homeless people breaking and entering

so i'm watching tv with julia and ryan at ted's apartment across the hall. colin's dog starts barking and j runs to the door and starts looking out the peephole.

 

me: what are you doing?

j: checking to see if the crazy woman is back?

me: what crazy woman?

j: i'll tell you after the show.

 

show is over. colin enters

 

me: colin! j was just telling me about the crazy woman! why am i just now hearing about this?!

colin: yeah, i've seen her before in the building. i saw her on the 5th floor once and didn't think anything of it.

j: but tell her what happened last week!

colin: so i'd just taken an ambien but i swore i heard knocking, it was just really quiet. so i opened the door and i'm face to face with her. she was hispanic but had like white makeup on her face. and this huge fur coat with, like, rosettes sheared out of the side of it. and she said, "i'm looking for Emile."

ryan: are you sure she wasn't saying "a meal?"

colin: is Emile a name?

me: um, in france it is.

julie: but colin's response to her was, "nobody names Emile lives in this building" and shut the door.

me: yeah, i'm with ryan. i think she was looking for food.

colin: but then the next day, we were over here at ted's and heard someone outside. we look through the peephole and see her knocking at our door again. AND THEN SHE TRIES TO TURN THE KNOB TO SEE IF THE DOOR WAS UNLOCKED!

me: OH MY GOD THAT IS SO SCARY!

colin: so we called the cops and filed a report but haven't seen her again.

 

i'll note, at this point, that we all go back and forth between apartments constantly and that the doors are always unlocked. ALWAYS. so the theory now is that crazy lady has actually been inside the apartment because if she's tried that at any time within the past six months, she'd have gotten into either apartment, easy.

 

moral of the story, lock your damn door people!