Friday, September 02, 2005

a diatribe

so this post has been a long time coming. i actually talk about this post and how i'm gonna write about this topic ALL the time. it's my most self-publicized post and it hasn't even been written. until now.

why text messaging is the downfall of the modern relationship.

it is apropos to be writing about this now seeing as last night i got a text message from none other than the library adonis! "yo sexy homeless girl, ha" was the message, verbatim. i erased it immediately to try to prevent any long-term scarring of my near perfect image of him by the poorly worded, poorly punctuated text message.

when i met the adonis while studying for the bar i would text all day. friends checking in to see how i was doing. other friends scattered about the library looking to take lunch and coffee breaks. he scoffed at my constant text messaging, referring to his older looking phone and acted like he didn't mess with such communications, i liked him immediately. he also conformed to this by consistently calling. i never felt the desire to text him, he never texted me. we had real contact. i had real (and really sweet) voicemail messages to save on my phone and listen to on repeat.

until last night. i was in a movie. i debated writing back. i would have rather called but i got out of the movie late. i wrote back, "how's the packing going?" i probably shouldn't have but thought that if he responded right away that i'd call. at 2am (long after i was in bed) he sent, "yo, ok, u at?" ladies and gentleman, i challenge any and all of you to try to decipher what the fuck that means. take your best shot. he may just be the worst text messager ever. maybe that's why he never used to do it. because he knew he'd never hear from the girl again after she read the nonsense coming across her phone. i'm no longer replying. i will call him tonight. the buck stops here.

i hate text messaging for the same reason i hate e-mail with someone you're romantically interested in. it's the pussy way out. it's fake and easy. it ruins everything! let me explain. over e-mail and through text, you have plenty of time to think of something witty, to give off a persona, to pretend to be cooler or funnier than you really are. It's also less scary than picking up the phone, dialing, and trying to have a normal conversation with the person. it's safe and entirely unexciting. these electronic messages make people think they're compatible when, in reality, they don't have enough to sustain real conversation with. it's easy to text instead of make that first phone call. it's also easy to drunk text in the middle of the night. it's quick and one-sided. it makes it easy to do stupid things you regret later.

just don't do it. it is THE worst sign when you meet a guy at a bar and he doesn't ask for your number (after which he'll probably text before call...fucking hell), but asks for your e-mail address. ladies, run screaming. this guy is a loser who is going to waste your time. you offer your number, get his, or give him nothing at all. and this isn't one-sided. ladies, you should stop the texting too. suck it up and call the guy, for the love of god. yes, it's scary, but you'll save time if you realize that he's a crappy conversationalist, or can learn about him early and ditch him if, say, you find out he's a republican.

and while i'm in a diatribe post...

what the fuck is wrong with this government that those who actually evacuated (i.e. are still alive and not waving white flags from their roofs in utter dehydration), are dying from hunger because the government support can't get food and water to them. the pictures on the news make the southern coast look like a third world country and, to be honest, a third world country would likely be getting better support right now than our own people are getting down south. i was talking with my brilliant friend jesse yesterday who was quick to point out that republicans stand on their soapboxes and talk about how they stand for the fact that organized government sucks, that taxes suck, that we shouldn't have this system in place and should be able to make our own decisions, that people can take care of themselves. you know what? that republican ideal is why we're in this mess. because national catastrophes can't be taken care of on a state level. the system is supposed to take care of these people. where's the help now? the government's response (and i'm not even going to tackle bush's totally inappropriate comments which put a band-aid on a severed limb) has been nothing short of amazingly inadequate. 65% percent of people in this country question the scientific reality of evolution. what the fuck is wrong with this country?

also, in case it hasn't occurred to you to do so yet, DONATE!!!! i always give to the red cross myself. give to any legitimate organization you fancy.

note also in the NYTimes today: an editorial decrying the Republicans and their tax cuts (you might not be able to read this past today without registering) and also Dowd and Tierney's Op-Eds. according to Tierney, only 1/3 of new orleans residents had flood insurance. that's nuts. Dowd's article says that people knew the levees were weak, but Bush redirected the money to strengthen them to the war in iraq. iraq is also where 30% of the national guard and half it's equipment also went. she continues:

"Michael Brown, the blithering idiot in charge of FEMA - a job he trained for by running something called the International Arabian Horse Association - admitted he didn't know until Thursday that there were 15,000 desperate, dehydrated, hungry, angry, dying victims of Katrina in the New Orleans Convention Center.

