Thursday, December 31, 2009

boring home, chicago and my empire state of mind

chicago was fine. christmas was as per usual. my grandmother makes me nuts and is the most passive aggressive woman i've ever known. kate was on "low activity" which is one step up from bed rest so we rarely left the house. kate kept making cute comments about how i'm blogging whenever i'd pick up my laptop. but in order to have something to blog about i'd have to be doing something worth writing down. sitting on the couch watching sports and bad television is, to put it mildly, not blog-worthy. they have their life there and have little real interest in mine, otherwise maybe they'd read said blog. or ask to see pictures from kenya. neither of which was on their list of things to do. on the other hand, they have a quintessential suburban life and i have little desire for that either. actually, no desire whatsoever, for that. i did, however, get several quality scrabble games in with peter. and chatted a bit with colin so the downtime wasn't all for naught. 

trained it into the city to meet cadiz, jon and cousin for dinner at an old standby: chicago pizza and oven grinder. that place is a time capsule. absolutely nothing has changed in the 5 years since i'd been back. same host. same bartenders. but it's funny to talk to people who i rarely see (or who i'd even never met) who know more about me than my childhood best friend. blogging is funny like that. 

thankfully back in nyc for new years where we're having an intimate house party, exactly the type of thing i wanted (and pretty much the only activity i can handle on new years...i am getting old). 

someone found this place by googling: "response to friends don't let friends drink white zin". hey, you in south carolina, there IS no response. stop drinking it. it's gross. try a fruity riesling. pretend for a hot second that you're not tasteless. 

i have 4 blissful days all to myself in the city. i have no idea what i'm going to do with them. maybe breakfast at balthazar. carbonara at maialino. walnut martinis at pravda. truffled egg toast at inoteca. a pedicure. a perusal of the saks shoe dept. some tocai at esca. some ricotta at locanda verde. the egg sandwich and brussels sprouts at joseph leonard. some compost cookies from momofuku milk bar...

Thursday, December 24, 2009

annoyatron, sweet home chicago, HCR

so maybe a co-worker bought some of these. and maybe hid them in impossible to find places in another co-workers' cube? it may lead to said co-worker obsessively re-starting his computer. asking everyone within range if they hear a noise. everyone responding "no" as if he's out of his mind. then a few weeks later we move to another room. people admit they hear the beeping. he diagnoses himself, and everyone else, with tinnitus. they stick one in a crevice in his bag. he starts hearing the noise at home. he and a friend go through and unplug all his electronics at home. he starts slowly losing his mind. starts talking constantly about going to see a doctor. how they shoot steroids into your ear. he starts hanging out in the bathroom just because it's a place where he CAN'T hear the noise. someone is over his shoulder as he goes to google something and his list of recent searches include: "i hear ringing in my ears" needless to say, when said annoyatron was revealed to him on the last day of the case he was less than pleased. there may have been numerous threats of bodily harm. but, in all, totally awesome and worth $20.

had a perfectly cozy night with alex on sunday. we listened to christmas music, had the yule log on, made oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, had homemade tomato soup (which was super easy to make and just as good as the stuff at blue ribbon bakery, which is DAMN good, btw) with grilled cheese and chatted for a long while, catching each other up. she's always been such a centered, grounded, presence in my life and i couldn't be more grateful for the stability she provides. hanging out with her always feels like coming home or just being in a safe place.

cute piece on norad's santa tracker.

oy, i love isabel toledo SO MUCH.

erika sent me this: priceless.

we traded melky, which means my boyfriend robinson cano will need a shoulder to cry on. excuse me wile i go comfort my man...

