Wednesday, January 17, 2007

emails from my favorite penpal

To: Marc
From: Jasmine

wherefore art thou?
whither have you gone?
I've missed you so!

To: Jasmine
From: Marc

Wherefore means 'why', so I can't answer that, but actually "why am I?" seems a pertinent question as I sit here at my school printing off an essay to read on the bus home after a very long day spent mainly reading for the benefit of my students.

I've found a new place, in the north west part of town. I can't get anyone to have a drink with me tonight, which sucks.

How is the job? How is everything else.

It is a ray of sunshine to hear from you. Hope all's very, very well.

To: Marc
From: Jasmine

i think it is perfectly acceptable to ask you why you are a marc. just as i could also ask you what the meaning of life is. which i will. marc, what's the meaning of life?

now whether you have answers for those questions is really out of my control but i urge you to try your best.

so i barely read your e-mail. something about essays and buses. something boring about work. i want real stuff. the grit of the daily grind. tell me interesting stories about school, gossip amongst the faculty. there must be something interesting about your students. my best friend kate ALWAYS has stories about her 7 year olds...they're not good stories, they're not particularly interesting, but they're tales nonetheless.

met a crazy old english man who kissed me and had the grossest dry cat tongue ever. i may have been drunk, but i was not nearly drunk enough to let him carry on like that. then i stumbled down the stairs of the subway for an excruciatingly long ride home.


To: Jasmine
From: Marc

OK, well, in retaliation I haven't read your email either. In fact, I've no idea who I'm writing to. If it's you, Pauline, you can take your fax machine and stuff it up your arse, while it's plugged in, and receiving a fax that reads "I hate you"; if it's you, Simon, our love will clamber over all borders, race, creed, or lim-functioning-capacity; if it's you, Bono, no, I won't buy you a new hammer.

Goodbye to you all.

xx M

7 people who played with me:

Blogger The Stormin Mormon said...

Now that's amazing...

"If it's you BONO".


Almost like waking up with Roger Moore's phone number written on the inside of your left thigh...

1/17/2007 11:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is Pauline cute?

1/18/2007 8:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

omg.. are you trying to get quality stories out of a MAN? guys dont understand that when we ask for stories we dont need:

'hi i went to a store and bought bread'

we want:

'wow my baker is sleeping with his wife's second cousin's niece!'

guys- they just have a different brain

1/18/2007 1:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hmm, all that from not reading. interesting.

1/18/2007 8:09 PM  
Blogger omar said...

I'm glad Marc retaliated. He said it was a ray of sunshine to hear from you, and you were all, "I barely read your email."

You're cold, jasmine. Cold.

1/19/2007 9:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Not as cols ad Pauline, I gather. Ouch.

1/22/2007 1:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can't spell!!! I'm so sad.

I meant, not as cold as Pauline, I gather.


1/22/2007 1:49 AM  

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