license to wed: a movie review

first thing's first: do not go see this movie. do not netflix it. i would even warn against watching it on cable even if there is nothing else on.

i saw a pre-screening last night. it IS that bad.

which is a shame because i love jim from the office and i adore mandy moore. but unfortunately, their chemistry was negligible. you see a montage of vignettes about them meeting which is supposed to illustrate their relationship until their engagement, where the plot begins. the problem with this is that you have zero faith in their relationship when the movie starts. you think, "wow, this is the dullest, least dimensional movie relationship i've ever seen!"

and then their priest puts them through "marriage counseling" of sorts to prepare them. this includes bugging their house and stalking them, giving them robot babies (creepiest things ever, about which i will have many nightmares), and putting them into several situations that, of course, force them to break up. but only so that 5 minutes later they can get married happier than ever.

meh.

the best part about the movie was mindy kaling who plays kelly on "the office." she was in the movie for 5 total minutes but i laughed for every one of them. other office cameos from angela and kevin.

almost as disconcerting as the robot babies was a child who acted as robin williams' mini me. a child priest in training. not a midget, just a funny looking child. which begs the question: who in their right mind would let their 9 year old stay late nights and go to jamaica with a priest these days? the whole thing was so far fetched and not even in a funny way.

my verdict? skip this one. it's a couple hours of your life you'll never get back.

the upside of the evening? it was part of a promotional tour hosted by brides.com. so we also got free wine and amazing alize (seems like an oxymoron, doesn't it?) cocktails and decent canapes (goat cheese and tapenade on crostini, tempura shrimp with red pepper aioli, cranberry chicken salad on a curried wonton). yay for free booze and dinner.

t-shirt making

so remember this?

i have enough felt letters to make another one that says, "barack the vote."

but, secretly, i'm waiting to see whether al throws his hat into the race before i go shirt-making for obama...

not sure what i'd put on an al gore shirt. suggestions?

taping of the daily show

"um, i think i just got tickets to the daily show tonight," my co-worker lacey says, "wanna go?" (there were, apparently, some freakishly last minute tickets available online for yesterday's performance even though the rest of the shows are sold out through jan.)

so we left work early, headed to the studio and got there at 3:30. it was hot and gross. they passed out cold water and icicles until we were lead to an air conditioned waiting room at 4:45. where we waited until 5:30 to get into the studio. where we waited until 7:15 for the taping to start.

to be fair, the taping was supposed to start at 6ish but michael moore was stuck in traffic after his flight was delayed. we thought the guest was going to be david cross and we love david cross but it turns out poor david was bumped to make room after michael moore was bumped off larry king for paris hilton.

a warm-up comedian came out, he was really pimping himself out so the least i can do is link the dude. he was funny. pretty harsh on some audience members, which was hilarious as long as it wasn't me he was picking on.

then jon came out and talked a bit. when he asked if anyone had questions a girl stood up and waived, he called on her and she asked, "um, will we get out of here in time to catch the broadway show we have tickets for?" people laughed, if only because she went straight to the man to get the answers instead of messing around with studio staff. he joked about how much they'd packed into their day ("what, are you going to a midnight screening of rocky horror picture show next?"). asked what performance it was. she said it was spring awakening. which drew a series of "awwwws" from the audience. "i'm agreeing with the audience that you'd be better off skipping this show. seriously, i've seen the script for tonight, you're not going to miss much. so just leave when at quarter till, you'll make it there from here by 8." "yeah, but i don't want to have to run. we ran here from the matinee of inherit the wind" at which point, everyone died. then he's like, "what is up with you people? where are you going that you need to fit all this in today?" "um, sudan."

they were going there to teach for two years. jon made some sudan jokes ("so if you have three village and two of them you pillage and burn, how many villages do you have left to pillage and burn?"), polled the audience to see whether any of them were doing anything more noble and proudly awarded them the award for "best humans in the studio audience."

then he opened up the show with a bit something along the lines of, "there are two lovely people going to sudan. when you ask them, 'oh, have you seen ____?' the answer will be yes."

it was a joke that made zero sense to anyone who wasn't in the studio audience but they used it in the episode anyhow.

though there was a lot of waiting, it was still so much fun.

jon stewart, have i told you lately that i love you?

gay pride

so i managed to make it back in time sunday to partake in some gay pride festivities.

