So my friend Pretty (a guy. and no, that's not his real name. it's what i call him when he's not around. if you've been visiting here for a while, you've heard of him before)was in a long term relationship which ended about 8 months ago. This guy is very good looking (think brad pitt), has tons of money, is funny, so smart, and not full of himself, was an all-american lacrosse captain for one of the best teams in the country. except for his height, he stands at a modest 5’7”, he’s the perfect man (and even the height wouldn’t bother a lot of people). Pretty is ALWAYS meeting women (granted, he's after sex and has literally landed nearly 35 women in 8 months. I’m considering changing his nickname to dirty). Whenever I complain about not being able to meet guys, being single, never getting any dates, etc., he’s always telling me I need to put myself “out there” more. I tell him I think I am “out there.” i usually go out 2-4 nights a week, to tons of different places (though mostly bars/clubs/restaurants), and am the MOST social person ever.* I didn’t realize what Pretty meant until I started spending more time with him one on one at bars. See, when we’re all out in a group, we stick together. When it’s just the two of us, Pretty won’t hesitate to walk off and hit on a girl. This guy has balls. He walks right up, doesn’t use anything too cheesy (usually a, “hey, how you doin?” not said joey tribbiani style, but said like a normal guy…for all those who didn’t read that in a joey-esque style, good for you), and most the time they girl totally blows him off. I have to admit, if the roles were reversed, I’d be nearly mortified. That would be my brave moment for the evening. No mas. But not Pretty. Absolutely unfazed, he’ll try again on another girl 10 minutes later (so much for me worrying I was killing his game). I tell him I don’t think I could handle all the rejection. Pretty says the more you do it, the easier it gets. I’m not sure that that’s true. I can’t ever see myself hitting on a dozen guys in a night. I think I’d wear myself out after two or three, tops. But to be fair, the more interviews I go to, the easier they get, so maybe this would follow suit. He says his odds are that about one in 15 will turn into something (be it random sex, a phone number, a date). 1 of 15 sucks, but is it worth it for that one? They’re so much work. Every approach is like a job interview, sans suit. First, evaluate the situation, then gauge the receptiveness, adjust your enthusiasm, be a good listener, be interesting, look good. But these aren’t job interviews. No sir. These are BLOW job interviews.** Is this what women have been reduced to? Could they even carry it off if they tried? I mean, most men come off as absolutely sleazy, but because pretty is…well…pretty, I think he gets more leeway. What do YOU think? Should I start “putting myself out there” more? Should I follow Pretty’s lead in order to just meet more people, since the ones i'm meeting while waiting to get approached aren't worth the cheap cologne they're wearing?
* Let me clarify my frustration: it seems EVERY guy that approaches me at a bar or club is some gross old sleazy man. and more often than not, the hot guy is always with a girl. those guys in between, if i happen to end up talking to them (just normal perfectly sane guys), they get the number and don't call, or don't get the number at all, or i'm plain not interested. or i meet hot men half my age (see Tag update for info on THAT one). i will tell you, quite frustratedly, that i've only had 1, uno, un, ONE date in two years. i can't even get a dinner date with someone i'm not that interested in! what is going on in this city?! i always meet such nice good looking guys when i go to CA or go home. when i decide i'd like to be in a relationship, i'm considering taking a sabbatical, moving away, finding a guy, and then convincing him to come back here with me.
**Now I’ve been to more than two dozen interviews in the last year, with presently no job to speak of. I wonder how many of those guys would have offered me the chance to give them a blow job? Probably more than I’d like to think about (oh, those lonely, old, boring, partners at law firms…but I digress).