Monday, December 22, 2008
the end of lying, people on the street, ailey
in this day of twitter and constant facebook status updates, i'm realizing that i used to be a huge white liar. if i wanted to hang out at ted's instead of go all the way downtown to meet someone for a beer they'd get a, "getting a headache. think i want to stay home" text message. if it was raining and i decided i wanted to head home someone would get a, "i have to work late, can we reschedule?" message. but these days, if i'm at ted's, chances are we're decked out in wigs and various pieces of halloween costumes. and that someone is taking a photo and posting it straight to facebook: mobile uploads! or that i'm twittering about being happy to be home out of the rain. so lest i get caught telling someone i'm home napping and then they log on to see me with a giraffe head on hanging on a friend's couch, i better start learning to tell the truth when i can't/don't want to honor plans...
when i log onto my bank account these days, i get asked a series of questions. it's nice to have the extra security but sometimes i don't know the answers. "what is your pets name?" i don't know! i had lots of pets. which one? WHICH ONE?! "what was your grade school mascot?" oh my god. i have no idea! what was my 4th grade mascot? basically, this happens every time i want to check my account balance. i think i might have to re-set them and e-mail myself the answers so i have them on hand.
last night as i was walking home some dude just started talking to me. that happens sometimes. usually related to cat-calling of some sort. so this time the dude is like, "i want you to have great holidays and to stay healthy" blah blah blah. i kept walking, didn't pay much attention. then he says, "you always swear at me but i really wish you the best." and it was then that i realized he was specifically trying to wish me a happy holiday because i DO always swear at people making crude comments on the street! he knew who i was! typically once a "hey beautiful" starts to drip out of someones mouth i'll throw out a "fuck off." just a reminder to them that though most people don't say anything at all, that some women don't like to be harassed walking down the street. so, apparently, this guy is one of the guys i'm always telling to "fuck off" and apparently he wishes me the best. i dont know what any of this means.
it snowed, then rained, then snowed. then more raining. now it's freezing, which resulted in a perilous crust of ice on everything.
i went to see alvin ailey yesterday! wynton marsalis and a live band playing music by duke ellington. the whole program, with the live band behind it, had so much energy. and like a good sundae topped with whipped cream, Revelations ended the afternoon's program. goosebumps, as always. it makes me feel bad for everyone who doesn't have any Rev in their life. if you ever, ever have the chance to see ailey, you must go. and scream extra loudly for clifton brown for me, he is SO my favorite.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
back to brunette, let it snow!
so the ugly holiday sweater party went off without a hitch. or so i thought. the gays actually hot glued lots of festive bows and ribbons to sweatshirts. colin had bells swinging about (actually a dangerous thing as lots of them got whacked in the head with them as he flailed). i had a hideous sweatervest that looked like a dress.
yesterday it was 60. today it is snowed these massively huge snowflakes. these things are the size of my fist. it's really strange. my office has a lot of windows and so it feels like we're inside a snow globe. a special commemorative "office space" edition of the snow globe.
my friend sam also had a party at his 5 million dollar tribeca apartment. he even bought those heating lamps that they use at outdoor restaurants for his patio. though, propane isn't sold anywhere in new york city or something so he had to have someone drive some in from jersey which is a pretty scary thing, actually. and probably illegal. but it was awesome to drink some phat wine out on a gorgeous terrace overlooking the hudson. also, his friend steve made the best chili i think i've ever had in my life. i would have stuffed myself with it had i not had to attend our annual "holiday sit down" at colin's place. latkes and artichoke dip, pork loin, brussels sprouts, wild rice, and creme brulee. he pretty much outdid himself.
my highlights weren't completely ready to be redone but they had lightened up so significantly that i looked nearly blond. went into my colorist who didn't respond to my initial texts because he thought i was this awful jasmine who used to see him at his old salon. he finally asked me which one i was and thus didn't have to lie to me about being out of town or something to avoid my visit. phew! he likes me! but he deepened my color and added some richness and my hair hasn't been this dark in years. i feel reinvented or something. i know that sounds ridiculous but it's true.