"we're at 13th st and 6th ave, you can't miss us," justin says to me on the phone.

i wasn't sure what he meant until, sure enough, i round the corner and see 8 men very tightly packed onto a fire escape in various stages of undress. waving rainbow flags and wearing rainbow flowered leis, squirting people with a water gun.

i walk upstairs to choruses of: jasmine! i've missed you! you look amazing! seriously, you need to eat something, you're too thin! L-O-V-E that dress. LOVE it! it's been too long since i've seen those breasts, i'm just going to squeeze them for a little while, don't mind me!

i love being loved by drunk gay men

i need a cold shower now

i just walked past ralph fiennes on madison avenue in front of my office.

wearing a white linen shirt buttoned half way up.

and he is, indeed, FINE...

wedding and other things

the wedding was absolutely lovely.

we were all stuck in these hot pink floor length silk halter dresses that i hated, but had to admit once we got them on that they were pretty hot and we all looked great. i had my hair in curls and looked, i think, quite cute.

the flowers: pink peonies and hydrangeas.
the cake: dark chocolate brown fondant with big pink polka dots (it was adorable).
the music: a cello string quartet for the ceremony and an awesome dj at the reception (who didn't play any of the cheesy wedding songs or line dancing songs per kate's instructions).
the transportation: a white stretch porsche cayenne
the photog: a young mark wahlberg look-alike who took zero traditional photos and we loved it.

i also met someone. i'm saying this right now just to memorialize it: i may have just met my future husband.

more fun with keywords!

my favorites from this week. some people are really strange...

gore '08!

ed. note: am heading to chicago for kate's wedding this weekend so prob won't post again till monday...

i'm reading al gore's new book, the assault on reason.

it's dense. really dense. but it's chock full of both interesting information and also logical/historical insights into how this country has managed to get itself into the trouble we're in now.

it's also, obviously, a scathing review of Bush and the current administration.

"His seeming contempt for the rule of reason and his early successes in persuading people to believe in his dogma-driven view of the world apparently tempted him to the hubristic and deeply dangerous illusion that reality itself has become a commodity that can be created and sold with clever propaganda and public relations skills."

the whole book, so far, has read like that. he also puts a fair amount of blame on the general public (for watching too much crap television and not reading and searching for the truth enough) and also the media (for no longer being a free marketplace of ideas, but one driven solely by ratings and those whose money funds the networks).

he talks about the effect fear has on reason and about what the republicans have done to take advantage of the fact that when people have fear, reason becomes secondary. it's why republicans keep saying, "if you elect democrats, the terrorists win and we'll get attacked again."

so far, it's been pretty philosophical but it's really truly interesting to see how far back in time people have been studying fear and its relationship to reason. there's also been a fair amount about the history of democracy and the founding fathers intentions for our country.

the only bad thing about this book is that it's making me really upset that al gore isn't running for the presidency. he's got all the right ideas. i'd vote for him even over my man obama (who, btw, isn't acting like so much of a leader lately. he's just not coming out strong on any issues and he's playing it so safe. that's not why i was first attracted to him. there's something about this campaigning process that's taking something out of him and i hate it).

cracking me up

oh my god. this is making me laugh so hard. i just keep playing the first minute over and over and i'm in tears at my desk....

the end of the cleanse

so i cheated for lunch.

i also cheated again with a cup of soup on friday

and an omelet on saturday

and every time i ate i felt soooo soooo sick. my body had started to hate food and that scared me. so i've gradually started re-introducing foods back into the diet because i don't want to feel sick all wedding weekend when i know i'll be eating several meals in a day (something i can barely imagine at this point).

i've lost some weight but nothing drastic. it was just enough to make me not regret that i've spent the last week drinking nothing but lemonade.

the times i ate over the last week and some, i didn't eat because i was hungry. i ate because i was in a social situation where i couldn't necessarily get away with sitting there eating nothing. rather, i could have, but it would have made me uncomfortable.

the less i ate, the less hungry i was to the point where i didn't even miss food. really strange.

as for the cleansing part of it, i messed all that up with every crumb of anything i put into my body. you don't want me to get into details, but for the most part, i'm pretty certain my colon was being flushed out.

in all, not a bad week. it would be ideal to do over a week where everyone you know is out of town so that you won't have to leave your house for the ballet, or the art gallery opening, or the broadway show, or the movie theatre where the popcorn smells better than anything you've ever smelled in your life, or any other social event that might later involve eating or drinking...

my new favorite chef

here's seamus mullen. isn't he beautiful? he's a goddamn adonis...

hey, make the switch!

ed. note: for people not in ny/nj/ct, check to see what this says about transferring in your area. it's the absolute easiest way to give back to the environment. it requires zero effort and costs almost nothing....

