violence in the city

when you move to new york, you learn that you have to be a little aggressive. otherwise you're facing a life of getting pushed around and stepped on (literally and figuratively). you'll never make it onto that crowded train car without some assertiveness. you'll never make it through bloomingdales on a saturday without a little force. and sample sales? those are in a league of their own. you need to take martial arts classes to successfully navigate those things.

so i've been known to shove with an elbow when a loud "excuse me!" doesn't work as i'm trying to edge my way out of a subway car so i won't miss my stop. sometimes when people start ramming themselves into the train before the passengers on the train have had a chance to get out, i'll nudge my shoulder out at them. it's a little, "bitch, wait till we're off the fucking train to get in the car!" love tap.

so last night i get off the bus. scaffolding was covering the sidewalk and the only entrance onto the sidewalk from the street was being blocked by a stump old woman. a girl in front of me pushed through and i saw the old woman's elbow fly out at her. "whoa, that's uncalled for" i thought. the woman was totally in the way but i didn't hear the girl ask her to move either. so i say, "excuse me!" the old woman turns around and i'm thinking she's making room for me to pass. as i slide by, i feel a fist on my back. it wasn't that hard because, well, it was an old woman. but can you believe that crazy ass bitch hit me because she didn't like that i had to pass through?

i stopped and turned. all the people around her must have seen what she'd done because there were an awful lot of wide eyed stares looking her way. i briefly contemplated spitting in her face "pumpkin style." but then i remembered i don't know how to spit. i gave her a look of disgust and the finger instead.

only in new york kids, only in new york.