Monday, December 12, 2005

to shit...or not to shit...

so i've always had this policy of not "shitting where i eat." i won't date people i work with. and up until now i thought that this was quite a solid position. i've had a teeny crush on this guy chris i work with. usually these things just go away, sight unseen, and work continues platonically. i got this text message from a co-worker:

"someone likes you. if you had to date a guy at work, who would it be?"
"oh man. just tell me. i don't date people i work with!"
"it's chris. he's nice. maybe just a drink?"

and now i'm in this pickle. for once, the crush has a crush back and actually put out some feelers to see where i stood.

when i first met this guy i didn't think i'd like him much. all the girls in the office fawn over him and all the guys just love him. he was the BMOC in the office. i assumed that he was cocky since he was the cool guy, the popular one. but then i started to talk to him and he's awesome. way smart, funny, a gentleman and the nicest guy.

so what's my next move? stick to my "no work men" regimen or cheat the diet? on one hand, it's hard to meet a decent guy that i'm interested in who is also interested in me...on the other hand, i just have little confidence that this will work. i get claustrophobic so quickly when it comes to boys. i don't want them to call all the time and i don't want to see them more than one weekend night a week so seeing the guy for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week is already too much. ugh.

try it and risk the failure and subsequent awkwardness or stay away from dear chris? any personal success stories or otherwise to share?

27 people who played with me:

Blogger omar said...

Steer clear, jazz. You already sound like that's how you're leaning anyway, so I just wanted to reinforce.

You don't want to be the one who breaks the heart of the guy everybody loves! Not that you're inevitably going to be breaking hearts or anything, I'm just saying. Don't put yourself in that position.

12/12/2005 10:13 PM  
Blogger cadiz12 said...

i second that. DON'T DO IT. believe me, no matter how much you tell yourself it couldn't go badly because you're all mature and stuff, you just never know what the boy will do. best to see if he has any non-work buddies of comparable caliber.

12/12/2005 10:16 PM  
Blogger tinyhands said...

Date the cute-but-geeky quiet guy in the office. I may be a little biased here.

12/12/2005 11:12 PM  
Blogger @ said...

Wellll,, how much do you love your job? Could it be that this guy is the one? Are you even ready for "the one?"

On the other this job "the one?" I think you said in an earlier post that it is not, but you do seem to like it there.

I think...because what I think matters ... that if you want this job...don't shit where you eat. eww.

Inevitably there will be a strained vibe for you at the office. Even if things go smashingly well...there is still those eight hours to fill...with either really hot stuff...or wierd I'm the boss, and your the worker bee stuff. shitting. Simply put.

12/12/2005 11:15 PM  
Blogger MPD said...


The best advice anyone can give is, do what is right it Jazz's heart. Regardless of the rules or policies you may have your heart and your head will steer you in the direction you should go. All you have to do is listen .

12/13/2005 12:35 AM  
Blogger quycksilver said...

I'd say steer clear . . . but I'm hardly in the position f giving anyone advice.

12/13/2005 1:54 AM  
Blogger Beth said...

I say go for it. Even if it does go wrong, I've been through it and its not that bad.

To work it out, just ask yourself whats the worst that could happen in your life. Then compare that to the possible fallout of dating a guy from work.

Honestly...not that big of a deal!

12/13/2005 3:44 AM  
Blogger Riddari said...

If you get claustrophobic around members of the opposite sex which you are dating, it simply means you haven't met suitable ones for you yet!

Go for it. If you are truly adults you should be able to cope if you find out you are not compatible.


12/13/2005 4:57 AM  
Blogger Popeye said...

OK, I've never really liked the "don't shit where you eat" analogy.
Whenever there's more than one relationship level involved (work, friend, someone you're dating, relative of friend, etc.) things are automatically more complicated and they can get very complicated. That doesn't mean you shouldn't do it as much as you should really think how awful it could get and decide, then, if it's worth the risk.

12/13/2005 6:56 AM  
Blogger MEP said...

I think I'm with riddari. Claustrophobia only happens with guys who are not right for you - and you can always discuss the tendency towards claustrophobia with him if it makes you feel better.. And surely if you guys talk about it before hand, you should be able to end things neatly if they go bad. It can't hurt to casually explore the chemistry that you guys have.

12/13/2005 8:49 AM  
Blogger stretch td said...

Jazz --

You are just out of law school. With all due respects, you have never had a real job ... this one included. This is a temp job. I would be the brakes on until the temp job is done... then he is fair game.

Otherwise, just asking for trouble (which happens to be my middle name).

Just some friend advice from a dirty ole man.

12/13/2005 10:27 AM  
Blogger Katie said...

I say don't do it unless you like this guy as more than a crush. It doesn't matter that this might not be the worst thing, but if you can prevent a falling out, I say that's the proper route. Though I don't know about the flirting thing... be nice and all, but leave this guy hanging? You make him sound like a sweetie, and that's cruel.

