Tuesday, January 24, 2006

curse you, evil UTI!!!

i woke up at around 4am this morning, really needing to pee. i get to the toilet only to let a few burning drops out. fearing the worst, i tried to stand only to be rewarded with shooting pains and a burning sensation and the feeling that i need to pee. good thing i'm still standing over the toilet, yes? this continues until i get tired of even attempting to move out of the bathroom. sitting in my cold bathroom on the porcelain chair i just wanted my mommy to come and, i don't know, do what mothers do. probably take me to the goddamn emergency room or something! the burning started to subside about 5:30am and i stood and felt like i needed to pee still but sprinted to my room and curled up into the fetal position and willed the pain away long enough for me to get another two hours of sleep.

welcome, folks, to the world of the urinary tract infection. sounds great, right? it's one of those places that, if you're lucky, you'll get only postcards reading, "i wish you were here!"

it gets even better when you know you have to ride the subway down to work to get to the doctor's appointment you've made first thing in the morning. standing on the subway was near torture to the opposite edge of manhattan but i made it. the doctor's office was inside the NYSE which was kind of cool. i got a cool pass with my picture and a clip on it. you think if i wear a bright green blazer next time i could sneak onto the floor and just start trading? "BUY BUY! NO! SELL! BUY!" all while waving my arms around and making crazy signs with my hands...i'd be excellent i think.

the nurses were super nice and totally babied me, which is exactly what i needed after my traumatizing morning. she liked me because my birthday was the same as her father, who'd passed away. she called in the prescription so i wouldn't have to wait, walked me downstairs, and scolded me for not wearing a warm enough jacket and telling me i would catch pneumonia. i loved it.

so here i sit, hoping my antibiotics kick in sooner rather than later, contemplating wearing my NYSE badge around the office, then realizing that i'm the only one who'd think i was cool if i did, then using my better judgment to leave it my purse like a good girl.

on a COMPLETELY unrelated note...someone found my blog today by searching for "A VOLE RESTAURANT NYC." if you've been playing with me over here a while, you'll understand why i'm SO OFFENDED that someone would come here looking for a place to eat voles. if you don't come here that often, i'll fill you in: i'm romantically involved with a vole. the whole thing just makes me ill...what kind of sicko would eat a vole?!

and another...work boyfriend has entered the blog. i repeat, work boyfriend has entered the blog. everybody wave hello! *waving* i told him about it and he found it on his own. he says he won't come by to check, says he feels like he's invading my privacy or something but pandora's box has been opened. there's no turning back. i'd mentioned the blog to a friend at work ages ago, solidifying the conscious decision to not blog about work or any of the crazies here. everything i've written i've written with the assumption that everyone at work, even work boyfriend, will find it at some point. so will i still talk about him? of course. can i be completely naked here about how i feel all the time? of course not. maybe we should take a course or two from this couple and start a blog of our own...

19 people who played with me:

Blogger Joefish said...

Omar's vole rules.

Hi work boyfriend!

1/24/2006 4:55 PM  
Blogger The Stormin Mormon said...

That shit sounds painfull...

Oh, and the UTI doesn't sound great either, but still, who would want to ride the subway?

1/24/2006 8:23 PM  
Blogger Becky said...

oh, you poor thing. uti's are the worst...

just remember to PEE AFTER SEX (squirty)!

and drink some cranberry juice.

1/24/2006 9:19 PM  
Blogger omar said...

I was going to make some comment about the post, but then I lost track of what I was going to say when I read that Becky called you "squirty."

I think it had something to do with me seeing the vole with another woman, but I can't really remeber anymore.

1/24/2006 10:06 PM  
Blogger Syar said...

*waves* HI work boyfriend!

so, what you, work bf and the vole have some kind of arrangement now?


1/25/2006 12:25 AM  
Blogger Katie said...

Great post, and sorry to hear about the UTI. I have a friend who gets those all the time, and she hates them. So, hope your antibiotics are doing their job! Hi Work Boyfriend! Thanks for helping with the Big O!

