my life part XI: wherein i get stood up by a quasi baseball player.

Saying "he's just that not in to me" is for people who don't know what they want or how to get it: molls = awesome.

 

so the fake baseball player...insisted on planning a date with me for this week. drunk texted me like crazy on tuesday. i told him i'd work till 8pm on thursday but was around after that. so yesterday at 8pm i don't hear from him, boss comes in gives us stuff that needs to get done immediately. i was busy at work, assumed date was not happening so at 8:30 i text saying, "so i guess we're not going out!" but it's rainy here, the kid lives in new jersey, i'm at work knowing i have to stay now to get this project done and just want to go home. i get a text back, "well, you never hit me up after calling me a fake baller!"

 

OKAY. first, "hit me up"? i don't know what that means because we texted back and forth all week. was i supposed to call and apologize? and second, i think the dude made plans with me JUST so he could stand me up because he was upset i called him a fake baseball player. which he kind of is! jj newman. he was drafted 3 years ago. played a few games and then got cut or retired or something. he "meets with his agent" and "has a lot on his plate" which is all code for, "i'm trying to sound important even though i'm a nobody."

 

and maybe "fake baseball player" was harsh but in that same conversation he called me a whore for having gotten a UTI a month back, something that i laughed off. then he says, "so did you google me some more?" and the audacity of that was what prompted the, "oh please, you're not even a real player. minor leagues, whatever you're not even playing right now!" which, apparently, hit quite a sore spot.

 

that being said, i actually kind of feel bad for him. this kid, you know baseball has always been his whole life. he probably isn't that bright. he's from west virginia, never finished college, so he's sheltered and been surrounded by people thinking he's some kind of star. he gets drafted (35th round or something lame) and plays like one season in the minors, gets hurt, recovers and plays again but only for  a couple games. he's literally listed as "retired" on that website. so really, the high point of his life happened 3 years ago, he's only 25, and it's all been downhill for him from there. i'm sure he's totally insecure about all that. he's a man who's missing his penis, basically. still, he doesn't have to be a dick about it.

 

he also shouldnt meet people in bars and imply he's still a professional player when he's not and he certainly needs to get that chip off his shoulder. too bad he can't also get rid of the huge, hideous tattoo of this on his arm. so lame, right? the night we met him he was wearing a sleeveless shirt which was so B&T of him that we couldn't even decide whether he was good looking! he's also not tall so his arms looked stumpy. i mean, he clearly has a pretty face but the rest of the packing was so faulty and distracting. that's mean, but it's true. and YES. I GOT STOOD UP BY THIS GUY, HOW MUCH OF A MORON DOES THAT MAKE ME? for realz.

 

people: this is what guys are like in new york. they all think they're so fabulous when really, they're all a dime a dozen. i mean, who isn't? i'm a freaking lawyer. we're a cent a dozen, if that. these hedge fund losers who think that because they make a million a year that they deserved to be worshipped. i meet these guys and just think, "i know a hundred people who make more than you. and they're taller and better looking." and their egos are just as big and they're all assholes.

 

i want an artist, but not a starving artist. i make more than enough money to take care of myself, my shopping and eating habits, and then some but i still need a guy with a job. someone creative with a real career. and the hunt continues...