went with justin to the holiday house this weekend. it's a stunning space (actually, for those who had the misfortune of seeing the sex and the city movie, it was used as carrie and big's apartment). but each room was designed by a different interior designer to represet a different holiday. they obviously ran short on holidays as "winter solstice" eeked its way into the portfolio. it was beautiful and fun and totally worth my tax deductible contribution. the only problem with the house wasn't actually a problem with the house. it was with the fact that i arrived early to the 'hood and stopped into YSL and fell head over heels with the "rive gauche" tote in anthracite. it had already been marked down twice and was still a cool grand. but it was so pretty. so, um, well, i made a phone call or two and arranged to make that purse mine. and i maybe got a deal. but maybe not. and so i maybe spent much less than 1K. so don't judge!
gave blood this weekend but because of my "tricky little veins" she dug around and left a huge bruise on my arm. this is a fairly regular occurence but that doesn't make it any less irritating. i should have a shirt made: "i took the time to donate blood and all i got was this gross bruise all over my arm."
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Friday, December 12, 2008
it's raining men.
so i did sneak over to alex balk's birthday yesterday. lacey came with me and brought a friend from work and because new york is tiny and everyone seems to know each other we heard someone yell, "colleen!" at us as we walked in the door. yeah, some folks at the front of the bar knew lacey's coworker.
i thought balk would be a couple inches taller but otherwise he was exactly what i thought he'd be: not fashionable, smelling of smoke, unfailingly polite and a bit on the shy side. and i'm still crushy all over him.
the bar itself was soooo cozy. and it had christmas lights! everywhere! and it was nice to not be at a gay bar. maybe it's just because of the holidays that everyone is feeling warm and open, but i met a good 20 people last night. every time i turned around some other guy or girl was starting up a conversation, introducing themselves. it was all very strange and small townish. and by the time i left i felt quite at home and a bit of a regular. maybe i just need to journey over to the east side more often.
as for the crowd, lots of boys were in attendance. my favorite was a 23 year old who pretty much and took the mick out of me all night. he kept brushing my hair off my forehead which means he wanted to kiss me because that's what guys do when they want to kiss you. or at least that's what they do when they're like 12 years old and want to kiss you. his name was kenneth (though he lied about his name all night, his friends played along, as he variously swore to me his name was also paul and john). kenneth is my brother's name, and also the name of my mother's high school boyfriend. it is unclear whether my father knew that my mother named their first son after her childhood sweetheart. and are we surprised their marriage was so short-lived? but i digress...
i never made it to the politico party but i not-so-subconsciously knew i didn't want to go because i didn't want to run into this guy. oh! and so because new york is so small and because everyone knows each other of course one of the girls who knew colleen also knew micah. was "very very good friends" with him, she said which was probably code for "i've slept with him." hey, sister, join the club. my dinner with the girls was canceled due to some pretty much ongoing health issues of my friend marianne's husband who has cancer and who i thought was in recovery but who was rushed to the ER after complications with a new medicine he was issued. all very serious and a total downer. every time she and i try to make plans something goes haywire and they end up in the hospital. i may be bad luck.
i got an e-mail from danny, a fireman i met last weekend. he had a girlfriend but when i mentioned how hot the firemen were at the station near my house he said, "yeah, that company is good looking, but the ones 10 blocks south...hottest firemen in the city." i remembered how my mother used to drag ken and i to the firehouse on christmas eve to bring them cookies. i remember also that she used to make us sing christmas songs to them. something i was perfectly happy and willing to do until i reached the age of 10 and was self-aware enough to be mortified about doing such a thing. and from then on out, we dropped the cookies and left. that's neither here nor there. "i think it would be genius of me to drop off a plate of cookies to the firemen" i told danny. "okay, i'll e-mail over the address. you should go around 5, because that's when they're changing shifts so you're more likely to have all of them there. and they'll likely ask you to stay for dinner." all of this sounded pretty magical to me so we'll see how this plays out but i have in my inbox, the addres and a re-confirmation of the time i should stop by if visiting on the weekend. danny is my new favorite wingman.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
my two favorite things so far from today
a text from a friend: "i just WALKED PAST RAHM EMANUAL on monroe. or someone who SERIOUSLY looks like him. couldn't see the fingers."
also, talking to a reporter friend this morning. i asked him what he was up to tonight. he tells me what he's doing but first tells me it's "off the record." i mean, only a reporter would be making small talk with a friend and call it off the record.
and for the record, it's not like any of the parties were that exciting or top secret, but whatever.