1/25/2006 1:03 AM  
Blogger JustJunebug said...

blah to UTI's...you know jazz i use to get those darn things whenever i was off the sex for a while and suddenly found the sex ;O) just a thought. DRINK LOTS OF CRANBERRY juice. try to have a couple bottles a week from here on out and you should be good to go and never have it flare up again.

God, i DO sound like a mom! does that help any ;O)

hi work BF!! and no matter what he says, he'll be reading...get a counter (if you dont already) and you can track the IP's to see who's reading and from where!

1/25/2006 8:39 AM  
Blogger MEP said...

Uggggggg! UTI's are the worst thing ever. Definitely pee after sex and drink cranberry juice. You can actually go to an herb store and pick up a bottle of cranberry pills that you could take periodically too. Good luck and hello to work boyfriend. :)

1/25/2006 9:21 AM  
Blogger Nia said...

This blog is so eductational!! I didn't know there were little cranberry pills! HoOray! I hate cranberry juice! Yep..someone said it...sex=uti. ugh.
Poor Jazzy, it looks like you have inherited a funny little nick name!

Bonjour Work Boyfriend. Congrats to you for finding Jazz and her O.

1/25/2006 12:23 PM  
Blogger JustJunebug said...

Thank God I am not the only one that knew about the new found sex=UTI thing...I thought maybe I was the only one ;O)

Cranberry pills? who knew? i still like the juice though, i just dilute it or buy the white cranberry juice (not as tart)

1/25/2006 3:04 PM  
Blogger MEP said...

White cranberry strawberry is the best thing ever invented. . . in the realm of UTI prevention. The cranberry pills are convenient also.

1/25/2006 3:52 PM  
Blogger cadiz12 said...

educational indeed.
hi work bf!

1/25/2006 10:05 PM  
Blogger iluvnyc said...

wow... i agree with everybody. this is very educational! :D

hi work bf!

1/26/2006 10:24 AM  
Blogger Jon said...

Hmm… these comments are a little one sided. I think to be fair, we really should hear from the Pro-UTI camp. I just don’t feel like I can adequately make a decision on whether or not to get one. I’m still on the fence. However, I do love the cranberry juice…

1/26/2006 1:54 PM  
Blogger robmcj said...

Seriously sexy shoe photo.

Nearly got me squirting too.

1/27/2006 12:28 AM  
Blogger robmcj said...

PS - I'd say buy the boyfriend a present too sometimes (maybe you already do), so he doesn't one day feel it's all one-way.

1/27/2006 12:29 AM  
Blogger Kirsten J said...

Babe, I'm sorry. UTI's are a bitch. Cranberry pills and antibiotics don't take away that pseudo-pain/burning sensation for a few days, so in the meantime a box of Cystex will make you feel like a new person. Within an hour it'll numb the urinary tract and you forget you even have a UTI.

2/02/2006 1:53 PM  
Blogger pearl said...

Hey there,

I came across your blog when I was looking on google for non-prescription UTI remedies. The way you described being stuck in the bathroom is exactly how I was this morning which is totally weird. I guess there is some comfort in knowing someone else has gone through it. I woke up at 4am and its now 9:20 pm and I am still miserable. I just got cystex which is what punkybrewster posted about (yay i picked the right thing!!). anyway just wanted to say that yes they suck (utis) and your page has inspired me to start one because its pretty damn cool :D.

7/08/2006 12:39 AM  
Blogger Glasschicky said...

UTI's suck! That's how I found your blog... I think I searched 'How long till my UTI pills kick in?' I'm in agony, had at least 4 UTI's in my bloody pregnancy so far and the last one took 3 types of medication to get it under control. I now have the fun challenge of finding some workmates to cover my shift but the bastards are not helpful. One lady said, "I would but I can't handle that shift..." BURN WOMAN!

1/16/2008 11:48 AM  

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