bloggy birthday

today is the 3rd anniversary of this wee blog o'mine.

i've never before had so many people i know and hate reading my blog. i kid, i don't really hate. okay, that's a lie. i really do hate some people, but i digress. i've done some shape-shifting here over the last year. i used to write for you folks, i used to whore myself out for links and page counts. over the past year i've found myself posting here just so that i can remember what i've done and when.

for the next year, i think i'd like to focus more on actual writing. maybe throwing some fiction into the mix. i say that, but i don't even really like reading fiction. i still regularly skip the fiction section in the new yorker. so we'll just see whether this little whim actually plays out because putting real thought into posts requires real time.

on a serious note: this past year, a good friend was diagnosed with a very serious disease. it's caused a seismic shift in my perception of life and of my feelings on death. it's added a grey, gritty dusting of reality to an otherwise blessed and sparkling life. a constant reminder that life is cruel and unfair. i'm still adjusting/reeling at the news and trying to figure out how to hide my fear of death from someone who is looking it in the eyes. how do you deal with something so profound while mustering the appearance that nothing is wrong and that we are all happy and well? i just don't know how to cope yet.

i'm doing the AIDS walk again this year and have posted details on how to donate here. if there is anything that you can afford to donate, it would mean more to me than i could quite put into words at this moment. i would be eternally grateful to those who can support me in this very important fight for a cure.