arrived into chicago on time! a christmas miracle! and now i'm sitting with the puppies watching "millionaire matchmaker" which is a ridiculously guilty indulgence for me (the guys are AWFUL narcissistic d-bags. and some of these women are totally gorgeous and put-together). and OMG, sue sylvester is in an xbox commercial! YES. and WHOA, those sarah mclaughlin ASPCA commercials are just murdering me. like, i can't keep donating every 15 minutes this commercial comes on but i'm such a sucker for charity outreach. i pretty much never say no when people ask. my heartstrings are easily tugged. people, this is the reason i don't have cable myself and that my television isn't currently plugged in and why my digital converter (YES, i was totally using bunny ears) is still in the box with cellophane. i don't need that crap in my life. (kate and ant, for all their crap television viewing, also do NOT watch jersey shore, so i'm spared, thank GOD.) i spent about an hour with my hand on kate's tummy feeling the baby kick and shuffle. i think she's running a fetus marathon or something. kate's already a centimeter dilated and having mini contractions which isn't a good thing at only 23 weeks. she's pretty much on bed rest so we'll have lots of couch time. that means plenty of time to see all 500 of my kenya/tanzania photos! and plenty of time to read all those project syndicate posts i've had starred in my reader.

the dogs have been barking all day at the invisible mailman. the mailman just came by and neither dog flinched. of course.

i was sad to miss this morning's senate heath care reform vote. poor senator byrd, wheeled onto the floor to say his vote was for his friend ted kennedy, brought tears to my eyes. the congressional bill is better but we've come far and i'm pretty proud of the democratic caucus (and harry reid) for pulling it together.

Monday, December 21, 2009

oh curses

the mother with whom i have no relationship,has found this place.
which means she's, yet again, ruined things.

i may have to re-locate and send the link out privately on an as
requested basis...

Sunday, December 20, 2009

e-mail from my roommate: are you aware that you have a stiletto cookie cutter? no cookie sheets.... just a stiletto cookie cutter.
this is true. although i totally used to have cookie sheets. it's just that my kitchen stuff seems to go missing when people move. i refuse to buy any more nice stuff because someone steals it but i don't have time/desire to try to take stock of the kitchen as roommates move out. meh.
"again, his low-slung pants fell to his ankles, tripping him and sending him falling three stories to his death" so this is a lesson for all those planning on committing crimes: pull up your damn pants!
it's gotten cold. like, chicago cold. so i finally had to bring out my long down blankety coat. and as ugly as i think uggs warm and comfy do they look?!
i have this little planner that i love. i live and die by it; i've had it for years. the only trouble is getting refills for it every year since the company is in france. a nice man richard at lee's art shop (where i have fantasies of running into angelina and brad and the kids and bonding) used to order them in for me. this year, they upped their online capabilities so i got one online. it never showed up to my office. i e-mailed them every 3rd day or so. no response. had colin try calling them and he gets a voicemail message in french, of course. e-mailed a friend in france to see if she could call them locally. i finally, FINALLY hear from them and they're all, "okay, we'll send it a THIRD time..." and i'm like, "WAIT! nobody ever told me about the second! let's try a new address!" so i have him send it to kate's in chicago. i tell kate no less than 4 times, "i'm getting a planner refill. it is coming from france. don't be weirded out by it" i e-mail her twice to see whether she got it or not. today she calls. "i hope that wasn't expensive." i tell her it wasn't expensive, but that it was valuable and then ask why. "because i threw it away. it was weird. it was a little and it was addressed to me and it was from france." YES KATE. JUST LIKE I TOLD YOU FOUR TIMES. (i went back and counted the e-mails!) UGH. i mean, i get that she's pregnant but that seems like forgetfulness on a terrifying scale. so the planner i live and die by, still has no refill. i've ordered another so let's pray that kate keeps her shit together enough to not toss this one. UGH. ugh ugh ugh.
big plans the weekend. huge. they involve brunch, a haircut, baking cookies and watching the holiday and having a slumber party at justy's. and if it blizzards i've told him we HAVE to go to a bar because going to bars in blizzards is the BEST.