herbs! fried chicken! parties in the rain
why i love mindy kaling in two sentences: This isn't Asia. I can say racist things like this because I'm Indian and I feel Chinese people are my first cousins.
this review of thais makes me feel like, perhaps i should try to see this. it's been two years since i've seen renee in anything and it's a lyric production which means i might actually like something at the met, for once.
the annual holiday party with the gays was a success. we did another white elephant/duane reade gift exchange. last year's hits were the clapper and a black barbie. this year? a dora the explorer sno-cone maker! mostly because most of us had the snoopy version and loved the shit out of it. there were lots of ped eggs present but i feel quite lucky to have walked away with a chia herb garden, because i actually considered buying one for myself. i am a nerd. a nert who enjoys herbs. (this reminds me of the time i went away and told my english roommate that the only thing i needed her to do was water my rosemary plant. i returned and the first thing out of her mouth was, "i'm so sorry jasmine! i killed your BAH-zul!" and that reminds me of the time she almost slapped me when she called it BAY-SEL because she was so mortified at how terribly UGLY a word she just let escape her mouth. oh, english people. so cute!)
the hipster trend this year is ugly sweater parties. i'm going to one myself on saturday and so, naturally, went to k-mart where they had 5 different varieties of ugliness, but all in sizes XXL or XXXL. so i'll be rocking a sweet sweet sweatervest that might fit 4 people in it.
omg korean fried chicken. that's all. so goddamn yummy.
i'm loving all the blago stuff. i definitely voted for him in 2002. i'm sure cousin will have his fair share on this but i distinctly remember not liking him much but just voting a straight democratic ticket. fucking chicago. it's only awesome for me to read about this shit because i don't live there anymore. i'm sure my grandparents will start waving in my face when i get home for christmas. say it represents how evil all democrats are or some such nonsense.
because i'm all annoying and stalky and adoring when it comes to alex balk i may have gotten an invite to his birthday party purely by being in his contacts list. i should abuse this happy little accident but through all my running around tonight, i'll likely get stuck here with all the nyc political types. i go to this party every year and every year i regret it (it's overcrowded, the venue always stinks, lines 4 deep at the bar, and i inevitably run into several people i don't enjoy) on the other hand (!) would be good to touch base with some cuomo people lest the dude actually wants and would accept a senate seat. oy. and the one night that i must be on all opposite corners of manhattan, i won't be able to catch a cab to save my life due to rain. poop.
time for a craigslist ad? "WILL GIVE SEXUAL FAVORS TO ANYONE WITH CAR, WILLING TO CHAUFFEUR FROM THE HOURS OF 6-11."
Sunday, December 07, 2008
Saturday, December 06, 2008
Friday, December 05, 2008
plans to stay in
first, i just walked by a homeless person on a cell phone. and not one of the crazy people like the one a friend saw, screaming into a pink plastic (fake) barbie phone, clearly having a conversation with jesus and discussing things from the bible. this was a full-on real samsung phone. newsflash dude, if you can afford minutes on a cell phone, you don't look that needy.
have been very congested lately. sat in the bathroom with my shower on it's hottest setting and steamed myself out. you do not want to know what i coughed up afterwards but suffice it to say i think i've kicked whatever fluish thing i was carrying around with me. i feel 100 times better now.
i had plans to stop at bliss, pick up some expensive moisturizer that was on sale and head home.
i hit a hitch when the girl who told me my coupon for 20% off was meant to say, "up to 20%off" (discounts being calculated at different levels depending on how much you spend). good thing i printed out the e-mail, which they kept, because they honored the discount even though they didn't want to.
they were having a bit of a party at the spa, free brownies and cookies and champagne in plastic flutes. and it was there i ran into abel. abel is an architect who i run into at various parties all over the city. an artistic person who seems to know everyone. without giving me much say in the matter i was being whisked to an art opening for this lady. lots of collages featuring angelina jolie which seemed to be making statements on materialism while also showcasing strength of women. then off to a party at ted baker. then another art opening on central park south.
it was all a bit blurry and everyone everywhere was very euro-chic. and i was rocking a juno-esque high school frumpy/boyish indie outfit. which is to say i looked (and was) completely out of place everywhere we went.
but it was interesting and that's just about as good as you can hope for on any given night of traipsing around, i suppose.