Was he sacked instantly? No, our tone-deaf president hailed him in Mobile, Ala., yesterday: "Brownie, you're doing a heck of a job."

It would be one thing if President Bush and his inner circle - Dick Cheney was vacationing in Wyoming; Condi Rice was shoe shopping at Ferragamo's on Fifth Avenue and attended "Spamalot" before bloggers chased her back to Washington; and Andy Card was off in Maine - lacked empathy but could get the job done. But it is a chilling lack of empathy combined with a stunning lack of efficiency that could make this administration implode.

When the president and vice president rashly shook off our allies and our respect for international law to pursue a war built on lies, when they sanctioned torture, they shook the faith of the world in American ideals.

When they were deaf for so long to the horrific misery and cries for help of the victims in New Orleans - most of them poor and black, like those stuck at the back of the evacuation line yesterday while 700 guests and employees of the Hyatt Hotel were bused out first - they shook the faith of all Americans in American ideals. And made us ashamed.

Who are we if we can't take care of our own?"

31 people who played with me:

Blogger Radioactive Jam said...

Wow, diatribes should definitely be on your forte' list. :)
"yo, ok, u at?" How could anyone with an arguably functional brain allow their fingers to compose, much less send such nonsense? I don't think even Drunk can account for this. And I checked: nothing on Google, so it's not some ultra clever secret code-phrase. Brrugh!

9/02/2005 12:56 PM  
Blogger marriedman said...

Ok Jazz, now you've made me get all serious.

#1 I am a conservative (yes, believe it or not), not a republican as I think both parties are extremley corrupt and in it for the money.
That being said, I do believe that Bosnia for example would be getting better support from US than we are giving our own people. The fact of the matter is this: republican or democratic, the powers that be are too worried right now about the damage to the insurance industry than to their consituents.
I'm not a big fan of Bush, but what was he supposed to say? If he said nothing, you would hate him. And if he said something, you would hate him. He can't win.
And what exactly do you mean by "the republican ideal is why we are in this mess"? Are you proposing that republcans brought on Katrina?
I think that it is safe to say that the entire governent (dems and repubs) are failing in the South.

now about that text message: I will decipher it for you, it was written using a little-known form of Canukian (Canadian with a latino twist).
"yo" is derived from it's root word "I'm".
"Ok" is derived from it's root word "a"
"U" in Canukian means fudge.
and finally "at" comes from the 1968 industrial workers of canada strike. It means "packer".

translation: I'm a fudge packer?

He was asking you for validation.

9/02/2005 1:06 PM  
Blogger @ said...

hum...that is a pretty pretty ugly text!! But when we are drunk we do dumb things....and maybe we can't spell...or each his own. Maybe he deserves a second chance as long as he promises to NEVER TEXT LIKE THAT AGAIN. lol

Don't even get me started on the government...this whole thing is pathetic. There definately needs to be accountabitly for the outcome of this disaster. People should not be STILL STRANDED after four days! But we know this.. the question is what are we going to do about it?

9/02/2005 2:10 PM  
Blogger Me said...

I'm thinking the "yo, ok, u at?" translates, in all seriousness, to him asking "How are you jasmine? Where are you?"

Basically, the current details.

Now, shame on me for acting like I get it. Thankfully, I've yet to receive a message that ridiculous. Mine still consist of things like "Let's go swimming. Swimwear optional" and "Panties or no panties?"

Not to brag. Ha! :~)

Although I love texting, I get too impatient waiting for the person to reply. And my biggest thing now is when to stop. I'll send what I think is the last, closing message and, 5 minutes later, get another. Then I feel like I have to reply back, even just acknowledge that I got it. Otherwise, I feel like I'm hanging up on them.

Yea, no more texting for me.