New Yorkers, did you know you can choose to receive wind power from ConEdison? A friend has been signed up for several months and his utility bill actually went down (but I think he also outfitted his place with CFLs as well).

sign up here (this link for tristate people only)

Choosing ConEdison Solutions WIND Power is one of the easiest ways for New Yorkers to reduce the environmental impact of their energy consumption. WIND Power contains 100% NewWind Energy, a product of Community Energy, Inc. By choosing to purchase renewable energy, you are doing something positive for our air, health and environment.
The cost for WIND Power is two and a half (2.5) cents more per kilowatt-hour than standard power. For the average New York City residential customer, this adds up to about $10 per month more than ConEdison Solutions ' standard offer (may vary depending on your usage). By switching to WIND Power, you can reduce carbon dioxide emissions by the equivalent of planting about 418 trees or not driving about 5,325 miles each year.

You can help cut America's dependence on fossil fuels, including foreign oil, by purchasing WIND Power. And ConEdison Solutions makes switching to WIND Power easy. Please sign up below or call 1.866.WIND.123 if you have any questions.

flight of the conchords

my last link for today.

watch the entire episode here. it's my new favorite show.

seriously, it is pretty damn funny. laughed out loud several times...

B to the A to the R-A-C-K O-B-A-M-A!

hilarious...



girl's got a rockin body

um, ridiculous

but totally amazing...





sorry about the linkage posts today!

i dare you

not to get a little teary watching this...

i'm pretty sure he stole a line or two directly from the movie billy elliot but i adore him anyhow...

okay, so i cheated

i was invited to lunch at insieme again where everything happened to be gratis, again.*

so i cheated on the diet with one meal. one truly amazing meal.

roasted vegetables, fresh buffalo mozzarella, olives, roasted potatoes with the most divine olive oil ever.

lamb carpaccio with fava beans, parmesan crisps, and some other yummy stuff (onions? teeny cubes of some type of feta-ish cheese?) dressed with a vinaigrette.

we had a fish (bream, possibly) tar tare topped with mixed greens, orange zest.

(my memory is getting fuzzy because i was getting drunk after my second sip of wine)

i had some kind of fish that reminded me of chilean sea bass on top of some vegetables.

we finished with panna cotta, some chocolate mousse HEAVEN on top of a mysteriously crunchy pistachio crust that was out of this world, and a cheese plate with raisin walnut bread.

we had wine, and more wine. and some more wine. we happened to be with a buyer so she and the sommelier got to talking and before we knew it we were tasting all kinds of stuff.

the chef himself, marco canora, came over to say hello.

he's lovely. everyone is lovely. i'm drunk.

that's what happens when you have two glasses of wine when you've been consuming nothing but lemonade for 50 hours.

i love life.

*do not mistake this for a food review. it isn't. i can't remember half the names for what i had and wasn't taking mental notes of ingredients or varietals or vintages.

marry me raul esparza!!

so he might actually be gay although popular opinion swings towards bi these days. but i'm kind of in love with raul esparza.

last night's performance was emotional for him. it was his first since he lost out on a tony to david hyde pierce. he was the favorite to win and he looked visibly upset when he didn't. part of me wants to say, "if you're upset, it's okay to be upset!" the other part of me says, "but don't look so prima donna-ish and at least pretend for 5 seconds that you're happy for david!"

at any rate, after raul's showstopping last song (which was brilliant) people started clapping and whooping wildly. and then a tear started to run down his face. and then the rest of the house was moved to stand for an ovation, at which point, the guy just seemed to lose it. you could tell he was overjoyed at the reception, maybe a bit vindicated. however, he was nominated and he knew he was the favorite for the tony, he knows he's good. really good. but at any rate the tears ran down his face in streams for almost 10 solid minutes and we all stood cheering. quite emotional.

and he's really a beautiful beautiful man. i'm definitely going to be in love with him for a week or so....

