remembering how many stupid people exist in this world

the guy in front of me at starbucks was holding this piece of paper with a few lines of writing on it. "oh, he must be picking up several drinks for co-workers or something," i thought.

he keeps reading it over and over, as if it were a speech to the nation that he was afraid of messing up. then i hear him say, "venti decaf hazelnut coffee with skim milk and 4 brown sugars."

?!

so on top of being a total idiot, he's also CLEARLY never been to a starbucks. 4 sugars? boy, you do that shit yourself at starbucks. these baristas ain't putting no sugars in your coffee!

he's totally flustered, the guy at the register is telling him that HE does the milk and coffee and the kid looks like he might pee his pants from the pressure. he's staring at his paper, the barista finally takes it from him and verifies that "yes, if you turn around, you'll find the milk and sugar right there." and the kid pays but he still looks terrified as he gingerly transports the coffee from the counter to the condiment bar. he does manage to decipher that the skim milk is marked "non fat milk" and adds some. but then he picks up 3 white sugar packets! WHITE. THREE. he carried it out like he was holding a 6 million dollar diamond.

this guy is obviously a total moron. but i couldn't help but wonder for whom he was getting coffee. i can't even imagine what kind of person, with what level of importance, would make me that afraid of getting a coffee wrong. maybe osama bin laden. maybe he was getting a coffee for bin laden. that's the only reasonable person who would incite that much fear. you have better suggestions?