Wednesday, April 04, 2007

the arbiter

ed. sidenote, i'm tired of the sticky post: donate!

men, i will judge you based on:

the ringer for your phone
your grammar
how well you tip at restaurants
your feelings towards cats
what kind of shoes you're wearing
what books you read (if you don't read, i won't bother with you)
the art on your wall
your political leanings

...that being said, all this judging goes out the window if you make me laugh enough.*

*unless you're a republican. i really can't date republicans. however, i slept with a republican once. he was a musician, jazz. so of course, i assumed he'd lean left. and the next morning as we lazed around his hotel room, discussion turned to the civil rights act (don't ask) and it was all downhill from there. the guy was a total neocon. ick. not even the fact that he was a trumpet player outweighed the negatives here (see number 65).

15 people who played with me:

Blogger Alexandra said...

oh whohw... hope this does not apply to you choosing friends too-- cus i couldnt give less of a crap about the democrats... thou maybe i get extra points because i couldn't give less of a crap abt republicans too...

i remember i lost a business deal once because my client asked me who i was voting for and I said- actually i'm not voting at all! they're all money launderers for their "friends"

4/04/2007 10:43 AM  
Blogger Knight said...

I usually don't comment, just like reading about young lawyers, but thought this would be fun...

1. ringer: just plain;

2. grammar: depends on the context & if my secretary Karyn cleans it up for me;

3 tipping: usually over tip, I used to work for tips;

4. I hate cats;

5. shoes: Johnson & Murphy only;

6. books read: assuming you mean for recreation, I like spy novels.

7. art on my wall: my great aunt took up painting in the "home" at 74, my walls are covered with it.

8. political leanings: I am clearly a fiscal & national conservative, but will lean more moderate on domestic issues.

4/04/2007 12:22 PM  
Blogger Joefish said...

1. I have no cell phone.

2. Poor grammar is something with which I too cannot abide.

3. It's rarely the server's fault, so 20%. Unless (s)he is bitchy.

4. I ♥ my furbabies.

5. No-name blue and black nylon sport hikers.

6. Currently reading Christopher Reeves' "Nothing is Impossible: Reflections on a New Life" and Mark Kurlansky's "Salt, a World History." My most recent purchase was Ewan McGregor's "Long Way 'Round." I recently finished John Twelve Hawks' "The Traveler," Chuck Klosterman's "A Decade of Curious People and Dangerous Ideas," and Max Brooks' "World War Z."

7. Pfft. You really think I get to choose what hangs on our walls?

8. Independent because I dislike the two-party system, but a progressive liberal.

And I like to think I'm very funny. Remember I wrote about your shoe room. ;)


So how do I rate?

(P.S. - The amount of help you'll receive from me in the future is directly proportional to the prettiness of the lies you tell about my desirability.)

4/04/2007 12:25 PM  
Blogger jazz said...

ale: applies to love interests only!

Knight: a good secretary does not good grammar make ;)

Joe: darling. sadly, since you're a taken man, i wouldn't hold you up to these standards. so i won't judge you for having cats. but you know that you're the most sage and helpful and loving blogger i've ever not met. and both you and your woman are funny as hell so you'd get major bonus points for me anyhow. also, i must say nice things because you're my tech go-to guy and i can't afford to actually pay someone do to the job. and if i had all your cool snarky smileys at the moment, i'd certainly use one right here.

4/04/2007 12:32 PM  
Blogger Cerulean Blue said...

I LOVE this!! (borrowed it on my blog;) but did give credit where credit is due!!!

Happy Hump Day!

4/04/2007 1:21 PM  
Blogger omar said...

I'm not a potential love interest, but I wanna be judged!

My ring tone is the ring from the office phones on the show '24.'

My grammar rocks.

The amount I tip is very much in direct proportion to the quality of the service I received.

I hate cats.

The shoes? $17 from Payless (with Dr. Scholl's Gel inserts so that they are at least somewhat comfortable).

The last non-children's book I read was like 10 years ago, and I don't remember what it was. However, I am in the process of reading Gaving De Becker's "The Gift of Fear." Good stuff.

My walls are decorated by photographs I have taken.

I'm a registered democrat.

How did I do? Did I win?