9/02/2005 2:11 PM  
Anonymous ambur lynn said...

This is the biggest natural disaster ever in our nation's history. We weren't ready for it, democrats or repulicans or just an everyday person who had family out there.

TM sux.

9/02/2005 3:03 PM  
Blogger jazz said...

jam: am praying he was drunk...

married: if you'd read the next sentence you'd see i neither hinted nor implied that republicans were responsible for katrina. don't be an ass. republicans sing the joys of autonomy. how evil the gov is. it's the national government that's supposed to have the money and resources to take care of this. it's too big a problem for LA or MS to ever have handled alone. i would have been happier had bush actually stopped in LA/MS instead of flying right over it two days ago. oh, and good that congress is finally reconvening to get more aid over there now that we have hundreds dying daily from lack of resources and every national guardsman from the needy states is likely in iraq. when they had to butt into the terri schaivo deal, congress was able to reconvene at some 4 hours notice on a sunday evening. nice priorities, don't you think?

me: i am thinking he meant to add a "where" before the "u at?" as well.

ambur: agree for the most part, that there is no perfect or ideal way to handle this.

9/02/2005 4:30 PM  
Blogger marriedman said...

jazz, first off, I think that it is an ignorant ideal that the government is ever going to be a save all for everyone. That being said, as I said before I think that they acted much to slowly and there actions (bush, ted kennedy, and so on) were insufficient. I agree with you on the Terri Schiavo case (although I thought what happened to her was a crime), I think that we could have done something much sooner.

Don't call me an ass, you love me.

9/02/2005 4:40 PM  
Blogger JustJunebug said...

yeah. dont EVEN get me started on whats going on down here. i live in houston, and we are now home to 100000 refugees. thats ok. i am freaking doing everything i can to help. EVERYTHING. but it seems all our efforts are for what? i still see on the tv at the dome that they are short of supplies. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? outside sits trucks and trucks and trucks of supplies from all of us here in houston.

but because freaking beaucracy or whatthehellever, you gotta check this shit in before you give it to the people inside??

oops...sorry...i will save my ranting for my own blog.

the adonis? loser. take away his text privleges on this phone. now.


9/02/2005 5:21 PM  
Blogger A said...

Hey, Happy belated birthday first of all.

Two guys who sent me similar texts in the last month or so, I haven't spoken to since. Some people shouldn't open their mouths and some others should just never write anything.

I've been watching CNN and I wish I could help in some way.

9/02/2005 5:27 PM  
Blogger jodifosterturkeybaster said...

Ok, I had to show up to break up married and Jazz. Both raise good points, but the fact is; democracy only works if the people involved believe it will. Every party (political) contradicts itself in every possible way. For the republicans, it's the standard issue of money and religion. When does one out weigh another? In the case of Terry Schiavo, the republicans need to listen to themselves. They preach that life should follow gods will and we should not interrupt it by causing "premature death" yet they are ok with using science to prolong life, regardless of the quality in which it's lived. As far as the democrats, most need to realize this is not a socialist country and the people should have more rights to choose. Since the creation of social security we've opened a Pandora’s Box of laziness and ignorance all around the country. Jay Leno does a great piece in 'Jay Walking' where he shows time and time again that an overwhelming number of Americans can't even name the current president. The sad truth is democracy is suitable only for the educated. The ideas of democracy are a wonderful tool, but in its true form, are still just ideas. I dread the day democracy fails, not if, but when.

I also wanted to say; because this is the most serious post I've ever done....
Anus. That makes me feel more like the baster.
For Jazz, I love an independent woman with ideas...
For married, you fit right in with the other 85% of conservative people in Eastern Washington, and I still love you.

As far as George Bush is concerned, he has shown me that with a quirky smile and an awfully ridiculous laugh, I too can be president. Even if I have the reading ability of a 6th grade special ed student. Baster, out.

9/02/2005 5:56 PM  
Blogger marriedman said...

Alright, now I'm bringing out the correct punctuation.

