paula, ambien, michael, return of the fake baseball player

27b/6 has a book! buy it.

paula deen: officially my favorite person in the world.

this is probably going to go into the TMI file but whatever. my health insurance is on the shady/DL side so i am always reluctant to switch doctors around much. and i don't have a general practitioner because i'm not often sick. i know, i KNOW i should be having regular checkups but those are for people with real health insurance. not people like me. so suck it. so i had a lady gyno, then this old man took her place so i had to see him. and it was a bit weird for me but he's old and small and frail and supremely non threatening so i dealt with him for a few years. but now he's left and i have a new, young, nice, lady ladybits doctor! YAY! and that's not the best part. the best part is when i told her about my shady-ass insurance and how i want sleeping pills she said, "oh, try ambien, you'll love it. i'll write you a prescription for it." YES. it was THAT easy. so i'm now the proud owner of some ambien. life is good.

i think i mentioned it already but i heart the 3.0 software update for the iphone. i mean, being able to forward and delete individual text messages. hallelujah!

of course, i'm sad about michael jackson. i don't know anyone who doesn't have a bit of cognitive dissonance when it comes to the guy though. i mean, he's THE man. yet for most of my adult life, he's been pretty crazy and totally crazy-looking. in and out of court, possibly molesting children, totally bankrupt. that's what will happen to you when you get too famous too fast. but he's a legend. and P.Y.T. will always be my go-to song. so michael, RIP dear.

someone left a comment the other day saying they had a relative who shares his name with the asshole ex. apologies for any self-googling that guy does and ends up here. at least i'd posted a picture of my evil ex so that they'd know exactly who i was talking about ;)

ran into jj last night at the bar that we're apparently both regulars at even though i'd never seen him there till last friday. he sat in a booth directly opposite where i was sitting. for a while i thought i'd just ignore him but he was sat in this booth by himself, looking like a sorry loser. ted and katie were like, "jasmine, just go say hi. he looke pathetic." so i went over to make peace. "so we both like this place, we might as well be nice to each other." we started chatting, he had a version of events in his head that were not reality. among them, that a UTI was a venereal disease and that he had tried to honor our date but that he wasn't available till 9pm and that i couldn't wait for him. i'm like, "you know that none of that happened. i was there, you can't lie to me about it. you're an idiot." and he is, an idiot. maybe even verging on douchebag. and i wake up this morning to a text message he sent at 5:40am: "u going to put ur dukes down and relax or keep fuckin with me?? ur to pretty for that u should be worried about dinner and a short skirt."

i'm saving that message just as a little reminder to myself about what a waste of space this guy his, however cute he may be. he looked better yesterday because his shirt had short sleeves. but that's about all he had going for him.