Tuesday, March 31, 2009

key west!

i owe y'all a post on key west which was, in a word, fantastic. i mean, the town is cheezy as hell and it's pretty much disneyland for alcoholics. everywhere you go, there is alcohol being sold and there are no open container laws so when you get a frozen mojito somewhere, you take it to go with you and wander the streets while also killing your liver. it's easier than walking and chewing gum at the same time. all the food at the places we went to didn't have to be good (because really, drunk people don't care about taste) but it was. the weather was perfect, except for the last day which was just oppressively humid. sunsets were pretty though there were low lying clouds each night which kind of obscured what could have been bigger and more orangey/reddish/purpley! so, highlights:
we went to hear porsche, who is the gays favorite drag queen. she's special because instead of lip syncing, bitch actually sings. and though she'd be better if she didn't smoke 3 packs a day, she's really not half bad. video here though i haven't seen it and have no idea what it looks like. so while we were there (she does a MEAN janis joplin impression) brian grabs my arm and points to a woman sitting in a booth against the wall. "is that woman's hair on fire?" which seems like kind of a dumb question because looking over at her there was, indeed, a one foot tall flame coming out of the back of her head. on the other hand, woman was looking straight ahead and had no idea and we could see the flame clearly in the reflection of the mirror behind her which made it all seem a bit fake and optical illusiony. also, you don't really expect to see people on fire. so i run over to her start pointing to the back of my head and say, "your hair!" before i run off to find something to toss on her head. i had a beer in my hand which might have done the trick but, you know, beer has alcohol in it and i didn't want to take my chances on finding out that beer actually IS flammable. i grab a rag and by the time i'm back over to her, she and her girlfriend had batted the flames out. and then the entire room filled with smoke and the smell of burning hair. porsche was like, "who's hair is on fire! it's not mine, mine is synthetic!" and the burnt hair woman is mortified, obviously, but is staring straight ahead pretending like nothing happened. and while everyone is looking around to see what the source was, nobody knew the culprit. burnt hair woman never thanked me for notifying her she was on fire but her girlfriend mouthed a very emphatic, "thank you SO much!" to me right afterwards. random. also, what are the chances that you're at a drag show and the thing that catches on fire ISN'T a wig?!
my favorite bar on the island was the green parrot which is where the locals go. it was comfy and not pretentious and there were no drunk white trash types there. i also met a lovely boy from mississippi there whose accent i wanted to bathe in. a slow drawl with which he apologized for his language after saying the word "damn."
the best meal we had all week was here. absolutely amazing.
brunch at blue heaven was awesome. all outdoors with a treetop canopy and a cute woman playing music with her guitar. roosters walking around between tables. it was airy and welcoming and the brunch was awesome.
though we had several delays on our way home all was mostly forgiven because our pilot was one of the hottest people i'd ever seen in person, in my life. it made me feel like we were on a television show. a remake of wings or something.
at the sunset festival along the water we stopped to get drinks from a man who was called "mr. mojito" and the mojitos were amazing. and then we sat to watch the cat man show which was one of the craziest things i'd ever seen. and coming from a girl who lives in new york, that's saying something...dude is crazy. also, very weird to see trained house cats doing tricks.
so it was great. and the company couldn't have been beat. our house was soooo charming and we all got along swimmingly in it so i couldn't have asked for a nicer weekend.

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