dear jazzy,

for as long as i can remember, people have been coming to me for advice.

 

i'm not sure what it is that makes people think that i have the answer. anybody who has looked at my dating history should know better. of course, i'm not often good at following my own advice. so in giving advice, i also understand how weak and stupid some women can be and that they'll follow your advice to "get rid of the douchebag" when they're good and ready to do it. you can't force a woman to get rid of a bad man, they have to walk away on their own.

 

but i'm a pretty logical person. i'm very practical and i seem to have an uncanny sense for the way people think and the way they react to certain things. i'm also a tremendously good problem solver. and i don't sugar coat things. ever.

 

but lately, the advice seekers have been a crop of men. and these men are all being dicked around by women. and that's annoying to me. i'm used to the women being the nice ones, the men being the jerks. i hate how these women are giving female-kind a bad name.

 

but on the other hand, i've met plenty a man that i'm just not interested in. and i know the way i handle those situations (i just talk about how i'm too busy to get together every time they call until they give up). i know the way women think (whether or not i agree with the way they act is a different story). so i've been finding myself giving particularly good advice to a few guy friends lately about when to back off, when to come on stronger, etc.

 

and i've been doing a pretty damn good job. my friend kevin has been forwarding me all the e-mail exchanges back and forth between them and, thanks to me, he's been playing his hand beautifully.

 

and i could take the time now to talk about how playing games sucks. because it does. but most guys play them, and most girls do it too. and i do think the relationship is ideal sans game playing but i also understand that there's always, ALWAYS strategy involved with finding a mate. and i'm pretty good at that. so is ale, btw. she's lassoed a fiance (almost) in that way.

 

so anyway, feel free to come to me for advice. maybe i'll start a "dear jazz," column here on this series of tubes called the internets....