beauty guinea pig part 3: in which i cleanse

i'm a bit of a junkie. a beauty junkie. and both in bed and in life, i always say i'll try anything once. this series details the spa/betterment/prettying procedures i've had the good fortune to experience. and the ones i'd rather cut myself than do again.

so kate's wedding is on the 23rd. and i've decided i'd like to lose 10lbs in the next 10 days. and to do that, i'm trying the master cleanse.

basically, my diet consists of lemonade and lemonade only. today is day two. yesterday went swimmingly but i often will go a whole day without eating. i just sometimes get busy and forget, which sounds ridiculous, but i more than make up for it with the copious amounts of french fries i consume in a month. not to mention the near constant eating out that i do.

so far i've learned two things: 1.) drinking salt water is gross and 2.) cayenne is more spicy than i thought.*

i foresee a reasonable amount of crankiness. i'm looking at a bag of plantain chips and wondering whether just two chips wouldn't kill me. i really really like food.

the only good thing about this is the timing. a lot of my friends are out of town this weekend so i hopefully won't be pestered to do a lot of socializing.

i plan to read the moyers book i started last month and to finally crack open gore's new book (which has been collecting dust since it came out).

all with a zen attitude and a whole lotta lemonade.**

*and it makes me sneeze, a lot.
**women are silly, vain and stupid sometimes, aren't they?

a food review: landmarc at the time warner center

landmarc. first, regardless of whether the food was any good i will be going back. there are several reasons for this.

1.) this place is a full of good looking men who, contrary to so many artsy men i've been meeting lately, actually have jobs and earn an income. praise the lord!

2.) just as we were seated the silver fox (the HOT HOT HOT anderson cooper) was whisked right by us to a table near the rear of the restaurant. this is the perfect place in which to stalk him, even though he's gay and i can never have him, i'm still going to try to rape him in a bathroom someday. oh, yes, he will be mine! but i digress....

3.) the wine is cheap. like, pretty much selling it for wholesale, cheap.

4.) the room is gorgeous and the views over columbus circle are stunning.

on to the food!

we started with the moules frites in the tomato pesto sauce. these mussels were gigantic which made me afraid they'd be undercooked (just because of how meaty they were) but came out just fine. the french fries (made fresh) were excellent and served with both ketchup AND mayo. again, let's praise the lord that i didn't have to ask for mayo like i have to do EVERYWHERE else in this city.

i had the filet mignon. i'd asked for it medium rare and it definitely came more on the medium side. also, our idiot server (who didn't know a thing about the menu) didn't get the sauces right and justin's steak came out medium well so he sent his back. al had the monkfish, which was out of this world. i would have sent my steak back but it wasn't so overcooked the i couldn't enjoy it and also, i was starving.

the highlight of the evening, besides being in the presence of the silver fox, was the bearnaise. it was, hands down, the best bearnaise i've ever had. and folks, i've tried a lot of bearnaise sauces in my time. i will have dreams about this bearnaise. i will probably have dreams about licking the bearnaise off of anderson cooper. and that would be an amazing dream. not better than this one, but still pretty good.

all the desserts are mini. a teeny chocolate mousse. a bitty creme brulee. a wee tiramisu. there were six so we tried all of them. and we also had three mini ice cream cones. and no, we didn't finish it all but the nutella eclair was my favorite. it made me wish i wasn't sharing with two other people. or that the desserts had come while they were both in the bathroom so i could have eaten it alone before they came back so they wouldn't have missed it.

we had 1.5 bottles of wine and the bill was just shy of $200. and, like i said, i will be going back. soon.

this settles it

there is no justice in this world.

update: house arrest for medical reasons. boo-fucking-hoo.

occupational hazards

there are occupational hazards to having large breasts.

say you are walking down the street with some super excellent coconut gelato, loving life.

then, because it's warm out, the gelato starts to get a little melty.

and when you lift your spoon, a glob of it slides off the spoon (the little gelato shovely spoon that really isn't all that concave so it leaves extra room for slippage), and right down your shirt. and not because you're wearing a particularly low cut shirt, but because it's a button-down shirt and the collar is open and because your breasts are large there just exists a certain amount of open space there.

so you're walking down the street, feeling this cold glob drip down and make your bra wet (and sticky!) and you finally try to discreetly wipe it off, even though it's pretty much all melted and stuck to you.

yeah, it sucks when that happens.

be honest...