happy friday folks
Thursday, December 04, 2008
attended the alvin ailey gala last night were big O herself was there (with gail). also in attendance, andre leon tally (wearing a ski cap with obama spelled out in swarovski bedazzlement), jesse jackson, soledad obrien, all the wealthy banker ceos, a healthy dash of socialites.
so a fairly satisfying star-studded event. jessie didn't know oprah was hosting the event and nearly peed her pants when she found out. she said "time stopped" when she stepped out of an elevator not more than 10 feet from where we were standing.
in the gift bag, a judith barbie! in a costume from revelations! i kinda wanted to play with it but also wanted to leave it in the box in case, someday, it's worth something.
have thus far resisted: chloe sample sale, rebecca minkoff sale, sergio rossi sale. this is a practice in self-restraint like no other. i've never seen prices drop so low for some of these thing! but, jasmine, you have too many shoes. many of which you've only worn once! and you have half a closet full of clothes that still have tags on them! stop buying things! that's what i repeat to myself about every 2 hours these days. my new mantra.
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
in the know, new careers, crying, zappos!
so i have a fairly well-connected group of friends. and through those friends i go to a lot of events with lots of celebrities. lately the gossip coming from these things (think: secret minor heart attacks, calonic mishaps, hookers). all of which is great, GREAT blog fodder, much less info for which tabloids would be kissing my feet (i had news that broke on the front page of the financial times a full two weeks before it ended up there). BUT, since i'm friends with these people and since there's a very small circle of people who possess this information, i'd be a huge asshole if i went and leaked it somewhere.
what this means for you? i don't know. i'm just venting frustration here. also, thinking that any info tabloids DO have most likely didn't come from within anyone's trusted circle. i'm in a circle, we keep quiet.
at a dinner party over the weekend i was mentioning that i wanted to get out of this lawyering stuff. or at least attempt something new. my friend's boyfriend, a real estate leasing broker, says, "i'm swamped. if you're an attorney, you waive in and can get a license by filling out a 1 page form. do that, read a book on commercial real estate leases, and i'll teach you everything i know. i'll make you an associate broker and my general counsel." it's an offer that sounds too good to be true, and very well might be, but we've been discussing it all week. he knows that i know an awful lot of people. people with money (i'm the outsider, the cute girl who gets to hang around who has no money). and i have better than average social skills so he's convinced i'd be good at this stuff. time will tell, but my hedge fund friends are looking for a new office, might be nice of me to bring some business his way. and hey! maybe i can get back into selling some warhols to new clients. you know, two birds, one stone, etc.
leaving my apartment this morning i hit the 3rd floor landing and some half naked man opened the door and just started yelling, it seemed, at no one in particular. i glared at him because, hello! it's 7am! stop yelling! who the fuck are you talking to?! it was all in spanish but i did hear the word fuck and the word stupid. i get down to the front door and see a woman leaning against the wall just sobbing like crazy. i can't stand to watch people cry. i know how rarely i cry and how if i'm crying in public alone, something is really wrong. now, i know nothing about this person or her situation. maybe she cries like that every third day. but i still got a sick feeling in my stomach over it that lasted a good 15 minutes during my subway ride to work.
you guys, i want to give a big warm wet kiss to zappos. their shoes are a tad overpriced but the free shipping AND returns more than make up for whatever sale you might have gotten somewhere else. especially when you order a pair of boots, feel like you want them a half size larger and when you call to tell them so, they send off new boots to you that instant, don't charge you for them, overnight them for free, and ask you gently to please send the too-small boots back within the next few weeks. it's fucking amazing. other places would have charged you for the second pair and taken 4-6 weeks to refund you and process your return. so yeah, rock the fuck on zappos!
