which only the thought of your beautiful breast could carry me through. I love you, and I am prepared to fight marriedman (with words and a giant stick) if he ever comes between us. (since you've passed the bar, maybe you could relay to me the current stalking laws in your state and how they could apply to a guy from eastern washington who's just trying to fulfill a mild fantasy) Not that I mean anyone in particular, just curious.

8/30/2005 6:27 PM  
Blogger The Seeker said...

I just found your blog, so far, quite nice. Happy Belated Birthday.

8/31/2005 12:51 AM  
Blogger Gloria Glo said...

a strange, confusing phenom, but very true...sometimes it tells me I've met someone I'm going to date...oh, look, there's the troll...I must like this guy more than I thought....

8/31/2005 2:04 AM  
Blogger stretch td said...

Happy Birthday and good luck in the apartment hunt. NY real estate is sooo hard. Take your time. You'll never get what you want but it must be decent (no dark alley ways ... its just not worth it).

Oh ... and before I forget, fabulous cleavage!

8/31/2005 11:26 AM  
Anonymous ambur lynn said...

What is it with me and Virgos? My favorite bloggers are Virgos. My husband is a Virgo. My best friend in high school was a Virgo. My best friend at work in Phoenix was a Virgo. I love Virgos. Not like I go search them out either, I just find out later that they are Virgos and I think, "Oh, that makes sense."

8/31/2005 1:15 PM  
Blogger TomCollins said...

Hope your birthday was riproarin' despite the rain.

& dudes have all sorts of weird extra senses...

--Tom

8/31/2005 1:40 PM  
Blogger marriedman said...

I'm wondering if you hate me for our little love session at the morgue?

8/31/2005 5:18 PM  
Blogger scribe called steff said...

It's too bad your mom can be a bit of a flake. That's just how it goes sometimes. It's too bad when chicks get their sense of worth from the men in their lives -- especially considering the calibre of those men.

I hope your birthday rocked.

For ADULTS only.

8/31/2005 7:51 PM  
Blogger Chris Nystrom said...

Yeam when my Dad was dating we kids could tell right away what kind of person he was with. It was wierd, because obviously he had no clue.

In my case he did allright for himself several years after I moved out.

9/01/2005 2:29 AM  
Blogger JustJunebug said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

9/01/2005 9:18 AM  
Blogger stretch td said...

Just read the link to 2 minute Ben. You deserve better. Don't disregard men a few years older than you. They tend to take their time and know how to treat a woman.

9/01/2005 12:57 PM  
Blogger The Stormin Mormon said...

Define "a few"...

Most ladies I know who are dating a gentleman that's "a few" years older, were born the year he entered high school.

9/01/2005 6:43 PM  

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