oh, who knows! stuff.

Tom had a burger, which he did not give me a bite of, which I think is really mean. I did not ask for one, but by the time I thought it'd be nice to have one it was completely gone. He eats very quickly, which is a very inconsiderate characteristic for a boyfriend to have.

amazing letters to punctuation.

you guys, i'm still just obsessed, add this to your reader! stat!

so the dates have begun. what i'm realizing is that i'm spoiled to have in my life an astounding number of socially graceful people as friends. no weirdos. very few awkwards. so dating is tough for me. it's knowing, 5 minutes in, that there is something "off" about the guy. carefully noting the odd traits, the tics, the condescending statements without uttering even a word in protest because it's not worth the effort because i'll never see the person again. waiting it out, hanging loose until it's over. so fine, the benefit of meeting a guy at a bar as opposed to online is for the pure fact that you know having a conversation with them won't be unnerving.

had a gorgeous brunch with dirk and santos, followed by a lord of the rings marathon (which, i forgot how good those movies are!) and by impromptu pasta and an even more impromptu dessert. dirk and i ran down to the store to see what inspired us. we ended up with peaches that weren't ripe enough, lady fingers and heavy cream. the peaches we diced and cooked in some water/lemon. we drained the juice and reduced it to a syrup. we toasted the lady fingers and made homemade whipped cream. it was really kind of amazing. and effortless and fun and i just don't cook enough. 

have a new roommate moving in. current one is moving to texas to some farm where she lives there for free but works 40hrs a week for no money and gets some agriculture certification or something? the new roommate works at betsey johnson and has a sweet chihuahua named "smalls" who is such a little lover. licks for everyone! 

i saw inception, mostly because of my irrational obsession with joseph gordon levitt. LOVE LOVE LOVE and in my head we're going to meet at a bar and have some babies. and i thoroughly enjoyed the movie and found myself just adoring the crap out of ellen page. leo is faultless. for those interested, really interesting and super believable theory on the movie here. 

someone in my building plays the french horn and i've been listening to some trio practice for a few hours out my window. beautiful. 

spending next week with the boys in fire island. a little gift from them to me for some legal work i did in helping them secure a lease when they were trying to get royally screwed out of the one they'd originally signed. being a lawyer comes in handy once in a very long while. 

baby times

Had a lazy, baby spit-up filled, week at home. kate's baby is three times the size she was when i saw her last (which currently puts her at 12 pounds). she smiles often and has this crazy giggle and is generally more fun to play with these days. lots of squeaks and bird noises fly out of her tiny mouth. in short: cuteness. 

leaving the house is the biggest production. fifteen totes minimum. strollers, toys, pillows, pacifiers, and on and on and on. going to the grocery store is a production, travel is out of the question. we went to michigan for a couple days, packed into an SUV so tightly that i barely breathed for the 2 hour commute but once there, it was lovely. the cabin was low maintenance. pontoon rides and beers while wading in a too-warm lake. midnight golf cart rides for ice cream cones. apple cider doughnuts and italian sausage on the grill. 

kate and ant watch a lot of television. like, they have a tv in the living room, in the breakfast room and in their bedroom. there is always one on. so in the week i was there i managed to watch enough episodes of the following shows to feel invested in them: hells kitchen with gordon ramsay, the bachelorette, wipeout, big brother, so you think you can dance, and Rob Dyrdek's Fantasy Factory. that being said, what typically happens is that i come back to my life in nyc and on a slow day in a few months i'll say, "oh, i wonder who won X show" and then google it. i have to say, though, that i'm totally obsessed with rob dyrdek now. the show is hilarious and that guy's brain works in a way mine never will. just to work on production of that show would be outrageous. "hey, i need a cop car painted with tiger stripes and then i need a faux fur bright orange cover for that designed to look like a huge cat head. thanks" and all his people have to go, "sure! no problem! of course!" 

y'all, i want to spend a month in the museum. seriously. i'm applying. and that 10K will get me to nicaragua for 2 months and then to an aryuvedic clinic in india for a few weeks and then to thailand for a month. all the traveling i want to do this year but am not sure how to pay for. THAT's how i'll pay for it. i'm not kidding.

