Monday, October 31, 2005

tick tick tick

i've never wanted children. i'm not sure if it goes back to my knowledge at a young age that my aunt, who i idolized, hated children. or maybe that my mother's frustration with being a single parent planted the idea in me that children are a burden, not a joy. i'm not afraid of pain; i give blood regularly, make my yearly gyne appointments, i actually enjoy trips to the dentist, hell...i put myself through law school and the bar exam, some would say i'm a sadist. BUT i've never desired putting myself in the position of, how do they say it? shoving a watermelon through a hole the size of a lemon?

but contrary to popular belief, i do have a biological clock. and every once in a while the thing starts ticking. i have a few friends who have the loveliest babies ever. such sweet sweet dispositions. quiet and beautiful. full of smiles and giggles. dream babies, really. and i hold them and they spit up on me and that's when i feel that tugging in my gut. i want one of these little things to bring home myself. i see how happy my friends are and think, "you know what? it's not that bad."

i left my friend kristen's after seeing her darling boy. since i'm on the east side, i head over to cpk (california pizza kitchen, where i had my very first restaurant job at the tender age of 15). i sit down at the counter, order my barbecue chopped salad, watch the news feed scrolling on CNN. and then it starts. a group of 15 children (aged 7-10) enter the restaurant. whining and running around and jumping onto the counter seats next to me. i see little hands reach over to try to touch my food. "sarah! leave that lady alone! come over here right now!"

not only are these little people wrecking havoc at this eating establishment, they're making me feel really old. though she didn't say it, i heard an "old" in front of the mom's lady as she yelled. i mean, i'm a lady, but i ain't that kind of lady! the lunch lady. that's what i think of. ahh! i'm only 25! i can't deal with this.

i leave CPK and get on the bus and start to hear the old familiar sound....a child screaming bloody murder. he's probably two. and this little guy is so damn loud.

i turn the volume up on my ipod, sit back, shake my head and sigh. once again restored to the "i'm never having children" person i've always been.

19 people who played with me:

Blogger Ale said...

good girl! you shut that clock up!
its just an illusion.

i havn't written off my married friends... but once they start having babies- i stop talking to them!

10/31/2005 1:28 PM  
Blogger omar said...

I certainly won't make any blanket statements saying that I like children. I like MY child, but I certainly don't like every child.

From what I've seen lately, kids are a little more out of control these days. Parents don't do enough disciplining, they all want to be their kids' friends. As a result, their crazy ass kids run around yelling and bothering strangers.

Blame the parents!

10/31/2005 2:06 PM  
Blogger Chris said...

If in doubt, settle on the "aunt role," where you get all the benefits of child-rearing (the laughing, the gifts, the sweet kisses, etc.) and none of the bad stuff (temper tantrums, diapers, etc.--those all get handed over to the parents).

Plus, if you ever have the need to get back at a friend, kazoos and those little 'frog-clicker-thingies' are the best revenge ever. As my nephew opened up a drum set, my brother stared at me in disbelief. I just smiled and said, "Remember when I was 15 and you held me down and performed "Chinese Water Torture" on me until I cried in front of my friends? It's payback time..." My poor brother, I could see him calculate how many times he'd humiliated me as a youth and what sort of grief I was going to inflict back upon him via his children. Oh, the kids love their uncle that gives them all the gifts mom and dad won't allow them to have...

10/31/2005 2:13 PM  
Blogger stretch td said...

You are too young for that clock to be ticking. Children are incredible but they are a HUGE committment and not for everyone.

Enjoy yourself. Find the man of your dreams. And, then you can worry about that clock ... or not. Whatever you decide. Isn't the 21st century an incredible time to live?

10/31/2005 2:25 PM  
Blogger cadiz12 said...

i don't know. that's the only thing i've been sure about wanting to do ever, though it's really starting to look hella tricky, the more i learn about it. but stretch is right, it's not for everyone.

10/31/2005 3:26 PM  
Blogger Malkin said...

I think that the annoyances that you have to put up with during certain ages are well worth it. You'd learn a lot about life and a lot about yourself if you raise a child. I don't know, I certainly want one or two. . . but I'm starting to get used to the idea of not having any. Either way I like Stretch's comment. . . it's a great time to be alive and we're in a hell of a city taboot!

10/31/2005 3:37 PM  
Blogger Katie said...

Newborn babies are the most terrifying things... ever! If you ever hear the internal clock ticking, you can quell it by mentioning the fact that the poor things life would probably be snatched away by the Avian flu after a short amount of time. Or, stop into a Baskin Robbins on a hot summer day for over a half an hour, and the clock will stop dead.

10/31/2005 7:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am an awesome uncle for my sisters and a whole lot of friend's youngins. I love it. But, I just don't have the parental mojo in me seeking to be a papa. . .

10/31/2005 9:57 PM  
Blogger The Seeker said...

Screaming children. The best ad campaign ever for birth control.

10/31/2005 10:12 PM  
Blogger Larry said...

I agree with Chris. If you don't want kids but love them in moderation, go for the "aunt" role. I have been an uncle since I was 19 and love every minute of it. I get to spoil the kids rotten, buy them noisy toys, and teach them things that no self respecting parent would let their kid know/do. Then I get to sit back and enjoy show. Best thing is I get to go home and leave it to the parents to deal with when I get tired of it.

11/01/2005 12:07 AM  
Blogger Syar said...

ever since I was a kid my mom was saying I'm her only hope of having grandchildren. I am by no means an only child and this comment was frequently made in the presence of my older brother and sister, who heartily agree. I'm 17. I'll think about this a few more years from now.

have you read Glo's latest post yet? she's talking about this too, except the other side of the story. coolies. :-)

11/01/2005 10:42 AM  
Blogger highcontrast said...

love kids, but the thought of devoting my life to them is a bit scary...
Friday night I took a 2 hour flight with my sister and 18 month old nephew....
we had to sing to him for 40 minutes straight to keep him from screaming....
its weird, the older I get, the less open I am to having my own...

11/01/2005 10:58 AM  
Blogger Quiet said...

I feel the same way. As soon as the volume gets louder than the surroundings my clock shuts up.

11/01/2005 11:41 AM  
Blogger japanesefish said...

Good comments all, except for one omission. The quickest way to financial ruin? Have kids. Forget saving for college, you know how much those monsters eat? Day care, elementary school, band camp and all of that. It really isn't for anyone who likes expensive shoes and the lavish New York life.

11/01/2005 1:52 PM  
Blogger stretch td said...

Financial ruin ... especially in NYC. Start with 2 bedroom apartment ... what about a 3 bedroom? Maybe they can share. A nanny, all the classes, nursery school ... forget private school. Its insane.

The joy you get from seeing your child smile ... PRICELESS!

11/01/2005 4:02 PM  
Blogger 1 said...

Famous last words. I was one like you...Way back when.

Now I have one and I'm not looking back.

11/01/2005 5:34 PM  
Blogger cadiz12 said...

here's a thought: researchers are saying those with kids are more perceptive, competitive, efficient and even socially aware than those without.

motherhood may rewire the brain

11/02/2005 1:56 AM  
Blogger TadaDiscounts said...

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11/10/2005 4:13 AM  
Blogger Walking Wounded said...

I live kids too, but when they are around me screamin' hell they make me think twice too!

The one cool thing about having kids of your own is that you can totally make them NOT like the kids you encounter that rub you the wrong way or make you think to yourself wtf is wrong with your parents? LOL


11/11/2005 3:08 AM  

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