Friday, December 18, 2009

latkes, cheapness, year in photos, joseph leonard, locanda verde redux, cookies!

ted had a little latke party which we'd have tried to pass off as a hanukkah party had any of us been at all jewish. but who doesn't like a latke, really? i had to bring dessert and the little pie co was closed. i know that because i walked up to the door, saw the 8pm closing sign (it was 8:15) and still knocked and pulled on the door anyhow just to see if maybe they'd let me in really quickly to get a pie. no dice. and just to be safe, i called, pretending to be someone else, asking whether the place was still open and whether i could come in super fast to buy a pie. still no. sigh.

so at the grocery store, i buy a ciabatta loaf and pumpkin pie. and then, of course, i had to get whipped cream because can you even eat pumpkin pie without whipped cream? no. the answer is no. if you actually answered "yes" to that question take a long look at yourself in the mirror and think about what kind of a human being you are. and how that kind of a human being is BORING and has no taste. but the point of all this, really, is to say that i was shocked, SHOCKED when i rang all that up and it was only $12. i'm guessing that some middle america (or, okay, anywhere besides here and LA) will feel like maybe that's expensive for a loaf of bread, pie, and whipped cream. but because i'd almost just spent $17 alone on a pie, i couldn't believe what a deal i was getting! you know that cereal here is like $6 a box, right? grizz.

these, from the boston globe, are always a highlight for me at the end of the year. part one was great but this part two makes me want to cry. i'm still so wrapped up and distressed about iran. i didn't sleep for days after the election, reloading twitter constantly and checking nico pitney's blog at the huff post and andrew sullivan for updates. how strong the women were who fought back, and how young so many of the protesters were and how incredibly brave they all still are. and neda, who became the face of an attempted revolution. the violence that was everywhere and captured on phones and handheld cameras...these deaths will not be in vain.

finally hit joseph leonard. gabe stulman himself was manning the bar. all the staff there was wam/accommodating. some rude-ass people sat at the bar drinking all night even though, you know, there are like 3 tables in the whole place so people have to eat there. we had the salted cod, the steak tartare, the duck confit cassoulet, the brussels sprouts with siracha (which i secretly wanted a second order of) and a bottle of syrah. it's a cozy, sweet little spot and all the rest of the food coming out of their open kitchen looked (and smelled) amazing. next time, i need to save room for dessert.

and finally brought david to locanda verde with me. i asked about his week and he says a client asked him to be in a national ad campaign, but because he works for the magazine in which the ad will run, he's not allowed to get paid. shrewd move by this software company, who gets a gorgeous model for free now. david and i had originally planned to go to nicaragua together (rather, i said i was going, he said he was coming with) but things have been de-railed as i've been given another case to hop onto. the news was bittersweet as it's good to be making money but DAMN, i really wanted the time off. this is meant to be a short-term gig so i may be able to reap the benefits of unemployment sooner rather than later. cross your fingers that by march, i'll be southern-bound. david wants to go to buenos aires instead. i'm not picky. dinner was fantastic and my favorite host bought us the cheesecake which was AMAZING. a no bake cheesecake, it was pure white and creamy with toffee sprinkles on top replacing any semblance of a crust and all jeweled with pomegranate seeds, a sorbet (passion fruit?) on the side. YES. we also had the gingerbread which was bigger and meatier than i'd expected and we were too full having maybe eaten one pasta too many and maybe a few extra apps.

speaking of gingerbread, my roommate made cookies. but she used real ginger which is kind of life-changing for me because my family has always used a grated powdered ginger in our little ginger men. hers have little stringy pieces of ginger coming out of them and a spicy kick that i'm pretty obsessed with. and OH MY GOD she made these gluten free cookie bars that i'm deeply, desperately, falling in love with.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

new yorker, yankees, fuuuuuck youuuuu joe lieberman

is it bad when i get my "this week's new yorker" e-mail and am like, THANK GOD! when i see it's a two week issue? being behind in my new yorkers is oppressive and stressful. why can't i do anything without worrying about it?

santacon was saturday. i didn't participate because i'm not a sorority girl still in college. but it was kind of fun to see hoardes of people dressed as santa stumbling around all over the city saturday. i appreciated the random other costumes (chicken, frog, pluto) that just spiced things up a bit.