Baster, it's because of our differences that we will get so much done together. We will change the world; one baster at a time. Some see different political views as a hinderance, but in our case it is an enabler. We can form our own conclusions together, seeing both sides of the political spectrum. Working for the people, that's us at Completley (I shall always misspell that word) Unrelated to Work.

Jazz, you haven't even had a chance to say anything in response to my previous comment. But with all of the seriousness that has spewed forth from the mouths of myself and the baster, I felt it proper to say the following:

I can't imagine any other liberal with nice breasts that I'd like to spend an afternoon at the morgue with.

I mean that with the most sincerity that I possibly can muster.

Oh, yeah...rim-job-snelching-rectum-ranger.


9/02/2005 6:29 PM  
Blogger Katie said...

Congratulations Jazz! You now have a Blog where political debates are held! Oh man, they are so much fun to watch in on. Seeing as how everything that can be said has been touched upon, I will refrain from adding. Saying only that the deaths of people who survived the hurricane due to the lack of medication, food and water is attrocious.

I agree heartily with you about text messaging. Though I'm a freak and don't even know how to make the function work on my phone. I just pick it up and dial the number. Or, you know, see the person face to face. That's my personal preference.

Great Diatribe!

9/02/2005 7:14 PM  
Blogger TomCollins said...

You said it--and another problem with text messaging is the price tag attached. Even at 10c a message, it adds up fast. How many times can somebody write "R, come--hello?" before their phone bill skyrockets & the prospective suitor is confused & struck by the text-messager's literary dysfunction.

Don't get me started on politics. I'm a Canadian--we're all pinko commies up here.


9/02/2005 7:39 PM  
Blogger omar said...

"ladies and gentleman, i challenge any and all of you to try to decipher what the fuck that means"

What a fantastic sentence. You're going to make a great lawyer.

"over e-mail and through text, you have plenty of time to think of something witty, to give off a persona, to pretend to be cooler or funnier than you really are."

Add "on a blog" to the beginning of that sentence, THAT'S why I'm nervous to meet another blogger in person!!

9/02/2005 7:43 PM  
Blogger omar said...

And I was serious about the fantastic sentence part, I re-read it and it kinda sounds like I'm being sarcastic. I'm not. I'm imagining me being in a jury and you saying that, and me laughing my ass off.

Then I get thrown in jail for contempt, become some big dude's girlfriend, and the story becomes much less funny.

9/02/2005 7:45 PM  
Blogger The Seeker said...

Text messaging is a plague on our little universe. Um, I don't care if the sound is off in the theater. I went to see the movie. Not the bright lights coming from two rows down and 5 people to my left. Shut that sh!t off.

9/02/2005 9:30 PM  
Blogger Nadia said...

" have plenty of time to think of something witty, to give off a persona, to pretend to be cooler or funnier than you really are."

Holy hell Jazz...don't rat me out.

"Add "on a blog" to the beginning of that sentence, THAT'S why I'm nervous to meet another blogger in person!!"

True dat, Omar.

"Then I get thrown in jail for contempt, become some big dude's girlfriend, and the story becomes much less funny."

Less? I know you meant more.

9/02/2005 10:48 PM  
Blogger jazz said...

married: again, you're not reading. i'd like you to point out exactly where i said that government is going to be a save all for everyone. please stop quoting dialogue that doesn't exist. i'd be interested in hearing your argument that louisiana and mississippi would be better off without any federal government assistance whatsoever. do you honestly think they could take care of this disaster without the help of a functioning (query whether the gov. is functioning at all under Bush) centralized government? i refuse to continue arguing with someone with your spelling and grammar. i feel like i'm talking to an 8th grader. ignorance is knowing you've spelled the title of your blog wrong and not feeling any need to correct your error.

june: i CANNOT believe that people are dying while they're "inspecting" the goods. this is insane.

baster: thanks for weighing in. you're a cute mediator.

kate: you're better off, seriously.

tom: in the u.s. you can get 200 text messages a month for all of $2.50. those canadian service providers are ripping you off!

omar: ask the many bloggers who've met me in person (you know who they are) and they'll tell you i'm just like i am here on the blog. no faking. no surprises. i promise!

seeker: i know! those things are bright.

nadia: much funnier indeed. he just doesn't realize it...

