anonymity

so H, one of the publishers i met with today, is a friend of S's, who i mention every so often. H told S that she was meeting with me because i was a blogger. the problem with this? none of my friends in new york are supposed to know i have a blog. when H told me she slipped to S my mind went reeling. this is supposed to be my place. the place where i can say what i want when i want. has everything changed?

during lunch we talked about anonymity. this is something that i, as a newbie blogger, didn't give much thought to. i never read blogs, so i didn't instinctively understand the reasons for not revealing your identity. i treated it like a networking site and even had a face picture up there for a couple days. i've used my real first name. a few of you know my last name too. honestly, i didn't think i'd have much to say, and even more so, i never thought that there would be anyone around to read it. after all, there are billions of blogs out there. who was going to find my teeny space in all that clutter?

well, one thing has led to the next. i've realized that a little commenting gets you readers. that readers link you. that readers of readers click those links and a little community is born. to my own amazement, i'm linked on nearly 50 other blogs.

blogs have become an important part of society. it's bloggers (and their sightings) who chased condi rice back to washington post-hurricane. it was also the bloggers who were the only ones posting reliable information to those hurricane relief workers and survivors about dry spots, the availability of water and supplies, and even the whereabouts of hurricane survivors. millions of average people collectively doing a reporting job that the government or media can't do itself. those bloggers are a force to be reckoned with.

my blog is not an important part of society. there is no smoking gun here. there is no life-saving information here. query whether the best place to find a brazilian wax wouldn't nearly fit into that category, but i digress...

this blog is full of random fluffiness. it holds all the allure of new york city paired with all the stories that the crazies over here provide, with a little bit of quarter-life crisis, a dash of humor, a pile of honesty and a pinch of fun celebrity gossip. what is this blog? it's me, uncensored. rather, it WAS me, uncensored. things first changed when i thought the library adonis might have peeked over my shoulder a few seconds too long and found this blog. there has been lots of stuff to say about the adonis that has been kept from you, my lovely readers, on the off chance that he knows where to find this blog. i can't have him knowing too much and i can't have him knowing you know too much about him either. and now S knows there is a blog. she's an excellent stalker. i should know, seeing as i trained her myself. she is truly one of new york's finest. if she wanted to find me, she would. and that seems huge to me, mainly because we spend so much time together. though i haven't mentioned her much and haven't said anything here that i'd hate for her to read...if she had done something scandalous, i'm pretty sure she'd be pissed if i were to post about it. i'm not trashing my friends here, but i sometimes reveal juicy details of their lives that they probably wouldn't approve of. i wonder whether, if they had blogs, they'd post about it anonymously too?

is it wrong for me to say things if i think my friends would be upset about them if they knew? these things really happened. i often think of celebrities and don't really feel bad that the paparazzi follow them around, because, you know what? that's the sacrifice they make. our attention and obsession with them makes them marketable. they make money because they put themselves out there for us. they are famous. but what of the normal people i write about? truthfully, i have about 100 hits a day, which is meager compared to some of the biggies out there. i don't believe it's the end of the world that you guys get some random gossip, but then again, i sometimes write about experiences that aren't my own. i don't know if i'll change what i write in consideration of this new development. this blog has primarily been about me, and things i do, and places i go, and mistakes i make, boys i meet and last but not least, my boobs. and that's my business. and yours, when i share it all with you.

so i contemplate now...do i out myself? it takes effort to keep it all a secret. i get excited to meet bloggers and then can't tell anyone about it. i read awesome posts by people that i knew my friends would enjoy but i don't e-mail them along because i'm linked on most the pages. slowly and stealthily, blogging has become a pretty important part of my life. you guys were so supportive when dave died. and you're supportive now as i sit homeless and jobless. should my real world and blog world not mingle a little?

your thoughts?