a really cute improv everywhere scene.

roger angell called it: we lost matsui. speaking of that nyer piece...i loved it. when i saw him at the festival the first thing he said was, "why am i not at the yankees game right now?" i still am plotting out how to get him to adopt me. but the piece was great for its details, its harkening an earlier time and halcyon days. and, truth be told, the yankees played like an old fashioned team this year. fewer distractions, infighting and ego. more pure desire to play and win. they made baseball look fun again. so you can't much blame angell for his nostalgic waxing. he also predicts we'll lose johnny damon too. i has a sad over all this. i could never manage a baseball team...

colin hosted our 3rd annual holiday sit-down. he outdid himself this time. inspired by julie and julia we had boeuf bourguignon with some slight alterations courtesy of ina garten. served with amazing crusty bread, mixed mushrooms with thyme and egg and a green salad. dessert was a raspberry bavarian cream. lots of wine and some french music later we did the "say what you've thought about this year" thing. i used to hate that. i didn't come from a very emotive/warm/open family. it's weird to have found that in my friends instead.

this year obviously had its highs and lows. (kenya post is coming soon, i swear!) but what i'll remember about this year is feeling somewhat like i've come into my own. i have a lot less anxiety in my life, a lot less self-doubt, more self-confidence. all due to the latisse, i'm sure. but i think i'm just getting older and tired of all that other stuff that doesn't actually matter. it feels good to focus on the stuff that does.

my friend katie said this guy she's been pulling is turning crazy. i said, "what does that mean? he wants to get married and have your babies?" her response: "Yes new guy already wants to move in together and fully said, out loud - i want to have your babies.
I was like - get the fuck out of my house." that's going to be my new favorite phrase. i'm going to use it as much as i can. get the fuck out of my house. awesome. julie's phrase, uttered when someone at work might come up to her for any reason whatsoever is, "why are you so obsessed with me?" which i also think is quite fun.

and, hey, joe lieberman, FUUUUUUUUUUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU. you're a small, sniveling, petty, self-serving, arrogant, disgusting excuse for a human being. i'm tired of looking at your ugly face and having to hear about how you've fucked things up again just because you're an attention-starved little troll with a penchant for temper tantrums.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

bad tv, bagels, unemployment, FOTC

this list made me laugh several times. kind of meta, but enjoyable for the masses all the same.
what sounds like a great biography on the much missed molly ivins. she'll be smiling down on Houston if annise parker gets elected, for sure. she has a line about republicans slapping each other on the back to congratulate themselves after passing anti-gay legislation: they violate their own rule that a dick can't touch an asshole. oh, molly. i heart you.
EVERYONE is talking about jersey shore. i've never seen it. refuse to even watch clips online. it sounds terrible, the people in it sound terrible. who knew it was possible to both hate AND be sick of a show that just started that i've never seen?
went to that james bond birthday party. get a text from my friend joyce, "some guys at the party were asking about you." all of this is because i was one of the few people there who didn't already know everybody so i'm a fresh face. or fresh meat, rather. she's so determined to get me to meet some straight guys that i feel that every time i see her i'm in a meat market. it's a lot of pressure for a girl who is used to solely hanging out with gays. at gay bars. i'm not sure i'm up for all of this, honestly.
so cute, and so much tinier than you think...get to the photo where he's plating...
speaking of bagels...try this at home!
new sade. YES.
my current project is ending soon so i'll be joining the ranks of the unemployed for a bit. no need to send sympathies over, however, because i've got some saved and am very seriously toying with doing lots of exotic things. heading to thailand to visit a friend. moving to nicaragua for a few months to brush up my spanish. taking an extended trip to australia where one of my best friends is most likely moving in the spring.
but on the home front, it's forced me to get a bit creative. i think i'm going to make some christmas presents for the folks back home. how amazing is this? and ji's closet is SICK. i mean, there aren't really words to describe the insanely awesome/expensive stuff in her wardrobe. but speaking of closets, mine isn't bad either. and i HAVE to stop shopping. so it's been fun to go back to the stuff i've owned a long time and find ways to perk things up. i've got some summery lacy tops that i think i would winterize with a velvet belt and a blazer. and i can't forget about my cream/gold brocade jacket which just makes everything look fancy even though i bought the damn thing at H&M (a knockoff of a DKNY $400 jacket that i almost bought for full price). not that you can see any of my clothes under the piles and piles of scarves and sweaters i've been wearing. some days i honestly look homeless. NOT chic.
my friends and i have conversations like this ALL the time. but it's usually like, "ugh you see that bitch who shoved me on my way to the dressing room?" "was she asian?" "yes." "i fucking hate asians. ... i can say that because i'm half-chinese." i also feel free to hate on white people because i'm half-white. see, being a hapa you have the best of both worlds. you can be part of a group or distance yourself from it depending on what is convenient at the time.
and can we please have a moment of silence for the end of flight of the conchords? i highly recommend their concerts if they come to a town near you...