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Denzel and Viola: Fences final performance!

Pinche Taqueria, 11:30pm

online dating

oh y'all. this is a year of change for me. the year that i throw caution to the wind and do crazy things that feel oh-so-very-anti-virgo. that means, naturally, online dating. i date so little that my family thinks i'm a lesbian afraid to bring my partner home. and you know what? i let them think that because it's easier than saying, "new york is hard for meeting people" because it doesn't sound genuine coming from me. i meet people everywhere. i'm the most social of butterflies. but every time my grandma sees me in a photo with a man (which is usually any of my gays) she'll say, "oh, is that your fiance?" because they seriously think that i would date and marry someone without telling them. mostly because i never tell them that i'm dating someone, because i'm never actually dating someone. so you see the ridiculousness that occurs when my grandparents ask if i'm married. NO. I'M NOT MARRIED. I'D TELL YOU BEFORE THE CEREMONY, I PROMISE. IN FACT, I'LL PROBABLY INVITE YOU. IF YOU'RE NICE. 

ugh. but to be honest, i haven't met a guy in ages who has told me he's crazy about me, or even remotely interested, or even that i'm beautiful. and you know what? that's insane. i'm ADORABLE! and FUN! and have BOOBS!

my friends (all of whom mean well) think i'm not "putting myself out there" enough. that i'm too judgmental. too closed off. so to prove them wrong, i signed myself up on a dating site. one where it's more about the date than it is about the person. when someone says they'd like to see a magic show and try their hardest to be un-impressed, i'm all, "sure! that sounds fun!" i've proposed dates and let people come to me, and come to me they have. in herds, actually. and because this is the year of "who gives a damn?" i'm going to go out with as many of them as i have time for. sure i have my favorites, but i too often judge a book by its cover. and you know what? some of these guys are cute. or hot even. one of them showed up in my inbox and i thought, "that's the hottest man i've ever seen in my life," and then i died, and then i proceeded to e-mail his picture to all the gals/gays with a message that went something like "OH MY GOD, LOOK AT THIS MAN." 

so maybe this will be fun, even if it is completely terrifying. wish me luck ;)

Xylopholks, Columbus Circle station

Washington Heights summer

nick howard, blue hill, DC

saw nick howard at joe's pub this week. i love that space. it's no village vanguard as far as the history that drips from every inch but it's cozy and intimate and that's about the best you can ask for in a concert these days. i remember having seen michael buble in an audience of 40. and gavin degraw with about 10 people hanging around the red lion. of course, when you see these guys, they're in small venues because nobody knows them from adam. sigh. valerie's boyfriend was playing with nick and it's always fun to be a bit of a fangirl for him and the guys he plays with are always quite lovely and this was no exception. he was jason mraz-ish and we agreed he was "dreamy" and his fiancee was cute as a button. he was opening for rachel platten who i wanted to like but just couldn't. her songs were catchy and she has a great voice but her person is just such a turnoff. she looks like mandy moore, sounds like ingrid michaelson but then she's so faux sweet. fake fake fake. and then at one point she gave the whole crowd an backhanded compliment which went something like, "everybody always hates new york and new york crowds, they say they're too loud and don't listen, but, you guys, it's just not true!" um, well, thanks?

really really loving band of horses's new album. not so sure about MIAs. 

the sommelier at esca poured me a glass of white which he described as "crunchy" which isn't exactly the best word to hear when describing wine but it fit. green apple in a glass. i've thought about it several times since in this oppressive heat. he's been sending kind of hilarious punny text messages as of late which is the kind of thing i used to scoff at but now they make me chuckle. i'm getting soft in my old age. 