on a scale of 1 to 10, how big of a loser am i if i'm totally excited about harry potter land?

cicada time!!!

ed. note: in case you haven't, go back and see the "what's in a name" post, the comments have been genius!

being here in new york where we have neither trees nor grass, i forget that cicadas even exist.

but this is the year theeyyyyy'rrrrreeee baaaaaaccccckkk !

i was ten years old the last time the cicadas came. i remember it like it was yesterday. the swarms are so dense and so numerous that when you look up at the sky, you can barely see blue. they fly all over the place. they'll fly into you, they'll get stuck in your hair. it is like the birds, but instead of getting your eyes pecked out, you just get knocked into by big ugly bugs who fly away.

they're absolutely disgusting.

and then people started grilling them and eating them. and i went to the dentist and was offered cicada flavored fluoride (i am NOT kidding).

and the noise!!! the buzzing/hissing CONSTANTLY!

and she shells they leave all over! the insanity!!!

so, you know, all that stuff about missing chicago/portillo's/nordstrom...i didn't really mean it.

insieme: a food review

disclaimer: i went there for lunch last week for "friends and family" so everything was gratis. and, no matter what anyone says, food is much better when it's free.

the dinner reviews have been good. look for bruni to write up this place in a couple weeks as he's been making his visits. they want three stars. they got two from platt. as long as the service stays good (and as long as bruni doesn't concentrate too much on what is a pretty sterile dining room) they might just get it.

the dining room was smaller than i'd thought it was going to be. the interior shades of white and gray. a tad cold, a tad formal, essentially modern and minimalist

the menu was divided in half. on the left: three sections of "classic italian" fare. on the right: italian fare with an updated twist, sometimes fusiony. we ordered the way the menu seemed to want us to, starting with an appetizer, ordering a small pasta portion (as is the way in italy, the pastas are always eaten first, as an appetizer or second course, almost never an entree), and then an entree.

i started with the veal tonnato. thinly sliced veal, served chilled with a creamy looking sauce that tasted of lemon and butter, garnished with capers. the veal was tender, the sauce just salty enough though ultimately richer than i'd thought it was going to be. however, i only barely restrained myself from licking the few drips of sauce i couldn't mop up with the veal, off my plate.

next was a "cured tuna" carbonara. turns out cured tuna tastes just like cured ham. i would have thought it was porchetta had i went into the tasting blindly. but it was made traditionally in a sauce of egg yolk and parmesan cheese (no cream, thank god). they did throw some peas in there and they should have added some black pepper but i had no qualms about the dish otherwise. it came as a tiny portion but considering how rich it is (and how rich the veal with butter sauce was) i wasn't complaining.

next was a sea bass served in a sauce that i wish i remembered more clearly. it was light, white wine probably with butter (of course) and served with sauteed cherry tomatoes, artichokes and "young garlic" which, on the plate, looked like the bulbous end of a scallion.

dessert was panna cotta, my favorite! served in a sauce of drunken strawberries and a glass of moscato. it was absolutely perfect, even though i personally think it's nearly impossible to mess up panna cotta.

the service was good, but it always is when a restaurant first opens. suffice it to say they didn't seem "fake nice" there. there wasn't a whole lot of snobbery though several "managerial looking" people walked around the room hurriedly as if on edge the entire time.

and, like i said, the meal was free of charge but it would have been $120 for the two of us which seemed more than reasonable. we had four courses and three glasses of wine each. we left satiated without being comatosely full. which was good because i had to go back to work (and stay late) because of my two hour lunch.

starting today insieme is open for lunch to the public. the food was, absolutely, worth a second and third visit even knowing i'll have to open up my wallet and pay for it next time.

what's in a name?

this guy i've been seeing/sleeping with/whatever...his name is earth. i'm embarrassed every time i have to introduce him to someone. "katie, this is...um......earth" (as i cringe and make a "yeah, seriously, it is" face).

this has provided endless fodder for my friends, obviously. a sampling:

"jazz, how's our favorite planet?"

"invite the whole universe why
don't you!"

"jasmine, just have sex with him and get it out of
your solar system."

"so have you let him near your
uranus?"

"he seems to think the sun revolves around
him..."

and even HE titled his first e-mail to me, "greetings
from earth"

i'm thinking i have to 86 this guy. it's not like the sex is out of this world.*

*don't worry, i rolled my eyes at myself as i typed that.