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Subway graffiti

robin thicke, frigid

colin on robin thicke's new album, Sex Therapy: "I mean, you'll be pregnant by the time you've finished listening to the album. with twins." and it's true. i started listening to it and got pregnant three times on the A train home. completely seriously: i went back and forth from feeling like i wanted to get naked and just start making out with someone to utter embarassment at kind of wanting to hook up with whoever had a pulse and was within 5 feet of me. also, repulsion at how not good-looking your average subway rider is. there will be LOTS of babies conceived to this album. i can't listen to it in public. honestly.

i just watched the video. it's awful. robin shows up at some mansion that is clearly a modern brothel. his lip synching is shady and LOOKS like lip synching which is grizz. it has him in these strange outfits that are costumey without actually looking like anything specific and he has a cheesy looking walking stick. and then for what feels like 4 minutes he slides down and sits against a wall with some woman standing in front of him while he "sings" through the V in her legs and awkwardly touches them. weird. verdict: NOT sexy.

i mean, just stop. stop the cuteness. i can't handle it!

it's gotten cold here. still not as cold as sweet home chicago, but i was tempted to bring out the floor length down coat today. boooo.

totally watched surprise kitten another 100 times since i posted. i have a problem.

and, happy holidays!

Monday, December 07, 2009

gaga, yule, locanda verde, ira glass, my own private insanity

a really macho, rugged hot man sat next to me on the train. i peek over at his iphone and see he's watching the lady gaga "bad romance" video. i chuckle to myself, but not too much because, i mean, HELLO, that video is bananas and amazing and YES. but 10 minutes later, still watching. 30 minutes later, we're all the way downtown and he's STILL watching. so either he was gay and i didn't know it OR he's straight and going to audition to be one of her back up dancers (do straight male dancers even exist?) or something. because the only video i've watched on repeat for hours at a time is the single ladies video. because i thought that learning the moves to that would make my life better. and it TOTALLY DID, you guys!

