just say no?

so my friend lindsey is STILL dating that guy we met last year on new year's eve. and for old time's sake, we all went back to the party where we met. the place where it all started...

the hostess is a fashion designer. her husband, a dj. the music was good, the company was good. just after midnight, lindsey waved me over and john took a small plastic bag out of his pocket. the bag had a hemp-colored powder in it.

here's where i hesitate. i've never touched drugs. never even held a joint between my fingers before. i've smoked about 10 cigarettes in my life. i rarely even get drunk. i have no idea how drugs are going to effect me. and frankly, they freak me out. the stuff john had was expensive, was brought by his friend who brings it here from somewhere in south america. he said it was as pure as can be (lots of E is mixed with speed and other bad stuff and molded into a pill form that can give you really ugly highs). he took the teeny-weeniest pinch (for those who cook, think about the amount of cayenne pepper you'd add to a cup of soup...it was negligible) and tossed it in a glass of cranberry juice (never mix E with alcohol, they say).

about half an hour later, i notice myself chomping down on my back teeth. hard. it feels funny. my gums feel numb. every slight change in the way i feel i ask lindsey, "hey, is this normal?" "yes, honey, don't worry." but that was the thing...i wasn't worried. i ALWAYS worry. it's WHAT I DO. but i noticed i was amazingly relaxed. like, i'd just come out of a two hour massage, relaxed. i couldn't stop smiling. and i was soooo happy. i loved lindsey. i loved john. i loved that lindsey and john loved each other. i wasn't just thinking these things, i was saying them out loud. i was blissful. my feet had been getting sore from my high heels but i no longer felt pain. we were grinning fools, swaying to the house music's low-key beat. we were sweating like crazy.

eventually we found ourselves on the couch. john had on a velvet jacket and all i wanted to do was stroke it's hem. or run my fingernail along the ribs of lindsey's jeans. everything i touched was so stimulating and felt so good. but not in a sexual way. in fact, i don't think i could have had sex on the drug had i tried. i wanted to move very little and didn't want to be touched at all (which was a problem with john's friend following me around for hours kissing my head and trying to massage me or something).

i knew i was coming off the ride when i started to worry again and when i started to feel my feet ache. john pulled the bag out and we had another pinch...and i was back to happyland. and back to the chomping teeth. my only truly neurotic behavior was something affecting my scalp. if i touched my hair, it felt flat and thin (probably because the sweat from my palms plastering it down) and then i'd proceed to rustle it to try to fluff it. lindsey saw me doing this and had to pull my hands from my head, telling me i was going to pull all my hair out if i didn't stop.

while waiting for the bathroom i kept thinking i was seeing a strobe light. everything was blinking. i was very close to asking the guy next to me about said strobe light, but thought, "if it doesn't exist, this guy will think i'm on drugs. and he'd be right" so i waited until i got back to my seat. the verdict? absolutely no strobe lights. must have been something with my eyes because my pupils were COMPLETELY dilated and i wasn't blinking much.

i got home around 8am. when i woke up, my hips were killing me. a result, i assume, from the nearly 7 straight hours of dancing where, if i hadn't taken something, my body would have told me about 3 hours in to stop and that i was overdoing it. and i was dehydrated. but other than that, i was hangover free.

so as much as i hate to admit it because i do not want to advocate doing drugs...this stuff was good. but it's hard to get, it's costly, and it's not always easy to know if you're getting it from a trusted source. what scares me is that when i was in my happy state, i was asking lindsey where i could get some of my own. that's not me. i don't know who that is. lindsey, wisely i might add, told me that i should never buy anything like this. and she's right. and i won't. but it wasn't a bad ride while it lasted...