Monday, May 30, 2005

reporting for duty: fleet week 2005

So another fleet week has come and gone. S and I hit Times Square with our pied piper-ness, and by that I mean, with our boobs out. We were pros. Or so I thought. We kept seeing them in groups, none that were great looking but still we made the requisite eye contact nonetheless. We encountered problems when they weren’t making it back. Hello! Two hot girls and their cleavage are walking by! Men: that is your sign to at least notice our presence. But we felt nearly invisible. Those that made eye contact didn’t know to do the look back. You know the look back. It’s what solidifies that you and the guy/girl are mutually interested and that one of you should stop and talk to the other. Did the captains on the boats not send out the memo?

To: servicemen and women
From: your superiors
Date: 5/26/05
Re: The look back.

Members of our esteemed navy and marine corps,

As we dock at the ports of new york city we want to give you suggestions on how to maximize your enjoyment of this weekend. We encourage you to meet the locals who can show you a good time. On this topic, to most efficiently meet the locals, eye contact is key but the look back in imperative. Always look back at the guy/girl to ensure a future conversation.

Thank you.

General I. Battle.

Damn the administrative incompetence of the u.s. military. So we just started drinking. We started meeting marines and sailors but they were all so young. We went to a restaurant row bar where I’m something of a regular and 5 cute marines followed us in. I picked mine. Jason, a cute boy with dimples and blue eyes from Louisiana who likes to cook and has 4 sisters. He was 25 (thank god). Oh, and he’s also a good kisser. So Jason and I were going to meet up the next day (Thursday) but I never heard from him. I went down to bleeker street with S (who thought she was ditched by a guy she was supposed to have a date with, matt. not a sailor) to our favorite bar. Right away I spotted a tall dark and handsome sailor standing near the back of the bar. We kept making eye contact but he didn’t come up to talk so I let it go. I glanced over to my right and saw a marine that looked just like this pretty guy. He was 22 (I know...I know...) but I noticed a wedding ring. I mentioned it, told him about my 22 married marine brother. We’re talking. I’m making him laugh and I feel his hand on my thigh. This wasn’t no quick touch either. I was being stroked. For a second I thought, “he’s married, do I stop this?” I decided I wasn’t going to reciprocate (and that I wouldn’t kiss him either) and that it was harmless. He started to ask me what I was doing the next day, where I’d be. I was thinking that if I saw him again I’d definitely fuck him. He was hot and touching me and it’s been a while since I’ve been laid. Am I evil? Before I said anything, his friend “tex” came over and swept him away, telling him he had to go. Then he looked at me and yelled, “he’s married you know!” I ignored him, but saw tex yelling at him about it. Married guy looked at me as they were leaving with a, “he’s ridiculous, sorry about that” look. I sent him off with a wink and a smile.

In the meantime S had gotten a call from the guy who she thought stood her up, so we got ready to go meet him on the lower east side. S stopped at the bathroom and on her way back tall, dark, and handsome stopped her, telling her he wanted to meet her friend. I walked over there and he was adorable. He wanted to go to law school as soon as he got out. he was lovely and I should have given him my number but I was drunk and S dragged me away to go meet her date matt. He had flowers for her (half of which he gave to me and the bartender so we wouldn’t feel left out). she met him at club X (a fictitious name, for all those stalkers out there), and he’s friends with the owner. I got a call from Jason at 2am saying his phone died, which is why he couldn’t call. He wanted to see me again. I’m not sure if I believed his story but I wasn’t too fussed about meeting up with him again considering the two much better looking guys I’d met that night. I could have tried to hedge my bets but didn’t have the energy. Jason has literally been texting and calling me an average of 10 times a day. It’s insane.

The next night we went to club X. right away I spotted a bartender who looked like Tag from friends. I saw S staring at him too so thought, “damn. I’m gonna have to fight her for him, aren’t I?” I told her I thought he was gorgeous. She told me that her roommate D had slept with him last weekend when S had met matt. she walked right up to him and said, “don’t you recognize me?” he said, “no.” she said, “you slept with my roommate last weekend!” “No…I didn’t.” “yes!” “no….” and with that he waved the owner over. He says, “this girl thinks I’m morgan!” (we are assuming tag and morgan are brothers, but who knows). Owner says, “you slept with morgan, huh?” S says, “no! I slept with matt!” owner proceeds to say that matt is like a brother to him, and they bond over the fact that they both like matt. Owner kept buying us shots. I danced with a pole for a long time I think. Owner said he’d pay me if I’d come back wearing less clothes next time. I’m NOT taking him up on his offer. All that mattered to me was that Tag was no longer damaged goods since he had not slept with D. hooray! We chatted briefly through the night, I slipped him my number as I left, he told me that I’d better answer the phone, which I thought was strange.