12/13/2005 10:28 AM  
Blogger Joefish said...

I've had experiences both good and bad with this, so I've got nothing to contribute to this. But "to shit or not to shit" might be the most fun post title I've ever seen.

12/13/2005 11:42 AM  
Blogger Admin said...

No advice, I don't do that. But here's a story and it's true.

There was this boy once, very popular at work, he had a whole department and everything and then one day he decided to hire some help. Now this boy was looking for a chick, because let's be honest here, not only do they add so much flavor to the office they also repeat that in real life. But strictly, as it had always been, on a pure work only basis. This had nothing to do with wanting to bonk the secretary. Anyway, so he does interviews, sees many people and finally decides upon a female about the same age, with excellent qualifications. She greatfully accepts the job and a relationship is born. So, they work together for a long time and they worked extremely well together. The envy of all around. An impeccable team blah blah blah.

Now, no-one could have guessed it, but these two had something, even they themselves hadn't realised and then, one day, that was it, a fatal dance, a couple of drinks, an awkward kiss and BOOM, they were in love. Now love doesn't come along so often for these two so they embraced it. And had they not took that risk, that day they wouldn't have known that 7 years down the line they would still be together. And you know what else, even today the love still grows.

Maybe it was fate that brought those two together, maybe it wasn't. Maybe when two people truly connect they just know and come together anyway. Who knows, one thing's for sure, as long as you're happy and the equation makes sense then enjoy the journey.

12/13/2005 11:43 AM  
Blogger Admin said...

Shit, sorry that was waaaay to long

12/13/2005 11:43 AM  
Blogger Slutbag said...

I say go for it. just make sure at the sex point (if there is one) you are on the same page about what you are looking for.

12/13/2005 11:44 AM  
Blogger Larry said...

I think it depends on how seriously you take the job. If this is just a notch on the resume, before moving on, then what could it hurt. If it works out, great. If not, you won't be there forever. So, who cares.

If, however, you are planning on staying on with the firm and trying to climb the ladder, it may not be the best deicision. In this situation you just have to be careful, because, office politics are hard enough to deal with, without any complications.

But, you are both adults, so in either situation, dating is OK. Just be careful.

12/13/2005 12:54 PM  
Blogger JustJunebug said...

agreed. dont do it. plus when you said: i get claustrophobic so quickly when it comes to boys. i don't want them to call all the time and i don't want to see them more than one weekend night a week so seeing the guy for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week is already too much. ugh.

i literally laughed out loud. i feel your pain! therefore you have your answer!


12/13/2005 1:40 PM  
Blogger The Big Cheese said...

Hit it. And forget it.

12/13/2005 2:48 PM  
Blogger stretch td said...

Offices romances are fine but it depends on the work relationship. They are not cool when they are with someone you supervise or supervises you. At a big firm, you can work around that. Not sure if its possible in your situation Jazz.

Good luck. If you screw him, we are going to want all the details.

12/13/2005 3:58 PM  
Blogger The Bastard Son said...

If you are pretty well convinced it won't work then I'd say stick to your diet. I've never been a clingy guy but one night per week only works for me if it's a sex date, no strings...

on another note:

you might check the pic I used to link your blog from my blog...I can change it to whatever you'd like.


12/13/2005 4:17 PM  
Blogger Jay said...

I seem to think that this is one of those "thrill of the chase" things. Once you bag him, the thrill will be gone. Then you still have to work with him. Keep the thrill alive and don't date him.

12/13/2005 4:32 PM  
Blogger 1 said...

go for dangerously.

did you ever take that shit?? I must have missed that part. ;-)

12/13/2005 7:22 PM  
Blogger Jon said...

You're definitely getting a mixed bag of advice. I don't think I would do it. I have done it before and had good and bad results. I know I am jumping the gun here, but I just think that if one of you falls in love and the other doesn't then it is going to eventually end and the one that was in love is going to have the daily reminder.

I hurt someone really bad once this way. I regret the pain that I put her through. Fortunately we were eventually able to become friends again, but not until after a lot of trauma and drama.

Good luck!

12/13/2005 11:48 PM  
Blogger Amber Lynn said...

You only live once, but it sounds like a bad idea.

12/14/2005 12:20 AM  
Blogger SnowQueen said...

i went out with this guy from work and we've been together 11 months to the day its great but we worked in differrent departments and i hardly saw him during work hours so i supose that doesnt really count

check out my new blog insted of bitching i ruin childhood icons :)

12/14/2005 8:08 PM  
Blogger Gloria Glo said...

Trust your gut. That's the only advice I'm every giving anyone, ever again. So, I give it to you. Trust your gut, hon.

12/15/2005 8:42 PM  

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