mark ronson, robinson cano

went to this event last night for charlotte ronson's line for jcp. mark ronson, my pretend boyfriend, was there in a bright green shirt. i was sat staring at him because he was 2 feet from me and my friend mouthed to our friend alyssa, "that's mark ronson" and alyssa, a brassy (loud) jewish girl is like, "WHO'S MARK RONSON?" and then he turns around and all my hopes for marrying him that night blew away in a big cloud of mist. but the party was not all for naught as the catered food for the party entailed: cotton candy, mac and cheese, cheddar/chive biscuits, fried chicken, mini burgers, fries, chocolate covered cherries, etc., etc. the bartenders humored me when i'd ask for something fruity but not too sweet. that, of course, means i had no idea what kind of alcohol i was ingesting all night. also, lindsay lohan was there for sam, mischa barton showed up, some blond young singer girl i can't remember. all the fashionistas were there. it was fairly well attended.

speaking of boyfriends, alyssa's dad, i found out, works for the freaking yankees. she has pictures of herself on the field with ROBINSON CANO! i almost fainted as she told the story. she's all, "jazzy, you know he doesn't really speak english, right?" and i'm all, "but together we'll speak the language of love!" and she's all eye-rolly and i'm all, "i speak some spanish, we'll figure it out." and she swears that hes not married but is uncertain as to girlfriend status. so ANYWAY, OMG OMG she says she'll have her dad set up a time for us to go so i can meet him. OMG OMG. i literally turn into a screaming 12 year old girl even thinking about it. i will die happy. that is all. O-M-G! (alyssa also said that, having met everyone on the team, the only certifiable asshole is a-rod, something that did not surprise me. she also loves and misses tino martinez, but who doesn't fucking miss tino martinez?!) LL;KASNE;OIFNA;LSE BA;SOENFA;LSIFALKUFBALJSUYGALSEI'. that was my fingers orgasming over the thought of getting to shake robinson cano's hand.

re: the basketball player, a helpful commenter (and peter via email) sent over the names of the only four brians who play for the nba, only two of them are black and neither of them are from long island. so dude was definitely lying about something. emily thinks it might be a dude called brian williams who plays college basketball for tennessee but then who would ask for his autograph? like, who thinks college basketball players are famous? and he totally talked about playing the knicks. so it's another case of meeting a fake athlete.

and speaking of fake athletes! (such tidy segues this morning, i must be in an inspired mood.) i saw the fake baseball player, out last night. we went to our favorite dive bar after the party for a few beers and he was there. late in the evening (2am-ish) the bouncer, a gigantic man named james starts whistling for garry the bartender to come outside. we assume there's a fight happening, but then we see pointing and laughing. standing on the curb, trying to get a cab, possibly, was an old man in nothing but a wife-beater and hiking boots. NOTHING ELSE. so he's got this huge pot belly that's not being covered and his wang is all hanging out and it's funny for a hot second and then you notice the look on his face and he's so sad and old and confused and really very clearly not well. so i look at james, concern in my eyes, he assures me that they've called the cops a few times and that they'll be there soon to pick him up. BUT, guess what's happening while we wait for the police to pick up this sad crazy man?...the fake baseball player is hooting and howling and then flagging cab after cab, letting them pull over for him and them pointing them in the direction of the pantsless man, telling them he needs a ride and the man kind of stares at the cabs and some of them pull over just to mess with him and you KNOW this dude probably has no idea where he is, where he's going and maybe even his own name because what kind of state do you have to be in to forget to put on pants or underwear? a BAD state, people. TERRIBLE. and jj has nothing better to do than make a huge scene around this poor dude and laugh at him. so if it weren't already established, jj newman is a huge asshole who needs to grow the fuck up. it all made me feel sick to my stomach.

but the myriad of cocktails may have been a contributing factor.

i have the weekend off again. hallelujah!! and am thinking about heading to the beach. also thinking that staying here, sleeping in, doing laundry and going to a boozy brunch or two sounds awfully nice as well. have a super great jazz concert sunday night that i'm very excited about. i'll be sure to report back.