colin met me for the trufflepalooza dinner at locanda verde tonight. we didn't have a resy and i wouldn't let the hosts sneak one in for me but we got seats at the bar within minutes of arriving. 3 truffle-filled courses for $50. two choices per course meant colin and i tried all of them. barely boiled egg over oyster mushrooms and polenta, lots of white truffle shavings on top. kobe beef tartare, fried quail egg, lots of white truffle shavings on top. veal with garganelli with lots of get the idea. dessert was a truffle gelato and a truffled cake with ricotta that i'd die for. we couldn't stop groaning and moaning and mmmmming over this dinner. it was DIVINE. gorgeous luke brought over our apps and i could feel all the blood rising to my face. CURSES for inconvenient blushing! i think ken friedman was in the house by the time we left. erika had invited me to some private john mayer concert something or other and i'd thought about skipping dinner but 1.) i heart locanda and 2.) i'm not the hugest john mayer fan so i passed. she texted later saying the line was long and that it wasn't as exclusive as it was made out to be and that she didn't even wait in line to get in so i definitely made the right choice. i'm still tasting truffle two hours later. it's like cigar smoke. i'm thinking i'll still be tasting it after i brush my teeth even...
have lots of bits written about kenya. sat down with a bottle of this, lit some candles, threw an heated herb-smelly wrap over my shoulders and hunkered down. photos have been culled and cropped. now just to have some time with blogger to upload them. soon!
i also put a load of christmas music on my iphone. i'm sorry you guys, but christmas music is just the best. and i'm reconnecting with michael buble who has that new album out that i just downloaded and also has a really good christmas album. he sells out MSG in minutes now which is silly and i'm not going to spend $150 or sit way the hell up to enjoy him live considering how i saw him at so many small venues as far back as 2003. (and that one time that i maybe, possibly, slept with one of his trumpet players. trumpets! i can't help it!) so anyway, i've got some bing on there, and some nat, and mariah carey's "all i want for christmas" is really the bees knees. me and the gays listen to that shit all year around, that's how GOOD it is.
so on the way the kenya, our layover was in amsterdam. on the flight on the way to amsterdam i had what i'll say is NOT one of my finer moments. i'm boarding the plane. flight attendant tells me what aisle to take. i turn the corner and i hear a voice. a very distinctly familiar voice. i whip around and think "that guy looks like ira glass!" which is exciting because, he's pretty hot for an older dude. but when you see famous people you don't ever really think it's THE person. at least i don't. then a second later i piece together that the voice also sounded like ira glass. that's about when i start to hyperventilate. i look back again, but i'm still supposed to be walking forwards to my seat so i'm awkwardly moving and pretty much staring in shock at him. NOT GRACEFUL. i sit. he walks by. getting flushed, i look at rebecca and blurt out, "ira glass is on the plane!" she nods, "i wear glasses on the plane too!" she says, looking a tad confused. "no! ira. glass. I-R-A." "who's that?" "the host of this american life!" "i don't know what that is." colin sits down next to rebecca. "ira glass is on the plane!" i say to him. "you wear glasses on the plane?" he responds, and he's really confused because he knows i don't wear glasses. UGH! then i'm all, "where's ted?" because i know ted knows what TAL is. so i tell him and he's like, "oh. that's nice." ted's on the phone with his boyfriend and he says, "ira glass is on the plane....he's the host of this american's a radio show on NPR..." dead silence. in short, ira glass is not really a celebrity to the vast majority of people in this country. but that's my thing. freaking out in inconvenient circumstances over people nobody gives a crap about. i've met dozens of a-list actors. i didn't care. but give me a talented chef? or david remnick? i'm a moron.
i go to talk to ted and david who have bulkhead seats and see ira sitting 6 rows or so back. i tell ted and david that i have to go talk to him but that i can't sound like an idiot or, even worse, totally insane. i start hand writing a blog post that i'd titled something like, "things i would have told ira glass had i had the balls to approach him" and had an itemized list. that he was in my top 10 of people i'd marry if they weren't already married. that he was maybe top 5, but still behind jon stewart and david remnick. (YES. i said this. to myself, for all of you, initially.) that having something land on TAL was a life dream. that i had a lot of things drafted but none of them seemed perfect. i talked about each of them, briefly. i can't remember if i wrote anything else. i did remember that i withheld telling him i'd been listening from my chicago suburb since i was 16. because i think that might have made him feel old. and then that was it. watched some movies. napped. ted and ira were both standing by the bathroom. ted thought about bringing him over and waking me up to meet him. he also thought about having ira pose by the sleeping me and taking a photo because this would have been REALLY funny for him and basically death-inducingly mortifying for me. which is why he ended up not saying anything to ira and letting him pee in peace. thank GOD.
we're about to land. i tell rebecca i've written ira a note that i've really written to myself. she insists i tear the pages out and she says she'll deliver. i'm not sure why i listened. because note passing? very 6th grade, no? and nobody really needs to revisit that. ugh ugh ugh. but off she hops, she comes back quickly saying that he was soooo lovely and that i really should have talked to him. (of course!) and that he seemed flattered/surprised to have a fan on the plane. when really i'm sure he was weirded out being accosted and then having tiny papers shoved in his face. a tiny fan letter. it's psycho.
i can't stop shaking my head at myself. i missed a perfectly good opportunity to have a decent conversation with someone whose work i greatly admire because i'm socially inept around good-looking older jewish men.  and so now, if i ever do send anything along. or decide to send lots and lots of things along to TAL and if something ever gets looked at twice or thrice, i'm now, forever "that grown adult who was too afraid to talk to ira glass and had her adult friend bring him a note on an airplane from JFK to AMS"
it's depressing. it makes me want to bury myself in some compost cookies and cornflake milk. sometimes i wonder how i have so many friends or how i have ANY friends at all. i'm such a head case. a truffle filled head case, though, which is kind of dreamy and pleasing actually.