The next two days were taken up by a wedding. it was black tie and probably the most beautiful (and expensive) wedding I’ll ever go to in my lifetime. It was at a museum. We dined and danced amongst Picassos. I’m not kidding. I got a text from Tag, who’s real name is ian, “this is ian from club X. you and your girls should come down to the club tonight.” Not sure what to make of it. It wasn’t a mass text (which I get from club promoters sometimes just to get people in) but it wasn’t a sign that he actually wanted to see me. The owner is his brother. He quite possibly just wanted to get people into the club on a Sunday night. I didn’t go. Have no idea if I’ll hear from him again. If he’s interested, he’ll call. You’ll hear about it if he does.

18 people who played with me:

Blogger quycksilver said...

Finally, I have a celebrity sighting--I've seen Eddie Cahill out here. And yes, his eyes really are that blue.

5/31/2005 12:31 AM  
Blogger Jon said...

As promised in your profile, "ramblings on nights of debauchery." No one can accuse you of false advertising. You sound like trouble. What did you say your middle name was?

5/31/2005 1:18 AM  
Blogger cadiz12 said...

wow, someone of your brother's age, career field and marital status was getting his stroke on with you? i usually can't even take anyone whose birthday is within 2 years of my brother's seriously. maybe because i still think of the kid as a baby.

5/31/2005 2:13 AM  
Blogger Digitalicat said...

"she met him at club X (a fictitious name, for all those stalkers out there)"

Curses! Foiled again! [As I twist my handlebar mustache.]

Seriously, stalkers need love too.

5/31/2005 12:50 PM  
Blogger Annalisa said...

Wow. Sounds like a whole lotta fun! He IS married though, do you really want to be the other woman?

You meet a lot of people. I don't like people, which is one of the reasons why I don't meet a lot of people, I'm sure of it.

5/31/2005 6:23 PM  
Blogger jazz said...

jon: need you ask? seriously...

cadiz: my brother and i are a year and 6 months apart. it's hard because i've had to admit lately, that yes, my brother has at some point grown into a man.

digi: you got love man. i'll e-mail you a minute by minute itinerary if it means you'll come out to hang.

annalisa: i do NOT want to be the other woman, which is why i'm glad i didn't see him again. i have a severe weakness for severely hot men. not that it's important here, but the marriage likely won't last whether or not i touched the guy or not. the odds are against them.

6/01/2005 12:31 AM  
Blogger Digitalicat said...

You know it's something like 1200 miles from here to Manhattan. The only way I'd ever make a trip like that is if there were certain guarantees. For example, no changing light bulbs.

6/01/2005 1:03 AM  
Blogger jazz said...

i can guarantee amazing sex, but i WILL NOT guarantee that you won't change light bulbs. one blew out two weeks ago.
see what i have to do to get a light bulb changed in this city?! offer sexual services? pathetic...

6/01/2005 1:08 AM  
Blogger Jon said...

Well, I will most certainly not have sex with you. I’m a huge prude, however, I do like to change light bulbs, and if all goes according to plan, I will be making my yearly trip to NYC at the beginning of July. So if at that point in time your light bulb still needs changing, perhaps we can work something out.

6/01/2005 2:30 AM  
Blogger cadiz12 said...

ah, at 18 months you weren't old enough to help with diaper changing. it makes a lot more sense now.

c'mon jasmine, i know you can sweet talk someone in your building for a ladder. you wouldn't even have to lose your shirt; just wear your hair in pigtails.

6/01/2005 4:41 AM  
Blogger Ale said...

i HATE married guys trying to hit on me... i start talking to them about other guys in the room and how hot they are and what i'd like to do to them... just so they appreciate the fact that such an opportunity was missed because they're married.

6/01/2005 1:05 PM  
Blogger omar said...

(swooping in to defend married men)
We are not all that guy!! Many of us respect our wives!
(swooping out)

Oh, and also, I'd say flashing in exchange for changing a light bulb is fair. For sex, he'd better do dishes too.

6/01/2005 4:15 PM  
Blogger Annalisa said...

Very true Jasmine, very true. You didn't add to the demise of his marriage.

6/01/2005 4:39 PM  
Blogger cadiz12 said...

DISHES. now we're talking.

6/01/2005 4:41 PM  
Blogger Jon said...

Wow, who was that married man… (I look on with awe and dream of a day when I can grow up and be just like him)

6/01/2005 7:13 PM  
Blogger jazz said...

cadiz: i don't know that many people in my building. i live in 1A so i'm right inside the front door. it sucks. i once asked a really tall blond girl to change them for $5. she thought being accosted at her mailbox was the funniest thing she'd ever seen.

all: i know the married guy was sleaze, but seriously, he was 22. a mere 22. i don't think you can have a comprehension of what marriage is at that age. that's not to say he's not wrong. he is. but nobody takes it seriously anymore. except for our lovely omar.

6/01/2005 8:54 PM  
Blogger scribe called steff said...

Bet Blog Kris loved this post. ;)

6/05/2005 4:50 PM  
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1/05/2006 4:35 AM  

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