9/03/2005 1:42 AM  
Blogger Wags said...

Hi Jazz and everyone else,
I apologize ahead of time for this long comment. First the Happy: Happy Belated Birthday Jazz. I'm in Chicago this weekend having a great time visiting my sister. And now the sad: I am originally from Louisiana, and so reading and watching what is going on there pains me. Growing up, when ever a hurricane came close we were told that New Orleans might flood. This has always been a worry. That is why it disappoints me that given the mandatory evacuation that (a) more people didn't follow it, (b) that there wasn't some plan in place to transport people without their own transportation out of the city, and (c) it took so long to respond afterwards. While I can't believe the response was so slow, there were many problems hindering the start of the rescue. The main issue was that there was no way into New Orleans. The bridge over the mouth of Lake Pontchartrain and the causeway over the center of the lake were both damaged to the point to where they were unusable. I-10 from Baton Rouge was flooded at several underpasses. Both major airports were flooded. There was no way by land to get supplies in or people out. Still, there should have been a way, they could have air dropped supplies or something. They are now telling people in Baton Rouge that they should expect the population of the city to double or even triple for at least six months. Apparently companies are buying up property in Baton Rouge to enable them to restart operations and house their employees. Insane.
My parents are about to retire back to Louisiana. Now they are delaying a trip down there to set up their new house because of the gasoline and food shortages. Instead they are letting family of one of their friends from New Orleans stay at their house. While I wish I was there to help in some fashion, I encourage everyone, if you have the means, donate to a responsible relief organization such as the American Red Cross.
Anyway, sorry again for the long comment.

9/03/2005 2:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said... have to wonder...if we've evolved into a 'higher' species then why is all this crap going on? Of course I guess if we're created by God then why is he letting all this crap go on? Still...I guess I fall into the 65%

And my phone just died halfway through a text message.

9/03/2005 5:54 AM  
Blogger Edna B said...

Putting aside the political debate, (being Australian I have no clue about the difference between Republican and Democrat) I find it disappointing that the US Government does not have the infrastructure and sense to calm down and deal with this disaster in a quick, well-planned and efficient manner. We of the "rest of the world" are constantly having the "American Way", democracy, freedom etc ETC ETC ad nauseum shoved down our throats. None of it means a THING if you can't look after your own. Just so disappointing, and devastating to the people who aren't getting the help that they need.

9/03/2005 8:01 AM  
Blogger omar said...

No no no, I trust that you're great. It's ME. I'm the one who, on the blog, has time to come up with witty remarks, and can pretend to be cooler and funnier than I am (especially because in person, I don't talk).

9/03/2005 8:12 AM  
Blogger Nadia said...

You and me's like one mind. Not literally though, because that'd just be creepy.

But faking, but sometimes I think I like my tres cool and funny (ha) blog self much more than the real world version.

Maybe someone should invent a timer for comments, to see who really has a quick wit and who *cough*me*cough* spends the better part of a day trying to get people to laugh at complete bull.

9/03/2005 8:23 AM  
Blogger jazz said...

wags: so sorry to hear that LA was your hometown. i'd like to blame all on the republicans if i can (i think we need another good 10 years to really see all that Bush has failed at), but i totally agree that the city of new orleans failed it's people in lack of transport out for the evacuation and several other post-hurricane survival systems. but to be fair, people are saying this is the worst natural disaster to EVER hit this country so who knows how much better planning would have helped, essentially, maybe there was no real way to plan for something like this. also, see junebugs comment as she has been trying to help and she saw trucks of food not being allowed in the city. that can be helped.

absolutely right about donating too. i didn't mention it, figured it was a given. i've given $50 (and i'm POOR kids) to help the effort and plan on giving more when the birthday money comes in. the post will be updated accordingly.

anon: so i you believe in God, you think your cell phone dying might have been a sign? you think God agrees with me about text messaging?

edna b!: i was just thinking of you because jon (over at shuck n' jive) just wrote a post about how he made fun of us in the comments section of my 100 things list. oh, those were the days. agree with your comment. is always good to have a perspective from outside this place. this is a horrible lesson in history for us. i'm going to hope that next time, no matter who is in power, that we're prepared. this is ridiculous.

omar: don't worry dude. i could literally talk to a wall for hours. you're fine. also, i have a way of coaxing people into conversation.

nadia: you're hilarious. we can all see the way your brain works sometimes. it's often pure genius!