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
Monday, December 01, 2008
thanksgiving: beware, epic post follows
i had, quite literally, the best thanksgiving weekend a girl could ask for.
early i went over to my friend j's (we needed to get our 20lb turkey in the oven by 9ish), where i ended up staying for the next several evenings. a few of the gays have apartments that take up the entire 6th floor of this building in hell's kitchen. doors are left open and lots of wandering between apartments occurs. it's all very Friends-like. actually, it IS friends. except for that there are no straight men so none of us sleep together.
we watched the parade and if you watched the parade, did you notice kermit singing a sweet little song called "i believe?" that song MAY have been written by a very dear friend of mine and so when matt lauer announced his name on NATIONAL TELEVISION we might have screamed giddily for a long time about how we're famous now because HE'S now famous. also, the song is lovely and definitely brought a few tears to my eyes. also worth noting: the whole country got rickrolled. that's funny to me for a few reasons. those who know what rickrolling is, agrees that it's totally jumped the shark. but then there's this large swath of the population that has no idea what rickrolling is (seriously, none of my friends knew) and so i'm sure they're all saying, "why is rick astley up there? he have a new album? actually, rick astley is looking good! i'd totally do him." (that's pretty much j's reaction, verbatim.)
i made cranberry sauce that was meant to be a bit chutney/relishy but i added too much orange. actually, i added too much orange rind and it was all kinds of bitter and pithy. took a fair amount of wrangling to fix it but i ended up quite pleased with it. i also made this braised savoy cabbage. and let me tell you about the palaver that was actually finding a savoy cabbage even though it is TOTALLY in season RIGHT NOW. so whole foods had these ugly white looking savoys. bad. food emporium didn't have any. and so i bought a shitload of kale thinking i'd figure something out. i stopped at my ghetto gristedes for some stock (i do not make stocks. i know they are easy. i know they taste 100 times better. i do not have the time to make stocks! nor the freezer space to keep them. don't judge). and what do i see as i'm walking down the produce aisle? loads and loads of gorgeous savoy cabbages. so i went back to my original plan and stuck with orangette who has yet to do me wrong. seriously, make anything she posts and you will fall in love with it. i've been going crazy for all her vegetable recipes lately and she was head over heels for this savoy cabbage. i was excited to show it off.
the problem occurred when, as all the people were loading up their plates, nobody knew what my cabbage was and few people dug in. but those who did were all, "who made this green stuff with the cheese on top?" and i was all, "that's me! it's braised savoy cabbage!" and they were all, "this is amazing, it's the best thing on my plate." and then everyone else was jealous of those who had savoy cabbage and then got up to see what all the fuss was about and before i knew it, EVERYONE was making a fuss over my delicious brilliance. my culinary wisdom in a veggie dish with literally 4 ingredients that took no time at all to make. so thanks molly, i owe you one.
we spent the rest of the weekend lazing, drinking, eating leftovers, playing board games and watching t.v. (something i rarely do as i don't have cable). my new addiction is "whatever martha!" a show where martha's daughter alexis and a friend do nothing but make fun of old martha stewart episodes, with alexis reminiscing (and not all that bitterly, either) about what it's like to be raised by someone who spent hours organizing and tagging her linen closets. plural, closets. more than one closet with linens in them. some segments she remembers helping with as a small girl and she chafes as martha talks about how "she" painted the antique tiling instead of how "they" did it. "what am i, martha? chopped liver?!" you hear alexis say to the television. it's the MST3000 for home design/DIY shows. LOVE.
we also stopped by macy's to see their puppet show and stopped in to get a photo taken with santa. he made me sit on his lap. ew. and also made me tell him what i wanted for christmas. very strange. i mean, i know that's his job, but we were all adults and all were doing this for fun and, you know, don't actually believe in santa so it seems ridiculous to have to sit on an old man's lap to chat with him about presents. truth be told, he's probably pretty bored and likely gets off a bit having a couple grown women sitting on his knees. and because we were feeling a bit child-like, santa visit was followed by grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup.
had a truly lovely dinner at jessie's in hoboken where i laughed, a lot. jessie's husband is a republican and greeted me with a big, hugely sarcastic yet warm, "jasmine! yes we can!" but can anything beat a good dinner with lots of laughs, fantastic company and a cozy sitting room? i didn't think so.
sunday was breakfast at al's. chocolate chip pancakes, lots of christmas music and a game of clue. followed by putting up and decorating ted's christmas tree while singing carols and drinking egg nog. and yes, that is the little mermaid on top of the tree. and also a black barbie. and an ornament of a naked man with a sock over his wang. festive!
we also watched bridget jones's diary (1 and 2), and love actually. all of which reminded me that i need to find and marry colin firth. unless he's married already. in which case, i'll settle for someone who looks like him and acts like any character from any of his movies. i love love him.