drunkenness, grey gardens burlesque, baseball players

alex's birthday party ended up being loads of fun. lots of broadway people showed up and then some nyc ballet folks. her friend mike (currently in rock of ages) said he's got yankees season tickets that he doesn't use and that he'd let me know next time they were available. score! he brought a friend with him, this guy justin, who i actually went to college with but wasn't friends with. so we chatted for a bit. he's still dating the girl he dated in college, etc. i'm thinking, "oh, i had no idea justin was so nice!" but, of course, it seems i spoke too soon. mike tells me later that justin asked him, seriously, whether he thought i'd let him touch my boobs. which is funny kinda but also not really because he's straight and has a girlfriend. and of course he said this in front of mike's girlfriend who was uber offended on my behalf. for some reason, shit like this doesn't make me feel all that objectified. i get fondled ALL THE TIME by my gays (and this little korean guy named junho who isn't gay but acts gay so he gets away with more than he should) and i'm pretty open, and generally free with my body.

that being said, straight men shouldn't be grabby. nor should they talk too much about being grabby. and no, i wouldn't have let him had he asked. i'd have laughed, then said "no" which is pretty laid back of me i think. i dont know how many other women could hear that question without flinching and then have a good sense of humor about it. but anyways, men are stupid. and THEN lame mike, after telling him i wanted yankees tix, says he'd accept topless pictures in return. mike ALSO has a girlfriend. men are DOGS. not all men, obviously, but a lot of the ones here sure are. i'm so over it.

guess who!!

 

this past weekend i drank. a lot. and i'd been cleansing so the alcohol had two to three times the effect it would have normally had.

 

i reunited with a friend from high school who i haven't seen in 11 years. she's in nyc working on a couple films until september and we had SO MUCH FUN. we met these cute boys (children, really, barely able to get into the damn bar) who played baseball. but neither of them would say it, they just kept making references to professional athletes they knew, made over exaggerated faces when we asked if they'd seen the yankees/mets game that had ended earlier (HOW CRAZY that the dude dropped that ball?! when does that EVER happen? and in the bottom of hte 9th?! AWESOME) and they both said, "yeah. we SAW it" all dramatic-like. then this cute dude turns around and has a major league baseball logo tatooed onto his arm. so we try to google him when he goes to the bathroom. nothing comes up and we're both like, "who the hell knows. maybe he's nobody." but a couple hours later he wants to use my phone to look something up in youtube, for some reason clicks into safari and though i'd closed out the search window (iphone people will know what i'm talking about) i'd left the search in the google search box. so he starts laughing hysterically, "dude! they were trying to google me!" and, busted, i jumped to our defense, "well you obviously keep hinting that you're somebody but we couldn't find you so you can't be THAT important." he stuck his last name in and had been drafted by the mets a couple years ago, played for their minor league team or something but is injured so isn't really playing at all. read: not all that impressive.

 

i confessed my love of robinson cano and they told me he was gay! NOOOOOO!!!!!! but then an hour later told me he wasn't really gay, just a loser, which I didn't believe. they're just jealous!

 

but he was really really cute, had a ridiculous smile, crazy arms and made me laugh so much. so he got my number and then immediately called me to tell me he'd wanted to invite me to his house (he lives in new jersey, ick) to play wii but that he didn't want to come across as being too forward. and he sounded so earnest about it, and because he's a child, i actually think he really wanted to play wii and wasn't using "playing wii" as a euphemism for "having sex." but anyway, that's what all my friends are saying now. it's the new lingo. he insisted that we go out on saturday night. i'd planned to stay in but told him if i went out, that we'd meet up.

 

so ted texts with an invite i can't refuse: "grey gardens festival in harlem, soul food from amy ruth's first." am ruth's is great. FRIED CHICKEN AND WAFFLES. enough said. and then we head to this "festival" which was really just a freak show. we knew it would kind of be full of weirdos but i don't think we understood the extent of the freakishness that we actually encountered. they'd re-created the edie's bedroom and had this crazy looking stuffed cat on a bed. they were serving cheap pate on ritz crackers. people wore crazy outfits. and then the performance started. MCed by this lame drag queen they showed lots of "never before seen" clips cut from the documentary which were awesome. but then had these awful burlesque people coming through to do these performances. terrible. ted and i just could not stop laughing. it ended with an impromptu performance by a homeless person in a maroon curly-haired wig who calls himself "hooker jay" singing, "i'll be seeing you." it was a night i will NEVER ever forget, no matter how much i might want to.

 

baseball player called and was having dinner with his agent and said he'd be done by midnight but at 12:30 he wasn't finished and i was exhausted so i went home and texted him that i was mad at him and to never contact me again. crazy and dramatic, right? i blame the alcohol. he texted a dozen apologies and after an "all you can drink" brunch the next day i called him. our conversation is hazy but i vaguely remember complaining about UTIs and him accusing me of sleeping around. i don't know. i also maybe called him a "fake" baseball player. the rest of the day was blurry. ted called his friend tommy who just got his license revoked for drunk driving and i kept yelling in the background, "i'm sorry you can't drive! i'm sorry you can't drive!" we stopped at the cooper square hotel and the bartender there was a girl who i worked with at california pizza kitchen in chicago during high school. CRAZY. and then some rooftop party where i ate an entire bag of baked cheetos. and rode a bike. and then we got bratwurst and met some guy katie's been dating. it was a big downward spiral that i'm not sure i've recovered from yet. all the while i was texting the baseball player like mad. i usually am quite cool when it comes to men but maybe because this one is young and i don't really care to impress him the floodgates opened.

 

so i basically turned into a 15 year old. niiiiice....ugh. and he STILL wants to get together. what is wrong with this guy?! i am NOT that cute. maybe he's THAT lonely. life is funny.