we're set for my birthday brunch. i'm taking 25 of my nearest and dearest out to blue hill at stone barns for a big brunch and a tour of the farm. i'm so excited i could pee my pants. though august will be tons of tomato and corn which is fine for me but i'm more of a peas and ramps kind of girl. why couldn't i have a june birthday? next year i'll go in honor of my brother on june 1st. speaking of brother, he's getting my old iphone so he's pretty happy with me right now. it's like the old days when i used to buy him and his friends alcohol. 

just when i spent the weekend with some D.C.ers and listened to them talk about the food there (which, i mean, it'll never ever be new york but they seemed happy enough), i get an e-mail from a friend in DC. "dude, you gotta come down here. a billion jobs for lawyers with the feds right now! they've loosened all sorts of restrictions, it's cake, get your ass over here!" sounds great. would love to get on that confusing payscale thing with all the numbers that i just don't understand (at salaries that aren't really half bad) but...god...i'd cry every day from the broken heart i'd have leaving this damn city. i'd read cindy adams and instead of thinking she's crazy i'd MISS being in the same city as her. i'd probably have seizures thinking of missing the next great danny meyer opening. i'd glance longingly at my new yorker magazines thinking, "oh, you. you and i used to come from the same smart witty place." i'd have to give up all dreams of marrying either robinson cano or ben mcgrath because the chances of them falling in love with me in a bar become THAT much more impossible. and FORGET the sartorialist!

i was out with joyce and we saw leslie jordan's one man show (which i'd highly recommend, it's just closed in new york but moves to maybe london next). afterwards i mentioned the watermelon ice at joe allen and begged her to stop in with me for some. it comes with kind of dry coffeecakeish shortbread cookies which i never eat but just having the dish in front of me brings back such visceral memories. the very first time i came to new york was in high school. our drama teacher brought us and hooked us up with tickets to every hard to get show and we'd see a matinee and evening show for several straight days and then get back on the plane. we'd live, eat, and drink theatre and it was glorious, a trip we'd saved up all year for. the first night there, we'd just come from titanic and were all at a huge back table at joe allen when half the cast of the show walked in. our jaws dropped to the table. to us, those were the real celebrities. (not to brag, but we also saw the original broadway cast of rent, HOLLA!) and at that dinner, i finished off my meal with a watermelon ice. the sweetest way to end the sweetest of days. and a decade later they're STILL serving that for dessert. i sit at the bar and order just that and feel 16 and bright-eyed all over again. 

in new york, concrete jungles where dreams are made of, there's nothing you can't do...speaking of, the food editor at esquire told me to pitch him like mad. fingers crossed that i can get stuff to stick. 

Wash Sq Park: listening to Band of Horses

Nick Howard at Joe's Pub

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labyrinth, amos, drowning in babies

labyrinth, by my request, was the monday night movie at cabrito. it's one of the first movies i remember being entranced by. (the other was west side story, which changed my life.) i used to try to toss kenny around and pretend he was toby and i was the goblin king. and we would sing and dance until we collapsed from exhaustion or until i dropped him and he'd cry and we'd both get in trouble. it makes me look at myself, my application to take the CFE (you guys, i'd be a bank examiner. grizz) and wonder where the hell i got lost, where all that creativity went. 

i've been listening to a crap load of amos lee lately which is maybe the source of my melancholy. on the perkier end, colin turned everyone on to florence and the machine and that song "dog days are over," which you'll hear every 5 minutes soon as it's the chosen song for all "eat pray love" commercials, is really freaking catchy. so is that new one by robyn, "i'm giving it my all but i'm not the girl you're taking home / i keep dancing on my own." i dig her girl power. 

the cuban drummer boy has been sending loads of text messages about a "surprise" so i google the band and see they've scheduled a new york visit. i have a new brooks brothers blazer sitting out that i feel compelled to hide in the event i decide i can trust that little klepto in my house again. 

i've resisted reading peter's steamy blog but on a slow day i clicked over. i'm not sure how many half-asian friends he has, but i kinda want that one to be about me even though i'm pretty sure he has a half-asian fetish and has a collection of them that spans continents. he's the most charming canadian i know, and canadians, as a people, are pretty damn charming. 