james bond themed birthday party tomorrow. i don't even know what the hell that means. probably will end up with a mini skirt and over the knee boots and who knows what else. all i know is that the weather is too cold for such things but i don't think bond girls went around wearing sneakers and sweaters which is all i feel like putting on these days. 

Sunday, December 06, 2009

cannot stop

watching this, though i prefer it without the sound...

Thursday, December 03, 2009

depressing things

This really seriously excellent writeup of why the office is depressing hits a bit too close to home.
the funeral for father magnetti was warm. a reflection of the long life he'd lived and how much the quadruple doctorate who spoke 6 languages had accomplished.
the funeral for sarah, my best friend from age 5 until high school, who died suddenly of a brain aneurysm, was sad. but when it comes to freak blood clots, you have a reason. and it's scientific. and there was nothing you could do to help it.
the funeral for dave, my friend from law school who committed suicide as we studied for the bar, ended up being a somewhat uplifting occasion. his father insisting that dave was finally out of the darkness, that the pain of his depression was finally lifted. that he was free.
the funeral for jami was miserable. continual sobbing gasps from varied places in the audience, a constant reminder that another human chose to take her life. and that he took it violently and that she was scared and felt pain as she was beaten and stabbed. she'd recently moved after a stint at home which followed the sudden and unexplained departure of her husband (cheating a likely culprit). all the "what ifs?" that you can't help but ask yourself even though you know, that asking such questions doesn't make anything better and, in fact, probably makes them worse. you can't even turn on the television without having to see bi-hourly glimpses of her killer. i think of how many other girls get murdered but who's to notice when they're not white?
she was sunshine and life is cruel and unfair. detectives have been interviewing friends. it was totally surreal; i sat there listening to bryan give the police information that will probably help convict the person who killed his best friend. killed. an episode of SVU came on about rapes/murders and we gave it two seconds before the unease in our stomachs suggested this shit is officially hitting too close to home.
kenya. pictures. hopefully this weekend.



Wednesday, December 02, 2009

short update

kenya was tremendous and the minute i left i was already mentally planning my return. as we drove away i felt a sickness in my stomach akin to moving away from home. i fell in love fast and hard with the Mara, its people and the sunsets. oh GOD, the sunsets. i took 600 photos and have started to cull them down, crop some, etc. posts are in the making.
but taking over my head these days...jami was a friend and she'll be dearly missed. she was kind, generous, patient, loving, open, smart and funny. all wrapped up in a petite little rocking body with so much gorgeous curly hair and a wide, teethy, smile. a deep voice that carried and a boyish disposition, she was every man's dream and every girl's best friend.
you never ever think that the weirdos with crushes on you are ever actually psychopaths or murderers. i have so many friends who've had crazy, stalky, aggressive admirers. it's a reminder that people should take caution, follow their guts, and report people whose behavior threatens or scares them, however minor.
i'm not a religious person but there's nothing like losing someone to make you really want, nay, NEED, there to be something else out there. some better place. just for the peace of imagining your lost one out there happlily basking in a utopia while you toil away below.
funeral is tomorrow. will pick up with posting and photos over the weekend.