4/04/2007 1:26 PM  
Blogger jazz said...

omar: if you absolutely must be judged...(and i'm not surprised, i know how competitive you are)...i'd say that you passed with near flying colors. we'll say long leaping colors. the tipping comment is a bit vague and though you may get a "wag of the finger" for the payless, i like the sensibility of inserts. i like a sensible man. democrats rule!

4/04/2007 1:32 PM  
Blogger Neily said...

the ringer for your phone: Ring…ring

your grammar: Could be better

how well you tip at restaurants: Essential to tip highly. CANNOT look cheap

your feelings towards cats: Have one. Love them
what kind of shoes you're wearing: At work so black leather altho no laces. Hate laces

what books you read (if you don't read, i won't bother with you): Don’t read enough but currently reading a book on Buddhism

the art on your wall: papyrus from Egypt

your political leanings: lean towards the candidate who I feel would serve the country best. Whoever sales their pitch best and makes me believe, will get my vote.

As for your Yankees....My Giants had their asses handed to them, poor lads!

4/04/2007 1:50 PM  
Blogger cadiz12 said...

fine criteria all around. good grammar is highly underrated!

i just found out that my longdistance boyfriend has been spellchecking every single email since the first hello because he somehow got wind that i can be a grammar nazi. we're talking millions of emails over two years.

i was touched, even though i only consciously apply my grammar nazism to people i don't know/don't like and wedding programs. and, you know, work.

4/04/2007 2:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


Ice Ice Baby

I have wonderous grammar

I tip maybe 10% if they have nice titties (even if they're guys, I don't discriminate)

I hate cats. They are communists.

I'm wearing ALFANI black shoes.

I read a plethera of books. Political (although you and I don't lean the same way) and I'm really into Steven King right now.

The art on the wall is my art thank you very much.

And the last one you know about. Let's have sex.

4/04/2007 2:17 PM  
Blogger Joefish said...

Your response is a nice balance of diplomatic praise and flowery ass-kissing.

I approve.


4/04/2007 2:18 PM  
Blogger jazz said...

neily: well done on the tipping point. not sure i can overlook the cats though! and the art sounds lovely.

cadiz: i don't doubt for a second. your man is very meticulous!

danny: you fail. miserably. on all counts. but since you're married, i won't use this against you ;)

joe: i try.

4/04/2007 2:22 PM  
Blogger Peter DeWolf said...

the ringer for your phone - Xzibit saying, "Dude, your phone is ringing. Answer your phone. It is pissing me off."

your grammar - hit and miss. better than average?

how well you tip at restaurants - overly generous.

your feelings towards cats - horribly allergic

what kind of shoes you're wearing - uh oh

what books you read (if you don't read, i won't bother with you) -- maybe we should go back to shoes... does trying to write books win any bonus points?

the art on your wall - lack of. though i have pics of my niece, clint eastwood, pierre trudeau and guy lafleur.

your political leanings - the good way

4/04/2007 4:24 PM  
Blogger Syar said...

Good grammar, good reading list. Total essentials. And yes, good ringtone too. I wholeheartedly agree with this.

4/05/2007 6:28 AM  
Blogger The Stormin Mormon said...


Ringer: Depends upon the caller. I let all of my friends pick their songs.

Grammar: I have a computer to correct my mistakes 99% of the time. As for "the rest of the time," it isn't ridiculously bad, but I'm far from perfect.

Tipping: To many friends in the biz to not tip well. My morning coffee gets the largest tip (as a percent of purchase price: 200%) as they start making it when they see my car pull in, and it is ALWAYS perfect.

Cats: I want a Jaguar... But for now I just have two regular ones...

Shoes: Today I have a pair of Ferragammos on.

Books: Mostly Grisham, Clancy, and other fiction. If I want to read about current events, I have the Times and the Net. Books are to slow to press with anything current. I have been meaning to read "The Audacity of Hope," as a co-worker declared it the best book EVER, but I haven't been able to use Amazon (SLOW i-net for some reason).

Art: None. I have mirrors and TVs on my walls, but absolutely no art. (Come to think of it, I really do have nothing at all up. Mirrors and TVs is it...)

Politics: It's all over the map. GW is someone that I want to stab in the eye with a fork, but I can't stand HillDog either...

4/06/2007 9:10 AM  

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