aj daulerio was editing jezebel for the day. i'm not the most regular reader over there but, again, a slow day. it was awesome. everything from a treatise on bringing back the hand job to this, which i squealed over. so much funny over there, consider me a fan even though i don't see myself adding deadspin to the reader. it's stuffed enough with things i don't have time to read. the commenters over at jezebel are by turns thoughtful and totally insufferable but they really like their .gifs and some of them are hilarious. click through, enjoy. 

this is one of those weeks that's fully booked before it starts. nothing too fancy, no evening gowns and probably not even a pair of heels. i'll take it. 

one of my best friends from law school is pregnant (like every other fucking woman in my life). she had her first child at 16 and still finished high school and put herself through college and got into a great law school and got married to a partner. i'm so happy for her that she gets to finally have that happy and stress-free pregnancy thing and not the, "holy fuck, i'm 16, what the fuck am i supposed to do" pregnancy thing which had to have been terrifying (not to mention the father was this dummy named lloyd which is pretty much the most deadbeat dad name ever). i'm fairly confident i'll pass the $1500 mark for money spent on babies in one year by the time december rolls around. 

on saturday after all the picklebacks we ended up at a lesbian bar listening to whitney's "dollar bill" which is STILL in my head. help!

picklebacks, yankees, CLE, random acts of guilt avoidance

i've been drinking for pretty much 48 straight hours. that shit isn't healthy, i can say that much. pickebacks at the breslin. (jameson followed by pickle/jalapeno juice, the juice disperses the taste of the whiskey. it's as if the alcohol was never there. dangerous.) we were snuck into a skybox at yankee stadium, which, YES. and then we possibly weren't charged for a single beer. and i maybe got an extra fried pickle with my burger all of which mean I WIN. fireworks from julie's roof where her view was pretty phenomenal and where nobody died from falling off the edge. again, WIN. 

i have to renew my bar membership and realized i haven't taken any CLE credits. i'm an idiot. i had 2 years to get 24 credits in and now i'm stuck trying to get them all in the next two months. GAH. procrastination! i found 13 IP seminars that you can download for free so i guess i have at least 8 hours of lectures i have to listen to (assuming i can play them back at 2X in quicktime)...

a strange thing happened in the subway a few days ago. it was late, 1am maybe, and i was waiting for the A train. i saw a blind man kind of aggressively swinging his stick across the ground in a pretty erratic manner. the minute his stick would hit the yellow strip along the platform he'd kind of cower and scoot back, like an abused dog to a raised hand. i saw him headed for a really narrow part of the platform and had a single vision of him falling onto the tracks run through my head before i ran over to grab him. so it wasn't so much out of the goodness of my heart (which you all know is cold and dead) but rather thinking how i'd like to avoid the personal guilt of watching a blind man die on the tracks 3 feet from me. as i walked over to him, beyond his shoulder, i saw this adonis. it was like a mirage. a tall guy with broad shoulders and glasses, a striped button down and he looked straight out of a ralph lauren catalog. stunning. i did a double take before i asked the blind man where he was headed and if he needed help. he said he was going to the first car and asked for my elbow. then he started getting ranty about how nobody offers to help and how they just want to watch him and make fun of him (which, really? do people really do that?) and i countered that maybe a lot of people would resent being treated like a crippled person so maybe they were afraid to offer. he responded, correctly, that the least they could do was ask. lesson learned. 

i took him to where the first car would land. he had change he was jingling in his hand, which he promptly dropped on the ground and i see him fall to his hands and knees, swiping the ground with his fingers in little circles. so i have to run over again and tell him to get off the ground and that i'd pick it up for him. he just seemed so angry at the world, and maybe he was. i walk back 20 feet or so and see the adonis standing there, staring in my direction. maybe he's one of those people the blind guy was so angry about. the ones who just watch. i looked down at my magazine and back up and the dude was gone. he'd disappeared out of thin air which seemed appropriate since he seemed to have materialized the same way.

