the hunt continues

$800 - 1BR Available in a 3BR Apt

"Nice room available in clean, charming 3 room apartment in the Chinatown. Apartment is located between Broome and Grand Street. 1 minute walk from B, D, Q trains. Close to all kinds of shop, especial restaurants. 2 windows. It is charming and spacious, and is quite adequate for two to live comfortably. It has a large living room. The laundry is right across the street. Common areas are clean, minimal, and clutter free."

reality: fifth floor walkup in dingy chinatown. tons of garbage bags and 95 degree heat make stench in stairwell almost too much to bear. nearly turn back on third floor. reach apartment where a 14 year old asian boy answers the door with his younger sister. door opens up to disgusting "living room/kitchen" with cracked and torn out linoleum floors and two-seater blue couch. tiny hallway on left reveals three doors. "that one is where my parents live, this one is where me and my sister lives, this one is the room for rent." boy knocks, opens door to weird guy with shaved head giving us dirty looks as he lays on cot infront of tiny t.v. in equally dingy room. "adequate for two to live comfortably..." and by two, she means SIX? she thinks that two people will want to live in the room with the four person chinese family already there?!

this continues. a guy with a bed in the living room of the apartment up on east 120th st. a teeny bedroom in a bohemian place on the lower east side (read: about a 20 minute walk from any kind of transportation, but home to lots of hipsters). some girl shannon is the matriarch of this place (her name is on the lease) and she has complete control of the living room (read: we cannot use it, it is hers). girl showing the apt also notes that if we touch any of her belongings, even moving a coffee cup to the cupboard from the counter, she will freak out at you. "but don't worry about that too much, shannon is almost never home." then an apartment that i show up to an open house at but nobody answers the door or the phone. a cute apt on east 10th street (prime east village) but girl has very anal ad (desires a liberal, pro-choice, roommate who has correct grammar and punctuation...wha??) and has a cat (ick). i would have taken place but told her that i'm allergic and would prefer cat stay out of my room and this was not okay with her.

the saving grace of the day was an absolutely huge beautiful chelsea apartment. the girls living there all seemed normal. the walls were painted cute colors. my bedroom was big enough for a full bed. AND it was only $650 a month (that is NOTHING by manhattan standards). the only catch: she had nearly a hundred people looking at the place over the weekend. chances of her picking me seem slim. especially since i was falling all over myself when i met her because i was literally shocked by the size of the place. dumbfounded might be an appropriate word. so in a move of desperation, i just e-mailed her to tell her i'd gladly pay $750 for the room. that it was worth the extra money for me to have a couple normal roommates and a comfortable living environment. will the stunt work? i doubt it. i tried to sound as tactful as possible, trying not to sound like i was bribing them even though that's exactly what i was doing.

stay tuned. the saga continues, same jazz time, same jazz channel.