ISO detox and party tricks

besides a facial saturday morning and a pancake breakfast sunday afternoon in new jersey, my weekend was open.

without meaning to, i filled every single other hour with drinking and eating crappy bar food.

it started innocently enough with a few margaritas with brian for dinner. then he gets a text from our friend colin: "come to tenjune, i have 5 bottles and only 6 people. you need to help me drink this." tenjune is a trendy trendy place where famous people go in the meatpacking district where famous people and annoying people hang out. ick ick ick. but, for some reason, we went anyhow.

i was still drunk when i woke up saturday morning, took a two hour hiatus from drinking and resumed with apres spa bloody marys, which turned into a guinness fest (ever since stormin told me it was low cal/low carb, it's all i drink) which lasted past midnight. interspersed throughout the day were burgers, fries, chicken fingers, spinach artichoke dip and soft pretzels with mustard.

then gigantic plates of chocolate chip pancakes smothered with whipped cream on sunday. i'm in severe need of a detox and even recounting all of it makes me feel sick to my stomach. i'm thinking i might liquid diet again right after the super bowl because i'm a hot mess right now.

so during brunch my friend reggie says to the group of 15 or so at the pancake house, "i've got a joke for you. a monkey and an elephant are in the shower together" "hey," a girl at the table says, "there are kids right behind you, watch what you say." "no! it's a clean joke, don't worry. so they're in the shower and the elephant says to the monkey, 'can you pass the soap?' and the monkey says, 'no soap radio!' " and reggie and my friend bryan just die laughing. and the rest of us stare at each other until i say, "i really don't get it."

bryan is one of my best friends from college. we've always had this way of "just getting" each other. in fact, we were card sharks. we'd play spades with other kids in our dorm and we'd kill because we can communicate just by looking at each other. so as i'm trying to make sense of this joke, he looks at me and it all falls in to place.

i start to chuckle and say, "oh my god, i'm such an idiot. i should have gotten that earlier." not because the joke makes sense. but because it doesn't. because for as long as i've known bryan, he's always made it a habit to fuck with people. i should have known from the beginning that the joke didn't make any sense. so i'm laughing at myself now. but everyone thinks i'm laughing at the joke and they're increasingly getting mad that they're not getting it. reggie's sitting there saying, "get it?! NO. SOAP. RADIO. the monkey? come on people!" and i'm crying i'm laughing so hard and people are losing it because for some reason they just AREN'T GETTING IT.

so if you ever want to piss a bunch of people off, this is a good way to do it. try it at home folks!