9/03/2005 9:03 AM  
Blogger scribe called steff said...

Is this the same guy you and I have been discussing? I take it the issue is no longer going to matter?

Funny, GayBoy and his lover do an awful lot of text messaging, but I've seen their messages and they're quite literate-looking. They do it all day long with each other, through their workdays and such, and it's really cute. But they've got a SOLID relationship and they're both inteliigent, etc, so I suppose they handle it better than most probably do.

I've been doing internet dating and if one more fucking idiot DOESN'T read my profile and DOESN'T edit his shit before he contacts me, I'm gonna fall on a fucking Number-2 pencil.

As for Louisiana and Mississippi -- fucking horrid. Since I still owe rent for this month and I'm on government assistance myself right now, I can't donate. But my heart's with 'em at least.

The Cunting Linguist.

9/04/2005 3:26 PM  
Blogger Andy said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

9/04/2005 6:15 PM  
Blogger Andy said...

I like text messaging to leave messages with people - ie: people who can't use their phones at work. That way they don't have to dial in to get their voicemail.

Since we're blaming people for a natural disaster - what about the New Orleans Mayor? Yes Bush and his cronies are shitty. But the Mayor of New Orleans did absolutely nothing to try and evacuate, or prepare for the aftermath, of Katrina. I guess we can't blame him though cause he's a liberal.


9/04/2005 6:17 PM  
Blogger Gloria Glo said...

Amen, sister. Amen.

9/05/2005 12:26 AM  
Blogger stretch td said...

Everyone should give what they can. This is a tragedy for the entire country. Our government's response has made me embarrassed to be an American. You would think that we would be better prepared for both human and natural disasters after 9/11. This is a disgrace.

Stretch TD

P.S. Jazz -- sorry for staring at your cleavage, I just can't keep my eyes off of it! :)

9/05/2005 11:40 AM  
Blogger Squeaky said...

The problem in New Orleans and Biloxi isn't that there isn't enough money or supplies; it is that no one was sending in down to the places in crisis. The government was discouraging civilians from going down to help, so there wasn't enough people to help.

FEMA is usually an well-organized and well-run organization (I have relatives that work in hurricane research) so their lapse in productiveness is unusual. What probably happened is the Dept. of Homeland Security got in the way and started messing things up. Same thing happened with the Red Cross.

I don't know who decided to send everyone in the Superdome and the Convention Center to Houston. Texas isn't the only place near LA. They could've sent people to Northern Mississippi, Alabama, and Tennessee, instead of making all those poor people to wait in line to get to Houston, only to find out the Astrodome in full. If they'd sent buses down there to take the people to cities other than Houston, everyone could've gotten out faster.

9/05/2005 3:18 PM  
Blogger siren said...

First of all , Jazz, I have to say great marketing with the cleavage! I am sure it has helped to reel in many bloggers. I think I need to get a pic of my tits on my site. haha.... anyway, i agree with you whole heartedly on the LA/MI situation.
This is a national tragedy and the lack of response pissed me the hell off too. Sure, there are probably many contributing factors as to why it took so long and this is probably not solely one individual's fault, but c'mon! George Bush needs to wipe that damn smirk off his face. And in our local city paper the other day was a pic of him kissing two black children who were survivors of the disaster. Okay, I guess he does like black people. I'm convinced, arent you? Too bad the situation is not about your fucking political campaign, Georgie. We all know that had those people been white and upper class, this situation would have gone a lot differently. First of all, the funding for the levy in New Orleans would never have been cut. I mean, what the hell was that decision about? They did know there was a problem with them that could turn into a HUGE problem, and it was not addressed, and now we have the huge problem. This administration is fucked and this situation makes me want to join the National Guard.

9/05/2005 4:23 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home