happy birthday to me!

Amid Calamity, New Yorker Celebrates 21st Birthday For Sixth Straight Year

by Andrew McDonald

NEW YORK, Chicago native turned New Yorker Jasmine Strange celebrated her sixth 21st birthday Wednesday evening, marking the occasion with friends, friends of friends, and freeloading hobos who just happen to dress well enough to blend in.

Strange, a reluctant attorney, and friends convened [insert cool new bar here which shall not be named so that enemies and weird people can't just show up], starting at 6:30 to throw back a few beers. "It was much friendlier than most parties I crash," said one particularly well-dressed hobo. "Usually they get a whiff of me and toss me out, but these guys saw my Versace jacket and were all, 'Let me get you a drink!' It was great."

Good times turned bad however when police busted in the door and arrested four party-goers for playing the illegal game "Who's In My Mouth?" Police also arrested Strange, citing a new city ordinance that says a birthday girl must "wear more clothes than that."

Strange was unapologetic though, saying, "I'm not going to let the police ruin this day for me. I only have the chance to celebrate turning 21 once... every year for five or six years."