internal monologue

mine is missing.

some little asian woman in times square approached me on the way home, "i paint your picture!" and out of my mouth flies, "do i look like a tourist to you?!"

and last night over wine with justy he was approached by a huge black guy who reeked of smoke. he leaned in but wasn't whispering as he said, "you are a very lucky gentleman. do you know why?" justin, of course, plays dumb: "no. i have no idea." it also works because hes GAY. "because of the young lady sitting adjacent to you." and out of my mouth pops, "i am LOVELY!" mostly because in my snarky head that's what i was thinking.

now that iphones are ubiquitous, that people that have them are no longer better looking. ive been finding that when i see guys without them, they become, on average, 10% less good-looking. that's right! people without iphones are uglier. get with the program folks!

in other news, i'm totally famous. peter wrote a novella. and a testy character with good taste in men and alcohol has my name. rock on!