Wednesday, August 24, 2005

...still looking...

so i finally heard from the girl with the amazing chelsea apt. she says that a friend of her roommate's had said a while back that she'd want to move in if she got a job in the city. apparently this girl did just get a job in the city and is taking the room, though no leases have yet been signed.

so that's sad. really sad.

i saw a better chinatown place (no chinese families of four living in it) but you had to walk through this gross alley with garbage cans lining it behind a restaurant to get there, followed by a 5 floor walkup. the apt was tiny, but just renovated and definitely livable. rent only $610 and it wasn't too far from the subway at all. it wasn't in the heart of chinatown, it was just off canal street so i could get all the fake fendi bags i'd ever need just a few steps away. the boy showing the room (he was 21) was adorable, real funny, and seemed like an easy person to live with. i don't know what kind of misconceptions he had about me but he really really didn't believe me when i told him i was a lawyer. i was like, "listen guy, if i were going to make up a profession, i'd say i was a doctor. people don't hate doctors." the bathroom was TINY. i do fear rat and roach infestation with restaurant down below, but we're on the 5th floor. does that make a difference?

saw an ad for an apt in an amazing east village apt and after sending the initial, "i'm interested, when are you showing it?" e-mail, i get this:

"Please write a short statement about what your purpose is in life, what you believe in, what is important to you in life. In short, who are you in essence? What is your life all about? What can you tell me or show me (by way of a statement, poem, story, drawing, etc.) that will be a window on your soul?"

what a goddamn tool. seriously. so i sent him my 100 things list and then remembered the part where i say i hate cats...and the part about how he said he had two cats. so i'm pretty sure i blew it on that one anyhow.

a friend of a friend directed me to a nice girl named nikki in astoria and i'm seeing her place tomorrow. cross your fingers for me.

STILL no word from library adonis. i'll wait till the weekend to worry. i'll give him one more call before i give up and get sad about it.

also, went to the most fabulous secret restaurant tonight. you have to make reservations. but to make them you have to get the unlisted number. you do that by showing up at this random taco stand and going through the door marked "employees only" and getting the number from the hostess downstairs. i made resos (i got the number from an un-named source) and went tonight and had a great time. you go downstairs, through the kitchen and around a bunch of other stuff before you're broght into the bar area, all candlelit and awesome looking. awesome sangria. food is affordable (get the shrimp ceviche, it rocks). service was perfect and place was sultry yet accessible. can't wait to go back.

met up with pretty afterwards. he's got balls the size of texas, so of course he started talking to a girl and i knew my cue to go meet other people and make friends. she wasn't pretty, but for his sake, i hope she's good in bed ;)

18 people who played with me:

Blogger omar said...

Fingers crossed, in spite of you stabbing me.

Sorry about the chelsea place too. And re: that east village apartment, I think you should have done a nice drawing instead. Or maybe a poem.

8/25/2005 6:44 AM  
Blogger MEP said...

Aww Jazz, sorry that you didn't get your apartment. You could have just given the east village apartment person the link to your blog - then they could read all the comments from everyone about how fabulous you are. :D

About library adonis: If he doesn't call, then he clearly can't be an adonis.

8/25/2005 9:56 AM  
Blogger lucasjackson7 said...

Please write a short statement about yourself. Wow! New York Apartments must be really selective if they can ask people to write short statements about themselves and their purpose in life.

i agree with omar. you should've sent him back some crazy drawing. good luck with the rest of your apartment search. the stories have been really funny, they remind of that Sedaris short story about him working for the Moving company.

8/25/2005 10:38 AM  
Blogger christina said...

I've started reading you lately and I've got to say, posts like this make me really glad I don't live in New York. A short statement about your purpose in life just to find an apartment? How can I have a purpose in life if I can't even find a place to live!

8/25/2005 10:45 AM  
Blogger merkley??? said...

at least you're trying to stay in manhattan.

fuck brooklyn, that's like living in oakland.

8/25/2005 11:09 AM  
Blogger Gordy said...

Glad I don't have to go through this shit to find somewhere to live, but then I suppose it is the same in central London.

Hope the Library Adonis gets back to you.

8/25/2005 1:14 PM  
Blogger TomCollins said...

Adonis will call you fo' sho'. He's probably just shy.

& you probably don't want to live with anybody who wants some sort of metaphysical personal profile to determine your roommate compatability. Maybe he'll draw some tarot cards to divine the perfect roomie.

You can beat him with voodoo.


8/25/2005 1:24 PM  
Blogger Anonymous Midwest Girl said...

Oh, god. As much as I want to live in NYC someday....damn. I should be grateful for my midwest city and the gazillions of apartments in it, including lots of two-bedrooms starting at under $400/month.

8/25/2005 6:59 PM  
Blogger Syar said...

christina : I'd give my arm to live on a bench in new york. different strokes for different folks i guess.

sorry about the chelsea apt. am crossing fingers and toes for you now. good luck!

8/25/2005 9:35 PM  
Blogger Gloria Glo said...

sorry about the apartment...continue to be fascinated by the life....

8/25/2005 10:26 PM  
Blogger bayou_boy504 said...

Balls the size of Texas? Ouch, I hope he walks like a bow-legged cowboy so that he doesn't hurt himself.

8/25/2005 10:52 PM  
Blogger Me said...

Geez - this apt. stuff is insane! It's like a full-time job just to find a home.

I love the way the restaurants are. So selective. Ha. Around here, it's like, "Oh, this place is so nice and expensive and trendy. And here's a 50% off coupon." They beg for business.

And as for library adonis - what's with the delay? Damn I hate that. If they're definitely not planning on calling me again, I wish they'd send a text saying so. Then I don't get that fading quiver of hope when checking my phone. I wouldn't be mad. Really.

8/26/2005 12:35 AM  
Blogger Hermes said...

Hah! That is hilarious. The dude mandated you write a small essay? Huh?

Did he ask for a blood and urine sample next?

8/26/2005 12:43 AM  
Blogger cadiz12 said...

one question: howcome the 21-year-old is a 'boy' and the 19-year-old was 'potential'?

any secret hideout with good sangria is a place i'd feel at

i'm sure you'll find something; keep on trucking, jas. i'm rooting for ya.

8/26/2005 2:28 AM  
Anonymous 'ka said...

good luck with the apartment... as i'm about to do the same thing pretty soon :)

8/26/2005 3:12 AM  
Blogger Stephen said...

Check out this nightmare:,theessay,65341,15.html

I'm sure you may have already seen this and are used to watching your back in the city, but can't hurt to make sure.

8/26/2005 1:03 PM  
Anonymous Amber Lynn said...

I swear I saw something like that on TV. It was a "documentary" on a restaurant that was entered through and alley and under all these pipes and the patrons had to walk through the kitchen. very bizzare.

8/26/2005 11:32 PM  
Blogger jac said...

Why not rent an apartment near that secret, bizzare restaurent. Easy to sneak in.

8/27/2005 12:25 AM  

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