the subway pulls up, i watch as the blind guy gets on and then watch as he proceeds to holler at all the passengers, begging for change, and whacking peoples shins with his stick as he tries to make it to the other end of the car. 

mostly a linkdump,

delayed, but i liked this year's nyer fiction issue. of the bunch, there was only one story that i full on hated. it was about some guy dumping his child in a foreign country. he stuck scenes together without any discernible connection to one another. it wasn't smart. in fact, it seemed he set out to not make any sense whatsoever in an attempt to seem deep. the pieces by josh ferris and jonathan safran foer. i hated that those were my favorites but they were. i'm one of those contrarians that tries to resist the super hyped but, well, there it is. 

oh, you guys. oh. oh. oh. it's still possibly too painful to talk about but i'll try to soldier through. one of my life goals is to get stopped by the sartorialist. it's the kind of thing that would validate every single second of my life spent wondering what to wear. every single cent i've spent on clothes. it's not just about fashion though. it's about being in the right part of town at the right time. my first and maybe only encounter i'll ever have with him came a couple weeks ago. i was in the urban outfitters on 6th ave. i first saw the camera. this massive lens protruding a foot off his chest. his chest-level is just about at mine. i'm 5'1" which means he's one of the SHORTEST MEN EVER. it was leprechaun-like. he was with his girlfriend, the incredibly elegant garance dore. she, too, had a camera around her neck. and because this is new york, the #1 rule about living in new york is to NOT LOOK AT FAMOUS PEOPLE. do not gawk, do not stare, do not even acknowledge they exist. acknowledging their existence makes you look touristy and, most importantly, NOT COOL and slightly fangirlish. so i see him. i freeze. i do a 180. i look down and see i'm wearing a totally unspectacular outfit. so unspectacular that i can't even remember now what it was. i think it was a skirt and top with flats. not chic. but in my own defense, it was a monday! who can rally on a monday?! i was waiting in line at the register, keeping an eye on their location, stealthily, making sure my posture was confident and breezy (because i think the key to half the people he photographs isn't all what they're wearing, but how easily they're wearing it). but no dice. i paid and left the store feeling like i'd missed the opportunity of a lifetime. sob. 

in cleaning up my life i've been doing a good job in my apartment. i've gathered massive mountains worth of makeup and parfums and whatever else gets passed over to me in gala giftbags. new things wrapped in plastic. jewelry. stuff that i didn't want and might have tossed but then i thought, "what if i try ebay?" and wouldn't you know it? people will buy ANYTHING. i've made some $500 on ebay in the last month which isn't a fortune but it's a lot more than the zero dollars i'd have had if that 2005 chloe perfume was tossed in the dumpster. the funniest was a set of pins i obtained while in vancouver for the olympics. they were free and promotional. i threw them on ebay and somebody paid me $50 for them. people are insane!

new favorite tumblr

i am obsessed with this couple

also obsessed with this couple. SO GREAT.

reason 8023 why i love new york. 

pretty amazing. 

OH! and i've recently become better looking. plastic surgery? no. weight loss? unfortunately no. I OWN AN IPHONE 4. and it's hot. and i'm hot. and i am still at the point where i just stare at it longingly. however, i don't own a bumper as all the stores sold out and i'm really not a graceful person so i'm very afraid of dropping my precious. maybe i can get one of those baby bjorn wraps so i can strap it to my chest. i facetime chatted with david and the boys out in fire island and felt like i was there with them. it was sweet. and because all my friends have the 4, we'll get to face chat whenever for whatever reason which sounds great but might turn into the thing david foster wallace prophesied in infinite jest which is something i've referenced several times over the past few weeks. that man was brilliant. 

i've maybe made a video which i'll possibly link here depending on how mortifying it is. i still shake my head here thinking about how i got wrapped into it at all and the celebrity we were making it with. it's silly. life is silly.